The saint is gone.

But I always dream of her, that Qin'er, the mysterious, familiar, innocent, flexible, kind, cruel, idealistic, worldly, determined, confused girl.

The dream was so real that I couldn't be sure if it was a dream or not. I dreamed of her as if I saw her, as if I saw her past, as if I saw her future.

In the past few months, I have stuck with her, thinking what she thinks, doing what she does, and I can't figure out if I'm spying on her or if I'm her.

I can't help but wonder, why am I me and she is her? What would happen if my soul joined her body, would it still be me who I am, and who she was?

Who cares about her? She didn't know about her herself, let alone anyone else. When I die, it will never exist, as if it never existed.

Suddenly there was an irrepressible impulse.

I decided to write a novel called "The Tale of the Holy Maiden."

Spread out a piece of plain paper, picked up a pen, and wrote the title - "The Story of the Holy Maiden".

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There was a noise at the door, and a soft voice said, "Get out of the way." As soon as I heard the voice, I knew it was Zhao Yuyang.

He pushed the door open and walked in, looking around as if he were in his own room, and finally his eyes fell on the blank paper in front of me.

Him: "Ha, 'The Story of the Holy Maiden'. Do you want to write a letter of invitation? ”

Me: "No, I'm ...... Belch...... Write – fiction. I decided to write a novel with the saint as the main character. I've been with her for so long, only I know her best. ”

Him: "You can write novels?" Write a novel like the Big Four? Do you write better than Dream of Red Mansions? ”

Me: "I write novels for myself, as if I were eating, I was eating for myself. I don't care if I write well or not, I just write, just like when I eat, I don't care if others like my meal or not. ”

Him: "Why a novel?" Novel...... The novel is fake. Why not write...... A ...... "The Truth About the Holy Maiden". ”

Me: "No one in this world is closer to the truth than me, but I really don't know the truth. With the genre of fiction, you can play as you like without being responsible. Note, though, that no matter how I play it, it's the closest to the truth in all my imaginations. In the novel, I can talk nonsense in other people's mouths at will, but it may be my true words, just like pretending to be drunk and talking drunk, but drunk words are the truth. ”

Zhao Yuyang: "You can write ...... "History of the Holy Maiden" - if you dare. ”

Me: "It's not a question of whether you dare or not, it's a question of whether you can or shouldn't." Just like Confucius wrote "Spring and Autumn", Confucius wrote the actual history as the history that should be, then, is history still history? The beginning of all the corruption in this world is to treat history as fiction and fiction as history. ”

Zhao Yuyang: "Okay, you talk a lot of nonsense!" I'd like to see how you write novels. ”

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I wrote the following words: "My name is Qin'er, and I live in a place called Holy Land. ”

He exaggeratedly shouted, "First person? Are you schizophrenic and write novels in the first person? You are stupid, which of the four famous books is written in the first person? ”

Me: "Some people in my village say I'm neurotic, some people understand a little bit, they say I'm mentally ill, you know more, you actually know schizophrenia." I've always thought that mental illness is the greatest name for a person. ”

Him: "How can a novel be written in the name of 'me'? What is 'My name is Qin'er'? You are a dead eunuch who writes 'My name is Qin'er'. Looks so fake! ”

Me: "Fiction is inherently fake, even if it claims to be true in fiction, no matter how real it seems, it is still fake. That's why novels are called novels. Since it's fake, it's also fake for me to write in the first person. If it's fake, then let it go and write it however you want. I can write that I am a saint, and I can also write that I am anyone. It's like watching a play, you have to be in the play to watch the play, if you watch the play and say to yourself, it's all fake, then what's the point of watching the play? ”

Him: "The first person is so unpleasant, you can't understand other people's feelings, you can't understand the big picture. ”

I thought about it for a moment and said:

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You can't understand other people, you can't understand the big picture, you can't understand the truth, because you're not God, and besides, there is no God in the world.

The world is like this, the world is uncertain and wrong, but it is always unpredictable and always wrong.

In fact, I can't accept that the novel is written in the third person.

How can a novel be written in the third person? Who is all-knowing, all-powerful, God? That's the tyrant. Writing through God's perspective is disrespectful not only to the world, but also to oneself and to one's readers. If God doesn't exist, then no one can understand the world, and you can't pretend to know the world!

The reason why people are always doing things wrong, always confused, and why there are so many tragedies in this world, is that people read too many third-person novels, and then they think that they are gods, that the world can be understood, and that they demand themselves and others by God's standards - this is arrogance.

Ha, I would even say that the history books are the most evil in this respect. Novels are at least novels, and the guys who read novels are self-aware, but history books dare to call history in vain! Those who read history books dare to claim to know history!

If I write, in the third year of the Ming Dynasty, a baby girl was born in the Holy Land City of Tubo Province in the Ming Dynasty, and her name was Li Yuqin. She was confused, she was miserable, what she had done, what had happened to her.

The problem is that no one knows whether these things are true or not; Even if known, these things and words are inconsistent in everyone's mind; The relationship between these things and other things is also extremely complicated.

I can responsibly say that every word written in this way is a pseudo-word that is not known to be so-called, and they form pseudo-sentences that do not know what to say, and these pseudo-sentences give rise to pseudo-ideas that do not know what to say, and these pseudo-ideas create pseudo-reality that does not know what to say.

Frankly, I don't know about these things, and I don't want to. Because what matters is the heart of the person, not the external object.

I write in the first person, and I write what I see, because I'm not responsible, even if it's wrong.

But if I use the third person, I have to write it for real. I can't. If I write like this, I will not let myself go in my heart.

So, I had to use the first person.

I am only responsible for myself.

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Zhao Yuyang: "But I only like the third person, I like omniscient and omnipotent, what should I do?" ”

Me: "Just like people like to drink, after drinking they think they are so smart, so good, so great, but no, people are deceiving themselves, they are still stupid, stupid and lowly. Frankly, my novels are not written for people like you. ”

Him: "Okay, you keep writing, I'll read it casually." ”

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I wrote, "When the apocalypse comes...... Humanity will live forever......"

Zhao Yuyang shouted exaggeratedly: "This is illogical! If there is an apocalypse, it should be a flood or a fireball or something, what do you mean by 'mankind will live forever'? ”

Me: "I don't know! I'm just repeating the words of the saint! I asked her the same question and she wouldn't tell me why! ”

Him: "Did you hear it wrong, to hear heaven as hell?" ”

Me: "What a coincidence, I also asked the Holy Maiden about this, and she herself said, 'Hell is heaven, heaven is hell.'" ”

Him: "Damn, you're exposed!" It's the same as when you speak, the same tricks. These are all fakes, and you made them up! Sure enough, it's a novel! ”

He's so annoying, but I'll just treat him as if he doesn't exist, and I go on to write: "I dream a lot. I dreamed of flying over a scarlet, huge full moon on a multicolored unicorn, white clouds around my fingertips, and blue stars skimming over my ears...... I dreamed that I was reciting poems with my man, playing the piano and painting, and even falling in love......"

Him: "What is this?" How do you know about her dreams? She even told you that? ”

Me: "Those dreams of flying to the moon are my own. I felt that we were in the same mood, so I gave her my dream. She must be dreaming, what difference does it make to fly to the moon or to the sun? As for her dream of meeting a man, of course I didn't have this dream, I had a dream of meeting a woman, and I guess she was about the same. Coupled with the fact that she eloped with a man in the future, this kind of plot is very reasonable, isn't it? ”

Him: "Okay, count you ruthlessly, even the saint has a spring dream." You deserve to be burned to death. ”

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I continued to write, Zhao Yuyang frowned as he watched, but he still couldn't help but speak.

I wrote, "I have a friend named Dongfang Ju, and he is a very intelligent and complex person. ”

Him: "Oriental foal! Are you embarrassed to brag about yourself so explicitly? ”

Me: "Because it's virtual, I'm embarrassed." I cannot walk on the moon, because it is not true; But I can imagine myself walking on the moon because it's imagination. This is my novel, so that's how I'm going to write it; Because other people want to read novels, I can write like this for others to read. A novel, it's either boastful or masochistic, and if it's nothing, then what's the difference between it and everyone's daily life? ”

Him: "Count yourself right, continue to write yours." ”

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I continued: "It was a very hot day, the sky was so blue that I couldn't open my eyes...... Tall and handsome, he invited me to dinner, and that was the first time I had a drink. ”

Zhao Yuyang pointed out my mistake: "I remember very clearly, you didn't say that at the inner court meeting, you said that the weather was very cool that day, you said that Liu Zijun was very ordinary and weak, and you said that you forcibly matched them. I remember laughing at them. Why is what she says different from what you say? ”

Me: "As I said, the world is different in everyone's eyes. Everyone's memory is different, some things are really forgotten, some are unconsciously forgotten and tampered with, and some are deliberately forgotten and tampered with. A girl who finds her first true love, even if it is a very ordinary thing, is a big deal for her. There are two options, she can think: she was deceived by me, her man is very weak and small, and that day is so ordinary that it can no longer be ordinary, even full of deception; Or, she can also think that they are actively in love, like fate, her man is handsome and amorous, and that day is so important that he is born with a vision. I don't know what you'd choose, but if I were her, I'd choose the second scenario. The meaning of life is to choose its meaning, not life itself. ”

Him: "Count you guy on strong words, write quickly!" ”

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I concluded: "...... I have no regrets. ”

Zhao Yuyang slapped the table: "Dongfang Ju, you are so shameless!" You hurt others, and you still make people say 'I have no regrets' in the novel! I've seen a lot of shameless people, but it's rare to see people like you! ”

Me: "I just provided the opportunity, and she made the choice, and I didn't have any responsibility at all." Who said that I hurt others, and a victim who didn't know that the victim was a victim? It's not that I hurt her, on the contrary, I gave her meaning in life, I gave her love, I gave her a man. What she does is what she wants to do. From beginning to end, no one was deceived. In this world, people can only do it for themselves, and they must not complain about others. Everyone in this world is meaningless, but I helped her out of the cycle and she became a meaningful person. She should thank me. ”

Zhao Yuyang: "It's all." The whole world is meaningless, and no matter how much she jumps, everything is meaningless. ”

Me: "I agree. The world has no meaning, the problem is that we give it meaning. ”

Zhao Yuyang sneered: "Self-deception! ”

He's gone.

I watched my novel – The Story of the Holy Maiden.