Despair.

I always imagine myself as the hero of this world, imagining that the world will run as I imagined it to be.

I'm not fantasizing like ordinary people. They will imagine that they are the princes and princesses of the abandoned people, they will imagine that they have won millions of gold dollars in the lottery, and they will imagine that they have met a peerless master to teach them peerless martial arts......

But I won't. I carefully imagined, imagined what I might be able to do, and then turned that vision into reality.

A long time ago, when the baby teeth had not been replaced, I imagined that I would study hard, and then overthrow the Ming Dynasty, and become the emperor to open a dynasty and establish a dynasty, which will be passed on forever; But I later understood that this was impossible, so I no longer imagined it that way.

Then I imagined that I would study hard and become a prime minister; But I later understood that this was also impossible, so I no longer imagined it that way.

Then I imagined that I studied hard, entered a certain noble clan, entered a scholar, entered the palace, and became the head of the inner court, one person under ten thousand people. - And then I did.

As I climbed up, I experienced countless times of discouragement and despair, and countless times of regrouping.

Unexpectedly, when he had given up being the head of the inner court, he became the head of the inner court!

I didn't expect that after less than a month of being in office, I was going to die!

I always imagined myself to be the hero of the world, imagining that the world would run as I imagined it to be. However, this is not the case.

I'm not the hero of this world.

It's just ants.

I had to take the lottery as an example again.

I walked to the lottery shop and gave the lottery boy a copper dollar, ready to buy a lottery ticket.

I need to name ten numbers - you think, it's only ten numbers, how easy.

For example, ten days later, the Datang Royal Lottery Department announced that the winning ticket number was "875407574", and now I just need to say "8, 7, 5, 4, 0, 7, 5, 7, 4" word by word, and I will win 1 million gold yuan! One million gold dollars, you can buy 100,000 courtyard houses!

Ten days later, the fool knows that the winning ticket number is "875407574", people think that the fool should know that the winning ticket number is "875407574", and people think that they should know that the winning ticket number is "875407574".

"875407574" is the only result, the correct result, the inevitable choice of history, the just, reasonable, the only, the glorious, the great, the correct, the sacred, and the inevitable choice.

People regret it and feel that they should know that the winning lottery number is "875407574", and they are convinced that they will definitely win the lottery next time.

What's the difference between me and them? Is there a difference between them believing that they can win the lottery and believing that I am the chosen one?

It makes no difference.

Winning the lottery is out of the question. This is the basic logic.

Every real person shouldn't believe that they can win the lottery. All the people who buy lottery tickets are essentially as stupid brutes as pigs. Everyone who believes that he is a genius is essentially a beast as stupid as a pig. Everyone who believes that he is a man of destiny is essentially a beast as stupid as a pig.

I'm just a normal person.

I'm going to die.

Just like ordinary people.

Not even as good as an ordinary person, because I would die before I was thirty years old. Although the lives of ordinary people are meaningless, people have lived enough after all.

People only have one chance, and probability is meaningless. He's either a genius or a mediocre. Genius is in the minority, and mediocrity is in the majority. Genius mediocrity is relative. If all people are geniuses, then all people are mediocre; Only a super genius is a genius.

I'm a mediocre man who thinks I'm a genius.

I am an ordinary person who thinks he is destined to be destined.

I'm going to die.

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Someone in the village said to me, "People, you must be a king, a minister, a father, a son, so that you can be happy." ”

I said, "If you take me as a king and me as a father, you will be happy, is it not so?" ”

Someone in the village said to me, "Believe in Buddhism." Only by believing in Buddhism can you be happy. Everything is empty, don't be so attached. ”

I said, "Since everything is empty, will you give me all the money and food?" ”

Someone in the village said to me, "Everything in the world is the Word, so we must believe in the Word." ”

I said, "That means that I am also the Tao." Since I am also the Word, why should I believe the Word? Since I am the Tao, can you just believe me? ”

Someone in the village said to me, "The only faith in this world is the Divine Cult, and the rest are cults!" What is faith? To believe is to believe in the unbelievable! ”

I said, "I don't believe in anything, it's a belief." True faith is not believing in faith, and that is the greatest faith. The greatest faith is that even the greatest faith is not believed. ”

All the preachers were so angry that they said, "Iniquity! Iniquity! Iniquity! You are the real sin! ”

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When I was a child, my mother always liked to tell me stories about the ugly ducklings.

Now that I'm going to die, this incident suddenly popped up from the deepest part of my memory.

Once upon a time, mother ducks hatched a flock of ducklings, one of which was very ugly. All the ducks bully him, the cats and dogs bully him, and the owner doesn't like him. It was kicked out. It shivered in the wild.

But suddenly one day, it saw the swans in the sky, looked at the sky, and felt a throbbing in his heart. So, it waved its wings and soared into the sky - it turned out to be a swan.

The mother said: "People must have ambitions. If you're a swan, what's the matter if you're in the duck pen? ”

At first, I liked it so much that I thought I was a little swan in the duck pen.

But then I slowly became dissatisfied: why am I a swan and not a duck? Why am I a swan and everyone else is a duck?

Mother is really self-deceiving!

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Later, my father told me the story of the sacred tree.

The sacred mountain is full of supertrees, and the sun can barely reach the ground.

On the sun-dappled ground, a seedling arches out of the ground.

It dodged the crickets, the ants, the stones, the streams, and finally stuck out two yellow leaves.

It was surrounded by other flowers and plants, laurel, dogtail, mushrooms, and man-eating flowers. It's just a tiny seedling, it carefully dodges the antelope, it struggles to disperse the aphids, it competes with dogtail grass for sunlight, it fights with mushrooms for nutrients......

It looked up at the sun in the cracks of the trees, and it would not give up. In this way, after 100,000 years of hard work, 100,000 years have passed, and it has grown into a sacred tree, a divine tree up to 1,000 meters high!

Now, the second tallest tree in the Sacred Forest is not as tall as its roots!

On the holy mountain, my father looked at the sacred tree and couldn't extricate himself with excitement.

He felt that he was the sacred tree; If he is not a sacred tree, his son must also be a sacred tree.

Dad said, "People have to work hard." As long as you work hard, there is nothing you can't do. ”

At the beginning, I liked to listen to this story very much, and I felt that my father was much more powerful than my mother, and what people need is their own efforts, not what they rely on.

But slowly, I felt that it was unreliable.

Why am I a sacred tree and not a dogtail? What if I'm a dogtail? I grew two leaves, and the sacred tree grew two leaves, and we were exactly the same, but I felt that I was the sacred tree, and it was a dogtail.

As a result, I slowly grew a dog's tail, and it grew taller little by little!

100,000 years have passed, and the sacred tree has grown into a 1,000-meter-tall sacred tree, but I have lived 100,000 lifetimes, and each life has grown less than ten centimeters!

100,000 lifetimes to live meaninglessly!

Then I might as well die!