What can I say!

What the hell can you say!

I have forgotten how I answered. I was probably stammering in excitement, or holding an adult's hand and crying, but I hope I'll be able to answer calmly, say some polite words, and then turn around and go home, even if I'm silently laughing and dancing around the corner.

But I really forgot, by the time my mind cleared up, I was already home.

I haven't even been to the provincial capital, the train and the imperial capital are only in a dream. And in the future, I will see everything, I will see electric lights and telephones, I will see tall buildings, and those mythical things—trains, ships, airships, airplanes, these things that are exclusive to the imperial power will come to me like a revelation, and I will see with my own eyes whether they are the same as I imagined.

I'm no longer a wretched redneck!

To hell with those armor protection systems. Zhao Lezi of the Ya Servant Household wanted to ask me for the Baojia Migration Certificate—and the Baojia Migration Certificate had never been seen by anyone in his life, and perhaps there was no such thing in the first place—I was going to point to the people of the Dongfang family and ask Zhao Lezi to go to him, and then Zhao Lezi knelt in front of him like a dog, crying bitterly and begging me not to make a noise.

To hell with those passes. Zhao Er's fat man from the inspector asked me for a pass - this thing is probably just a thing on the paper of the law - I also pointed to the people of the Dongfang family, and then Zhao Er's fat man rolled on the ground like a pig, shouting, Brother Da Niu spare his life, don't do this.

Death to those who collect taxes. If Zhao Ganzi, a tax collector, came to me to collect taxes, he said, aren't you leaving, pay all your taxes for the next few decades before leaving, this is written in the law. So I would borrow a few gold dollars from Brother Dongfang Liang, and then throw them on the ground in front of Zhao Ganzi, saying, go pick it up yourself. He will pick it up with a curse. When he finishes picking it up, I will pretend to suddenly realize and pat my head and say, "Ah, I suddenly forgot that the Ming law stipulates that the scholars do not pay taxes." So Zhao Ganzi knelt and hugged my legs, crying and shouting to his mother, "Da Niu Xian nephew, save me." This is the title deed of my whole family, this is the household registration of my whole family, I will make cattle and horses for you in the future, my six daughters, you can take it away as a maid, just ask not to report to the official......

All shame will disappear, all suffering will become show-offs, and all memories will be thrown into the country of Java......

A new person will be born, and I, who is him!

－

－

I was daydreaming stupidly, my father, a man named Zhao Liangjun, came in in a flash and woke me up.

Him: "Stop dreaming! Hurry up and tell me, what are you doing at Zhao Sanye's family? ”

Me: "I'm going to the capital!" I'm going to try! ”

Dad slapped his thigh: "Okay! You're sure to win! ”

No, didn't my dad keep stopping me from going? Yesterday I sighed, why am I so happy today? He's always liked to test me smartly, and maybe this time too!

Me: "I will definitely try well, be the champion, return to my hometown, and then be a clean official, assist the emperor, and benefit the people." ”

At this time, my father looked bitter and hateful, and said, "Son, after twenty years, I finally have to tell you the truth." ”

Finally! Exactly as I imagined!

Dad: "Our family used to be a Dashi clan in the Central Plains, and it has been for dozens of generations!" Later, the traitor framed us, and the whole family died, you must take revenge. I hid a few rooms of gold, silver, and jewelry in the imperial capital......"

Sure enough, it was exactly as I imagined!

I held my father's hand and said, "Dad, don't worry, I will definitely avenge our family." ”

So I went to take the exam. But it's so difficult to try, I'm so anxious to scratch my ears and cheeks, if only I worked harder before, I wouldn't understand anything now, and I can't even understand what is written on the test paper! I was so anxious that I slapped the table hard, but I couldn't even hit the table. I stood up in a hurry, trying to walk but couldn't take a step......

-

-

My father shook me awake and said, "Wake up! What are Zhao Sanye's family looking for you to do? ”

Damn it!

Dream on!

It took a while to understand what had happened, and it turned out to be the most annoying dream within a dream. I slowed down a little longer before I confirmed what was true and what was a dream.

The dream is illusory and beautiful, and the reality is complex and ugly. The house stinks and chokes, the face is sticky, the feet are wet and cold, and everything is realistic—it's the real world.

Me: "Dongfang Yongbai, the scholar clan a few days ago, agreed to let me join the scholar." ”

Dad sat on the kang all of a sudden, with a gloomy expression. He buried his head in his arm and didn't speak for a long time. I was surprised that he didn't hit me.

Dad: "Finally." ”

Me: "It's over. ”

Dad sobbed.

For the first time.

I can't imagine that my father, who has always pretended to be an authority in front of me, would cry so disregardively, like a woman.

I was at a loss, trying to touch him but feeling contrived—we rarely touched, except when he hit me.

I'm probably very arrogant, and my father doesn't know if he's frustrated or bitter, and we never make friends.

Therefore, I have a special desire to talk to me today, and I am afraid that there will not be many opportunities in the future.

His tears poured out, down a pair of large hands, and smashed to the ground like beads on the ground.

I say:

"You know, when I was a kid, I always said that when I grew up, I wanted to be a big official.

This is half-true, half-crazy and half-stupid, but everyone else thinks it is really crazy and stupid.

When I was a child, I always said it casually, but I just said it anyway. Later, I learned that the emperors of all dynasties only believed in people who were 'light without birds', and all those who were big officials had to be castrated.

To be honest, I was scared at the time.

I was in extreme conflict, imagining that I would either be a complete lowly man or a big guy without a cock. You have to understand that one thing, as long as you can imagine it, is not a big deal.

Timing is everything. Later, I didn't think it was much more. I really think so. If you cut it, you cut it. Even if it has been cut, whether you understand it or not, you have to understand it.

I thought, if you can't control your desires, why can't you just kill them? After all, it is we who control our desires, not our desires that control us.

I thought, it's not a big deal. Although all the people discriminated against eunuchs, the disabled, and even women, they were still envious and jealous when they saw the officials.

If there is a person who joins the priest and goes to take the examination, if he does not win, he has to become a slave, and when he is old, he dies of old age in the temple alone. Everybody looked down on him, and then they told the kids, saying, look, this is the end.

But if he is lifted, and all the people are on their knees and patting him on the ass, and then they say to the child, "Look, do a good job, that's your example."

Zhao Sanye used to scold his youngest son like a dog, but later his son was castrated, changed someone else's surname, and became someone else's family, but he was so happy that he died, and every day he said that he had a promising son. This time his son came back, he actually knelt down to give his son a big salute, and said that he would meet Lord Dongfang.

In fact, logically speaking, power is the first cause.

That's what this world is. ”

-

-

At this time, it was already very dark, and the inside of the house was completely dark, and when you looked from the inside out, the scenery outside was like a black-and-white movie shown in the prefecture, with ghost shadows and pupils.

Thick black cooking smoke rises from the chimneys of the houses, and various figures appear under the oil lamps in the houses. The children are crying, and the old women are scolding. In a world where the average woman has ten children, every child she gives birth to, but she just adds a scoop of water to the pot.

Daddy grabbed my wrist and seemed to break me, it was Daddy's last chance.

But I enjoyed the heartache.

For a moment, but the desire is eternal.

He looked at me, his eyes sparkling in the darkness. "There will always be this day," he said. That's fate! ”

I thought disdainfully, "Fart life! ”

Dad: "I'll give you what I've been doing for the rest of my life." ”

I thought vulgarly, are you a peerless master like a Shaolin sweeping monk, and you want to pass on the peerless secrets? Or are you a descendant of a former dynasty who wants to pass on a peerless treasure?

Dad said, "I'll tell you all my thoughts, and then you're my true son." I never believe in the idea of cutting off children and grandchildren, because I've seen so much that it's meaningless. ”

He continued: "I understand that you kid is more ruthless than me, and has more ideas than me. Do you remember so many people asking you to drink and smoke? ”

Of course I do. There have been a lot of troubles about this. For example, when I went to Zhao Siyan's house to study, they asked me to drink, smoke, and play cards, but I just didn't play, so to speak, I didn't play - because I was extremely selfish, and I wouldn't let myself get into this vice, even if the scene was extremely embarrassing, and I offended these people. In the end, these people turned their faces, as if the gang wanted to surrender their accomplices, and said: "Zhao Daniu, do you smoke or not?!" Are you a man? Isn't it a brother? I thought to myself, "Damn a bunch of deflated three, you deserve to be my brother too?" So he turned and walked away, leaving them with surprised faces. Everyone behind him said: "This deflated three who don't know how to lift! ”

Dad continued: "When I was younger, I didn't want to have bad habits. But one day I heard someone say from behind my back, saying, 'This guy who doesn't know how to lift!' So I started to drink and smoke and gamble, little by little, and finally I couldn't control myself. Borrow wine to dispel sorrow and sorrow, and throw away all the oaths you made to your mother. Hey, speaking of your mother, I can finally tell you now. ”

This is the first time I've heard my dad talk to me about my mother, and other times I've just noticed a hint of information in the casual banter of others.

Dad: "I was also smart and ambitious. The oath I made to your mother was sincere, though I didn't do it later—because ...... I really don't want to talk about that. And your grandfather...... Originally...... Hey, forget it, don't talk about it. ”

Me: "That...... Father...... What exactly are you trying to say? ”

Dad: "Everything is right or wrong, there must be a beginning and an end." ”

I nodded and said solemnly, "Dad, I remember!" ”

- Of course this is impossible.

What I thought in my heart was: "Damn, what do you mean, it's the same as the positive and negative thoughts of the imperial court, how can you say it reasonably......"

……

-

-

We sat quietly in the dark, thinking about our hearts.

Dad suddenly said, "I'll tell you a story." Once upon a time there was a prince......"

Me: "What do you want to talk about the prince and the gods...... I hate other people's things, especially the things of people who have been reincarnated. ”

Dad: "That's the story of an ugly duckling." ”

Me: "Dad, I don't believe it. I don't believe in any swans born in duck pens. Hate fate! ”

Dad: "The Divine Tree's ......"

Me: "You want to talk about the sacred tree that has grown for tens of thousands of years." Dad, it's useless. It has grown for tens of thousands of years, and no matter how long these saplings under it grow, how can they grow past it? At the end of the day, are we a weed or a sacred tree? Who knows? ”

Dad sighed and said, "This is actually what your mother likes to tell me the most." ”

Me: "But I don't like to hear it." I love to listen to braggart stories. ”

Dad: "Fake. ”

Me: "I love the joke. ”

Dad said, "Once upon a time, there was a deaf man in the west of the village, and he heard the dumb man shouting, "The lame man should go and plant a stick!" The stick grew so big, and when the stick was pulled, it was a big puddle in the west of the village. One day, a young lady took the maid ......"

……

We just fell asleep.

It's my dad asleep—maybe pretending to sleep—I'm pretending to be asleep anyway.

I have to leave this little world. As slim as this chance is, it is the only chance to escape its sad fate. I had to hold on to it, no matter what it took, even my body, my family, my friends, my love, my soul, or anything else.

You have to prepare, and then leave in a desperate way.

I went out to say goodbye to the only friends I had.

Quietly groped out.

-

-

The night in the countryside is dark.

Only the provincial government can use electric lights, the county can use oil lamps, and the villages are not even allowed to light the lights at night according to the "Daming Law", so generations of people are born in the dark and die in the dark.

At this time, there were no stars and moons, and darkness filled the air, like a wild beast swallowing heaven and earth.

I stumbled to find a few buddies who had grown up with a bare butt, such as Dasha, Big Man, Little Man, and Glasses, but just shook hands and left, leaving them standing in the doorway in confusion.

In the end, I went to my only friend, Gou Yu'er, because he had my lover, brother and mentor at home.