I can't remember how old I was that year, my grandmother was still living in my house, and one day I came back with a few pigeons, which were different from the carrier pigeons I saw in other people's houses, the latter were like the first snow claws like blood jade, but these few were frustrated, with mixed coats and fat bodies.

I crouched there and watched my grandmother pick one up on the ground and pinch its sharp mouth.

Every time I recall this scene, it automatically enters the commentary track, which is a group of adults with an objective attitude that life is used to.

Rabbits are killed, they say, dogs are killed, pigeons are suffocated.

It was in my grandmother's hands, with round, dark eyes, turning in panic, squirming around her head and neck, but her body could not move.

I didn't witness its death, I couldn't do anything about it, but I lacked the courage to face it. It didn't actually look at me until I got up and walked away.

But now its eyes are in my heart, dripping, dripping.

Empathy.

Since yesterday, Shen Sibo said to me, Zhuang Ning, I like a girl, start.

He leaned there, there was only one lamp, he had just come out of a hangover, his face was so soft and clear that it used to be, it was decadent and cruel at the moment, he knew the cruelty, but he had no choice.

Who?

It was a long time before I remembered that I was smiling when I asked, as if anyone would believe me.

You don't know, me, we're in the department.

The women in the TV series usually cry at this time, I don't believe it, I don't believe it, you lied to me.

I admired their reaction speed very much, and when I listened to him, I only felt cold, my head ached, my thoughts were like rusty knives, I couldn't cut any thoughts, and the pain was still on my way at that time.

......

I woke up before I suffocated.

It was dark, the light in the room was unknown, and someone was tiptoeing around.

"End-to-end?"

"She's not here." Zeng Xiaobai's voice: "You go back to sleep, I'll go out after cleaning up." "

She rummaged through things, and maybe a small glass bottle of cosmetics fell over, and she muttered softly, "Damn! "

I lay there with my hands on my forehead and stood still for about five minutes before getting up and crawling out of bed.

"What do you want?" Zeng Xiaobai buttoned the bag and asked, "I'll help you." "

I didn't answer, walked over and turned on the light, then dragged over the square stool and sat down, reaching for a Level 4 test paper, starting with reading comprehension.

Zeng Xiaobai glared at me.

"Zhuang Ning, are you okay?"

"Hmm."

These letters, a large black expanse, resemble ominous tidal flats.

El Niño ...... Limestone...... Survey......

"I have a girl I like. You don't know. "

...... The sea engulfed the city......

"No one knows me better than you, and no one knows you better than I do."

...... Expert...... Study......

"Zhuang Ning, I only treat you as a friend, my best friend."

I stared at the test paper, biting my knuckles viciously, Zeng Xiaobai probably had never seen anyone struggle with a reading comprehension to such an extent, she kept the action of buttoning the bag to look at me.

Whether I slept or woke up, or did something to divert attention, the pigeon's eyes never closed, and I gave up.

"Zeng Xiaobai, is there any smoke?" My voice was so soft that I was disgusted to hear it, but I couldn't help it, I hadn't eaten for thirty hours.

"How could I have such a thing?"

"Don't pretend."

She took out a small half packet of red Nanjing from the drawer: "Seriously, I've been quitting for a long time, and I'm not responsible for the tide." "

I took it and pinched it, but it didn't seem to be.

"Be careful." When I ordered, she couldn't help but remind me, "Choke you." "

"I don't want you for nothing, how much does it cost?"

She straightened up expressionlessly, grabbed her bag and walked to the door: "Zhuang Ning, what about you, sometimes two words can be summed up." "

"Well deserved." I'll finish for her.

She smiled, closed the door and left.

I bit my cigarette and started calling, to my dad -- dad you told me last time, Uncle Zeng, I want to do an internship at his law firm in the summer, yes, I know, in Shanghai. The city? No, I don't want to go to the law firm in this city, I just want to go there, Dad, I never begged you, you love me this time, okay? Thank you Dad. I'm fine, it's fine, you guys should rest early.

Call Xie Duan again, but he can't get through.

I snapped my phone to the table, in a daze.

Suddenly? It's not sudden at all, and I can't see the change in his attitude in the past six months. But he is my Shen Sibo, and I have always been stubborn that he can't hurt me, and he can't bear it.

So I didn't mention anything.

I took a puff of cigarette and spit it out, others said that this is a child's way of smoking, it doesn't hurt the body, I want to hurt myself, I can despise myself now.

Zeng Xiaobai didn't know that this was not my first cigarette, the first cigarette in my life happened last night, used to wake up my wine.

I grabbed my phone, opened the business card holder, snapped, pressed Q, and enjoyed.

DELETE, YES OR NO?

YES。 Don't see this person again.

It is especially shameful to take advantage of people's danger.

When I was doing these things in the dormitory, Xie Duan didn't know that her phone was vibrating back and forth in her bag, and she was in a state of excitement at the time, and it was normal that she couldn't hear it.

The boy faced her, silent, his back against a cooper, his expression acquiescing to what she had just said.

"How can you do that?" She shouted. He looked at her, this girl had always been gentle and fragile, but she was also beautiful like this.

"Do you know how sad she is?"

He nodded, then spoke, in a deep voice: "But I can't help it. "

"......"

"She'll pass." He moved the corners of his lips, a little self-deprecating: "You know, she doesn't need me at all. "

She was really a little angry: "Don't talk like that, it's not like you, it's too ...... Cold. "

"Cold?" He smiled slightly bitterly: "You think I'm quite happy to hurt her?" She is something I grew up with, Xie Duan, my feelings for her are no less than you have for her, I like her, I want her to live a very good life, better than me. But what about now? What now? Every time I see her in the past few months, I can't help but not blame her, don't blame her for being your best friend. "

"......"

"If you don't love her, you can't drag her all the time." He looked up at the girl in front of him: "Even if the person I love is not willing to accept me. "

Xie Duan lowered her head, a tear hung on her pointed chin, she raised her hand to wipe it off, and sniffled.

She was, I guess, touched and delighted that he was so stubborn about her. No matter how sincere she wanted to seek justice for me when she asked Shen Sibo to come out, there may be some other emotions in it, hidden from others, or even unknown to her, and it cannot be said that they are right and wrong. Whoever is required to be completely selfless is the biggest non-point. But--

There is no but. It's just that every time I think of the pigeon's eyes, the black pressed letters like the mudflats, the smoke, the silence of the dormitory, and the twenty-year-old me, I want to make an interrogation of the so-called fate, but again and again, I open my mouth.