The first half of Liu's "nerve" life ( 6 )

Liu Nerf is a poor man, he has no money, and he has no money to buy a phone card. In order to make a call, he borrowed cards from many people, and after a long time, people who knew him well were willing to lend him again.

I am a person who is not very familiar with Liu, he feels a distance from me, this distance is from the cultural gap, but he treats me as his friend, and when no one wants to lend him a calling card, he asks me to borrow a calling card a few times. I'm not rich, and I'm a little reluctant to lend him a phone card, and if he calls it twice, he may run out of money. But he can tell stories, and I love to listen to them, and whenever he comes to my cell and asks me to borrow a phone card, I ask him to sit down, not to talk like someone else, but to tell me his own story.

When Liu Nerves first asked me to borrow a calling card, I made my request to him. Liu said to me, "If you want to understand my story, you have to start by reading my diary. ”

That's when I remembered the mysterious diary he had in the prison team. Now that my life is basically going well, and I have time, I am happy to look at it, and I promised him, "Wow, then you can bring your diary." ”

Liu Nerve: "My diary is not something that any person can read, you have to be a high-grade person to read it, I will show it to you when you join the prison team, and you still don't read it." Liu Nerves made a look of reproach to me.

I hurriedly comforted him with words: "It's not that I don't like to look at it, my skull was full of water at that time, and I couldn't see it." Later, I heard many people say that Liu Nerves is a person who understands life and philosophy, they all praise you, they all know you from your diary, and when I am interested, I want to ask you for a diary to read, I am already embarrassed to speak, I will forgive my brother today, let me feast my eyes. ”

Liu Nerves is a cheerful person, he turned around and left, and said in his mouth: "That's good, that's good, I'll show it to you right away, you can't look at it in vain, you have to write some classic words on it." ”

Liu Shen hurriedly brought the diary, and in order to hurry downstairs to make a call, he didn't even have time to hand it to me, threw the diary on the bed, snatched the phone card in my hand, and ran out of my cell quickly.

I picked up Liu's journal from my bed, and I decided to read it carefully.

On the cover of the diary are three big words "Liu Shengjin", which are written vigorously and powerfully, and are written by a person with calligraphy skills. The upper and lower sides of the word "Liu Shengjin" are full of various patterns of flowers and plants, and these patterns are not very good-looking, it may be that when Liu Nerves was in the detention center, he asked someone to write down his name, and he himself drew these patterns, he wanted to use these patterns to set off his name, and also wanted to use these patterns to show others the preciousness of this diary.

When I opened his diary, there were many messages written on the pages of the diary, which were written to him by his friends in the detention center, and the content was a memory of his words, like something:

"Shengjin, let's do a case again"

"Shengjin, you are my brother"

"Friends are easy to find, but bosom friends are hard to find"

"Brave life, hope is ahead"

"I'll go back first and help you take care of Sister Yun"

And so on, followed by the signature of the signature. What is written on this page may be an important reason why Liu Nerve's diary cherishes him, and when he reads it, he will recall trusting his friends and showing it to others, which can raise his worth.

Turning the second page, it is written his bold words: "I worship Hitler, I like XXX, they are my idols, I want to live like them, life is meaningful...... but unfortunately I was born at the wrong time, this is God's unfair ...... to me, I am resolute and brave to bear everything, I want to learn from those revolutionary ancestors who have been in prison, tempered in prison, temper my will ......." "The article is long, and it is probably all these words that express my ambition.

Look at the third page, which reads: "...... There was a dog hole, and a voice came and got into it...... I will never lower my expensive skull......" "Please give me a gun, I want ......" These words are written more, and when you turn the fourth page, they are still these words that I don't know where to excerpt.

Looking back, there are many pages about his life from birth to sentencing. I don't dare to compliment, the words are very informal, crooked, there are many typos, the sentences are not smooth, I want to read them, but I can't read them.

The stories expressed in these words are like the memoirs written by the death row criminal (Yang Dayuan) when I was in the detention center. I think,This must also be the memoir that Liu Nerve wants to write,Anyone who has experienced suffering or is going through suffering,And people with poor knowledge,Maybe they want to write memoirs,I don't understand,Who is willing to see other people's suffering experiences,Even if there is,It's very few,Take people in society as an analogy,People who love sweets,Often there are many more people who love to eat bitter things。 Me too, I have a sweet tooth. I could have read his memories as I could have read them, but I gave up.

Continue to look down, what is written on it is a story, it is the story of the Sister Yun and himself that Liu Nerf met after he was released from prison, and after reading it a little too carefully, the writing is still very poor, and I don't understand it very well. However, there is such a long text to record Sister Yun, I think Liu Nerve's emotional world is full of this woman, he cares about her very much, and he is very nostalgic for her.

The last few pages (the last few pages of the written record, not the last few pages of the diary) may have been written by Liu Nerve, and the words were written more crookedly, but these words were written seriously and easily recognized, and I understood: "I want to be the general patrol of the Lotus Fortress, I want to work hard by myself, I want to build the road by myself, and I want to conquer all the people's ......." ”

I read the diary with ease. There is not much text on the diary, and the paper used to record the text does not occupy a tenth of the thickness of the diary. With just such a little thing, Liu Nerves is so deeply affected, showing the pursuit of a person with no culture and no ideals, he wants to express that he needs other people's recognition, needs other people's attention, and needs love.

After I hastily read Liu Nerve's diary, after a while, Liu Nerve came back after making a phone call, and when he entered my cell, I saw that his face was the same as before, with loss and anger on his face.

As soon as Liu Nerf entered the door, he began to scold in his mouth: "This B** person, he changed his mobile phone number, wait, wait for Lao Tzu to go out and kill her......" After he sat on my bed, the scolding in his mouth did not stop, and he said a lot of hooligan words, and he wanted to use downstream means to kill Sister Yun.

After scolding Sister Yun, Liu Nerves gave me the phone card in his hand and asked me, "Have you read the diary?"

I said, "Look, the nerves are really talented, and you write so many wonderful sentences, and the labor camp really can't hide your talent." ”

Hearing my compliment, nerves were a little happy. He said: "I used to show you, but you don't read it, what's the matter, you have a lot of book knowledge, and I have strong social skills, so you won't look down on me anymore, right?" ”

I said, "You're talking nonsense, when did Lao Tzu blind you?" ”

Liu Nerve said: "Don't underestimate me." I'm going to be the chief patrol of the Lotus Fortress sooner, and I'll be scolded as soon as possible, otherwise, when I put on the red armband, it won't be as easy as it is now. ”

Here, I explain the term patrol. When there are no cadres in the prison, the special post prisoners assume the responsibility of cadre management and have great power. Since 2004, the post of patrol has been abolished in prisons, because since then, with the reform of the prison system, there is no longer a phenomenon of no cadres on duty in the prison at night.

I fully believe that sooner or later Liu Nerves will become a patrol shift, I don't dare to sloppy him, I took out a cigarette from my purse and saluted him, and then lit it. After Liu Nerves took two puffs of cigarettes, the braggadocio came, the sea and the sky, without bounds, only listened to a lively scene, and the people in the whole cell were just like me, listening to them in a daze, and kept complimenting them, wishing that he would leave here quickly.

After Liu Nerve's life was over, he went to someone else's cell to live happily.

I fell on the bed and thought, what is written in this diary of Liu Nerves is not mysterious, why is it so divine among the criminals? After my own summary, I believe that the reason why his diary has become a god is that he not only writes about his real experiences and thoughts, but also boldly exposes his rebellious psychology and desire to fight against fate, and some of the words and sentences are bold and conflicting with the real society (I did not state them one by one).

In the days and nights when I got along with Liu Nerve, I listened to him tell his story intermittently, and after stitching up the content of his story many times, I got to know him, from his birth to the 36 years of his life at that time, the times have created him such a special person, he is such a person full of bizarre stories, and he is abandoned and incompatible with society.

Liu Nerves was born in the 60s of the last century in a mountainous area in western Hubei Province, when he was born, he already had 9 older brothers and sisters above, and when he had a younger brother below, he was given away by his parents (most of the 9 older brothers and sisters above were also given away).

Mr. Liu said his biological parents belonged to a "primitive tribe" and that their village, which was dozens of kilometers away from the nearest road, was cut off from the outside world. Everything is backward in the mountains, people have no culture, and life is hard, especially in the era when he was born, society encourages childbirth, and every family there has many children, and the children of each family are not precious, and they are raised like an animal, and if they can't live it, they will give it away.

Liu Nerve said that at that time it was too backward, there were no electric lights, television, radio, people could not find a way to have a pastime, after work, his parents could feel that the most interesting thing in life was to practice kung fu in bed, and his parents practiced kung fu in bed almost to the point of not being ashamed and not avoiding suspicion, when his parents made him, several brothers and sisters were in his house (I asked Liu Nerve how he knew, he said that he was originally a celestial star who came to reincarnate after watching his parents practice kung fu), blame himself for being reincarnated at that time, and also blame his parents for practicing kung fu at that time, he is a lively person, he ran to join in the fun, but he didn't expect that this fun would be a disaster for a lifetime.

Parents did a little badly, when he was reincarnated into his mother's belly, his parents were too excited, and he came to the strength, which made his head and legs numb, he originally chose a good face for himself, and his father's storm destroyed his face, so he made his face look like today's ugly (Liu Nerve's face is indeed not beautiful, small eyes, high cheekbones, big mouth).

Liu has a grudge against his biological parents, and he often makes no secret of it (and is also troublesome) that when he is released from prison, he will sue his parents, first, for making him look this way, and second, for suing his parents for abandoning him. He thinks that man is a higher animal, man is grateful, which parent does not love his child, and his parents cut him like a superfluous puppy to give away, this is not a question of whether he can afford to raise it, this is a kind of ignorance, this is an anti-human behavior, it is unforgivable.