Wang Shiyi now lives in an 80-square-meter apartment in Jiangning District, Nanjing, and the house is rented on a full-lease basis. He is currently working for a medium-sized company in the IT world.

Wang Shiyi's distant cousin runs a chain of small restaurants in the city's central business district, and because of the staffing problem and the fact that she had some financial situation last year, she had to breed the idea of working part-time.

I have no choice, because I have nothing to love......

Although I am doing well now, I have always hoped that that person can remember how to change by me, and I only hope that the story between us will not be rewritten. I already knew, I was mentally prepared, and I knew that there were things we couldn't stop.

I used to believe that no matter what kind of job I chose, as long as I persisted carefully, I would achieve something in the future, but I didn't care about it all as a daily pastime, not seeking to improve, and trampling on the talent and identity that others dreamed of day after day.

After dropping out of school, I had to start from the lowest sales clerk, relying on my enthusiasm and sensitive wisdom to fight in this bloody disaster and the rivers and lakes of honey!

People like to miss the past, not because of how good it was, but because they know deep that those things that were in the past, whether beautiful or sad, can never go back.

I saw my contradictions and sophistication a long time ago, and I thought, I am still a kind person.

From this moment on, my life has been rewritten, and the life of a person who has been destroyed is not destined to be a good start......

I closed my eyes, and many of the past events were blurred in front of me. Many faces come to mind, alive, dead, loved, hated...... Too many faces sank and resurfaced, and they looked at me silently through the mottled light and shadow of time and space, their eyes as sad as the night breeze outside the window.

"Sex is an uncontrollable desire, and love is an unattainable ideal. The past cannot be traced, a layer of acacia and a layer of ash. ”

What you have experienced, you will experience. The people you have met, you have never met again. Therefore, all those who come and go have a destined destination.

I admit that I am a very good person who enjoys life, not only to enjoy the pleasures of the spirit, but also to think about how to indulge the flesh. I like to let go of the lowly soul hidden in my bones in the bright lights of the world of flowers.

I've loved clean, beautiful girls since I was a kid. But in just a few autumns, I actually fell in love with clubbing, became a person who experienced joys and sorrows and counted the ups and downs, and became a short-lived ghost with a black belly who improved a little. Sitting in front of the dresser with a confused face holding a copper mirror, he shouted in his heart: "Damn, Lao Tzu is actually single." ”

For days, I always hallucinated at dusk, thinking that it was late autumn, and when I opened the curtains, I should be able to see the quietly falling maple leaves!

I once imagined a reunion with her after a long absence, maybe in a strange city, at a strange airport, she and I hurriedly passed by with our luggage, and then we both stood down, forgetting to speak for a moment.

Everything in my current life is very different from the outside, and it can even be said that it is another world. In that world, there is everything that touches the bottom line of morality. Scheming, intrigue, selfishness, greed, everything you hate here, can be found there. When you really integrate into the world here, you will find that everything you once hated is actually your heart's need.

Every day, my head was groggy like I carried two huge glass balls on my shoulders, trampling on the talent and identity that others had dreamed of day after day. From that moment on, my heart had dissipated into the cold and silent abyss with the dust, until a moving, beautiful figure appeared, and I felt that I was not afraid at all. Later, when I got used to being in the dark and drunk, I became more indulgent and flamboyant.

I want to go back to the place where the dream began, and only the quiet night can calm me down and be myself. I have never seen a gentle wind in Nanjing, let alone anything soft or anything like that, and even the wind in spring and summer is as rough as ever, let alone the wind in winter.

"The cold wind doesn't understand the rain in the south of the Yangtze River, and looking back is like a dream." This year's wind is not as cold as in previous years, but it is biting in style. I thought that intimacy was a way to express love, and I didn't know that love could have harmful side effects. Time flies not slow at all, counting the days and feeling that the years are long, but if you look back, it will either be many years in a flash, or you will lose many people.

Today's wind was worse than usual, I waited in the wind for a long time, and the ride-hailing service was delayed, I thought it was because of the wind. I was very angry, I wanted to vent my anger, and when I looked at my posture today, I knew that I was even more crazy, and when my hair danced wildly in the cold wind, I secretly promised in my heart. But I was still moving fast in the wind.

Wang Shiyi is not a gloomy girl, nor is she a lustful girl in the eyes of others, but an honor student who grew up in a middle-class family and exquisite material, with a clean appearance and excellent grades. At that time, her grandmother collected all her awards and certificates, and it would take a long time to look at them one by one.

But now the despair in her heart, even she herself can't tell what it is, so she can only hide in the quilt in the dead of night and secretly shed tears, and see a similar face on a strange road but have to endure the pain, crying out in the pain full of black humor.

I was busy with my studies and early love for two years in high school, and I regretted that the time I spent with Wang Shiyi was too short, and I had been scattered for many years without noticing.

I am a lone star born on the edge of the Earth's border, under the shadow of Gemini. The sun was hot, his face was full of water, but he smiled with great satisfaction.

Lying flat in the field, looking up at the sky, the clouds flowing from early morning to night, casting shadows to wash the young faces. The little life in the soil wants to get rid of the slightest shackles, the comfort and desire to live, but my heart is full of desolation and despair.

His eyebrows were deeply locked, and he kept wandering on the neon-filled street with a sad face but couldn't find his way, and finally compromised when he picked up the phone but didn't know who to call, and finally put it down gently. From then on I was the only one in my life, and after all the pain and suffering, I would see the blackness hidden in my heart surging in my chest, overflowing along my major arteries and wandering before my eyes into a black river, despairing towards the dark and damp cavern. And outside the body, there is still a sunny and sunny world.

My last memory of that night is that my grandmother leaning against the door frame with difficulty, her deeply sunken eyes filled with tears, and my grandmother and I hugged each other tightly, crying profusely, and the mint smell wafting in from the window carried a faint bloody bite. I could always smell the smell of blood in the air, even though I never tried to kill myself since.

Life is like a happy run, as long as you can run firmly through the most painful critical point, without downloading any data packages, people's physical fitness can be automatically upgraded. After committing suicide, although my physical strength has not been upgraded, my fate has indeed improved my rank, and I am no longer as unlucky as before.

The only thing I regret is that I didn't have enough addiction to happiness when I was happy, and when I came back to recall this past when I was unhappy, I felt that I had suffered a lot and walked a lot of wronged roads.

"Happiness" is not like a woman's menstruation, which comes on time once a month, and if you are not prepared this time, you can continue to adjust it next time. It's not like an aunt's towel, which can continue to be used after it expires. If it's like a movie ticket, it can't be used again after it expires.

So I made a decision to be a new person in the future. I try to learn to forget, to forget the sadness and sadness, to forget the inexplicable and intricate emotional entanglement. The clear details of the previous period have shrouded my soul in the harsh winter for a long time, and I desperately need a bowl of chicken soup for the soul to gently care for my soul and body with desperate menstrual cramps.

Later, I read Zhang Xiaoxian's short story and revisited "Butterfly Expired Residence", and the first paragraph reads: "In love, we once swelled into gods, but we also fell into demons. I still believe that your laughter and tears depict the burning and cooling of love. ”

I had a premeditated intention to write a little text to commemorate my youth, not for anything else, but because for the past two years, my excessive grief and anger have always attacked my wounded and desperate heart, and I have not stopped, and I would like to take this opportunity to change my body and get rid of my grief.

"Three thousand prosperous, a snap of a finger, a hundred years later, a handful of yellow sand."

Also, "Sheng's Song Becomes a Death" was written for two years, and was photographed by my editorial mentor, and after polishing, it was serialized on the Internet under a very sad pen name.

At that time, youth sentimental literature was in vogue, and I grabbed the tail of youth to brainstorm and adapt those youthful sentimental past stories about deception, dumping, foolery and betrayal, which was widely favored by readers and classmates. However, it is a complete tragedy, showing the story of a tragic girl who commits suicide in front of her ancestral house in all directions.

My antique readers say that my story is novel, but the ending is so tragic that it feels very sad. The tutor also thinks that it is difficult to have a market for such a novel, and that such a work is a eunuch-style mid-term weakness. The guru's opinion is, how can it be a big seller with such an ending?

I think too, how can it be a big seller with such an ending? In one go, delete them all. In response to that sentence, the past is cleared, and we will continue to move forward tomorrow. After many years, I am making a comeback.

If I had succeeded in committing suicide with a single thought, it would have really developed into the headlines of seven years ago. If I'm lucky, I'll be a handful of loess; In case of misfortune, I guess seven years ago I would have become the feces of fish and shrimp.

Many years later, I had a car and a house, but I forgot that in the chaotic adolescence, I met a girl named Che Yixuan, who was ruined by them, and she couldn't live anymore, so she had to take her family to open a gas tank and commit suicide. At that time, online campus loans were overwhelming, and black-hearted lending institutions focused on some high school students and college students.

Don't let online loans ruin your youth, I'm glad I'm still alive.

Later, after graduating from correspondence undergraduate courses, the employment situation was grim, and I was forced to enter graduate school, and once again successfully entered the Chinese Department of Jincheng University to study for a publicly-funded graduate degree. And Xue Xinying came to my city to see me.

When you are happy, you must know how to cherish your blessings. I feel like I'm happy right now. Deeper and colder, a girl in a mink coat walked past us, glanced at us alertly, and suddenly ran away. I think it really looks like a knife robbery, and that the girl is so heavily dressed that she can still walk like a fly, and the potential of humanity is really unfathomable.

A cold wind blew in my face, and I shivered and said, "Thank you for your decision, I've had a good life over the years." ”

I can't overturn the original assumption, Wang Shiyi's character should have inherited her father's suspicion and suspicion. It has to be said that this is an even more difficult assumption to verify. Because since I rolled down the hillside and fell on a stone in the street seven years ago, I don't remember much who Wang Shiyi's Lao Tzu is. Thanks to my tenacious vitality, the collision only gave me a concussion, and now there is a hard lump the size of a fingernail on the back of my head. When I went to the hospital, I almost fainted in pain, and when I thought that I couldn't pass out on the spot without relatives, I relied on my willpower to support me to the hospital.

In recent years, my head will ache faintly, I lament that life is too short and I don't forget to go to the hospital for regular check-ups, I am afraid that one day I will die suddenly and inexplicably at night, and how miserable it will be to have no one to collect the body. Last week, the medical school held a free clinic consultation activity, because I didn't need money, so I went to consult and wanted to ask if my head pain had been cured.

It may be that the question I asked was too professional, and none of the five medical students sitting on the stage answered it immediately. They decided to hold a workshop and asked me to wait for two hours. I flatly declined the offer because I was busy and had to rush to write for the magazine.

It wasn't until the day of the Spring Festival that I suddenly felt a stomachache and didn't take it seriously. Later, due to cerebral hemorrhage, I went to the hospital for a physical examination, and it was found that there was a shadow in the stomach, which may be stomach cancer, but it has not been diagnosed yet, and the doctor is not easy to say.

In the past few days, I have been very calm, but my father and my mother are no longer good, crying and wiping tears every day.

In the evening, I happened to be in the hospital for infusion, and the test results came out on the same day. I was resting when Ding Ping rushed in. Ran over and hugged me and cried, crying so much that I couldn't breathe. He had never been so close to me, and I didn't know what to do for a moment, so I cautiously poked him in the shoulder and said, "I'm not dead yet, save some strength." ”

The results of the examination came out, it was not stomach cancer, a benign tumor, the problem was not big, but it had to be operated.

It was not a big problem, Ding Ping still left, because he was in too much of a hurry to go out, and he forgot to turn off the faucet when the water stopped at home, and the downstairs was flooded, and he had to go back to deal with it. After I came out of the operation, I didn't see a friend around me, and I felt very lost, but I also understood.

I don't think it's necessary to drag down someone who is in love with me anymore.

After resting for more than half a year, my body has almost recovered. What ultimately led me to my meltdown was the feeling of "nothing can help me". Although I am taking more and more medications, my stomach is still very upset. Later, I went to the hospital for a check-up and was diagnosed with gastritis. The doctor prescribed me all kinds of drugs to suppress stomach acid secretion, and I took all of them, but they had no effect. Various alternative treatments have also been to no avail.

Spiritual counseling and healing on my own or through others may have given me some positive insights, but they are only short-lived relative to the ongoing pain and fear, as well as the irritating medium-term weakness caused by severe insomnia. My condition deteriorated, I suffered from depression and fell into a hopeless and hopeless situation.

Wang Shiyi finally spoke, with an indifferent tone, but hurt me fiercely, she said: "Let's break up, we are not suitable, thank you for appearing, I know that you have always been good to me, but we can't go back." ”

I said, "We can, you trust me." ”

Her dark and deep eyes are like dragonflies on the edge of the pond after the summer rain, perched on the clouds and shadows of the sky, so chaotic that people can't read.

I looked at her with some bewilderment, and she must have really despaired of me if she was willing to say these things to me. Some memories I don't know where I can find them, and I think I'm afraid there will be nowhere to get them back.

In the afternoon, Wu Yanxin called and wanted to play with me, but I said I didn't have time, so I gave up. Wang Shiyi also said that she had something to do in the afternoon, I said I would accompany you, but she said no. I'm very worried that Wang Shiyi will charge me and Wu Yanxin with a crime, and I won't be able to sit still at that time, so I choose to let Wang Shiyi meet Wu Yanxin for unnecessary trouble, and let Wu Yanxin help me persuade her by the way.

So I called Wu Yanxin and asked her to accompany Wang Shiyi to their school, it just so happened that Wu Yanxin was also an alumnus of Wang Shiyi, and they must have a lot of words together.

The moment I re-entered Nanjing University, it seemed that I had returned to my alma mater in high school, and I felt that my heart was suddenly beating very strongly, and the scene when I decided to fill in the same university with Wang Shiyi suddenly surfaced again, and I felt nervous and frightened. I just don't know why all this in front of me tears me up instantly. There are many people on the huge basketball court who are sweating in the heat. Listening to the familiar sound of basketball "banging" on the ground, Wang Shiyi and Wu Yanxin and I stood next to the basketball court, watching with amazement those teenagers who were once as heroic as me growing up happily in the best years.

Wang Shiyi didn't say a word, Wu Yanxin didn't speak, I got nothing, Wang Shiyi seemed to be used to this disappointment, and said: "You go back first, I'll think about it again, and I'll call you when I think about it." ”

Those words were wrapped around my heart like thorns soaked in black tumors, piercing into the soft chest; Like a poisonous fungus, all over my internal organs, growing vigorously, absorbing and emptying my entire body, when the wind blows, it turns into a shell. And then it is filled with some complex and confusing emotions. Crystalline snow clumps fell in the cold blue sky and fell into the thinning shadows of the camphor, turning into rain along her neck and disappearing into a wrinkle in her clothes, serving her in the morning and dusk.

I walked up and down the school alone, watching how the tall trees covered the city one by one, hiding the time and the morning and dusk.

But it felt really weird, like I must have run several laps of the school here many years ago and listened to a class in the school building here. When I actually walked on it, I felt that I had come, visited, and even lived in it a length of time beyond my own age. I've touched every place and every corner. However, this being now appeared to me in a real and slightly absurd way, and the unprecedented weakness made me feel cold, even a little hopeless.

Hurried footsteps were heard behind him. When I turned around, I saw Wu Yanxin running over happily.

Wu Yanxin pulled my arm out.

"It's okay, I'll accompany you to find her."

Wu Yanxin regretted a little after finishing speaking, because he didn't seem to be familiar with Wang Shiyi to a certain extent.

She stopped and paused: "In case it doesn't work, she doesn't want you, I'll raise you!" ”

The joke was obviously a little awkward, lukewarm, and frozen in the air. Good thing I don't mind. I feel very relaxed and happy to talk with Wu Yanxin.

I breathed a sigh of relief, lowered my voice and leaned over to Wu Yanxin and said, "You will definitely find the happiness that belongs to you." ”

Wu Yanxin leaned over and stroked the hair in front of his forehead.

"Yes, I will definitely find my own happiness."

The setting sun covered the entire school building, and I leaned on the railing of the school to comb through the past. His expression was very annoyed. I intend to throw all my dusty memories into the sea, and let the sea wash away my sadness and loneliness; Stuck in the throat of the fish, I hope they can jump to Wang Shiyi's table in their lifetime, enter her world, seep into her blood, and dialyze their sad youth with me.

I imagined reunited with her after a long absence, perhaps in a strange city, on a certain floor of a strange building, and we looked at each other, but for a moment forgot to talk to each other.

Some things will never go back to the way they were. Reality is an island like the one I saw in Wang Shiyi's eyes. It's strange that when I see Wang Shiyi again, my mind will inexplicably repeat the colors that have been repeatedly depicted, carving an indelible mark on the solidified grease plate.

In the middle of summer, you bloomed a bright branch but broke three branches of memory, your silence took away my neon clothes, you are willing to curtain down and I will never be able to stage prosperity, the desolation under my forbearance blooms two or three broken chapters, the source of infinite memories is crowded with vague angels, the sad country is full of sad grass, the broken strings of the flow chapter, the dark soul of the tomb buried whose sorrow!

As the ancients said, "I don't know the heat when I do my best, but I cherish the long summer."

The café called Starbucks sits on the ground floor of a luxury building. Strangely, despite the high temperature in the middle of summer, there was still a constant stream of pedestrians on that street. There are about 20 parking spaces in the parking lot on the side of the building, and all of them are occupied. I paused outside the gate for a moment, straightened my hair, and pushed it in.

The café is not too big, it is quiet, only the sound of people. The waiters inside wore black T-shirts, both men and women, wearing dark green aprons. I was received by a sunny and handsome boy. He looked about my age, not tall, with a bright smile and a very easy-going look.

He looked at me with a very respectful expression: "Hello sir, may I ask a few?" ”

"One. Can I sit down and have a cup of coffee? ”

"Okay."

"Do you need milk for your coffee?"

"Oh, don't. Sugar-free black coffee. ”

"Please come this way."

I saw that there was a quiet spot near the window, found a seat near the window, put down my bag, and came back to the queue.

I met Wang Shiyi at the ordering counter, it turned out that she had found a part-time job in this fast food restaurant, and her appearance was the same as the last time I saw her, her appearance has not changed, but she is more strong. I stood in line for about three minutes and finally came to her.

"Long time no see!" I say. She seemed to endure a lot, her gaze pierced deep into my weak heart like a sharp sword, making it difficult for me to accept her eyes, and my voice trembled unconsciously as the sun shone through.

"Can you bring me a large iced latte and a large sugar-free black coffee?"

"Sit down and I'll bring you the coffee."

“No need， take your time. I’ll stay here waiting.” I persevered, I just wanted to watch her quietly.

"Sixty-five pieces in total." She finally spoke.

I handed her a hundred dollars. She gave me the change.

I deliberately returned a piece of 20 yuan to her and said, "I found 20 yuan more." ”

She whispered to the side, "What the hell do you want to do?" ”

My mind went blank and I blushed and said, "The story is too long to remember for a while." ”

“What？！” Wang Shiyi roared.

“I am sorry。” I whispered a repetition.

Wang Shiyi's ingredients are fast. She put what I wanted on the tray, and I walked straight to my place with the tray in both hands. I don't think she's holding too much of a grudge against me right now, and the more I think about it, the more worried I am that I'll overflow before I'm halfway there.

After drinking the drink, I stood up and wanted to talk to Wang Shiyi, but she just didn't want to see me, so I had to get up and say goodbye to no avail. The handsome young man accompanied me to the door, opened the door for me, and watched me go. Then I walked straight and stopped, and the more I thought about it, the more sad I became, so I went back to my seat.

All day, I ate a tuna sandwich, a fruit salad, and two cups of Latte, and waited until she got off work, but she still ignored me.

I suddenly realized that I loved it as much as I loved a one-man journey, and I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I was going to go. I like to live alone, I like to be lonely, and lonely people will want to stay in a place where there are people, especially a place like a café that seems to be crowded but has nothing to do with me.