Red is Chinese, dust is one's own, and even shadows are lonely on days without sunshine.

From a very early age, I saw my contradictions and sophistication, and I think I was still a kinder person. I can't change that, because I was born in the countryside and my childhood life influenced me, and my hometown is the holiest place in my soul and one that I rarely mention.

The night gave me black eyes, and I was confused with the look I was trying to recognize, and the sharp pain gave me sharp eyes. With the intertwined emotional entanglement of the two women in our lives, and the intently staring eyes between our brothers, no one knows that our dark hearts are quietly dying in the care of the fog and the cold indifference.

How I want the rain of that city to wash away all the dust, look for the light to shine vertically, look for the place where dreams begin to set sail, get up for a morning jog, put on a coat and meet under the school building.

I remember that at that time, I would always look melancholy when I walked through the ginkgo trees under the scorching sun with a stack of test papers every day. At that time, I wanted to be a member of the student council because it was my dream.

The sun passes through the shade of the tree, the light and shadow are mottled, the flow of the year is unstoppable, a green and yellow intertwined tender green, the fragrance of the soil is refreshing, clean and suffocating, many men and women under the tree flirt, sprouting the artistic conception of spring, but I swayed out of a group of sadness in the breeze, the corner of the mouth shyly smile, and the appearance of concentration, stinging the clothes of the year.

Many times, I saw that she was not far away, but I didn't care to avoid her. I met from time to time, I was obviously happy, but I pretended to be indifferent, there is no way to be like other people, it should be the appearance of eighteen-year-old sunny and clean pursuit of love.

"Why, why can't I be braver."

I rubbed the thin paper in my hand, and looked at the young leaves of a tree like a young girl with a young heart.

And my eyes are full of mist I feel very strange about her, I miss her very much when no one is around, and I don't dare to approach when I see her, from the initial deliberate evasion to the current ignorance, and then look at it face to face, a little ashamed, a little timid.

Occasionally, when the teacher was in class, I would pretend to sleep, holding my head with my hands, and my eyes would be squinted tightly where the teacher couldn't see, no matter where the teacher looked, he could only see my hands on my cheeks but not my closed eyes. And at this time, I really feel that sleeping is actually such a happy thing.

Intentionally looking up to see her walking out of the school gate, I whistled past her, and I didn't say anything she said. She shouted after her, and I didn't pay attention to her, but her face was full of pride.

Sometimes I always feel that life is so short, and youth is only a few pages, why do I have to write gray and white on every page? A lonely person will always remember everyone in her life with her heart, love is happy because of persistence, and it is born because of fate. Someone's brainwashed words came to my mind over and over again. On every night when the stars fell, I would still count my willfulness over and over again.

I know I like you. But I don't know where it will be in the future. Because I know that you won't take me anywhere. And the memory brightens your smile, and it takes so hard to become joyful.

It's a bit of a fake world, but I'm somehow in love with it. Some people think I'm terrible, but in fact, I'm not as hateful as they think on the surface, it's just that they don't agree with me in their bones! I think that people who love me, they will not fail to understand me.

True generosity for the future is to give everything to the present. Most people get off work shopping, playing games, drinking, and doing some leisure activities that they enjoy, but my leave of work seems to be the beginning of another work.

Someone asked me, what do you get by doing this? To be honest, I didn't get anything, I really didn't get anything except making some friends on the Internet who also love to read.

Writing doesn't seem to work. But I don't feel disadvantaged because of this, literary and artistic youth are always obsessed with comforting the inner turmoil, and I am engaged in a stable and dull job every day, but writing has become the most enjoyable time of my day. I changed my computer, and even changed a few people I liked during this period, and the only thing that didn't change was the familiar word page, as well as the all-night insomnia and the thoughts about her in my mind.

It's a bit of a fake world, but I'm somehow in love with it. Before the age of 20, I had a very far plan for my life, but now, I live a mess of life, and I feel a sadness inexplicably in my heart.

If I go back to 20, what else can I change? Even if everything is fake, tell yourself that everything is good.

We are just in our early 20s, who would have thought that our fate would be so bumpy a few years later. One year of graduation. Life is bleak. In the booming real estate industry, there is a drop in the ocean, drifting in the undercurrent, and no achievements have been made.

Sometimes I met classmates who also worked in Jincheng and teased each other: "Director, why don't you chase your dreams?" I grinned, "And that's not because I'm back where I really belong." ”

If you decide that suffering is what you deserve, then the light will surely shine on you. Even a drop in the ocean will eventually have a destination.

One year of graduation. There are no social resources, and there is no light around. The person is still the one who grins when he is sarcastic, and he doesn't dare to reason with the manager when his salary is less, and he is a very bad person in the eyes of others.

One year of graduation. He began to find some way out of the industry and became the leader of a small team in the real estate business. I didn't get any results in a month, I often had insomnia at night, and I often woke up from my sleep - I always dreamed that I was fired by the boss of the company. Sure enough, it all happened.

More than a year after graduating, I have never tasted this tricky defeat since I started working. The real estate development company I changed to is also a benchmark in the local area. Unexpectedly, I was fired from the company without warning less than a month after I joined the new company.

I asked myself, I went to and from work on time, I didn't go beyond the rules and regulations of the company in the slightest, I tried my best to join the group, I just wanted to be a commendable dream when I was awake, not a nightmare.

The night before I was expelled, I rewrote the first chapter of "Don't bury yourself in the dust of time", and the next morning I went to work as usual. The hind foot was called into the office by the subordinate leader to talk.

"You have not yet reached the employment standards of our branch, and we don't want to delay you, please find another job. Even if we return you to the group headquarters, our management system is the same. ”

I joined the company with the human resources department at the company's job fair, not to mention a business position that is extremely short of people. I never figured out where my gap was.

I asked rhetorically, "Where am I not meeting your company's employment standards?" ”

He didn't know how to answer the question and just said, "You violated the company's rules and regulations." ”

I graduated from the Department of Real Estate Economics and Management, and I have devoted myself to this for four years, and I have also endured hardships and worked hard, and I was speechless in the face of those prevarications.

Is selling a house an ideal? More than once, I felt humbled. In the face of all the difficulties of life, I can only grit my teeth and hold on. Until one day, I suddenly understood the meaning of these doubts - how can you convey the meaning of your existence to the outside world?

The meaning of one's own existence, what a difficult question to answer. Before answering this question, I couldn't even figure out: why do I need to choose 20 years or 30 years for loans? Why should you choose the orientation of the house? - Can you just live?

The family took out all their savings and scraped together for a down payment. In addition to the monthly payment, is there no way to live in the future? Could it be that having a house in Jincheng must be superior to others? Is it really a buyout of Jincheng?

23-year-old me, a rookie in the workplace, the company's rules and regulations, does it mean that the system must obey a certain person's arrangement? Do you mean that if you let me carry a bag of explosives and blow up the sales department, I must go? If you don't go, you're violating the company's rules and regulations.

At the age of 23, young people who have been tossed enough by the company's rules and regulations can use many more years to challenge life and try a variety of impossibilities. And this includes leaving what is not suitable for you and re-embracing what suits you.

Old classmates look at each other as demon mirrors. The old classmate is probably the most unfamiliar person in the world, but he knows us best. When we see each other again after many years, everyone is genuinely scared and tries their best to get themselves back to the way they were. It's not that I don't like the way I am now, but I'm worried that my old classmates will forget me. High school classmates witnessed their youngest and most ignorant youth, and those mistakes made while they were young, they forgot them but remembered them clearly. With my eyes closed, I could guess that they were saying to me in a very familiar tone: "I know you like a peasant uncle knows about manure and gives it to me." Then they looked back at each other and laughed.

Enter the current real estate company, make money and get married, and never give up. No one knows these stories but myself, and even if anyone did, it would be hard to believe. Today I want to tell you about it. I have never given up on life and have not been given up by life.

Sometimes I say a lot of things, not because I want to get an eager response, but because I want to tell myself that as long as someone is willing to listen and I am willing to speak, that's enough.

After graduation, we each began to embark on different paths in life and enter different levels of society. The sales champion of the real estate company, who wants to achieve a big career is still struggling, and he has been peaceful and calm when he wanders.

If you asked me before the age of twenty, would you know where you would be in the future?

Such an answer is too simple, because I don't know that there are all kinds of unknown costs to be paid for a result.

The past few years have changed a lot for me. However, no matter how much it changes, as long as I can sit quietly and write my thoughts, I am complacent.

When I was single, I always wanted to find someone to fall in love with. At that time, some friends often asked me, how do you leave alone to make a person's life enjoyable, it turns out that some people envy me!

Finally, I want people around me to understand that loneliness is self-sustaining and not caused by others. I understand that loneliness and solitude are not the same thing, until I "get rid of the single" and want to nag about it again, but the more I think about it, the more strange it becomes. So I changed my mind, and I would have a good time being single. Loneliness is innate, and loneliness for me doesn't mean pain, it's just a state of being with yourself.

Thank you friends for chatting with me, you don't have to ask me what I'm going to do, just make an appointment. Thank you for running around with me in the sunlight so strong that it blinds people's eyes. You relieve me of my burden and discomfort while "gently" improving my efficiency. Finally, thank you for always loving me.

I wonder if my current self will disappoint my former friends? I was lying on the couch at home, playing online games with my iPhone in my hand, and sitting at my computer writing our stories.

I think this should be the best way I can connect with the world at the moment, and it's a way to be alone with myself. A life without nutrition at all. Just when I thought I was in a comfortable state of solitude, my parents called me to ask how I was doing, a sudden way of reminding me that my life was not my own. Is this my life? I'm a little panicked!

I always believed in myself that no matter what state I was in, I could find a way to be comfortable and slowly return to a state of solitude in my body and mind. After all, it's a "survival skill" I've always been proud of.

But now, it may not be that simple......

The stubborn and handsome guy who has always remained single continues to talk about the guessed love, and fights unrelentingly in the sea of love.

fell out of love and continued to be single.

Then say something to comfort yourself, at least on the way to the future there is someone waiting for you silly, or sitting in the cinema watching an out-of-print movie alone.

Or a person carrying a suitcase and traveling to the ends of the earth alone; or continue to sing lonely songs, devote yourself to various theatrical performances, and feel the stories of others; Or go to a concert alone or sit in a teahouse and play mahjong all night.

If you can, after a vigorous life journey and then end up with suicide, it's like the kind of life that can be written as a memoir or made into a movie.

Indeed, it's all like me. Otherwise, how could I have wandered a few years ago despite everyone's opposition? In the current situation, it seems that marriage is the last thing I want to accept. But deep down there is an inexplicable force in my heart, marrying a virtuous wife and giving birth to a daughter whose appearance is not copy-pasted, and then hiding in a happy nest and shouldering the mission of taking care of them.

But that seems to be me in your eyes right now. In fact, everyone has an unwillingly ordinary side. The matter of getting married and having children may be in line with the traditional law of our country, and unfilial piety is the greatest. This may seem like a mundane event for most people, but it may be the biggest challenge of my life.

I was on an unfamiliar journey, with no clear map in my hand and no idea where I was going. I could only move forward step by step, without any pause, and I didn't want to have any room for regret. I'm not sure where the road leads, and I just hope that along the way, I'll be able to see something new.

Loneliness, it's a way of life that I was born with.

I've always been quite conflicted, I want to be different, not to prove that I'm good, but to prove that I'm alive. When did I first like being alone? Maybe it's innate! This may seem far-fetched to some, but for me, it is.

My peers say I'm not mature, I'm not comfortable with the status quo, I like to imprison myself on an island, I like to lie alone in bed, and I think about all kinds of things. I don't know if such life skills will open me up to a new way of life, and I'm afraid that the seeds of wisdom will fall asleep in the spring and that they will freeze to death before dawn.

"Loneliness" reminds us of sadness, sadness, and helplessness, and that loneliness is a kind of sadness abandoned by the gods, a kind of sadness that eats away at one's soul.

However, it is a kind of superiority that looks at the common people coldly and does not want to be changed by this vulgar society. Whenever we are going through this test of our youth. All of a sudden, I felt that everything didn't matter. The forgotten favor of the gods, the pointing and pointing of others, the ridicule of others, no longer had the slightest effect, and suddenly it was far away.

One man, one world, a complete universe that is temporary but exists. In the general concept, especially in front of others, you can still spy on your ability to be lonely, but it is an indicator of a person's high emotional maturity.

The influence of this idea is huge, and it can even affect the whole world. "Only when you have the ability to be alone can you have the ability to love." It sounds weird, but it's not. This is a real fact.

I've been overly busy for more than half a year or more, neglecting to listen to myself. As a result, the overflowing subconscious flows into one's own consciousness and the message emerges.

At the moment my text has no fancy embellishments, and there are no too many sensational words. Am I happier than everyone else? Yes. I often tell myself that. I never told my parents these words in person, told my friends, and I consoled myself especially when I felt lonely, or had to endure some ridicule. No matter what other people say, no matter what the circumstances around me are, I have to find a reason to live happily.

Nowadays, when I'm sad, I occasionally find some friends to go to the bar to dump the garbage, but I don't do that often. Even trying to confide in others about your distress will not help you get rid of it at all, but will make you more uncomfortable. Not to mention, what advice other people can give. In fact, I know very well in my heart that if I can't do it, I can't do it, so it's better to change the way, change the environment, talk to myself in the virtual world, and find a way to bury all the sorrow and pain. Then, a person starts to face the next second of life again. It's not that I'm escaping reality, but I'm hoping to find a humorous ideal way out of the painful life at that time.

When I was in college, I broke up with my girlfriend who I had been talking about for two years, and I didn't know how to say comforting words or accompany her to the city she liked, many people must have said and done better than me, I just wanted to accompany her out of the lonely cold night in a practical way.

When I was in high school, I went to a senior high school in a small town. The best years of my life were there, and they weren't going to be banned over time.

At that time, in addition to learning the skills to make a living, I also liked to travel around, I liked to go on a walk-and-go trip, and I didn't like to lock myself in my room to prepare for exams.

Speaking of which, I feel like a contradiction, yes, I am. Because of my respect for life, I like to be free. But in the face of love, I have been waiting for that person to appear. However, she stepped into the process of motherhood. Maybe this is the most contradictory thing I have done in my life, looking at how many people have lost on the word "wait", maybe I will continue to wait like this!

My first solo trip was at the age of 19, probably a little later than anyone else. The biggest test of living on campus was that six of my classmates shared a dormitory, and the terrible thing is that I have a vague idea of who has shared a dormitory with me in retrospect. Every day when I go back to the dormitory, I am exhausted, maybe I just say a few words of greetings and go to bed. When I lived on campus, I spent most of my time doing problems or reading extracurricular books, and I was ridiculed by my roommates in other dorms because of this, but I just wasn't used to living in their group life.

Many years later, I met some people on the road who said in a warm tone: "I am a classmate of your so-and-so era." "I was at a loss and sorry because I had to try to find an impression of him in my head. Maybe my mind is always on me. As the saying goes, "Live in your own world in search of a lost soul." ”

During this period, some people want to fall in love secretly and don't want their elders to know, but in our family, you can have a girlfriend in the open, and every time I have a girlfriend, I will share it with my grandmother, and then, my grandmother always smiled and said, "It's good to have a girlfriend!" Take it home and show it to grandma! "So, I don't have to be in love secretly.

Within the rules, I was free to live my own life, even in a crowd, and I was able to be quiet and alone. Why should I force myself to flee for no reason?

It was still an era when WeChat was not common, so I had to take my bank card on the road. On the first night I arrived in Tianjin, I was a little nervous, after all, I went out alone, the rivers and lakes were sinister, and I brought a sum of money with me, and I was worried that someone would come to rob the money at night, so before going to bed, I moved a chair to block the door and put my wallet under the pillow. As worried as I looked, within a few minutes I was working until dawn.

The next day, I signed up for the school club to learn taekwondo, because when I was a child, I liked to watch Bruce Lee's kung fu movies and learn some moves subtly. Later, I didn't go back because I felt that it was useless, and I devoted myself to studying literature in my own lonely world, and then slowly began to create on my own.

A trip for one, a canteen for one, a cinema for one, a café for one, it's really amazing! I can order my favorite food and drink my favorite coffee without feeling lonely at all.

Since then, I have been obsessed with traveling alone, and I have been obsessed with it ever since.