The highest enjoyment of being a writer is when your work is put on the screen, and after killing countless urine spots of earthlings in seconds, people can't help but complain: "Fuck, is this Nima a fool?" ”

How do you write next, that since joining the job, you have been busy going back and forth between the client and the house, and you have achieved nothing? Or is it written that a dog is eating finger cakes and drinking soy milk, heartbroken?

No one has ever seen me shed tears. Later, many people read my writings, and they said that I became a little gloomy. I said, "I'm with a lot of happy people, and I tell myself that I'm happy, and others think I'm happy, because my face is gloomy and sad, but I'm still smiling happily." ”

The city is becoming more and more brightly lit, and the cold night breeze makes people's minds clear with pins and needles. But I didn't know where to go in the midst of the lights of the city.

The reason for my catharsis is to let these tears wash away the black sorrow that has accumulated in my heart, and take away all the reasons and excuses that make me angry.

Why did I rewrite "Don't bury yourself in the dust of time", my friends are just that, they appear in my articles one after another, and they do not change with the change of time and place.

Sometimes I get tired of seeing their names all the time, which shows how boring my life is. There are also some people, probably through my novels, who, as in any way, have always become friends, while others are passers-by.

Some words are so direct and honest that they are often mistaken for pretentiousness and pretending. But I can't help it, when I get to this kind of time, I will only tell the truth and hurt my heart that is not in the same atmosphere as me. Sometimes I condemn myself for being willful and presumptuous, but I also really hate the kind of people who don't have self-knowledge.

And some of the people I know are people like me, with common preferences and personalities, and we are two identical objects on the same planet, and sometimes they collide, but they can't hurt each other.

So far, there are very few people in my circle of friends who write novels, and I guess I'm the second one. Chai Shaofeng once wrote his prose poems, and before he finished writing, I grabbed them and read them, I liked them very much, but I felt that they were not as good as the ones he usually described to me.

The only thing I'm proud of is that I've written another novel, and I'm starting to write the fantasy god and demon novel "The Peerless Chronicle of the Eternal Sky" and the modern romance and sadistic novel "Sheng's Song Becomes Dead".

I've been overly busy for more than half a year or more, neglecting to listen to myself. As a result, the overflowing subconscious flows into one's own consciousness and the message emerges.

In fact, only the silent night makes me feel the meaning of existence. I don't know if such life skills will allow me to reopen my new way of life. When you encounter things that don't go well in life, it doesn't matter, write them all into the article, the good wants to live, the evil wants to die, and you don't want to live, because all the endings are predetermined in advance.

In those lonely times when everyone was indifferent, no one spoke to me, I got depression, and I learned to hold back the pain. So I wanted to solve most of life's problems in a silent way. I was heartbroken, it wasn't my problem at all, and then I didn't like communicating with people anymore. Actually, I am full of good intentions, and I hope someone understands.

They often heard my depressed sighs, and saw me shivering in the bitter cold wind with a thin and lonely posture. I think I have been rooted in the poor soil for a long time, growing in the cracks of the damp rocks.

There are many sad things in life, and one of the most unbearable is that in the places where our parents can't see, in the days and nights that we ignore, they age with time ticking and ticking.

Then, after a myriad of ticks, we continued to leave silently, flying over the grass and dust, over the lonely ghosts, and in the gray and dazed dusk, the precocious souls carried their young bodies in search of a way out of the unknown.

Leaving our parents and former friends, the only thing that keeps us is those precious experiences and the rain in the ravines under the clear blue sky. Staying in the mud where the sun is so strong that it blinds people's eyes all year round, I always feel that I can create a small garden that can be comfortably and casually integrated with the soil here. Sometimes, I gradually understand that no matter how hard I try, I can't find the foundation for survival, and no matter how tenacious my vitality is, I can't grow freely in the loess.

It is always difficult to escape some wrong obsessions in life, which may be a matter of personal circumstances, or it may be a deliberate arrangement of God.

Just after the Spring Festival, I continued to set out with a proud attitude to meet all kinds of difficulties caused to me by the ethereal smoke and dust. When you rinse your mouth in the morning, you feel as if you have walked into the thick seaweed like ink lotus, and the lonely soul changes day by day with the solar terms of the crowd on the way of the years.

I always come across people or things that sound bloody but are extremely real, and they will jump out to warn me when I want to be obsessed.

In this world, there are some girls who love someone stupidly and forgetfully, sometimes you kindly persuade them to be a little sober, they will say, I don't want to listen to any reason, is it still called love? It's hard to buy a thousand dollars, and I'm willing. But are you really willing? Are you really willing to eat at a night stall and drink cheap drinks to satisfy each other's drunken gold fans in nightclubs? Are you really willing to sleep alone in exchange for the pleasure of your loved ones and others? There is nothing wrong with paying sincerity, but the ultimate vision of everyone giving sincerity is to hope that the other party will return with sincerity, and while you pay sincerity, it does not mean that you even have to be stupid with the other party's material life, at least what I see, girls who love too much are not reciprocal in the end.

The most recent time was in Xiguan, Jincheng, I was shopping alone in the mall, and I think this is the most perfect travel peak in my dream.

In Yue Qiwen's eyes, this is the longest spring in her life. It's thicker than in previous years, and it's heavier.

The sky was always gray, as if dark clouds were enveloping the whole city.

It seemed that overnight, she had lost everything she valued. Life was completely overturned and crushed into powder by an unknown force.

The iron will that had filled his chest for many years was gone, and he had lived so hard and tenacious, with a clear purpose, that he was fighting poverty, that he had evolved beyond the class he was born into, and that he had a decent and dignified life.

Now she is in the hospital in a deep state of mind, experiencing darkness with patients, serving the morning and dusk. Imprison yourself on an island.

I sometimes think it's a shame for her to be a nurse. She should be hired as a special physician of the state, because no matter how many times she says the same thing, she can be full of emotion, and she looks like she is just beginning to be in love.

Fate has drawn the curtain, and people from all walks of life have revealed another face, and her world has been divided from that snowy night a year ago. Outside the door, there is another world.

She is like a migratory bird that has been left behind, and her companions have all flown to the warm south, flying in the glitzy kingdom of the four seasons, only she is left alone in the ice and snow, and she doesn't want to chase it.

She used to yearn for happiness in the distance, but now she thinks that this happiness is equivalent to failure, despair, and nothingness, but happiness is happiness after all, only in a different depth.

I totally understand her anger, and there's probably nothing more devastating than the feeling of trying to win someone's heart back but really being powerless. She said that a man's love is usually violent when it comes and thorough when it goes. Love is very sweet when it is there, as if two people can fill the whole world, and there is no room for other people; When he is not in love, a man would rather be with an irrelevant stranger than spend an extra minute with his old love, how cruel is such a life.

Rather than humbly looking back, it is better to cherish each. One day, if you are willing to look back through the years, those who you loved, those who left you ruthlessly, few people remember what happened before, and their faces have long been blurred when they come and go.

Also, the women I have come into contact with all say that men don't have a good thing, they forget their old love when they have a new love, they are all disciples, they fall in love with their eyes, and they are all scumbags who are unkind. What I want to say is to correct your mentality a little, and in this era of drunkenness and vanity, the young and the young who are in love with each other and grow old together are pitiful.

I used to plan very far for my future. But then it turned out that I had lost all the way and died the night before. When I was admitted to university, I slipped because of my lack of scores, and my mother also said that I had been for several days, and I secretly hid in my room to cry during dinner, thinking about it, I had no self-esteem at all, and I was a son of man in vain.

I was completely hopeless about my future.

Maybe it's family genetics, my cousin failed the college entrance examination and locked herself in her room, not eating, drinking, or talking, and my aunt was very worried every day, and her face was full of sadness.

After I failed the college entrance examination, I also used the frustrations given to me by life to continue to punish myself, and then passed on this pain to the people closest to me. I can relate to the pain of that silly sister, but now, I understand that if I don't get into a good university, I won't necessarily starve to death in the future. Giving up oneself for an exam and going on a hunger strike to make the people around you miserable really shouldn't be.

When I was in high school, my biggest fear was failing exams. Teachers always say that if you don't have good grades, you can't be admitted to a prestigious school, and relatives also say that if you can't get into a good university, you will have to stay in the countryside for the rest of your life, moving bricks and farming. I'm not afraid of being physically punished by teachers for bad grades, and I'm afraid of the loneliness of sticking to my post alone after work.

When I feel hopeless about my life, someone or something comes to mind that warns me. You can give up the trust of others, you can give up the evaluation of you by the outside world, you can give up the cynicism of others to you, but what you can't give up is inner peace. Only by returning to calm can you have the opportunity to listen to your original heartbeat again.

I've liked Wang Shiyi since my sophomore year of high school, so we were together without warning, and I didn't let go when I felt like fighting for her, and it felt very smooth without any setbacks.

Wang Shiyi and I are completely expected. At that time, under the influence of the market economy, most of our city's key high schools were handsome guys with dinosaurs and beauties with frogs. People of insight in the school generally feel that such a humanistic environment has raped the public's aesthetics, and they all shake their heads and sigh. The combination of Wang Shiyi and me satisfies the public's aesthetics, and they are happy and praise us for ushering in the dawn of the public's aesthetics.

Ding Ping is in the same class as us. We were in the second class and he was in the tenth class. Every ten minutes between classes, he had to travel a long way across the entire school building to our class to meet Shang Pingting. I think he's such a person with perseverance.

One day Wang Shiyi asked me, "Why haven't you been with them lately?" ”

I said, "I can't fool around with them anymore, I'm going to go to Polytechnic University, I can't take care of them anymore." ”

Wang Shiyi said: "Then how can it be considered a fool? You're pampering a couple. Didn't Jesus say that caring for lovers is better than building a seventh-level floating slaughter? ”

At that time, Wang Shiyi and I coincidentally wanted to study science in the second year of high school, and then agreed with each other to apply for the same university.

I remember that when the mathematics, physics and chemistry teacher repeatedly instilled in us the idea of "learning mathematics, physics and chemistry well, you will not be afraid to go all over the world", and I felt that staying in the science class would have a better development prospect. I have been deeply affected by this sentence since I was a freshman in high school, and I have been deeply affected until now. But when I really recognized the situation and turned back, I realized that I had already buried myself. Actually, my favorite is literature and history. Every time I took the exam, I scored more than 80 points in politics, history, and geography. Physics, multiple-choice questions I use Meng, thanks to good luck to get it right again and again.

At that time, Ding Ping and I agreed to apply for liberal arts, and the next day I turned around and chose to apply for science. I chose to apply for science and received a call from Ding Ping that night.

He said, "Aren't you going to be a lawyer?" Why do you want to enroll in science? ”

I was stunned for a moment and said, "Ah, there is such a thing, I don't want to deal with words in the future, I want to be in business." My tone stiffened slightly.

Actually, my mother asked me to take the Chinese Department or Political Science and Law. Study literature, and take the civil service exam to enter politics in the future, so that I can take over the mantle of my third uncle. But I spied from the shadow of my third uncle that I was going to be in business in the future, and I couldn't joke about my future.

He was silent for a while, and suddenly said, "What's wrong with Xuewen, isn't it okay to be the attending doctor when you wear a white coat?" ”

I didn't speak. I was silent for a long time, and then, before I could come to my senses, he hung up the phone.

At that time, my cousin said that she wanted to requisition my house so that she could successfully take the entrance examination. I was quite embarrassed at the time, a girl's family, you said that you are lying on the bed of a pure man, what is it? I have always been very affectionate, and my aunt was very kind to me, so I had no choice but to promise to lend her the house.

I've always had a habit of cleanliness, and I called Wang Shiyi that night. I wanted to beg her for nothing, but before I could tell her what I really meant, she readily agreed.

"I'm in charge, I'll lend it to you."

The next day, I asked her out for dinner, which was kind of compensation and reward for her. After the meal, I patted her on the shoulder and said, "Wang Shiyi, you are really a friend." ”

"It's okay, my brother has a request for me, how can I do my best." Wang Shiyi replied to me with the same words.

"You lend me your house, so what should you do, or I'll open a hotel near you."

"No, I'll go to my friend's squeeze."

"I always feel sorry in my heart, otherwise, I'll open a hotel for you, buy you something to eat, and we'll go up and watch some films."

She was frightened by my "watch some films" and felt that I must be watching ***, and immediately refused: "How did you become such a hooligan, forget it, I won't go." ”

A man and a woman are in the same room, and they have to watch some films, and it is true that such a situation is so dangerous for a girl who has not been deeply involved in the world.

I meant to go up and watch TV, and by the way, leave the hotel open for her to stay. Before I could explain, she handed me the key and made a random excuse to slip away.

I have been a gangster for a long time, and in Wang Shiyi's eyes, I realized that it was time for me to cut ties with those people. I haven't had direct contact with those people for half a month, and they haven't bothered me for a while. For a moment, I only felt that the world had really changed, and the era of the lone ranger had come.

Our nation no longer needs heroes, and now the highest voice is the most popular, but the most popular is to form a group, a group to watch a movie, a group to go to the toilet, a group to see a house, a group to open a house, a group to go to a nightclub.

Wang Shiyi frowned tightly and looked at me deeply. What a contemptuous glance, for I didn't see what she meant at all. She ignored me and simply tilted her head to one side.

As the city warms up, we struggle through the airtight alleys to the town's busiest streets.

A group of little girls who are strangers in a foreign land alone are dressed in crop tops. Wang Shiyi, who was silent all the way, finally spoke up to express her opinion: "General." ”

I turned my head to look at her and said, "It's so sexy, you think it's average, oh yes, opposites attract, and same-sex repulsion." ”

She frowned and said, "If they are sexy when they wear less clothes, then they are indeed quite sexy, and I am ashamed of myself." ”

I said, "Don't be discouraged, you have to wear less, you must be sexier than them." ”

She was a little angry: "Luxi, are you sick?" ”

I said, "What? It was so windy I didn't hear clearly. ”

She slowly stopped, bent down and put her hands on her knees, looked at me and said, "Are you sick?" ”

I laughed dryly: "Everyone is a classmate, can you sit down and study it?" ”

She immediately showed a fierce look, as if she had endured extremely powerful anger, and said, "Luxi, you are so shameless. ”

I felt shameless at the time. I always felt that there was something unknown in my stomach and then rushed up. There are twisted marks on the face.

Wang Shiyi was a little surprised and immediately started to ask.

"What's wrong with you, upset stomach?"

I said, "It's fine. Maybe it's full of food. ”

She looked at me, a little overwhelmed.

Just when I was triumphant and eager to take the plunge, I was completely unaware of the dangers of sex.

Wang Shiyi knows that I am a character who has been piled up with **** in my desk for many years, and I am also surging with those things in my head. She looked me in the eye and asked very sincerely, "I have a question I want to ask you for a long time, have you ever asked yourself?" ”

I didn't expect her to dare to ask such a nasty question in front of me. I leaned on my desk, nodded, and closed my eyes in pain.

Her problem is a bit lacking, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and I don't deny that I'm sick.

Her expression was momentarily sluggish, and in her cognition, a handsome guy like me would never go to the toilet. I felt funny and embarrassed, and I looked at Wang Shiyi with an embarrassed smile, and I happened to look at her. She looked at me with a smirk.

I gave her a look. She didn't understand, my tacit understanding with her was limited, she couldn't accurately interpret the meaning of this look, so I had to turn my head and ask her. I leaned close to her and whispered, "You don't want to ask me who I was thinking about when I was V?" ”

She said seriously: "This question, I'm a girl, I'm embarrassed to ask." ”

I looked at Wang Shiyi with a solemn expression: "Since you mentioned self-V, then I also have a question for you." Who is the object of your sexual fantasies that makes you feel most anxious about yourself? ”

After a short silence, Wang Shiyi said, "Why should I tell you. ”

"If you don't tell the truth, you will not be able to marry for the rest of your life."

She paused, and said with a fluttering eyebrow: "Rogue deer." ”

I propped my head and smiled suddenly.

At that time, Wang Shiyi's parents were deeply stimulated when they heard the news of her pregnancy. That afternoon, Wang Shiyi's parents brought her to find me, and as soon as I opened the door, Wang Shiyi's mother slapped me on the left side of my face. A scolding ensued. Then after slapping Wang Shiyi's two ear scrapers, he swallowed half a bottle of sleeping pills and attempted suicide, but fortunately, the rescue was timely and did not cause a tragedy.

I still haven't figured out what happened to me and Wang Shiyi that night. It's all because I have harmed her girls. Her mother was disheartened and had an opinion about me, so she was so angry that she wanted to commit suicide.

Wang Shiyi has already said that it is not my business alone. Wang Shiyi's father said: "If you are still a little ashamed, kneel down for me to admit your mistakes, apologize and swear to never have any intersection with Wang Shiyi again, and I will forgive your ignorance." ”

I was furious and said, "It's not my fault that I'm alone, why should I be responsible?" ”

Her mother looked at me in disgust and said, "It's not your fault? If it weren't for you, would my daughter make such a mistake? How do you let her meet people in the future? ”

At that time, I hadn't experienced any setbacks in my life, I was too young and vigorous, although I knew that I was really sorry for Wang Shiyi, but in the end I couldn't say "I'm sorry" to her in person.

Two days later, Wang Shiyi's father sued me for allegedly raping a young girl, Wang Shiyi's mother was dying, and the doctor in the town said that the disease had to be treated in a big hospital immediately, and I was afraid that something would happen if it dragged on for a long time. At that time, I only had more than 300 dollars on my body. I opened my mouth and asked my family for 20,000 yuan as compensation, but I felt so tired that I couldn't support it anymore, so I decided to commit suicide immediately.

At noon that day, I went to the stationery store to buy a particularly sharp knife, bought a roast chicken, and went to the funeral shop to buy some paper money. I went to the river outside the town alone and burned a few piles of paper money, which was burned for myself, and money was very important, whether in the yang world or in the underworld. Because I have had enough of the poor and hungry life in the Yang world, I want to be a full ghost before committing suicide to save myself from the suffering of the next life. It is expected that my body will be salvaged ashore shortly after my suicide, and perhaps if I am lucky, it will drift away with the river, saving my family money for a coffin.

I heard that this river has killed many people. If I can die here, at least I can be a ghost companion with those lonely ghosts.

The name of this obscure town has repeatedly appeared on the city's major websites for many years, and just as everyone is reading the newspaper with relish, the mysterious death of a teenager undoubtedly casts another shadow on the town.

I burned paper money by the river, and through the filthy water, I seemed to see a lonely ghost in the water.

Although the sky was blue when I looked up, and the stagnant water was faint when I looked down, a cold wind drifted behind me, and it was biting cold. Just as I was about to close my eyes and jump down, I seemed to hear a voice say, "Young man, it's a pity that you die so young, it's easy to die, what if you die your parents?" Do you know the pain of a white-haired person sending a black-haired person? Don't be stupid, boy, live well! The future is bright. ”

I was startled and felt that the voice in the distance was right.

When Wang Shiyi's mother was hospitalized, I knelt down in front of her hospital bed and admitted my mistake, and Wang Shiyi's father hugged his arms and said to me: "Do you know that you are wrong now? It's a pity it's late. ”

Wang Shiyi knelt down and begged her father: "Since the matter has come to this, don't destroy an innocent person again, the daughter is cheap, and the daughter is willing." ”

Wang Shiyi's father widened his eyes angrily: "You get up for me." ”

Fortunately, Wang Shiyi said that she was willing, otherwise I would have been sentenced to at least ten years in prison. She thought about it, and felt that she deserved it. If it weren't for me, I think, she could have at least had a slightly better life.

In the year of the college entrance examination, when her college entrance examination score clearly exceeded the admission line of the University of Science and Technology by a few points, but she was still not admitted to the University of Science and Technology, I finally collapsed. It always makes people feel chilling and biting.

If the ultimate failure of a relationship is caused by external forces or other factors, then the estrangement between two people is the most fatal.

Many years later, I thought, if it hadn't been for that voice to dissuade me, I would have turned into a pile of bones.