Dr. William James, a master of modern psychology, once said, "If another person cannot control his emotions with his will, then you can use your will to control your behavior." ”

Watch this story:

Stillman, a big banker, once brutally scolded a senior employee of the bank. The poor clerk stood before him, sitting behind his desk, with a straight face, a pen piercing between his fingers, tapping up and down on the table. He just like that, not moving or changing his tone, in a sneering tone, he scolded the clerk harshly. The last few words were so brutal that the unfortunate clerk trembled with fright and did not dare to say a word of justification.

This time, the scolding was in front of a guest. The guest felt terrible, and couldn't help but say, "Stillman, I've never seen anyone as rough as you in my life. This person is in an important position in your bank, and you insult him in front of a guest. ”

Schierman was silent at the rebuke, his face lurking with anger, the pen in his hand still tapping on the table, and the guest waited for a while before leaving.

When Stillman calms down, he realizes that he reprimands his staff in front of guests for a small matter. Not only does it not have the effect of education, but employees will also hate themselves even more because they have lost "face" in front of strangers, which goes against their original intentions. What's more, being angry in front of guests for a little thing exposes the weakness of his lack of cultivation. Customers will never have business with them again. Realizing this, Stillman regrets his impulsive behavior, but everything is irreversible.

What should you do when anger rushes up, when you can't control yourself for a while?

Here are some typical strategies used to defeat anger:

(1) Try to delay the anger

If you are extremely typical of your anger in a particular situation, delay your anger for fifteen seconds, try to delay it for thirty seconds next time, and keep extending the interval. As soon as the gas head passes, the fire gas will become smaller. Procrastination is control, and with a lot of practice, you will eventually be able to eliminate them completely.

(2) Don't be critical of others

Remind yourself when you're angry that everyone has the right to choose their own way of life, and you don't have the right to demand that anyone should be the same or just like you, otherwise it will only feed your anger. Try to allow others to choose, just as you insist that you have the right to do so.

(3) Summarize the results and lessons of past anger

Write down your anger in a journal and write down the exact time, place, and events you choose to be angry about. Take the entries seriously and force you to write down all the angry actions. You'll soon find that if you're persistent, it's the act of having to write down events that convinces you to choose as little anger as possible.

(4) Implement self-reflection in a timely manner

After your outbursts of anger, reflect on your anger and realize that you have made a mistake, and one of your goals is to stop experiencing such anger.

(5) Shift direction in a timely manner

When you are angry, try to physically approach the person close to you. One way to counteract your hostility is to shake hands and hold them until you have expressed your feelings and removed your anger.

(6) Communicate with people who have been hurt by their anger when they are calm

When you're not angry, have a good conversation with those who used to be the most frequent recipients of your anger and come up with a way to communicate emotions. Perhaps a note, or a messenger, or a walk to calm down both sides of a dispute, can be agreed upon by both parties to stop hurting each other with meaningless anger. After several calming walks, you'll begin to discover the folly of being angry.

(7) Don't ask too much of others

The greater the expectations, the greater the disappointment. Eliminate the expectations of others that exist in you. When the expectation is gone, so is the anger.

In short, we allow our anger to consume ourselves and affect others, and we need to learn to control ourselves when we are angry.

When you are angry, your attitude is completely under your control. When you turn your positive mindset towards what you do, you control what can happen and don't let our anger spread and burn ourselves and others as it goes.