On a March day, it was drizzling, and the sky was dark and terrible.

The sun was long gone when I went out, replaced by the drizzle when I came home, and the cold rain hit my face and flowed down my skin; The cold, icy liquid poured into my neck, but I didn't feel anything...... On the way home for Zichen, I watched the rain fall outside the car window.

"It's here," Zichen said as he parked his car downstairs and looked at me.

I held my arm and didn't cry until I cried, and I felt very uncomfortable.

"It's here," Zichen repeated.

I nodded and whispered to him, "I see." "My hand buckled on the lock on the door, but I didn't want to get out of the car, the space in the car seemed to be another world, I could hide here forever, Zhao Ye and Miss Liao's phone kept ringing one after another, and the mobile phone in my bag shook my arm a little numb, but I didn't want to answer.

"Why don't you stay in a hotel tonight?" Zichen asked me, "I have to get up early tomorrow and rest early." ”

"I'll go up and get something," I said, looking at Zichen instead.

Zichen nodded, "Do you want me to accompany you up?" ”

I shook my head, held my bag, tightly wrapped in my arms and pushed open the door and got out of the car, I walked towards the elevator room, the sound of high heels in the corridor "clicked" non-stop, the elevator stopped on the floor where we lived, made a "ding" sound, the elevator door slowly opened, I stepped out and saw that the door of the house was suddenly pushed open, Zhao Ye looked at me stunned for a moment.

"I'm sorry," Zhao Ye and I said, still holding my bag.

"What did you do?" Zhao Ye asked, "If you don't answer the phone, do you know how worried I am about you!" ”

"I'm sorry," I repeated, walking in the direction of the room, Zhao Ye gave me the gap in the door, I took off my wet clothes and put them on the shoe cabinet, put my bag on top and pulled out the tender from inside, I said to Miss Liao, "I'm sorry, I didn't send the tender." ”

"Why?" Miss Liao asked puzzled.

"I'm sorry!" I said it again, and dragged my already stiff body towards my room.

"What the hell is going on?" Zhao Ye asked behind me, I stopped in place and didn't know how to speak, my throat was very painful, I couldn't make a sound, I could only walk slowly towards my room stiffly, I wanted to take all my luggage and escape from this place, even though it was Zhao Ye, although I still wanted to be with him for the rest of my life yesterday, I thought of this tears and finally couldn't stop falling.

"Don't you think you didn't go to the scene and at least give us an explanation?" Miss Liao questioned me behind me, "What is this now, do you know what our mood is when we can't contact you this day, do you know that Zhao Ye has contacted almost all the hospitals, for fear that something will happen to you on the road!" ”

"I'm sorry!" I turned my back to the two of them and said, "I'm sorry......" I didn't know what else to say other than repeating it. Zhao Ye raised his voice and asked me in a deep but serious voice, "What happened!" ”

I put away my tears, smiled reluctantly, smiled and turned to look at Zhao Ye and said to him with difficulty, "Jin Shao has passed away." ”

The room was quiet for a while, Zhao Ye's face was pale, Miss Liao's expression was also frozen on her face, they were as if they had been clicked on the acupoint, standing there motionless, I let out a long breath, this sentence came out, I seemed to be able to finally face this fact, from the accident to the present, I have been trying my best to wake up from this nightmare, and I have been trying my best to force myself to believe that this is just a dream, but this dream will never wake up.

My tears fell out of my eyes one by one, I covered my mouth and took a deep breath, Jin rarely has congenital heart disease, Zichen explained a lot to me, but I didn't understand. I only know that when I received a call from Zichen, when I rushed to the hospital, Jin Shao's electrocardiogram had become a straight line, I pounced on Jin Shao's body, shouted his name vigorously, and cursed him vigorously, but he was so quiet, so pale, and didn't say a word.

I asked Zichen in the hospital, "When is it?" ”

Zichen said, "I was hospitalized two days ago, and I knew that I would go back to Beijing after that!" ”

"Why didn't you tell me?" I grabbed Zichen's clothes and asked him, "Why?" Why is it that I am the only one in the world who does not know such a big thing? ”

"He doesn't want you to worry about him!" Zichen let me pull the clothes on his chest and replied calmly, as if he had already made sufficient preparations for today.

"When did you find out about his illness?" I looked at Zichen and asked.

Zichen said, "I knew it when I was in college, he said that when he was very young, the doctor said that his life would not exceed 30 years old......" He choked up as he spoke, took a deep breath, looked up at the ceiling of the hospital, and couldn't catch up with his words for a long time, "I really thought he was joking, I really thought he was just scaring me, and if he got sick, he had to show off his difference to us......" He cried out, covered his mouth with his hand, and slowly squatted down against the wall of the hospital corridor," That's what he is, everything has to be different! ”

"Why didn't you tell me sooner! Why ......" I squatted in front of Zichen and hit him hard.

Zichen asked me, "What's the use of telling you earlier, you're a doctor, can you save him?" The thing Jin Shao wants to see the most in this life is that you can marry in a beautiful way, this guy ......" Zichen said and laughed, and said to me with tears, "I really regard you as his daughter!" It's really ......," he said, shaking his head.

I sat down in the aisle of the hospital, "I didn't even see him for the last time!" ”

"I told him that you would come, I thought he would at least hold out until the last time I saw you, but ......" Zichen shook his head, he didn't expect Jin Shao to leave us so quickly, maybe he didn't know what to say when he saw me again, maybe he didn't want to leave in front of me, how could I be so late to know, I also laughed at Jin Shao's poor health, saying that Jin Shao couldn't drink, why couldn't I notice Jin Shao's illness earlier, "If I can accompany him through the last part of his life, how good." ”

"Jin Shao doesn't want you to accompany him, it's because he doesn't want to, so he won't tell you anything!" Zichen patted me on the shoulder and said, "What people want in the moment before death is dignity, not sympathy and pity, what he wants you to remember is the most glorious era of his life, and he doesn't want you to see him when he is the most embarrassed, with all kinds of relationships inserted in his body, relying on a ventilator to maintain life, this is not his understanding of life." ”

In the ward, the doctor confirmed the death, and after negotiating with the family, Jin Shao's brother Jin Dashao walked in front of me and Zichen, I sat on the ground and only saw him with a pair of black shiny leather shoes, his voice floated over his head, and it was still the kind of commanding order, "Prepare to be buried in three days, you come over to help in these two days, right?" ”

Zichen stood up from the ground, "What can I do to help?" ”

"His father may not be able to accept this news for a while, I have to go and reassure his father, the business partners who come and go at home may come one after another in the next two days, and we have to arrange the funeral. I'll leave the matter of going to the crematorium to you, right? Jin Dashao said.

"Let me see him again!" I grabbed Kim Dashao's trouser leg and looked up at the cold man.

Jin Dashao's eyes followed his pants to see my face, and then nodded, he turned around and explained to the secretary next to him twice, asking the secretary to negotiate with the hospital, don't send Jin Shao's body to the morgue for the time being, I looked at him and said "thank you", loosened Jin Dashao's trouser leg, he turned around and walked farther and farther, I sat on the ground and lost my soul.

Human death and old age do not interact with each other, which are two different things. Even if I never see Jin Shao again in this life, I hope he can live well, have a happy family, and have a bright future. But now, all this has come to naught because of Jin Shao's death, he will never come back, he will not quarrel with me, he will not scold me, he will not help me, and he will not answer my phone when I need it......

"Get up?" Zichen stretched out his hand and looked at me.

I put my hand on his hand, he suddenly used some force to pull me up from the ground, I sat on the edge of Jin Shao's bed, looking at his face, still that familiar look, still that proud posture, I took his hand and sat beside him, his hands were getting colder and colder, and his person was getting stiffer and stiffer. I sat on the edge of the bed without saying a word, just watched quietly from noon to evening, from sunny day to drizzle.

The people from the hospital came to negotiate with Zichen and wanted to send Jin Shao to the morgue.

Zichen came to persuade me, took me out of this ward, and sent me home. I sat on the bed and took off my suitcase, most of my luggage had actually been packed, Miss Liao's new tenant will be coming over next week, I walked out of the house with a bulky suitcase, walked up to Miss Liao and said, "I've been bothering you for more than a year, it should have caused you a lot of trouble!" Thank you for taking care of you for so long. ”

Miss Liao looked at me, not knowing what to say.

I carried the suitcase, took my bag from the shoe cabinet, took my coat, and walked out the door, Zhao Ye wanted to come and take over, I avoided him, I said to Zhao Ye, "Let's break up, I'm sorry......" When I said this, my heart hurt like being cut by a knife, I couldn't bear Zhao Ye, but Zhao Ye was the right person I met at the wrong time, Jin Shao's departure will always be between us, becoming a wound that can never heal, I don't want to live in such a haze for the rest of my life, I don't want to bring such imperfect love and marriage to Zhao Ye.

Even if Zichen didn't say it explicitly, I can understand the reason why I have been blessed by Jin Shao for many years, this feeling has become a wound in my heart that I can't let go, and if I can't let go of the past, there will be no future.

"Pei Pei ......," Zhao Ye frowned and called my name.

I removed the ring from my finger and said, "I really...... I really want to marry you, I've thought since I was a child," I couldn't help crying at this point, crying, sobbing, still trying to support my trembling body, "but I can't now, I'm sorry...... I'm sorry......" I turned around after speaking, bowed my head in the direction of the elevator, pressed the elevator button hard, just wanted to leave the scene quickly, I rushed out of this building, Zichen got out of the car and helped me stuff the suitcase into the trunk, let me get in the car and sit first, he put the luggage, turned back to the driver's seat to open the door, sat down, "Why did you take so many things?" ”

"Let's stay in a hotel for a few days, I'm going to find a new house to live in." I looked at Zichen and smiled gloomily.

Three days later, at the funeral, I saw Knick again, and Knick walked up to me with a mocking look in her eyes, "You know how stupid you are now, right?" ”

I looked at Connie and didn't answer.

Keni turned around and placed the chrysanthemum in her hand in front of Jin Shao's tombstone, and after her silent mourning, she turned to me one last time and left the funeral scene from the direction of the retreat. I stood beside Zichen and took a deep breath, "I'm the only one in the world who doesn't know about Jin Shao's illness, right?" ”

Zichen said, "He deliberately wants to hide from you." ”

I said, "Sometimes I really wish I was a man, so that I could share the good and the bad with you, instead of being rich and poor." ”

Zichen said, "Do you remember when you were in college, Jin Shao helped you sign up for the 3,000-meter run? ”

I nodded.

Zichen said, "At that time, you always complained about him, saying that he deliberately corrected you, but in fact, it was because your entire immune system collapsed when you lost weight at that time, and you were sick for three days." Jin Shao was reluctant, so in the name of running, he forced you to exercise, hoping that you would get better. ”

I said, "I know. ”

Zichen said, "One year when you were taking the final exam, you said that you couldn't finish your own review, and Jin Shao forced you to help him review and explain to him, but in fact, he was afraid that you would memorize by rote and forget everything in the exam room, he wanted to use this method to help you strengthen your impression, and he didn't want you to be perfunctory during the exam!" ”

My eyes were blurred with tears, and I couldn't see the distant scenery clearly, but I still stubbornly nodded and said, "I know! ”

Zichen continued, "He opened a bar, not because he was greedy for pleasure. It's because in the first year of your work, you have to cry every week when you eat with us, saying that the work pressure is too great to do! Jin Shao instigated you to resign, you said that if you resigned, you would have to go to the street to ask for food, your waist is not hard, and you will not be able to be hard in the company, you can only be bullied. Jin Shao opened a bar just to give you the right to say no, and wanted you to be able to walk happily when you were bullied in the future. ”

Tears trickled down my cheeks, and I nodded vigorously and said, "I know!" ”

Zichen said, "Jin Shao and each of his girlfriends don't get along well, not because Jin Shao doesn't get along with people, but because those women will eventually find that Jin Shao has a you in his heart." ”

I nodded and cried.

Zichen said, "Jin Shao helped you chase the eighth master because he couldn't give you a future and happiness." ”

"Don't say it......" I pulled Zichen's arm, almost collapsed, tears rushed like a flood that burst the embankment, I suddenly began to hate myself, hate my hindsight, hate my indifference, hate my selfishness, hate my ruthlessness, I hope that time can go back to the past, back to when Jin Shao was still there, we can still stay up all night together to draw posters, review exams and memorize homework together, chat and gossip together, fight in the debate tournament together, and stay up late together to prepare for the program competition......

At that time, we were so young, just young and in the prime of life; The scholar was angry and scolded Fang Xuan. Pointing to the country, inspiring words, the dung was ten thousand households. Have you ever remembered that when you hit the water in the middle stream, the waves curb the flying boat.

(End of full text)

A few years later, Zhao Ye got married, and I went to his wedding to take a sneak peek, and the bride had a baby face, which was particularly painful to look at. I didn't have the courage to bless Zhao Ye in person, I didn't have the courage to appear at the wedding scene, I hid in the corner, looked at him from a distance, looked at his happy expression, watched the bride hold Zhao Ye's hand tightly, I left the banquet hall with relief.

I sent a text message to Zhao Ye, wishing him a happy new marriage and a hundred years of happiness, and congratulating him on finally finding the right person.

Zhao Ye said, "Thank you, you will have this day too." ”

Turning off Zhao Ye's text message, Lao Chen's phone hurriedly called, "What about you?" ”

"I ......" I suddenly remembered that I still have to entertain customers for the people in the marketing department today, Luo Er has been gone for many years, and the people in the marketing department are still so useless, to bid and do not understand the technical indicators of our products, to give customers a demonstration will not use our products, pre-sales can not do, after-sales and will not, every time we meet a delegation to the company, we can only pull our designers on. This matter has developed so far that my colleagues in the marketing department can't even drink alcohol!

What kind of market do you don't know how to drink?

Lao Chen and I were called to accompany the wine, I didn't know how much wine I drank after a game, the whole person fluttered and couldn't walk, painted a big S on the ground, Lao Chen took a taxi to send me downstairs to my newly rented house, I stumbled upstairs, stumbled and twisted the door, how the key poked into the keyhole can't open the door, I was anxious, kicked and screamed.

The door slammed open, and I took two steps into the room, looked at the key in my hand drunkenly and said, "That's weird! I dragged my body that was about to collapse, shuffled towards the bed, pulled over the quilt and closed my eyes and fell asleep, and when I woke up, there was a strange man beside me.

"Ah......h