It's the afternoon of the 28th, and the diary I wrote yesterday is all gone for some reason.

I wanted to write it all over again......

But a diary is a matter of mood.

Repeat it, and the mood will change.

Maybe it's providence.

In the diary of the 27th, I will forget what I wrote in a few days, and no one in the world will know what I have written.

Even I have to forget, doesn't that mean that I forget apricots?

That's impossible!!

Maybe another hour, or two...... Apricot will give me the answer, whatever the answer is, I will gladly accept it, and I will never force her to do anything she is not willing to do, even if she rejects me. I will bless her as well.

It's just that she shouldn't know it now, and the person I'm talking about is herself. If she knew, would she have agreed to me? I'm not going to tell her, though. I just wanted to know if she had any feelings for me. I don't need to mix in anything else......

Ostrich Diary 04-03-28

It was a hard day.

In the morning, Xing said to give me the answer after waking up.

For this answer.

I was out of shape all day.

kept walking around, or was in a daze at the computer, but couldn't type a word, and was scolded by readers on QQ...... Hey, it's annoying.

Await......

I've always been good at waiting, so why am I so impatient this time?

It's only been a short day.

Am I really so desperate for answers? What if the answer isn't what I'm looking for? Or am I really itching to be with Apricot?

Actually, I've prepared for the worst, and I've bumped into so many relationships in the past few years, and none of them are long-lasting. But every relationship is a good beginning and a good end. I just hope that between me and Apricot. Just don't make a fuss very unpleasant.

At night, she didn't pay for her mobile phone because it rained and didn't come to the Internet.

She asked me to keep buying lottery tickets. I understood that she asked me to chase her......

Honestly.

This result was unexpected to me.

The lotus flower is very good to me, and I can feel it. She has put herself in the role of my girlfriend...... Although I have never brought it up so formally and directly.

What I originally thought of was that if Xing rejected me, I would die and let Lotus continue to be my girlfriend.

If Xing agrees with me, I will immediately make it clear to Lotus.

But now. What should I do?

My gut tells me. It should be made clear with the lotus. Because I really didn't think that I would be with her, that we would have a future...

But I didn't dare to speak, did I hurt her too much? She's immersed in the joy of my girlfriend's role?

What kind of excuse should I make. Give her a hint. Let her know the difficulties and retreat?

Ostrich Diary 0-03-2 Rainy day

It's raining so hard today.

But I'm so happy.

Because Little T and Little finally started eating. Haha, I'm so excited.

Maybe it's the nervousness of home, now I'm happy easily. It's also easy to be unhappy.

I just saw an interview with a writer in my artistic life, Zhang Yueran, step is not smoke...... And my favorite Yan Ge......

It turns out that sensitivity is a common trait for all people who are engaged in academic work. And great joy and sorrow is a gift.

I asked Xing to have breakfast with her, but she turned me down.

I just called her phone, turned it off, probably she was sleeping, and she was afraid that I would disturb her, right? She didn't have to, as long as she told me I was afraid of being disturbed, I wouldn't disturb her.

For the future of me and Xing, I am full of confusion.

Perhaps, the decision is not up to me, not to her, but to God.

Providence cannot be violated!

If God really thinks that we don't have a chance, I won't force it.

I have so much to do besides feelings, and I have too many responsibilities.

My aunt talked to me a lot that night, she was a very thoughtful person, and I enjoyed talking to her, really, she understood what I said, and I was very happy. If only she were my mom.

My aunt encouraged me to study and offered to sponsor me, and although I declined her sponsorship, I was still moved. Maybe I should really go to school. I'm only 22 years old now, and if I change the youth on my ID card to 20 or 1 year old, no one will be able to see it.

I can't just play the life of the world every day like this, right?

Besides, I will have a home in the future.

Home, for me, is too far away......

I'm really going to read. I'm going to sign up next year because I'm going to save up for tuition this year. Hey, who told me to spend money without moderation, and I spent all the money I earned. Otherwise, I would have been able to sign up in time for this year. But anyway, I don't want my aunt's money, and I can't take money from my mother, either mine or her own. If I want to study, I can only work hard to earn money within this year!

Actually, I'd love to study with me......

I asked her tentatively, she didn't say anything, and I could see that he thought he was not young, and it was probably not realistic to go to school now, right? Maybe only a neurotic person like me would want to go to school at the age of 22, but before, it was I who ruined my beautiful ex.

Apricot has a saying that is very true, everyone has his reasons for doing things!

I missed it before, and I knew very well in my heart that my reason was so helpless!

No one understands the heartache every time I go to a college campus......

I don't know what Apricot thinks, but I know she's a person with a lot of potential. So I actually hope that she will go to study and further her studies, instead of being like she said, the low ones are unwilling, and the high ones are afraid of being tired, so they can't be high or low!

It's a pity that I have to find a way to pay for my own tuition, otherwise I will definitely persuade her to go to school with me, and her tuition will be paid by me.

Money, sometimes I really think it's important.

Really, really, really want to go to school.

This morning, I went to Stone Peak Park again.

The confession of two dimes, I think, Xing should understand my feelings for her very well. Unfortunately, she still didn't say anything......

And the lottery, maybe I'm really in the middle of it, and I don't have two lottery tickets. Ay. One of them can also be kept as a souvenir, but what about the other? What do I use to comfort my wandering heart?

Paper boats and turtles......

Apricot also knows today. Still didn't say anything. Just say that it takes time to think about it. I don't really know what to do anymore. Originally, I was going to ask Lotus to come out today, and then tell her clearly that I have someone I like, so I can only say I'm sorry......

But when I saw her, I couldn't speak.

Lotus is really a very good girl, although she is not very beautiful, but in addition to this, she really has all the advantages of a good girl. However, beauty is not a very important criterion for me to choose a mate. It stands to reason that Lotus and I should be together as a matter of course. She is very good to me, we walk together, she will take the initiative to hold my hand, she actually helps me support when it rains, and even eats with her...... She insisted on asking my opinion on getting a haircut, and I always said that she was hungry and lazy to cook, so she started to learn to cook. If I don't message her, she'll send me a message. And very euphemistically, don't forget to send her a message if you have time, because she is thinking about me.

Such a good girl, but I have been hurting her.

I feel very bad, really bad and bad, why don't I harden my heart and tell her directly, I don't like you, you don't waste time and feelings.

Why don't I say it?

Is it really that I'm afraid of hurting her? But wouldn't dragging it out hurt her more? Or do I have a very selfish and dirty idea in my heart? If Apricot rejects me, then at least there is a lotus flower that can give me some comfort......

I'm scared. I hate myself for thinking like that.

Why would you want to drag an innocent girl between me and Apricot?

That damn blind date?

I wish I had never dragged her into the water!

I'm sorry for apricots, I don't know if it's good. But I care about her very much in my heart, she has always been a very good girl in my heart, and I don't know how long I have liked her. But I can be sure that she has always been a very good presence in my heart.

In the past few years, I have reflected on myself, improved my shortcomings, and made myself more mature and stable.

If someone asks me who is the best for me among the people I know, that person must be my grandfather, but if I am asked who has the best personality, it is Xing, at least in my heart!

If Apricot has a partner now, I will never pester.

Because I respect her more than I love her.

So it makes more sense to me to bless her than to have her. But now she is not doing very well. The emotional state is blank, the work is not very smooth and very tired, life is also a mess, not to mention chubby, the physique is still very poor, I am out of breath after walking a few steps, and it is even more difficult to climb the mountain.

Seeing her like this, I really feel distressed.

If she is happy, even if I never see her in my lifetime, I am willing.

But she ......

I just wish I could make her happier, happier, healthier.

I care about the people, and I must live happily.

Hehe. I suddenly had an evil thought.

If she agrees to be my girlfriend, I'll go on a date with her every time I go in the future. All take her to climb the mountain. Ha ha...... It is estimated that she is going to vomit blood!

If she rejects me, I think, I will probably have a hard time facing her in the future. Maybe just keep in touch with your phone.

And, if I really have a relationship with the lotus. I won't have a tugging relationship with any girl anymore. Whether it's to avoid suspicion or to avoid embarrassment. I'm supposed to keep my distance from apricots, shouldn't I?

Apricot, whether you decide to be with me or not, you must make yourself happy and healthy. You know? If one day you will see these words that I have written, then please remember.

Maybe I won't chase you and wait for you for a long, long time, but my love for you will last for a long, long time...... Until a generation......

No matter how far you and I will develop in the future, you are my most important friend, and the confidant I care about the most!

When you say these words, it is definitely after you give me the answer.

If you don't read these words as my girlfriend, then please remember that in the future, we will slowly disappear from each other in our lives......

But this love will always be remembered!

Ostrich, forever in love with that stupid turtle!

Today I bought a big box for Little T and Little as a "home". I also found a lot of beautiful pebbles, as well as snails...... A simple home is all it takes. Tomorrow I will dig a few loaches and catch a few small fish back, and it will be very neat, a relatively finished ecological environment.

By the way, look for some algae like duckweed.

Hey, oh my God, I went to the city on purpose, and I forgot to buy the turtle beam.

Damn apricot, you don't even remind me.

Hum!

Hehe, the big one is called small T, and the small one is called small. In the future, Little T can bully Xiao. Wahaha~~~~

Little T, step on, step hard, flat, hard flat. Be fierce with the little ones.

Hahaha

It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon, and Apricot said she'll give me an answer after work.

In other words, if there are no accidents, in a few minutes or a little longer, I can end my inner anxiety and hesitation.

Really, I'm completely at a loss for myself!

I don't know what the answer is......

Apricot has never been anything to me.

However, I really want to join her for the rest of my life.

There is a saying called holding hands and growing old together.

This is the love I yearn for.

It is also the love and lifelong commitment I hope to give to Xing.

It's as if I've never told her in person that I like her, and I haven't made any promises to her, but I always urge her to give me an answer, and I guess I'm going a little too far.

But the apricots are the apricots of my heart.

Whatever her answer is.

I'll take it for granted. And, bless her!

I don't want to give her any promises, because I can't be sure of anything myself, how can I make a promise to her? What will happen in the future, no one knows. Being able to be together is fate, I will cherish it, we can't be together, we are still friends.

I went to my grandmother's funeral today, although she is the grandmother of our Yi family, but to be honest, because I usually don't have much contact, I don't have any special sadness about her death.

It's just that I know that on the fourteenth (or thirteenth) day of the first lunar month, my grandmother and I went to pay New Year's greetings to my grandmother, and she was still in good spirits at that time, and she ate well, except for a little Alzheimer's disease......

In just one month, she passed away.

Today, while waiting for the results, I really feel the helplessness and impermanence of life. I've been through so much and endured so much, and now I've finally found something I wanted to cherish, just when I was just learning to cherish.

But I didn't have that chance.

The noon lotus made a big joke on me, and later said that it was for me to celebrate April Fool's Day in advance.

I'm really, hehe, so angry that I have nothing to say.

I really hope that I am also savoring the mood of April Fool's Day now.

Unfortunately I know, no.

I want to escape from reality so much, but that doesn't mean I can't see reality.

Reality, maybe really too realistic. Ideal things will never be encountered in reality.

Menu...... Sms...... Inbox ...... Options...... Delete all

Yes OR No?

After a moment of hesitation, I simply clicked yes!

Text messages can be easily deleted, but can you feel it in your heart?

Is it okay to feel love, and to feel pain?

I really want to erase all my memories...... Leave only a blank slate!