I even had a warm experience with the boy about what it means to be *. Of course, this kind of experience, without any psychological preparation and love morality, is destined to be boring and heavy, and it is also destined to bring harm.

During that time, although it was not long, she had a miserable life, on the one hand, she wanted to try to forget this boy, she had a good-looking face, but her heart was extremely pale. At least in retrospect, that's what Wuji thought. But the flesh is inexplicably implicated in some kind of inextricable involvement.

After a few days or a while, I would involuntarily want to go to him, talk to him with some light and tasteless conversation, walk down the street together, have a snack, and then tacitly wander to the place where he lived, in his dark and cramped little room, recklessly and clumsily, groping for bitter love. She had never felt pleasure, not at all.

Every time she walked out of the building of the black hole gate, she was tired, and her heart was full of sores, the kind of pus and water festering, and even she herself was very disgusted with her body, this disgust and disgust could make her free from this love for a while, and forget about this boy for a while. This aversion is a cure for lovesickness. Disgusting himself, disgusting him, disgusting everything that happened.

You can't even think about him, the soft corners of his mouth, the two soft lips that look like some kind of shellfish, when he kisses him, he can't help but get goosebumps all over his body. Then in a kind of silence, the celestial procedure is carried out until it is completely over, and they fall into the guilt of emptiness together. At this time, it is more appropriate to break up quickly and hastily instead of hugging each other tightly.

Because at this time, the other party feels that he is hateful and shameful, and the butterfly feels that he is mean and boring. They didn't even have the courage to look at each other together in the light. Because every glance does not make them attached and loved, but blames and repents. The reason is simple, they are all too young, they know that they are too young, many things, they can do, but they can't bear the responsibility.

She never made any sound. He never knew to ask her if she felt anything. She felt strangely obsessed with the sensation of his mollusk's lips touching hers, the strange sensation of goosebumps, not the chaos of his pestle stabbing deep into her soul and blowing up a hornet's nest.

Suddenly, one day, the boy said to her, "I want to marry you."

Wuji fled in a panic. What she remembered most about boys in her life was not their love, or their trial love, but the picture of fleeing in a hurry, disheveled, with messy hair flashing out of the dark room, her eyes still red with excitement, and her cheeks were bright because of the burn, and she looked like a prostitute.

Then I never saw the boy again, and I couldn't even remember what his name was: Ling Jie, or Jie Ling?

Isn't life very paradoxical, the man of your first night, you can't even remember his name. Not only did he not remember his name, but even his appearance was gradually buried in the sand. The years were covered by layers, and she only remembered that he had two soft and smooth lips like shellfish, and a faint smell of bad breath, and something else, dissipated......

Later, she quickly got acquainted with Fan Fan, and then fell headlong into the bottomless abyss of love - this love was fascinated, but the butterfly clearly knew that she was in love with this stout man all her life, loved his eyes, loved his kisses, loved his touches, loved his whispers in her ear, and loved everything he did for herself. Many passionate nights, when she woke up in the crook of his arm, she thought: should I marry him, should I marry him, should I really marry him?

At least, Butterfly did put the matter of marriage and living with a man in her mind, and she did put it in her mind, and she would turn it over and think about it from time to time.

She even once firmly believed that she would definitely marry him, and this life would be him. Thinking about this, she feels happy and satisfied.

At that time, she was still in college, but she was already thinking about getting married. Dad was completely in the dark, not knowing his good girl at all, and after a pheasant and an ignorant little boy for a while, he met another man like lightning, and was ready to want to fly with him.

Dad's grand life plan for her included going to graduate school, taking the Ph.D., and then working hard to become an excellent, eye-catching, and respected woman, a female doctor, a female writer, and a female scientist,...... Only these are not included. He had been captivated by her innocent and studious appearance. When he sobered up, Fan Fan stood in front of him and told him that he wanted to marry his daughter.

At that time, it was not the butterfly that was stunned, but the father.

For a long time after leaving Fan Fan, Butterfly seems to be back on track, gradually realizing her father's expectations for her. She herself has become more and more aware of her own essence, it turns out that she is not suitable for marriage, or even for living with a man, in short, not for a man.

At one point, she even felt that she was, perhaps, suitable for people of the same sex.

She was very attentive to Fang Yun at that time, and even there would be her shadow in her dreams, that kind of vague and unspeakable dream, every time she woke up, her palms were cold. She secretly hid it in her heart and didn't say anything to anyone.

In any case, the appearance of diving birds did make the butterfly involuntarily and hopelessly fall into the quagmire again. She originally thought that she was beyond the world and could laugh at life, but things were obviously not so simple.

If fate doesn't want to let you go, it won't let you go. No matter where you are, you will put individuals by your side. Get along day and night, Ren is to make the butterfly whose heart is like stagnant water rise again.

If you want to say that there is no rebellious plot in the butterfly's adolescence, when she is almost middle-aged, she will all show up.

In the matter of the diving bird and his mother, her stubborn temper and stubborn conceit made her make a decisive decision, and suddenly she chose to leave the diving bird that she had been thinking about for so many years, and even gave birth to the kite alone without his knowledge.

These reckless decisions were just because she felt that she could not see his efforts, so she naturally assumed that he had made a choice.

She left the diving bird because she had received some kind of shock in her heart, which destroyed her hard-built faith in love, and suddenly collapsed.

Author's Quotes:

At the beginning of this volume, it is about a middle-aged butterfly, but the opening paragraph is an overview of the first half of her life, and the whole novel tells the life story of a woman in the magic capital.

The whole novel is divided into three volumes, the first volume is "Single Father", "Diving Birds and Butterflies" is the second volume, and "The Living Butterfly" is the third volume. The first volume was published separately, and the last two volumes were combined into a single book. Here the author explains, the first volume is about the life of butterflies when they were young and in their first love, and friends who don't understand can go to see another "Single Father".