What is it like to find out that you like a man?

From struggling to resigning to fate, it must have been a very painful process.

Especially, I like that kid.

In the upper circles, the good of broken sleeves is a kind of "elegance", and before that, I definitely didn't have such a bias, and even a little disgusted.

Nothing is more important to me than my ambition.

I worked hard to learn martial arts, practiced the art of war, and only wanted to get ahead and build a career. Everyone says that I am the eldest son of the Yan family, the future patriarch of the Qiu clan, but my father is just a small Sanpin Taichang Siqing, and in this capital full of powerful people, it is nothing at all.

Even just being the captain of the Imperial Guard can crush me to death.

I was very unwilling and unconvinced, but there was nothing I could do.

until I met him - Qi Yixuan.

I don't know how he did it, but I think I've worked hard since I was elected to the guard, and I never dared to slack off. However, it was this kid who made me fall into the eyes of the emperor and thus get the opportunity to make contributions?!

At first glance, he looks like a hanger, a typical gentleman, and my brother is really first-class.

I look down on my brother.

He has been raised by my mother, a boy who only knows how to raise birds and crickets and visit the flower building, is destined to be the waste of the family.

Who can be a good person who can mix with my brother?

But it was this Qi Yixuan, who seemed to only be "whiskering and patting horses", he fell into the eyes of the emperor and became a celebrity in front of the emperor in one fell swoop.

Although I don't like him very much, I don't show it, after all, he helped me and can be regarded as my "benefactor". I also thought that in the future, when I made great achievements, I would definitely help him in his troubles, and give him a way out.

However, as I got in touch with him for a longer time, I suddenly realized that under the appearance of a game world, he had a crystal heart, holy and beautiful.

In his seemingly thin body, there is a shocking power hidden.

The "surprises" again and again made me realize that Qi Yixuan was much "better" than I imagined, even above me.

For the first time, I admired someone.

I don't understand, how can there be such people in this world? It looks quite improper, but in fact, he is wise and foolish, just like a wise man in the world.

Gradually, a slight change arose in my heart.

I didn't realize it when I realized that I was possessive of a man and didn't want more eyes to fall on him, wanting to hide him and leave him alone with me.

I just think that I probably think of him as a "brother".

Until that time, that joke ......

When everyone was joking and pushed Captain Liu in front of me, I knew that this was a "game", in fact, I wasn't so angry at first, I just felt that Qi Yixuan's idea was too rancid, and when Captain Liu took off the things on his masked eyes and knew who the object of his confession was, he would definitely want to put Qi Yixuan's sack.

But when Chief Liu really blushed and said those words, I suddenly thought that it would be good if you were the one who confessed to me......

At that time, I was so frightened by my own thought that I managed to stay up until the end of the party and immediately left the scene.

It's just that afternoon, the taste was a little uncomfortable.

Later, I still couldn't hold back, so I got off duty and went to find him.

As a result, he happened to be talking to the eldest prince, and at that scene, I didn't know how I got angry.

When they broke up, I blocked him without saying a word, and "beaten" him.

It's not so much a "beating" as it is venting your emotions.

I felt "fear" - how could a perfect man like me possibly fall in love with another man and become the wave that I was once ashamed of?

It's hard for me to accept.

I ran away and didn't want to see him again.

However, there are some things that cannot be escaped by escaping - I like him, and even I can't control myself.

Yan Shi found me and said that someone was "selling" Qi Yixuan's life.

Yan Shi and I used to be classmates, and we know each other somewhat, so he vaguely knows that I have someone in my hands.

That day, I had to go to him.

He still had that grinning face, and said with a smile: "Huh?! My life is only a thousand taels of silver?! I'm also a prince, right? ”

I was helpless.

He said: "It's really less, I'm worth a thousand taels of gold no matter what, right?" ”

"Is your life important, or is your money important?"

"Uh......" he touched his nose, "I just think my life is too worthless." ”

"Huh! A thousand taels of gold buy you a life, and you are worth it? ”

I was kind and came to worry about his life, but he reacted like this, how could I feel good in my heart?

Suddenly there was a feeling that I had kindly fed the dog.

I was angry and wanted to beat him up again.

Of course, in the end, he didn't do it, because he accidentally mentioned that "game".

That kind of mood came to my mind again, and I couldn't wait to pinch the guy in front of me, who was still ignorant, but touched my heartstrings.

Why can't I sleep at night for this matter alone, but he is completely unaffected?

So, I said, "I have someone I like." ”

He was a little surprised, and looked at me from beginning to end: "Isn't it, you actually have someone you like?!" Tai'an, I can't see it, you kid has always followed the rules, and you don't look like the kind of person who will carry his back to the family and secretly hook up with other people's little girls outside. ”

He took the initiative to get closer and asked curiously who I liked.

He also helped me come up with a bad idea, saying that if I really like it, I can actually discuss it with my family and marry the person I like. After all, life is in the world, but it is only a hundred years, it is rare to meet a favorite one, if you miss it like this, you may regret it for a lifetime.

As for identity or something...... Love me

"Actually, I think that really capable men don't look at this kind of thing. Moreover, your Qiu family is also a big family, even if you marry a civilian woman, it won't have much impact on your family......"

"Even for this girl, if she wants to jump over the class and deal with the ladies and daughters in the aristocratic circle, she may suffer a little loss. But whether she can stand firm, in addition to you having to give her enough confidence, she also has to have confidence herself. I take the liberty to ask you, do you think this girl can afford to be the housewife of the Qiu family? ”

"Why do you think of me like that? Am I wrong? Oh, don't stop talking, I'm helping you with ideas, the key is what you think. If you don't say it, how can I help you? ”

……

Listening to his words, my heart was cold.

Who does he think he is, and who can he help me?

And there is speculation that some common girl, what widow, even the little children have come out. I burst into anger and yelled, "You idiot, I like you!" ”

Until this moment, I could feel a shackle on my body being opened.

I sighed in my heart: I lost!

Since that has been said, there is nothing to hide. And he looked just surprised, not like angry.

So, I dissected my feelings and told him how much I liked him.

I hugged him, kissed the top of his hair, and I told him, "Don't worry, I will protect you and won't let anyone hurt you." ”

His reaction, what do you say?

Although I always avoided talking about it, wanted to avoid it, and even persuaded me to "marry a wife and have children" and live a normal man's life, it seemed a little "cool", but for me, it became a comfort.

Because he didn't get angry, he didn't think I was disgusting, and he didn't turn away from me because of it.

I don't know what the future holds, but I don't think I'll regret being treated to him like that.

But I didn't expect that he would actually lie to me - many years later, he was asked to support the throne of God with his own hands, and after more than ten years of being emperor, by chance, I learned about his daughter from Tuoba Jun.

What the?!

Qi Yixuan turned out to be a woman?!

My eyes widened in disbelief.

On the other side, Tuoba Jun noticed that he had slipped his mouth, and was a little embarrassed: "Ahem! That one...... Shall I avoid it first? ”

He glared at Tuoba Jun and gritted his teeth: "You guy, how many times have I told you, keep it secret, that's how you help me keep it secret?!" ”

"That...... Isn't it time for your menstrual affair to come, I just want to remind you that eating this kind of cold is not good. ”

"Tuoba Jun—"

"You talk first, I'll go out first." Tuoba Jun fled as if he had left the cabin.

On the other side, Qi Yixuan smiled flatteringly: "That...... Actually, I wanted to tell you, but I never found the opportunity. ”

I was expressionless: "Hehe! ”

"Really! Tai'an, I swear, I really wanted to tell you the truth, but I never got the chance. When you liked me before, you always liked me as a man, and I was afraid that if I told you, if you turned your face against me, the boat of our friendship would capsize......"

He tried to explain, but I knew he was trying to cover it up.

Because I know with him that he is a man and I haven't let go, he has become a woman, will I let go?

Especially when he was fighting for the throne, if he was his daughter, it would be impossible for me to put him on the throne and canonize him as my queen, so that he and I would be on an equal footing, and it would be more likely to share the country.

He didn't tell me the truth, it was just selfishness.

"Huh!" I sneered, I felt that I should be angry, and should throw this woman who was full of lies and wanted to continue to fool me at such a time.

But I didn't, I couldn't do it.

I have liked it for so many years, I can even give up the throne, and in the end, even the official can be improper, just to be able to travel thousands of miles of rivers and mountains with him, day and night.

Even those peepers put up with it, how could I possibly do it?

"Qi Yixuan, in your heart, what am I?" In my heart, there is a trace of sadness.

I don't understand, I have given so much, I don't think I'm sorry for him in the slightest, how can he do this to me?

That feeling of powerlessness made me feel fear, even more terrifying than when I found out that I liked a man.

Although my life has not been smooth, as long as I want to do something, there is nothing I can't do. I met him and planted two big heels in a row.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't try to lie to you......" He stepped forward and grabbed my hand, as if trying to reassure me.

I froze there, staring at his hand and feeling a little funny: at such a time, he was embarrassed to touch me? Is his cheekiness used in this kind of place?

"I've never lied to you except to hide that I'm a daughter, I swear." He raised a hand, bent down, and brought his face in front of me so that I could see his eyes clearly.

It's very sincere, but I don't know whether to believe it or not.

"Tai'an, listen to me first, think about it yourself, when you and I first met, what was the situation of the Qi family? At that time, I didn't have a younger brother, and I was the only one in the Qi family, and my father and mother were also raising me as a boy to appease my grandmother. ”

"But one wrong step is a wrong step, and there is no turning back. To the former emperor, I am the sin of deceiving the king, the one who wants to cut off the head, and the disaster of exterminating the clan. What do you think of that situation, dare I say? ”

"Yes, when the emperor passed away, I had a chance to say it. But at that time, Jun, the three princes, you, and several waves of people were fighting for the throne, and only I could suppress all of you and calm the war, so as not to harm the people of the world. If I had said that I was a daughter at that time, would you have put me on the throne so smoothly? ”

"I like to sit in that position or not, you know that. In the past ten years, I have been conscientious, abiding by my duties, and not daring to have a trace of relaxation, so as to create a prosperous crape myrtle. ”

"When my brother grew up, the first thing I did was to leave the throne behind. When I leave, I don't go by myself, but I also have a reminder to inform you so that you can prepare...... Whether you want to go with me, or stay in the capital and enjoy the high-ranking officials, you can choose for yourself. ”

"If you choose to stay, I will never bother you again; But I'm lucky that you all chose the latter. In this life, I can't repay it," Speaking of this, he stood up, bowed deeply to me, and said, "Only for the rest of my life, I am willing to accompany you, walk all over the rivers and mountains, and enjoy the spring breeze for thousands of miles." ”

Something stirred deep inside me, because I knew that he was not lying, and that the choices he had made were already trying to make the "best choice" as he said he would.

He was still the same young man he was back then, his mood was pure, and he didn't want to hurt anyone.

I said, "Really? ”

"Hmm!" He smiled lightly, "If you don't believe it, give you a dagger, and if you have any dishonesty, you can take my head at any time." ”

"Okay, I want you to engrave the gold words with your own hands."

"Okay, don't lose your word."

……