Gu Xinyuan cut off all ties with her high school days, and began her senior year of review life, studying harder and mechanically, as always, there is no goal for the clouds, and there is still no plan for the future, but for her parents' requirements, she meets them all - no longer spend time reading comics, no longer waste time making friends, and always pay attention to keeping a distance from boys, slowly she forgets all the things that have nothing to do with studying, friendship, and love......

That's right!

She hypnotized herself over and over again, telling herself that she must persevere, that she must plan for her future, that she must not be as muddy as the previous year, and that she must spend all her time studying, but, after saying it 11,000 times, she felt that her heart was still involuntarily chaotic, she could never settle down, she could not concentrate, and she still kept forgetting what she had memorized. She feels as if she is afraid of success, afraid of failure and seems to subconsciously crave it, she is sick every day in the entanglement and pain, living with the flow in a daze, every breath is extremely heavy, every time she thinks as if she has experienced a reincarnation, no matter how much she thinks, she still can't get an answer, she can only contradict in pain, and suffer in contradictions. It's just that in the face of this contradictory pain, she can't say it and doesn't want to say it, just because no one wants to look at her, let alone listen to her......

"What are you doing?" Wu Feifei twisted his eyebrows and looked at Gu Xinyuan who was lying on the bed with disgust, and his tone was very impatient, "When I get home, I know to sleep, I let you review, but I don't let you sleep!" ”

Gu Xinyuan's eyes slowly moved in the direction of his mother, glanced at her by the way, did not speak, and then slowly stood up, took out his book, and looked at it.

"Feet, can you get up a little bit?" Wu Feifei rudely dragged the ground with a mop, and muttered angrily, "Pretending is really a set, do you think you are studying for me?" One by one, if you don't know how to fight, you know that you're angry with me! ”

Gu Xinyuan sneered in her heart, squinted at the mop on the ground, for some reason, she suddenly felt a little funny, but she didn't know what was funny.

"What are you laughing at?" Wu Feifei pursed his lips in disgust, and said angrily, "Just you, I don't think I can get into any university, and I don't expect you anymore." Let me tell you, it doesn't matter what you do in the exam this year, as long as there are two schools that want you, you don't have to pick any majors, you can go! Don't stay home all day and bother me! After finishing speaking, seeing that Gu Xinyuan didn't speak at all, she was even more annoyed, but she didn't know what to find to continue to scold him, sighed weakly, lifted the mop and was about to leave, when suddenly a wonderful topic came to mind, so she put the mop at the door, and threatened in a tough tone: "I told you, you are not allowed to give me early love in school, if, if I heard that you dare to fall in love with me, I have to discount your legs, you know?" If you dare to do anything shameful to me, you won't come through my door, do you hear? Feed! I'm talking to you, don't pretend you can't hear you!"

Gu Xinyuan replied impatiently: "I know, I know, you don't have to repeat it again and again." ”

"Not repeated?" Wu Feifei sneered, "I don't want to repeat it, but you make me worry!" ”

Seeing that her mother was about to mention the incident in her third year of high school again, Gu Xinyuan knew that if she was not convinced now, she would have to listen to her complain again later, so she hurriedly softened her attitude and said softly: "I know, I will never do that kind of thing, don't worry." ”

"Reassured? How can I rest assured? Wu Feifei was obviously unwilling to let go of Gu Xinyuan - it was also an opportunity to relieve her own pressure, she blinked her eyes twice angrily, gasped twice from her nose, and said methodically: "You reassure me!" Tell me about yourself, what did you do in your junior year of high school? Hehe, I'm actually in love with a boy, oops, I blush when I think about it! Tell me about you, why don't you know how to ask for face? You're a girl, how can you be so shameless? How can I get married in the future? Just like you, sooner or later there will be times when you regret it! Don't be unconvinced, I tell you that if you don't listen to your parents, you will suffer in front of you. ”

"Can you please stop mentioning that every time?" Gu Xinyuan covered her ears and rubbed her forehead vigorously, she really didn't want to quarrel with her mother, because every quarrel would only make her reputation worse in the village.

"I'll mention it!" Wu Feifei pursed his lips and said angrily, "Can you do what I can't say?" If I don't remind you to remember the lesson, I don't know how many you've talked about it now! How important a girl's reputation is, why don't you understand? ”

"Hehe, I really don't understand!" Gu Xinyuan raised his eyes to look at his mother and said coldly, "Because, no one ever taught me what a girl's reputation was when I was a child!" ”

"You-" Wu Feifei frowned and glanced at Gu Xinyuan, pursed his lips a little angrily, his eyes were red, as if he had been greatly wronged, he stood there silently, and after a long while, he complained with tears: "Why do you always talk about things from the past?" Do you think I'm willing to go out and work? I don't want to leave my homeland if I have the slightest solution! Did you know that every time you say that, it's like stabbing me in the heart? Ay! Children are sinful karma, and I really did a great sin in my previous life before I could have children. If I knew that you were all so disobedient, I shouldn't have given birth to you, not any of you! Every word she said was gritted and full of resentment and regret.

I also want to ask, why did you bring me to this world of pain! It's a joke, too ridiculous!

Gu Xinyuan lowered his dead and godless eyes, and the whole person leaned on the desk, his calm expression seemed to be numb without any ripples.

"Look at your brother," Wu Feifei said while crying, "It's not angry at all, but because you can't catch up with girls, you won't go to school, how useless is this?" ”

"I don't know, don't ask me." Gu Xinyuan didn't want to discuss her brother with her mother anymore, because she knew that her mother only wanted her to scold her brother together.

"You're both the same, useless thing!" Wu Feifei snorted coldly, wiped away his tears that did not play the expected role, and gritted his teeth and said, "I look at me, I won't count on you in the future!" Hmph, I just hope that the two of you don't harm me and your dad in the future. Hmph, but no one of you wants to be like those uncompetitive young people in the village, I won't let others bully me, and you don't want to worry about my house and money! ”

Gu Xinyuan shook his head and said speechlessly, "What is this?" What money do you have? Just this house? And you don't know when you will be able to demolish the house? ”

Wu Feifei sneered: "It's really nice to say now, I'm afraid that when I see the money, I won't say so." ”

"I don't want it, okay? I don't want anything. Gu Xinyuan swore an oath.

"Humph!" Wu Feifei glanced at Gu Xinyuan, and said angrily, "Originally, according to common sense, you don't have the right to inherit the family property, it doesn't matter if you swear or not." ”

Gu Xinyuan only felt that his heart was a little colder, and he didn't have the heart to argue with Wu Feifei about anything, so he was silent.

"By the way," Wu Feifei seemed to suddenly remember something, "are you about to take the exam again?" ”

"Three months to go." Gu Xinyuan replied lightly.

"Yikes! Is it so fast? Wu Feifei sighed and finished speaking, his face changed, and he struck again, "I'll tell you, this is the last chance, if you can't pass the second book, you are not allowed to repeat it, if you keep repeating it, there is no end at all!" Besides, if a girl wants to get married sooner or later, she doesn't necessarily have to go to any university! ”

Gu Xinyuan said indifferently: "Okay, I know." After saying that, she lowered her head and continued to rummage through her books, hoping to get rid of her mother who wanted to talk about it again.

Wu Feifei saw Gu Xinyuan lowering her head and pretending to read again, she was even more unhappy, she said with some annoyance: "When you talk to people, you don't know how to look into other people's eyes, it's so rude, I really don't know how your grandmother taught you!" ”

"Whew-" Gu Xinyuan exhaled hard, stared at Wu Feifei with frowns, and asked, "What do you want to do?" Do you want me to read, or don't you let me? ”

"Did I say no? Study, study hard, don't throw the pot on me when the college entrance examination results come out! Hum! Wu Feifei snorted coldly, picked up the mop, and went downstairs.

"Ha......" Gu Xinyuan exhaled in frustration, ironed the sadness between his brows with his hands, and wrapped his arms around his body with all his might, trying to give himself some warmth, however, everything was just useless......

In the last three months, Gu Xinyuan worked hard every day at the same time, but also tried her best to fight against the panicked heart, as time passed, she deeply understood the phrase "the more empty the carriage, the louder the noise", she felt that the more empty her heart, the more panicked her actions, and gradually felt that she could not see herself more and more, and she could not see love more and more.

"Even if there is only one person, you have to push forward, and if you work hard, it will definitely pay off," she thought. But in fact, before she even knew it, she had already been trapped in place, watching the distance between herself and her friends getting farther and farther away, and the fear and loneliness hidden in her heart were revealing more and more of its hideous face......

When she came back to her senses, she found that she had already become a person who was afraid of praise, flowers, and applause, afraid of these collaterals of success, and stupidly afraid of what was the difference between success? How ridiculous is it that a person who runs the road to success is afraid of success and even treats it as a curse? When she finally realized that what she was really afraid of was success, she could only sigh powerlessly but there was nothing she could do, and her family's resentment of failure grabbed both ends of the road of life, and under the pull of back and forth, she was shaking forward and moving forward for a long time, and there was nothing else left in her heart......