Of course I think this thing is right, I'm so stupid, I actually think they think I'm a very proud person, in fact, I'm not that kind of person, I just don't have to give myself more reasons, I don't want to make excuses for this thing.

Lili said: "Actually, I think you are obviously married, and you are completely a stable marital state, and you don't need to take the initiative to say a breakup in this scene, and I think it, you should be able to maintain it, and the other party didn't say any situation, I think you are really too open-minded, and you really sometimes have a taste on this kind of feeling, and the spirit of crying is completely a kind of self-contribution. You can't just give him back your little sister so happily, what if the other party doesn't like it at all? ”

I often sighed and took a sip of wine, I didn't know what I was supposed to do, maybe it was because of my own outpouring personality.

"No, there are some things that you don't have because of my little sister at all, in fact, a lot of things just I feel unwilling, I think I like this very much, I don't want to play this game anymore, so I took the initiative, of course I know that I won't be a citizen mammoth that two of the understanding, and I have my own decisions and choices, and when I decided to give up, in fact, I really only had one reason, because this reason was enough for me to support, because I felt that he didn't love me at all."

Lili said: "But I think if it's just an idea of yours, and there is no personal stance of the other party, don't you think that such a thing is too personal and sensual?" And if you don't say such a thing in person, it's easy to make a mistake in judgment. ”

I smiled wryly.

I said, "Yes, he never said he didn't love me, but he never said he loved me, for one or two people who love each other, do you think that when you fall in love with someone, will you say I love you to the other person, but the other party doesn't, or such a sacred three words, the other party may not have thought clearly and has not had time to say it, so I think maybe this love is not enough at all." ”

"Isn't the other party even having time to say it?"

"Maybe, just maybe, but I just feel that I really don't have a lot of confidence in myself in this relationship, and I think this thing is a kind of reputation for me that I have borne for so many years, in the eyes of many people I am just a bad woman, and I am just a source of selfishness, so if this is the case, why should I really care about it, and in the end I just want everything to come over again, and to the end, I don't want to affect everyone's feelings for each other because of this thing, and I don't want to tear up everyone's promotion because of this thing, I ended up paralyzed, maybe I may at least have a decent experience in this process, but I also know that if he brings it up, then I will really feel that I am a very, very failed person."

I drank immediately after saying this, I feel that my life is really sometimes like wine in my mouth, sometimes I really can't experience a happiness, maybe my character is like this, maybe my character is like this, born to be destined.

It's just like that, why force anyone.

I smiled wryly.

I continued.

"Yes, in fact, I don't like to turn myself into a very passive person, I like to be active, and I know that a marriage relationship between us is entirely because of a neighbor of the family, and we are a family cooperation to promote this marriage relationship, not because he specifically wants to marry me. So it was a mistake from the very beginning, so that things didn't have this love process, you think that if the other party loves me very well, it's simply impossible, at least I can't just deceive myself like this. ”

"And the most important thing is that I now know that Gu Rumeng has come back now, of course I know what this coming back means, it means that I have to quit this game, he will definitely go to Gu Rumeng after he comes back, they used to be such a loving couple, and they are staying for me, this possibility will not be there, so even if he and Gu Rumeng get back together, it will not affect the cooperation of the interests of the two families, so why is the other party afraid in such a situation? No, in such a situation, my family will definitely sit back and enjoy it. ”

"So I don't dare to do it now, I hesitate to do it, because there are many things in reality that force me to make this decision, and since this is the case, wouldn't it be better for me to make this decision? Why bother? I don't have any decency at all. ”

I smiled wryly This is really one of my heartfelt words, it is really a decision I made to leave Qiao Yilong, I want to let this end like this again, and there will be no more waves in the future, from school back to 5 years ago, then Qiao Yilong and Gu Rumeng are still like that, talented and beautiful.

Lili looked at me, took out the wine glass, and after toasting to me, she also said lightly.

"I'll tell you a story Actually, in fact, sometimes there is a thorn that is a hedgehog, hedgehog they are actually a boxing animal, when two hedgehogs who love each other stand together, they sometimes come in winter, especially want to get close to each other and get warm, but when they get close to each other, they hurt each other because of the thorns on their bodies, but if they leave and feel particularly cold, this is a relationship between you and Qiao Yilong, I just guess like this, You may feel that getting close to such a hurt hurts one of your supremes, but do you feel how you are going to spend this long winter? ”

Lili also smiled bitterly after saying this.

"So Gu Ruxi, look at the difference between you and these two hedgehogs now, and you are now exuding a kind of thorn all over your body, you will make people feel that you are very difficult to help you, and it will make you feel very guilty, but it is not because you have done something wrong, not because you have no way to show your cowardice to this matter, but that you are not willing to use such things to prove anything at all, and you even disdain to show that you are a maverick. But you have to pay for your character, lose a lot of things, and this is really a kind of regret that life has taught us. ”

"Yes, in fact, I didn't understand it this way at the beginning, but as the years slowly changed, I don't know why sometimes I am very stubborn, I don't care how others don't understand, I even look at me with a colored eye, but I'm still like this."

Lili laughed and clinked glasses with me.

Lili said: "But I heard you say, in fact, I think there should be so many years between the two of you, and it can be regarded as childhood sweethearts, although you can't talk about two little guesses, but after all, you have known each other since childhood, and there will be more or less a lot of emotional factors in it, not to say one or two strangers, so even if there is a kind of hatred you call it." ”

"yes, I've been thinking about that before, you know? When I got married to two people, I really felt very happy, we used to open our hearts, we used to be able to chat without scruples, we could talk a lot, I think we should go to each other, I used to inexplicably think that he loved me, and only sometimes this job is too blind for reasons, and many things can't be refused, that kind of understanding of me will produce some piles of scandals. ”

Lili looked at me and didn't say anything, but sometimes it was silent that silence was better than silence, and the two of us were clinking glasses with each other.

In fact, I also know that I really seem to be a little drunk, and when my whole tongue wants to express a thing now, there is some nonsense, which is really a good thing, it will make you forget a lot of things, and you can indulge yourself more in this emotion, so I will drink water one by one, I want to let myself choose a very open-minded, I want to forget the sorrow of this time.

Then we ordered two more bottles of whiskey, this one is the acute angle of Russia, and I drank a small glass of pants, and I even felt that I didn't know the south, south, west, and middle.

I drank and I was lying directly on the top of this wine table, I was even already dreaming about this, I seemed to dream in my dream, Qiao Yilong appeared in front of me, and he just stroked my hair with one hand like this, and pinned my hair messy to the root behind my ear.

I even dreamed that he picked me up directly, and his movements were still so gentle and domineering, and covered me with a cover, and I remember that I seemed to kick him viciously, and directly said to him in a very vicious language.

"What are you doing here? I don't want you here, you don't want to dangle in front of me, okay? I told you that we will get divorced, and we will never be in touch with each other again, will you not appear in front of me again? I beg you, or I'll fall in love with you again. ”

I pushed him in a daze, but I suddenly felt that when I was dazed, he was still holding me, and directly on his shoulders, and took me away, I felt that it was a dream, because I felt that I could not see him at this time, this must be the reason why I missed him too much, right?

Yes, this is a dream at this time, in the dream I still vaguely felt that he took me to a hotel apartment, and forced me to drink a lot of tea, and forced me to sleep, I took a pillow and went directly to hit him, but no matter how I tried, but I always felt that I would not follow his method.

I had a daze dream that Qiao Yilong grabbed my hands, and looked at me for a long time, and forced me to lie directly on this sofa, and let me sleep peacefully, and there was a pillow next to me that pressed my hands, as if I had to force me, I had to sleep until I stopped.

I was dazzled and saw that there seemed to be some reference materials next to it, and there were many exam papers, and they were sitting next to me, looking at it seriously, brushing the questions, as if they were doing math problems or application problems, anyway, they were doing it very quickly, and the whole spirit was very focused, and I had to observe it all of a sudden, and I had to brush up on the choices all of a sudden.

This is absolutely wrong, I remember that this test paper was completely taught to me by the teacher, because I am a representative of the English subject, and I usually come to change the paper, so what does he do with the paper, he helps me to correct the paper, this makes me feel that this thing is not very good, I am desperately trying to grab my paper, but I am too weak, I have no strength to resist my dizziness and dizziness all over my body, I am very painful.

I was half asleep.

I knew I was pretending to be asleep, I knew that I was really lying there, I was looking at the paper he was helping me to change, I was observing him through this side, and what a young time it was, what a handsome teenager, this was my first love was my most beautiful and purest relationship.

But I only feel that I am really a very happy person, because I have an illness, I am sick to close to 40 degrees, but I have never felt anything that sometimes feels very painful because of this illness, I feel very sober.

At that time, I thought he really had feelings for me, and I really felt that if I didn't have feelings, how could he help me change this paper? And they would force me to go to sleep, maybe I didn't know why, but I felt the truth at this time.

Is it really my hallucination, is it really a wishful thinking on my part? So he's just here to help me.

If he really fell in love with me, then it didn't mean that Gu Rumeng was so angry and so painful when he left, and almost I really felt that all this pain was put on me.

Yes, I can feel that he hated me for 5 years, so during these 5 years, I was literally a Shura in hell.

Yes, now I have fallen into this strange dream again, and I suddenly feel that the existence of this Qiao Yilong in this dream is really real, and I seem to have felt that he forced me to sleep so many years ago, and forced me to move for others, and I have even touched the temperature of one of his bodies, and I have already felt this faint smell of tobacco and a unique cologne smell.

I was thinking, if I go back to the past, I will not be as stupid as before, I thought this would not be a boy's expression of love for a girl, and back at this time I will definitely tell him, I asked him why he didn't love me at all, why did he give me such an illusion, there is no need to play this kind of ambiguity, this is really unnecessary, we are adults now.

Yes, when you don't love someone, you will have no worries about telling the other person how good it is, you don't need to get any closer to the other person, are you completing this game of two boats?

How much I admired him back then, and how much I hated him for the kind of gentleness he had for himself back then, I really didn't need his selfless help, which would cause me a poison and ****, because I have been sinking in it for so many years.

As soon as I thought of this I was immediately angry, I grabbed his arm hard, I tried to push him away, I yelled at him to leave.

"Go, you go for me, I don't want you to be this kind of indifferent tenderness in front of me, I don't need you to care about me, I want you to leave me forever, I don't need these things!"

In my dream, his appearance was so calm, and his eyes were so cold, it made me feel a feeling of thousands of years of ice.

And I felt that after a long time, he seemed to breathe a sigh of relief in such a situation, and he did not be generous to me, and did not quarrel with me for a day, but gently hugged something of mine, and gently told me to sleep, and sang a lullaby after sleeping.

I really don't feel like I'm having a nightmare, I think I'm dreaming a sweet dream, I really feel like this, Qiao Yilong in the dream is so beautiful, and it makes me feel a kind of greed, really I will sink again without hesitation.

I later I really felt that this lullaby was really too gentle, I really felt that this feeling was really a little tired for me, I was snuggled in his arms, I fell into a deep sleep, I felt very warm, I smelled the smell of that time.

It was a good dream!

Wait until the time you wake up on the 2nd day.

My head was really gloomy, and I was leaning there, and I thought about how I got drunk last night, and I really forgot how I got to this place, I didn't know what kind of skill I was, I didn't think it was Lili who helped me back.

Drinking is really a very scary thing for me, I'm going to be late now, and I'm about to miss a very important thing, and a court session at 9:00 is about to start, and I'm still lying in bed all the time, and it's almost 8:30 now.

In a panic, he rushed directly to the bathroom, it only took a minute to wash and scrub, put on his clothes and hurriedly drove the car, frantically driving towards the court.

When I saw this Lili in the hall, I felt that my sister's appearance was no better than mine, with a haggard look, and this look was very obvious dark circles, and there was some obvious surprise when she saw me.

"Wow, Gu Ruxi, you're just almost late, but why are you in such a good state today, it's like you had a very good sleep last night!"