I'm Lan Ting, born in Shaanxi Province, from the time I was very young and can remember, I knew one thing, that is, I was very beautiful, and this did not come from my blind self-confidence.

It's that it's been praised too much, and it would be hypocritical for me to deny it. When I was a child, I had a messy life, but more time, when I suddenly had a memory one day, I suddenly understood that my life was not very good.

I found that my parents, and other parents, do not seem to be the same, we live in the countryside, looking at the people in the same village next door, each family builds a clean and beautiful house, and looks at the food used by the friends next door.

With this comparison, I realized that our family had a hard time. What I remember most is that in the years before the advent of 9 years of compulsory education, at that time, it was necessary to pay tuition and miscellaneous fees every year, and when I couldn't pay it, the teacher would always urge me again and again.

It was in the teacher's urging and my parents' perfunctory voices that I understood the gap between me and others. Other people's parents can take out the money their children need on time, buy beautiful clothes for their children, and buy delicious meals for their children.

But this is not the case in our family, as far as I can remember, my mother seems to love the mahjong table even more, and she can often stay at the mahjong table all day, while my father is either watching TV at home or playing chess with others under the big tree in the village.

Anyway, my parents didn't seem to have any stable and regular jobs, and I remember that from a very young age, I had to take care of my two younger brothers, and fortunately, both younger brothers were relatively well-behaved.

In my memory, every time it was very late, my mother would come back from the mahjong table of the other leaders, and if she won the money, she would always go and buy a few catties of mutton to live beef, so that our family could blow on the meat.

But when we were unlucky, my mother lost money, so we had to go to my grandparents' house to see if we could find something good to eat.

But we don't always go to my grandparents' house, sometimes we go, and my grandparents secretly wiped their tears and said to me: "Lan Ting, take your two younger brothers home, your uncle and aunt have not given much money recently, and it is really not enough for you to eat." ”

Every time I was driven back by my grandparents, it was the saddest time for me, because I could see that every time my grandparents drove me away, they kept wiping their tears, and if they didn't have anything to eat, my grandparents would never have driven us away.

Sometimes my uncle and aunt would also send money to my grandparents, and when I was in a good mood, my aunt would bring some of my cousin's leftover old clothes for me to wear.

Every time my aunt came with my cousin's old clothes, it was the happiest time for me, because I didn't want these old clothes, and there would be no new clothes for me to wear.

Every time I eat at my grandmother's house, my aunt and grandmother always look at me distressed: "Child, your life is hard, there are such parents in the stall, your father will never go out to make money if he doesn't spend all the money, your mother is in the casino all day long, we want to help you, and my situation is not good, I really can't help." ”

Officially, because of this situation, I learned to be hungry at a very young age, and when I was a child, my brothers and I were often dizzy from hunger, and I learned that it was called low blood sugar much later.

I once asked my father, "Why don't you go out to work to make money, why are other people's fathers making money, as long as you play at home?" ”

My dad always ignored me every time, just kept his head down and went about his own business, and I also asked my mother: "Why do you always have to play mahjong, why can't you cook for me and my brother?" ”

But often I can only get a few words of abuse from my mother, and then I don't dare to ask anymore. But I learned one thing from my aunt, which is to make egg soup, boil water, put two tablespoons of sugar, beat an egg, dig a little lard from the house, and flush it with hot water, it is a delicious egg drop soup, every time my two brothers and I can drink such a big bowl of egg drop soup.

My two younger brothers, one is called Lan Hao and the other is Lan Hong. The second brother is much better than me, I remember that we were still in elementary school at that time, once the school asked us to pay tuition, the family had no money at all, and after being urged by the teacher many times, Lan Hao didn't know where to find a whip.

I heard that this is the whip used by my grandfather when he was young, and he was often used to beat his father, Lan Hao took the whip and walked under the big tree at the head of the village, and whipped it on the back of his father, who was playing chess.

Dad turned his head and saw that it was Lan Hao, and he was also angry at first: "Little beast, what do you want to do?" ”

Lan Hao seemed to have mustered up a lot of courage, and shouted at his father: "You go out to make money for me now, don't play chess here, hurry up and go out for me to make money!" ”

The fellow villager who played chess with his father, when he saw this, immediately understood what the situation was, and immediately persuaded: "Lan Hao's father, go to the construction site for a few days, and pay the tuition fees for the children first." ”

When Dad was still hesitating, Lan Hao's whip was pulled down again, at that time Lan Hao was much shorter than Dad, but Dad was stunned by the whip in Lan Hao's hand, and actually went to work on the construction site.

In fact, Dad is a well-known good critic of putty, when we were very young, Dad could have 80 yuan a day, and at that time, our tuition fee for a semester was only 200 yuan, that is to say, Dad only had to work on the construction site for a week, which was enough for the tuition of our sister and brother for a semester.

But in time, my father always made us shameless when we were urged by the teacher in public, so we would go to work on the construction site.

I heard that it was my grandfather who taught the whip to Lan Hao that day, and told Lan Hao: "When I was young, I always beat your father with a whip, and when I whipped it, your father would move, but now that I am old, I can't beat your father, if you want your father to make money to support you, you can only whip him yourself." ”

Lan Hao took the whip from his grandfather and shed tears. Mom, I heard that after my father was beaten by Lan Hao, he obediently went home and cooked for us, we don't remember how long it took us not to eat my mother's cooking, it turned out that we knew that my mother's cooking was so delicious.

Dad went to the construction site to work for half a month, earned more than 1,000 yuan, the day before the salary, Lan Hao and I were sent to the construction site by my grandfather, the contractor on the construction site is someone my grandfather knows, before my father received his salary, we took all of Dad's salary in advance, Dad just shook his head when he knew, and returned home, more than 1,000 yuan is enough for our family to spend a month, and pay tuition fees can also spend a month.

When I was a child, my grandmother always told me: "Lan Ting, you are a good-looking girl, if you have the opportunity to marry far away in the future, you can help your brother after you get married, if you can't help your brother, don't come back." ”

At that time, I didn't understand why my grandmother always kept me away from home, and I didn't understand until much later, it turned out that my grandmother had already seen clearly, and those bad problems of my parents could never be changed, but unfortunately I knew it too late.

Since I was very young, I learned to do my own laundry, not only my own clothes, but also my parents' clothes, and my two younger brothers' clothes, and I feel so tired every time I do the laundry.

In the winter, the cold water soaked in our hands was red from the cold, but we still had to wash the clothes of the whole family, and the clothes that my brothers and I wore were always given to us by relatives, and it was not until much later that we could buy new clothes for ourselves.

When I was in the first year of junior high school, I met my cousin who was in the second year of junior high school at school, and I happily went to say hello to my cousin, but my cousin pushed me away with a disgusted face: "Why are you embarrassed to come and say hello to me in my old clothes?" ”

I just remembered that the dress on my body was brought by my aunt, my cousin's old clothes, there was even a small patch on it, my cousin didn't like me, I knew it, but why embarrass me in front of so many people?

Although I didn't dare to resist my father and mother, but fortunately, Lan Hao beat my father to work on the construction site every time, and then we had food at home, so we didn't have to let the teacher urge us to pay tuition, every time my father always said to me: "Lan Ting, Dad is too hard, the days of working are too tiring, if you have the ability in the future, let Dad rest at home every day, no need to work, Dad thank you." "Sometimes I feel that my dad is really pitiful.

When we get older and bigger, the ideas of the two younger brothers will be more and more in the future, when we have no money at home, the younger brother will find the place where the mother plays mahjong when eating, and forcibly snatch a handful of money from the mother's pocket and run, in fact, it is not much stronger every time, at most it is five yuan and ten yuan.

But my mother always regarded this matter as a very important matter, and every time she lost money, she always pointed at her brother and scolded: "It's all your fault, you snatched money from my pocket today, and I lost money today." ”

It's so strange, why do we have to bang these reasons all the time? Why does she never say these things when she wins? When I was a child, my two younger brothers and I wanted most to win money, and when my mother won money, at least the family would have food to eat.

Later, when we were in junior high school, my grandfather and grandmother passed away one after another, and before I died, my grandfather always told me: "Lan Ting, grandpa and grandma can't take care of you anymore, you must take care of your two younger brothers in the future, count on your father and mother, your two younger brothers will starve to death." Your two younger brothers have such good academic performance, they will definitely become college students in the future, and they must be trained well. ”

At that time, I was no longer a child, and I also knew that my two younger brothers had such good grades, and as long as I went to a lot of universities in the future, good days would always come at home, so I promised my grandparents that I would definitely support my two younger brothers, grandparents rest assured.

But I'm a girl after all, and after I went to junior high school, more and more boys began to like me, and they would buy a lot of snacks and put them quietly on my desk, and I always took these snacks home, and my two younger brothers never ate these things.

There were also some rich boys, and they would even buy nice clothes and put them on my desk, and although I don't know who put them, I would take them home and wear them every time. Even because of this, I was being pointed at by all my classmates, and I didn't care, they didn't know how happy it was to wear new clothes.

It wasn't until the second year of junior high school that I realized that the boy I had always liked was a boy named Zhang Xiaojun, his family was very rich, but his pocket money seemed to be inexhaustible? He asked me if I would like to be his girlfriend? I'm only 14 years old, and I don't know what a girlfriend is, but Zhang Xiaojun's family is so rich, it shouldn't be a bad thing to be his girlfriend, right?

That's it, I became Zhang Xiaojun's girlfriend since the second year of junior high school, Zhang Xiaojun was really good to me, although I was not used to it at that time, I was always held by Zhang Xiaojun, at that time Zhang Xiaojun always liked to touch me, after all, boys know a little more than girls, in fact, I didn't understand anything at that time, I just felt that I could buy delicious food with money to buy new clothes than Zhang Xiaojun hug, what can't I do?

Until one day, I remember the day we graduated from junior high school, Zhang Xiaojun told me, "You don't want to go home tonight, right?" ”

I looked at Zhang Xiaojun in surprise: "If I don't go home, where can I go?" ”

Zhang Xiaojun told me: "I'll go to the hotel to open a room, you can accompany me there!" ”

I immediately understood that Zhang Xiaojun seemed to want to do certain things, and I told Zhang Xiaojun that we were both too young to do these things.

Zhang Xiaojun told me angrily: "If you don't do it, you will break up." ”

Although I was very scared and reluctant, I still quietly went home, Zhang Xiaojun, because of this incident, I was very angry, after I went to high school, Zhang Xiaojun ignored me anymore.

After I entered high school, although I had caught up with the last few years of compulsory education, my two younger brothers and I were still paying more and more tuition and fees.

In addition, without Zhang Xiaojun buying me clothes, I became the girl who could only wear old clothes again. I always wonder in my heart, maybe it's not a bad thing for me to promise Zhang Xiaojun.

One day in my sophomore year of high school, Zhang Xiaojun suddenly stopped me: "I figured it out, you should be my girlfriend." ”

Then Zhang Xiaojun took me to buy new clothes, and at that time I really felt that as long as someone bought me new clothes, what else should I not do?

Even when Zhang Xiaojun took me to the hotel later, I didn't refuse Zhang Xiaojun, because I felt that if Zhang Xiaojun could be good to me for the rest of my life, why couldn't I be with Chen Xiaojun for the rest of my life?