My name is Chen Zixiang, I am a very important university in Shanghai, a national famous university graduate of the top student, but my current life is not very good, I take one alone, I don't know, not familiar with the place, live my own life, once I had a marriage, but in the end you failed, the end I also had an unforgettable love, but with my betrayal and ended, I know that I am a wrong person, but my final fate is also quite pitiful, I was born in a small county town in Sichuan, and I grew up in an orphanage for as long as I can remember, and they told me that my parents died in a disaster. I don't know when I was a child, there seems to be the shadow of my parents in my vague memory, but what they look like, I have long been unable to enter, I have been in the orphanage for many years, watching a lot of children, some of them were taken away by other people who came to adopt children, and I flowed down, when I was a child, I didn't like to talk very much, but I tried to pretend that I was very cute, but no matter how hard I tried to pretend that I was cute, no one wanted me, I remember when I was a child, there were other children in the orphanage who told me, only pretending to be cute, In the end, those parents will take us away, but I have tried to pretend to be very pitiful, those parents look at me, but only some sympathetic eyes, and have no other thoughts, watching the people around me be taken away one by one, and I can only be destined to stay in the orphanage in the end, because I am as old as possible, to the age of going to school, children of my age, there are very few adopted, our fate is that many people go to school in orphanages, and go out to work when they can't go to schoolIf you're a girl, maybe it's better, but if you're a boy, your fate is even more tragic than a girl.

When I was a child, the only relatives around me, only the mother of the director of the orphanage and a few aunts remained, in fact, the orphanage is not as warm as everyone imagined, many times the mother of the director and those aunts for our life, they are always sad to come, and there are always those disobedient and ignorant children, provoke their bodies, so many times their mood is not very good, although they try to make themselves look kind and kind, but many times they will criticize us, and even sometimes beat us, But I know that they are equivalent to our parents in their hearts, and then we should be, after all, they raised us, and then we were older, we didn't go to kindergarten when we were young, because kindergarten didn't learn anything, so we were sent to primary school when we were eight years old, and when I was in school, I was already older than other children, maybe because we grew up in an orphanage, so we were more sensible and obedient than other classmates, But in the eyes of the teacher, we have always been synonymous with being obedient and sensible.

Although I have never seen my parents, but their curiosity, but I have never heard me ask others about the previous address of my home, I quietly went back, saw my home can no longer see anywhere, but someone else told me that my parents used to be a very loving couple, but later because of the disaster both parents died, only I was born in the family, maybe others said that something very touching happened to me, maybe it was my parents, they sacrificed themselves, In the end, I was saved, but I clearly knew that there was nothing to envy in this kind of life, so that I was burdened with too many mental obstacles, and although my parents kept me strong, they let me live alone in this world, which was more uncomfortable than letting me die, but I didn't dare to die, because I still wanted to live in this world.

When I was a child, I didn't have a rebellious period, but I clearly remember that when we were in the orphanage together, there was an older brother who was a few years older than me, that is, my brother was a very rebellious child, when he grew up to 12 years old, he was against his mother almost every day, every day was hated by every aunt, no one was willing to adopt this child, his academic performance was also very poor, and finally one day when he was not yet an adult, the dean's mother told him that the hanging house could not accommodate him, Let him go outside to live by himself, this brother later brushed dishes in a restaurant, worked every day, very hard, and wanted to return to Yayuan again, he would not accept it without hanging colors, I clearly knew that I must not be like this brother, I also clearly knew that only those children with good academic performance, dean, mother, they are willing to continue to accompany and raise them, so from the first day of school, I studied hard, and my academic performance has always been the best one in the class, Although I can't afford to buy someone else's same, I can't afford such a good-looking stationery box, I can't afford someone else's good-looking homework book, someone else's such a good clothes, our clothes are more often given to us by others, and many times others wear leftovers.

I clearly remember that it was my third grade in elementary school, but one day when I finally got a dress that looked very new, I happily dressed and walked to school, but as soon as I walked to the school, I was stopped by a senior senior, and a group of seniors surrounded me, and felt that my clothes were received, it was strange, this dress was not worn by me at the beginning, don't want it, how can it be worn on her? I don't know how to answer his question, although we orphanage children are also in school, but we will also hide our identities, senior's question, I don't know how to answer, maybe my clothes are really him, the senior pointed to the clothes on his body is not right, and the other classmates said, you see I was right, when I was writing homework with you, I accidentally dripped ink on it, why can't I wash it off? I asked my mom to throw this dress away for me, eh, how can I wear you here? Did you pick it up? I hesitated for a long time, I was still very young at that time, surrounded by a group of senior seniors, I even felt that I couldn't see the sun's rays, and finally held back for a long time, I said to Yang Liu senior that I was an orphan, that is, uncles and aunts sent to the orphanage, I thought I would be humiliated by many people, but I didn't expect the seniors to just touch my head and say oh, it turns out that you are an orphan, then we will send you one more piece of clothing, at that time I was still very young, I don't know what self-esteem is, A lot of times I just felt that I was already very satisfied with having nice clothes for me to wear, and at that time I didn't feel that it was a shame to wear clothes that others didn't want, until much later, when I finally felt that it was a shame, Mother Moon reminded us that we were just a group of people who needed help from others, and we were not qualified to talk about self-esteem with others.

Because my academic performance has always been excellent, the other aunts of the dean's mother, He Xuhua Academy, have always been very good to me, and sometimes I can't help but ask the dean, how can my mother change my own destiny? Although I know that I am not qualified to talk about self-esteem in other copper coins, the clothes I wear are always given to me by others, the clothes I don't want, even the shoes that others don't want, the shoes and even my math fees need to be relieved by others every year, I can pay them, and even the money I eat every day is given by others, but I don't want this, this is a life without self-esteem, I hope that one day I can live with self-esteem, at this time, the dean's mother always touched my head and said, then study hard, That day you are admitted to a better university, when you go to college in other places, no one will know everything about you, in fact, many orphans will quietly send money back after going out, the brother who was sent out to wash the dishes by the dean's mother passed the rebellious period, and will come back quietly every month, giving the dean's mother a hundred dollars, although it is not much, but it never has to be interrupted, the dean's mother knows that the children who are growing up in the second dean care very much about feelings, dizzy, My mother didn't let us admit that we were orphans outside, and the dean's mother always told us that if we admitted that we were an orphan outside, it would be much thinner and discriminatory, so when we were outside, we would rather say that we had a family than that we grew up in the second college.

There are more and more children in the orphanage, from the time I came in, there were many older children than me, and then there were many younger children than me, in addition to going to school every day, we also had to teach those younger brothers and sisters who were younger than us, the dean, my mother told me, when I sang in high school, I had to go to live in junior high school, thank you, the hospital will give me some money regularly, but I can no longer live in the orphanage, I am very scared when I think of this, I don't know if a person can survive outside, sports mom, helped us apply for a lot of benefits, our school tuition is the state has given a lot of exemptions, but our living expenses even if we are thrifty people, always have to spend some money, so since I was a child, I saved more money than others, when I ate in the school cafeteria, when I was in elementary school, the canteen meal was not money, so I always didn't work hard, I ate very much, and when I returned to the orphanage, I could eat less, Because I heard that it will cost money to eat after I go to junior high school, I am so scared, what will I do if I have no money to eat at that time?

I still remember the senior who gave me clothes when I was a child, although they didn't look down on me at that time, but not everyone in the school is as kind as them, there will still be some unkind people pointing at us, they are a group of poor people in a poor family, when I heard this, I don't know how to refute him, it is true that I am a poor egg, I don't even have parents, I am naturally a poor egg, but am I going to be blamed by others like this? Every time someone says this, what can we do but cry? At this time, I can only keep my head down, keep looking at the book, as the dean's mother said, I must study hard, if my academic performance is good, one day I can leave this place, leave this place that knows me, and go to a place where no one knows me and I can live openly.

I remember when I was a child, every time I was a child, there was always a group of very kind people, who came to the orphanage and donated money to our orphans, and every time I gave us these donations, the principal's mother always put me in front, and said to those people that my academic performance was the first in the school, and when those people saw my school grades first, they saw my award, and always touched my head and said that you have lived up to your uncle's expectations of you, and those uncles and aunts will always give us money every time they celebrate the New Year's holidays. Maybe some people say that they are pretending, kindness is pseudo-kindness, but they have been hypocritical for so many years, in my eyes, they are the kindest people in the world, and whenever I am at this time, I also clearly feel that if I don't study hard, then I'm sorry for these people, I still have a conscience when he was a child, I think I want to be worthy of all these people who have helped me, but when I was so conscientious when I was a child, he grew up slowly, and I slowly put down my heart in the future. This is also the result of my retribution for the bad things I got later.

We have no parents of children, just like that, I want to grow up day by day, I never thought that one day I would also have a feeling on my head, when I went to junior high school, before I went to junior high school, my academic performance has been very good, after going to junior high school, my grades are among the best, has been unanimously recognized by everyone, even the principal has to admit, although I am an orphan, but my grades are really much better than many people, for this, But the elder also helped me to reduce the tuition fees of my junior high school, I always felt that school was too useful, as long as the academic performance is good, you can even get the help of many people, and even when you help people, you are only willing to help us children with good academic performance, I hope that the future of my life will not be like the rebellious brother in the period, and finally fall into the fate of brushing dishes in a small restaurant and brushing a lifetime.

So I still studied hard for three years of junior high school, and I was admitted to the best high school in the city during the high school entrance examination, but I didn't choose to go to that high school, because there was another high school that was willing to exempt me from tuition for three years and give me a living allowance every month, which was something that Cai couldn't pass for me