『Preface』

When faced with doubts or difficulties, do you choose to compromise or rise to the occasion?

"Xu Xiaokui" is my name, but it is only a synonym, and as for the provenance, it comes from my idol. That's right, I'm a star chaser and a brain-dead fan. I don't hide that I like an idol, and I don't feel that this is a shameful thing, maybe chasing stars in the eyes of others is just a naïve performance, but only I know that this is a faith, a belief that supports us to move forward.

It's not exactly a novel, it's just a simple life document.

As for when it will be written, it is still unknown.

Maybe it's because of my introverted personality, I like to record my life, I used to have some diary habits, although now I don't write in the form of a diary, but I will occasionally record, sometimes I will record when I am happy, sometimes I will record when I am sad, I believe that there are many people like me!

The book "A Wonderful World and a Wonderful You" was a book that I came up with by accident and was going to be covered with words.

"Little Kui" is another me, a very important part of my life, all the sadness and pain, surprises moved us to bear together, share together, work together!

I sometimes wonder if this is "schizophrenia", but I can only say these things to myself......

The reason why the world is wonderful is because people with different personalities don't need to deliberately change, they strive to make themselves better, and they will always be born to the sun.

Thank you to everyone who is willing to open this book and listen to everything that belongs to me!

Flower World,

Hold on to your heart.

Disturbing the world,

May you be as you were!

Chapter 1: Time flies, may you be the same as ever (1)

Summer 2019

On this day, I sat in my only small enclosed space, listening to the bedroom, the corridor, and the outdoor ...... The noise came out, everything seemed to have nothing to do with me, this year's summer came very late, there was no heat, no busy, only clean.

Quietness is my original intention.

At this time, the idea is still born, I want to record what I have seen and heard, what I think and think, close my eyes as if I have returned to the past, return to the innocence, splendor and purity of nature......

This is my autobiography and what I have learned over the past 20 years. It's a gift for yourself! Forever young, forever with tears in my eyes, forever grateful!

People with low self-esteem are very sensitive and lonely, although they seem withdrawn or indifferent on the surface, but they actually need care and love very much in their hearts, and they always have to go through something to really grow!

I hope that everyone who reads this article will resonate, the world is not dark, as long as you are willing to understand the world, let the world change you, inadvertently, you will find a beautiful world and a beautiful you. Now I am full of yearning and hope for life!

I'm not alone.

"Aoi, you're here." She sat down softly and listened quietly to what I was saying......

In the winter of 1998, with crying and abuse, I was born!

Crying is something every child is born with, and these abuses are not because of gossip, but because of my gender. When I was a child, I was ignorant and ignorant, and it wasn't until I grew up that I realized that there was no fairness in the world.

Things are gathered by like, and people are grouped.

Everyone has their own ideas, and you can't change other people's minds, even if you don't do anything, you still have to accept these voices of doubt and abuse. For example, if you change an outfit today, someone will always say something like that, as if you have a purpose. Sometimes, these gossips are the very culprits who destroy a person.

In psychology, it is often said, "Respect the people who criticize you, because they can make you improve in the true sense of the word." "Psychology can heal itself, but it's not easy to look at it much.

As my idol also said, no matter what the world is like, we must always be kind.

I admit that originally my life was full of negativism, but! What if there was no hope in your life? A person who has done nothing, but has been rejected by the whole world, and I have to bear a bunch of inexplicable charges.

Oh, yes! I used to think like this, but in fact, the real world is not as bad as I imagined, after all, no one will be loved by everyone, and it is always good to want to open a little.

Time will tell!

I can't remember exactly what happened when I was born, but I still remember my childhood vividly, because it was the only love I felt.

Acres of green wheat fields, with the irrigation of one after another drizzle, seem to be more prosperous.

Dirt roads, creeks, scarecrows, bicycles, white-walled uva ...... This is where I live, which can be called the South or the North. Because this place crossed the Huai River, it may have been called the "Central Plains Region" in ancient times! Because there is no heating in the north, and there is no air conditioning in the south. It's hot, but it's always raining, not humid and not very dry.

At six o'clock in the morning, the industrious rooster poops to complete its mission, accompanied by the sound of roosters from door to door, people start a busy day.

The people are also very welcoming, almost everyone in a village knows each other, and when they harvest the crops, they talk and laugh, and life is considered happy, and in the summer, people are even busier.

Because the wheat is ripe!

After the wheat is harvested, the corn is planted, and the next season's harvest is waited, with two or three crops a year.

However, every time the wheat is harvested, they are placed in a large open space to receive the condolences of the sun father, and the task of us children is to sit by the wheat and stare at the birds that are ready to sneak up on the wheat at any time, and when the wheat is dried, the scarecrow has no effect, and we have to go into battle ourselves.

After growing the grain, keep what you need, and pack the rest together and sell it to the market.

Day after day, year after year.

The people here are hospitable, innocent and unpretentious, enjoying the pure natural air of nature.

In your spare time, you will find that there is always a stage next to a vacant lot in the village, where beautiful actors perform a beautiful Huangmei opera for us. The old people here seem to be tired of listening, as long as they have time, they will never be absent! Children are no exception, and although they don't understand, they will come to join in the fun!

The fun of our group of children is different from that of the elderly, the children like to sit backstage and watch the actors make up and dress up, and they are surprised that a male actor is more beautiful than a girl after putting on makeup.

But for some reason, watching them put on makeup, I was a little scared in my heart......

In the evening, the only small bridge in the village is filled with old men from various families, either talking about the hard work of the day or talking about the children of a certain family...... In short, there is a lot to say every day.

Three meals a day are absolutely indispensable, after dinner, I will take a walk, and then at seven o'clock in the evening, almost all of them are asleep.

This is the real early bed and early riser......

At night, quietly. The world seems to have nothing to do with us, in the busy life, stop and go, forget the troubles, in order to be light.

I've often thought that if only I could stay here all the time. Here, there are no worries, the only thing to think about is what to eat for your next meal......

I love it here, this is my hometown - Fuyang.

A place where I've lived for more than a decade.

I am a girl, the second daughter in the family, due to the influence of feudal ideas, it is believed that only boys can carry on the lineage, and girls are born a burden. So since I was born, the people in my family didn't like me very much, and I was born to my grandparents, and my parents went out to work to earn money, and what I still remember is that I never thought about them, maybe I didn't have feelings for them!

I am a person who loves memories, and they all say that people who love memories are unhappy, but I am such a person, I often regret a sentence that offends others, but I am embarrassed to apologize.

When I was a child, I was always carefree and free, I didn't know what a mobile phone was, I didn't know what WiFi was, I only watched black and white movies, I only knew a dime and five cents, and I couldn't tell the difference between a dime and a little bigger. When I was a little older, I would accompany my grandmother to the fields to weed, plough the fields, and apply pesticides...... In short, I have done all the work in the fields.

That's why I have such a healthy complexion because I am taken care of by my father-in-law every day.

I often heard my grandmother mention that when I was born, my belly was bulging, as if I had some strange disease. It was only when I checked in the hospital that it was just simple flatulence. This simple flatulence didn't go down until a long time. Maybe that's why I can't lose my stomach now!

When I was a child, I was always frail and sickly, and I still remember that I only had one serious illness in my life, and I can't remember exactly what it was, but I clearly remember that I didn't have to go to class for this illness! Because I can't see the sun, this is what every child dreams of. Since then, it has been a few minor problems.

The strange thing is that the older you get, the healthier you become, so much so that later you put all the cold medicines out of date.

When I was a child, I was also brave, I remember that when I was almost in the first grade, I was very fearless and pierced in my ears, if it were now, I would never dare! Every child here will have their ears pierced at this age, and if you don't, you may look extremely different.

One of our villages is like a tribe, and to get to another village we need to cross one rich wheat field after another. Moreover, most of the people in a village have the same surname, and some of the old people have been here for generations, and it is said that they have never gone out when they are so old!

As long as the children in their own family do not like to eat, the old people will tell them about their past, saying that the whole of China experienced a great disaster in the past, so no one has anything to eat, some are hungry and skinny, and some are starved to death. Later, in history class, I also learned about this, our country is really strong, from nothing to the current initial well-off.

I'm so proud!

The children here also live extremely freely, and each child's name is two overlapping words, perhaps to remember, or to follow the trend, or to tradition. Anyway, although my name is very random, I like it. Later, I also developed a habit that no matter what other people's names were, I always liked to call them the overlapping words in their names, even when naming my own pets.

I remember one night, I was blurred in my sleep as if I saw two figures, my family is very superstitious, some of the older generation of people still believe in Buddhism, believe that there are ghosts and gods in this world, I, naturally, was also indoctrinated, I have been afraid of these cows, ghosts, snakes and gods since I was a child, but I still firmly believe that the two figures I saw that night are these unknown objects.

If it was only me who saw it, it might have been a dream, but my sister, who was sleeping next to my pillow at the time, also saw it, and my grandfather got out of bed and opened the door to drive them away, and my grandparents seemed to be used to it. But I may never forget them for the rest of my life. The whole body exudes white light, which is not as terrible as in the TV series, so it also scared me a lot, covered my head and didn't dare to make a sound, until they left, then I sweated profusely and poked out my eyes, and after confirming that it was correct, I fell asleep......

Later, my aunt and uncle got married, and it was the first wedding I attended, and it was very traditional, and I was only responsible for eating......

Later, when they went out to work, my grandparents and I moved to their new house, which was good for everything, except that there were two graves at the door!

When our people here die, they must be buried in the ground, as if they were respected. Standing on the roof of the house, you can see that the fields are not only covered with scarecrows, but also the graveyards one after another, which makes people shiver!

I can't remember exactly when my sister came to my hometown, but she came back when I was five years old. I looked at the white and chubby little girl in front of me with my big eyes open.

"Who is she?"

"Where did this person come from?"

"She's not going to come and rob me of my grandparents, is she?"

“……”

Looking at the person in front of me who doesn't look like me in any way, but it really comes out of a belly, it seems that there are 10,000 questions floating through my heart...

"The first time we met, it didn't look good for you, who knew that the relationship would be so close later......"

Sure enough, I responded to this lyric, the first time we met, it was really not pleasing to the eye, my sister was wearing a little red hat, a foreign little skirt, and a fleshy baby face...... I didn't like to play with her at the time, maybe it was a different place where we should live, and we had many different habits.

"Stinky kid, it's not fun!" I often dropped this sentence and went to play on my own.

Later, only our two children could play together in the family, and slowly, "forced" intimacy.

She was a year older than me, and in order to take care of each other, she went to elementary school together, and later junior high school, high school, and college together......

But every time I go to school, if I don't look at the name, I will never think that the two of us are a family, I am black and thin, she is white and fat, my hair is black and straight, and her hair is curly and short...... In short, it's just different.

To show that we were a family, my grandmother often dressed us in the same clothes, but I didn't like it......

When I was in the first grade, I used to lie by the window of the fifth grade class, envying the excellent big brothers and sisters, and I wanted to grow up quickly...... I remember a big sister who would give me a lot of good food every time I was lying by the window.

I am so grateful to her!

It's just that she graduated soon, and there was no convenient communication tool at that time, I have always been a person who knows how to be grateful, and time has gradually erased her appearance, but my original intention has not changed, I remember all the people who are good to me, and I sincerely wish them to become better!

I went to two classes in the first grade because my grandfather said to lay a good foundation. But it didn't seem to work, and I still had paste in my head.

At that time, my grandfather was the principal, and in our small rural school, the principal was rotated, and there were only two subjects, Chinese and mathematics, from the first grade to the fifth grade, there were only six teachers! Although the teaching conditions are limited, our joy is limitless, jumping rope, playing sandbags, playing hide-and-seek and playing all kinds of strange games every day.

Grandpa is very talented, not only is an excellent people's teacher, but also writes a perfect calligraphy, every year before the Spring Festival, there will always be someone with red paper to our house, let grandpa for them to carry the pen.

Since they are all self-sufficient small-scale peasant economies, of course, the couplets and other things are also written by themselves! At this time, our family has an innate advantage, and we don't need to ask others for help, grandpa is really my pride!

Spring Festival

It is a festival that all children look forward to, and on this day, every household puts on lights, wears new clothes, sets off fireworks, and eats Chinese New Year's Eve meals......

When I was a child, I looked forward to the Spring Festival, which was very grand in our place, and there were many customs, such as Chinese New Year's Eve to "stay up in a cotton jacket" is to stay up late, the longer you stay, the more blessed you are, every time you make up your mind not to sleep all night, but, every time it is best to stay up until 10 o'clock, can not be more. After all, people who fall asleep at seven o'clock every day, the custom is still there, and when I really can't hold on, I squint "quietly" for a while, saying that it is quietly, in fact, everyone knows it.

When it was almost twelve o'clock, I was forcibly called to set off fireworks, and I was immediately excited when I saw them.

"Wow~"

"That looks good, that looks good!"

"And this"

……

After the fireworks in my house were over, I ran to the roof, because it was a bungalow at the time, and I was so happy that I didn't feel sleepy at all when I looked at the colorful fireworks in the sky.

"Let's eat~"

Grandma served plate after plate of fragrant meals, one bowl of dumplings per person.

The Chinese New Year's Eve dinner began.

"New Year's Day~ hahaha!"

My sister and I, as well as my grandparents, and my uncle also took a little sister home for the New Year, and the whole family was lively, I ran to the dinner table, and picked up chopsticks anxiously, but my grandfather knocked on the door, "I haven't set off firecrackers yet, and I'll eat later." ”

That's right, a small handful of firecrackers are set off before every meal during the Chinese New Year, as if to ward off bad luck and to worship God......

Anyway, I don't like the sound of firecrackers, and neither do the dogs at home.

And a wooden stick must be placed at the door, which cannot be removed until the seventh day of the Lunar New Year.

During the meal, my grandmother said, "There is a dumpling with coins in it, and whoever eats it will be blessed, and there is a dumpling with chili peppers, and whoever eats it is in charge." ”

I quickly picked up the chopsticks and began to frantically look for coins, and after eating a bowl I found that there was no, I thought, all the children should want to eat coins! But one person only has one bowl of dumplings, and they can't eat more.

"After eating, bring the bowl to the kitchen and put it upside down." Grandma looked at me and said.

"Hmm!" I went to the kitchen and put the bowl downside down, feeling unhappy, and suddenly said, "Grandpa has eaten chili!" ”

I hurriedly ran over and jumped up excitedly, happier than I had eaten. Miraculously, every year after that, the chili pepper was eaten by the grandfather.

In the end, when everyone had eaten and there was no sign of the coin, the grandmother poured the rest of the dumplings to the sheep Baba, and yes, the coin was eaten by the big sheep, and then the lamb was born the next year.

There is also the fact that you can't clean and eat leftovers during the Chinese New Year...... There are many exquisiteness, many customs, and what our generation has to do is to inherit and develop these traditional Chinese cultures.

And my least favorite thing is to set off firecrackers, the sound is very loud, and I need to worry about whether there are firecrackers under my feet when I walk on the road during the Chinese New Year, for fear that it will suddenly explode at my feet.

The next day, relatives came to our house to pay New Year's greetings, and I paid attention to what the gift boxes they were carrying, haha, I have been a foodie since I was a child.

At that time, our New Year's money was all recovered by my grandmother, so we didn't have any special thoughts about the New Year's money. I can only think about the gift box.

But it turned out to be no! The gift box is for us to bring when we go to someone's house to pay New Year's greetings, so I can only keep one of my favorites privately......

Oh, yes! I have always been so happy and free of worries as a child. The older you get, the more lonely you are, and the simpler things are the purest. I always say to myself, don't forget the original intention, Fang always!

But, the original intention, is it still back? When I went back to my hometown where I grew up.

It's still the same, it's me who has changed!