Summer 2019

The night is silent and long.

Maybe it's because of the Dragon Boat Festival, I'm homesick! During this year's Dragon Boat Festival, I suddenly realized that I didn't seem to have called my grandparents for a long time.

I fell silent when I heard a familiar voice coming from across my phone......

At night, I sat in the corridor of the dormitory with unexpected insomnia, "Hello, Aoi." ”

She sat next to me, quietly, just silently with me.

I secretly wrote for her:

"The corridor of the night echoes with the sound of the bedroom meeting and playing,

There seems to be a sound of words coming out of the corner,

The sound of cars coming from the road and the chirping of insects outside the window,

Everything will emerge in the quiet night at this time.

At this time, I want to hear your voice with my own ears,

As if you were gently leaning over beside you,

Tell me about the joys and sorrows of your day,

Everything is as beautiful and precious as imagined,

There is no trouble, inferiority, sadness, suffering, and the hustle and bustle of the world.

If time can be stopped,

I will not hesitate to press the pause button,

Enjoy the peace and self at this time.

Silence can transcend everything,

Always thinking about how to change yourself,

I don't know that you are no longer the same person you used to be,

Now you will think a lot and worry a lot,

Can I still see you from the past?

Will I still be able to find you then?

It's the one who falls and smiles, and it's okay.

It's the one who gets angry when you get beaten, but it's the real you.

It's the one who secretly cries when you're homesick but brave.

Is this still the case?

I miss you who like to scribble but are simple.

You are not what you imagined you to be!

Everything in the world can be thrown,

Thou shalt not forsake then,

I miss and cherish you who are full of hope for the future! ”

Late at night is the perfect time to get inspired, just like you always like to write songs late at night!

Winter 1998

After I was born, my parents were worried about the heavy burden and were ready to send me to my adoptive parents who had no children in the city, but my grandmother insisted on keeping me, and I seemed to be able to hear my grandmother's firm tone at that time, "This baby, I will raise it!" ”

Indeed, not long after I was born, I was sent back to my hometown and lived on milk powder.

But I've never heard my grandmother mention it, and I heard it happen to me later.

Your silent efforts will eventually reverberate!

What makes me even more puzzling is that I was only about 7 pounds when I was born, which is already very light among children! But why do I weigh more than 100 pounds now?

This is a question.

Now I often wonder if if I would have been better off if they had given me to my adoptive parents. After all, they don't have children, and I envy only children.

But, I think so, is it worthy of my grandmother who raised me?

In my hometown, the only thing that is good to me is my grandmother, although my grandfather is also very good, but he is always very serious, probably, because he is a people's teacher!

I was my grandmother's first granddaughter to grow up, and her wrinkled hands were always sewing and mending.

Grandma is very ingenious, she will do everything you can't think of, when making shoes for me, I was worried that the shoes were too monotonous and I would not like them, so I embroidered a flower on the toe of the shoe, the icing on the cake. That's all there is to it.

In the leisurely afternoon, you will see me and my grandmother mending old clothes, as well as a few lazy kittens, and a few dogs with a hundred years of energy, one of whom was the same age as me, and we were born together, but he left me when I was eleven years old......

The village is often plagued by dog thieves who throw out a chicken leg with poison and wait for the dog to take the bait. In this way, they can also make a lot of money selling dog meat, and our big dog seems to be very psychic, he walks up to the chicken leg and smells it, and when he walks away, he hides the chicken leg so that others don't eat it by mistake, so I don't need to worry about it at all.

And on the west side of the yard is a sheep baa and a lazy pig on a leash. Brother Pig's own food can be eaten by other little guys for several days, and he can eat it, and it really lives up to his reputation!

"Gah! Ga! ......"Listen, it's the ducks coming back in flocks!" When they come to the chicken coop, the daily task of the chickens and ducks is to lay eggs with "taste"! And my mission was to risk my life to pick them up.

Nowadays, I often wonder why "chickens and rabbits in the same cage" are always talked about in math problems. Chickens and ducks may be more suitable in the same cage, after all, they seem to have a good relationship.

However, in my hometown, the rabbit is an inauspicious symbol, especially the red-eyed rabbit, and if you see a red-eyed rabbit, then you have to be careful. So, there was almost no rabbit in my childhood. However, it does not mean that there is no now.

The hometown seems to be surrounded by bustle and life, with animals in the front yard and plants in the backyard. And I always go to the backyard to pick a plant that I like, sometimes a cucumber, sometimes a tomato, watch them grow, and then happily pluck them, bathe them, and it becomes a dish on our table.

I am so grateful to every little animal that has appeared in my life, you have entrusted your life to me, and I will give back to you with all my heart. Of course, some of the current good "brothers"!

In my life, my favorite is my grandmother, she gave me life again, she raised me, no matter how disobedient I was when I was a child, she still taught me hard and gave me warmth.

After the autumn harvest, a cellar will be dug in the backyard in order to store the food needed for the winter, and in the life without high technology, it will always stimulate people's intelligence, and the cellar is like a big refrigerator.

Refrigerated, fresh.

But on this day, when my grandmother took off her coat and went into the cellar to store the grain, I did something wrong......

Because of greed, looking at the pocket of his grandmother's coat, he "sneakily" took out a dollar and fled the crime scene. When I arrived at the commissary, I bought a lot of snacks and even found a few cents. Things used to be so cheap.

At this moment, I heard someone outside calling me, and I came home to see my grandmother sitting on a small bench.

It's over, it's over! I panicked in my heart......

"Grandma, what are you doing?"

"Why don't I have so much money in my pocket?"

"......" I was dumbfounded.

I opened my big watery eyes, wanted to cry without tears, and was discovered.

I didn't think about it at the time, so I threw a few cents in front of my grandmother and said, "Give it back to you!" ”

Grandma pouted, I ran to the room, as if I was still wronged, lying on the bed began to rain......

I remember that my grandmother didn't scold me at that time, but said slowly, "Kui Kui, grandma doesn't want to scold you, if you want money, just ask grandma for it, and it's not that she won't give it to you, don't steal, our family is poor, you can't do this, you know?" ”

I sat up and looked at my grandmother bitterly, obviously I did something wrong, but I still wanted my grandmother to coax me, so I nodded pitifully.

This is the first and last time. Now I am grateful to my grandmother for her education, so that I became the person I am.

But sometimes, things are not up to you, just because my family is poor, and many times later, when they lose something, they will look at me first. But then I also developed a character that doesn't like to explain, whatever they think, I just need to be myself.

I'm thankful that grandma has appeared in my life!

In the winter of 2017, we went home for the New Year, and we saw the familiar grass and trees here, which was familiar and familiar.

There seemed to be some moist liquid streaked across my cheeks.

No wifi,

The signal is not good,

It's always raining,

There is always a power outage.

It is such a small place that seems to others to be "very trough cake" that has contracted all my good memories.

I can proudly say that it is natural, simple, unpretentious, beautiful, and the air is good!

Grandma still hasn't changed, looking at me with a smile, but I don't know how to express my thoughts, I don't say thank you, I'm always like this, I miss a lot.

There are a lot of younger sisters in the family, among them the older sister, since I was a child, I am the object of "bullying", I admit that I am very selfish, I don't like grandma to favor other children, but it seems that she and grandma are not intimate, but "respectful"!

When I walked to the kitchen, I saw that it was still the same stove, but my grandmother was the only one cooking. Looking at it, I seemed to see the little me sitting on the opposite side of the stove, holding the firewood and putting it in the fire-making port, and then taking out the match, scratching, and making a fire.

Later, I got a lighter, but I didn't dare to use it, and I still held a clumsy matchstick. I sat down to light the fire, and my grandmother stood on the other side of the stove stir-frying. I prefer to burn a fire in the winter and run in when there is nothing to do, but I don't like the summer, when the weather is hot and humid, I get irritable easily.

This bad habit continues to this day.

Now my grandmother runs by herself, putting firewood here and stir-frying vegetables there.

Looking at my grandmother's busy figure, I choked up.

It seems that after I left, my grandmother did all the hard work by herself. Her weak shoulders were carrying too many burdens.

But, the one I love is the one who made a mistake and beat me and scolded me, the one who gave me money for fear that my mother would favor my brother, and the one who was reluctant to buy herself a new dress and bought me a birthday cake every year.

I love her just because she's her!

Even if my family has no money, I still have a birthday every year, because it is Laba Festival, so I can only eat rice on my birthday.

That's why I'm so eager for white rice now.

One year, it rained during the Laba Festival, and there was no way to go out on the street to buy cakes, and I was not the kind of child who was noisy and had to ask for cakes, I was easily satisfied, as long as someone could remember my birthday.

In the end, the family is the closest. The eyes of my grandparents revealed self-blame, but I looked at them with a smile, "I have rice to eat, I'm so happy~"

Grandpa finally went to the commissary to buy a few pieces of bread and came back, and the sense of ceremony was very strong!

When I was the youngest, it was also for the sense of ceremony, it was a tile house, and my grandfather bought a super large fireworks, which were originally small, and the result was a room full of smoke, but the fireworks were still very beautiful. When I looked at it during the day the next day, the whole house was dark......

In the end, I packed up some time.

I remember the first time I drank as a kid because I was curious. I picked up the beer my grandfather had opened and drank a bottle of it.

I'm broken!

Of course, it was the first and last fragment, according to the later narration of everyone, after I got drunk, I took the empty wine bottle and began to play drunk, and then I kept holding my grandmother's hand, and I didn't know what "nonsense" I was saying, and my grandmother was "helpless" to follow my words, just like that, we talked for almost half the night, and I don't know why I became so eloquent, and it was difficult for me to say a word if it was normal.

Now I'm always sad and always thinking about life...... But I chose to sit quietly by myself and figure it out for myself. Instead of drinking, because, the wine is too hard to drink!

Because it is a rural area, when I was young, I always longed to go to the "market", so I always said that I had a stomachache, but I didn't expect that I said something casually, but my grandfather kept it in mind, and I didn't say anything and pulled me to the county seat, the county is very big, there are a lot of fun, but in my little eyes it is terrible, I sat on the car that was ready to return to my hometown after following my grandfather's medical treatment, and stared at the AD calcium milk in the hands of the children in front of me.

Grandpa looked at me, "Want to drink?" ”

"Mm-hmm," I nodded weakly. I knew that the conditions at home were not good, and I never dared to expect extravagance. However, I still really like to drink AD calcium, but we called it "Wahaha" at that time!

Grandpa got out of the car without hesitation, of course, I also had some little joy, but I just remember that I was more worried about what I would do if the car drove away? What about grandpa? poked out the little head that he was looking forward to, and he couldn't see that his grandfather was panicking, and he was still looking at the driver's uncle, afraid that he would suddenly turn the steering wheel,

"Where will he take me?"

"If I had known, I wouldn't have drunk it."

"What if Grandpa can't go back?"

"Am I going to be trafficked?"

“……”

Ten thousand worries came to my heart.

Finally, I saw my grandfather! He sat down panting, handed me a plate of "Wahaha", and I was really nervous when I drank it. Seeing that grandpa was red-faced and red-eared, panting loudly, he was worried about grandpa's bronchitis, and he kept going back and forth, as if he couldn't be cured. But at that time, he took out a small bottle, took two puffs, and was fine.

I remember that at that time, the school was closed and empty. My sister and I went to the school to practice driving.

Introducing our old bicycle, this bike is too big for us as children, sitting on it, feet still some distance from the ground, it's scary.

Well, the two of us learned to ride a bicycle together, but in the end, it was my sister who practiced lap after lap by herself, and I didn't know how many falls I fell every time I rode it. She rode like this, and I sat next to her, watching and watching even more afraid to learn......

Life is about having the courage to try and challenge!

As a result, after a day of ordeal, my sister learned.

When I got home, I couldn't explain it, so I said that I would study again tomorrow, and sure enough, it would be tomorrow and tomorrow......

I don't know how many tomorrows later, I didn't back down anymore. It just so happened that my friend's little bike was sitting at our house for the time being. This time the determination was even greater.

I started my journey to learn to drive

……

The small bike is not easy to ride, and I still can't stand on it. Wobbly. At this time, the child who led the family, also a male classmate of mine, was also learning to ride a bicycle.

Do you think we'll help each other?

The truth is, the boy is resistant to falls, and he learns it in a while, while I'm still walking around the starting line. When it learned, it laughed mercilessly at me round and round on that dirt road.

Speechless =_=

I studied very seriously, but the reality is so unforgiving. After a day of hard work, I didn't fall at all, and I could only ride two laps at most.

It wasn't until later that my dear sister appeared and tempted me with a spicy strip, "I'll give you one for a ride." ”

With the temptation of spicy strips, it will not take long to almost learn, and the road in front of the door is not very long, and you can pedal the wheels for up to six turns.

The first attempt was to pedal four laps, brake steadily, and get the spicy strip of dreams.

The second attempt was six laps, and in the end I didn't brake and almost rode into the river, but luckily I turned the front of the car and hit the rock, and my leg broke a little bit......

Finally, I learned to ride a bike! And it was without falling.

……

When we got home to show off, my grandfather promised to buy us a bicycle.

When I was a little older, my grandparents and my little sister from an uncle's family went to the "market"! At that time, "rushing to the market" was to ride a tricycle to the market to buy, which was the happiest time for us children, but the only pain was that we couldn't buy what we liked, just take a look. The most important thing here is to see what the grandmother lacks at home and what to buy.

Even though it's just a look, it's a joy to feast your eyes on. I'm like an ordinary little girl, passing by the Barbie doll in the supermarket window and can't walk, I really like it, but I never dare to open my mouth when I see the price, I have a little doll myself, I don't know where to turn it out, I found a few pieces of rotten cloth in a leisurely way, threaded needles and threads to make clothes for the doll......

I also braided all kinds of braids casually, and dressed up more delicately than myself, after all, a Barbie doll still has limitations, so I went to the commissary to buy all kinds of dress-up stickers, pasted the model to the book, and then, find the right clothes, stick it on her body, much more fun than a 3D three-dimensional doll.

Speaking of stickers, our commissary there is also very powerful, what drama is on the air at the moment, they have a series of stickers, in fact, they are the star's head stickers, such as what seven fairies, little magic fairy...... The children loved it, so it was a big seller.

Very business-minded~

Back to the market

My eyes were on Barbie, and I glanced at the sisters next to me, and I was sure they definitely felt the same way as me. And grandma's eyes were always looking for spice shops, grandpa was different, grandpa was purely foolish, but he sometimes bought a bottle of drink for us to drink.

For us, the drink is already a luxury, so that several children can be satisfied with one sip per person.

But happiness is always short-lived......

I'm lost!

Unfortunately, I lost it. Maybe I was walking in front of me, and I wanted to kill my own piece of the world, but if the world didn't come out, I was left with only myself.

When I turned my head, I was greeted by all kinds of unfamiliar faces. What about grandma? What about Grandpa? What about sisters and sisters?

I panicked.

I was about five or six years old at the time, and I don't know why I didn't think about anything in my little brain and walked straight away, because I remember the way home.

I wondered why I hadn't waited a little longer. Actually, grandma and the others just went to the spice shop next door to buy a bag of salt, but I didn't hear them when they said it.

So don't move if your child gets lost, wait for your relatives in the same place, and don't go with strangers!

I walked down the road alone......

But the journey home was a bit long, and I was afraid of being abducted by a bad uncle or something. So, the little me pretended to be very calm, and strode forward confidently, until I walked in a place where there was no one around, and then I quietly cried for a while.

Since I was very young, I didn't cry soundly, because when a child cries loudly, he will be beaten, and I am afraid of pain! And now it can be annoying to hear the sound of a child crying!

That's why my grandmother said that I was so supportive that I wouldn't cry or make trouble.

……

When I got home, I thought my grandmother would come back when they found out I was gone. So he squatted leisurely at the closed gate and happily played with the dogs......

Unexpectedly, they were still frantically looking for me. I was still waiting with antiquity, thinking, "Aren't they as fast as I am?" ”

Why hasn't Grandma come back......

So, I thought back to the past, once my aunt and her group went to the street to shop, and finally everyone else came back, except for my aunt, who was said to be lost. Everyone said it was fine, only grandma panicked and made crazy phone calls, if someone hadn't stopped her, it was estimated that they would all rush to the street......

Grandma waited anxiously for her aunt's news with tears in her eyes, and she could see that grandma's heart was "female over man...... I am very honored to be blessed by my grandmother.

In the end, my aunt came back safely, and my grandmother was relieved.

And I waited from dawn until dark......

Finally, when my grandfather came back on a bicycle, I was very happy, and he saw me before he was relieved to bring my grandmother back. It turned out that Grandma stayed where she was, and then rummaged the whole street several times.

That's right, I'm in the middle of an education!

Grandma's hanging heart finally landed, and I realized that I had done wrong, but after my grandmother educated me, she encouraged me from time to time, "My little girl, I dare to walk back alone, it's so brave." Grow up~"

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