Ye Fan was the first person to tell me that she was envious of me, and she always liked to say: "Aru, in fact, I envy you." ”

"What do you envy me? I've been told by them what a dog I look like, and they still envy me! ”

"I envy you, not only in painting but also in life, I think you are very different. You are a very resilient person with your own ideas, and so are your paintings, you are a very different person from those of us who have been honest all our lives, not particularly degenerate, nor particularly serious. We will all honestly follow the established requirements to do it, but each of Aru's self-works is full of its own ideas, you don't do it to cater to anyone, and you don't do it for any good or bad purpose, your purpose is really very simple. ”

"Isn't that how painting should be?"

"No, we always have to think about whether others will like it, what will be the reaction of Mr. after seeing it, there are always too many considerations and involvements in our hearts, which is destined to be only some or even a lifetime of unknown painters, and we can't create anything shocking."

The first time Ye Fan spoke to me was on my way home, and after passing Gu Zhixiang, there were not so many people, she suddenly patted me from the back, and I turned around and startled her.

She must have mustered up a lot of courage to talk to me: "How did you turn a deaf ear to what they said?" ”

"Huh? What did you say? I reached out and removed the earbuds from my ears one after the other.

She looked at the earbuds in my hand and smiled, "This thing works?" If you put it on, you really can't hear anything? ”

"If you don't want to hear it, you won't listen, and if you hear it, you tell yourself that you can't hear it."

Ordinary people can't get too close to me, I'm already notorious, so Ye Fan and I are still walking together on the road when there is no one around, talking and laughing, she is a quiet girl, with a low sense of existence, and she is also a lonely person.

Every day off, I will take her to the Qingteng Pavilion, the good works in the museum are also very good, the first time she came to ask about the only remaining painting of Zhou Mubai in the Qingteng Museum, that priceless treasure that can only be used for exhibition, she is not an exaggeration to see the tears in her eyes.

"Aru, do you know how much I like to worship Young Master Mubai? His paintings are really unique in the world, how can there be such a person as him in the world, how dexterous are the hands that painted this painting! But fortunately, there are people like him in the world. I entered the Orange Painting Garden just to be one step closer to him, even if it was just a little bit. ”

I once suspected that if she saw Zhou Mubai herself, she would be so excited that she would faint, and I also secretly observed that compared to others, Ye Fan is still rational, how many people's hearts have Zhou Mubai harmed! The painting skills are so good that it is possible to torture people to the point that they can't help themselves without doing anything.

I often think about my relationship with Zhou Mubai because of this, I feel that I am equal to Zhou Mubai, I don't like Zhou Mubai's paintings because of how good he is, it is because he is him, I see what I want to see in his paintings. He just has such a strong ability, the ability that you can't reach, and uses clever techniques to integrate what is in his heart into the painting, the kind of ability that I especially want, but I can't reach it anyway.

If that technique is used well, it is wonderful, and if it is not good, it will become four dislikes, obviously he is the former, and I am the latter.

I often think about it, I'm not particularly hard-working, I'm not either... And then there was only one emotion: it was too difficult.

After three years of studying at the Orange Painting Garden, I still only use two general painting methods: one is to copy in a fake and real way, and the other is to draw graffiti freely.

Mr. Zhang commented on me: "Copying the nine-point image, there is no meaning in my own hands." ”

This is evidenced by events.

The Orange Painting Garden also holds regular exhibitions, that is, a gentleman takes a group of people to visit the courtyard of the Jintian painters, and each Jintian painter needs to pick out at least five masterpieces, which the gentleman said is to let us find inspiration, and then we also need to hand over a painting as a learning insight. To be honest, there is nothing that impresses me in these paintings, and if there are those that impress me, I will definitely not be unable to move a single stroke.

Then I handed in a blank piece of paper, and my husband called me over to talk, and I said that I was not impressed, and I had learned nothing. Mr. was angry, let me go alone to visit all the paintings of Jintian-level painters, I looked at it for three days, still can't move the pen, Mr. had to use a killer trick, let me see his paintings, the result is the same, Mr. Zhang said that I deliberately find fault, deliberately can't get along with people, I look like myself, I still question other people's things, I have nothing to say, I can't draw is can't paint, I haven't been moved first, don't say that the things I draw are others, even I want to tear them first.

By chance, I met Mo Qing on the way, and she said that Miss Yu had recently created a masterpiece, and then Mr. Zhang pushed the boat down the river and let me go to see it, not what is good or bad, what can touch people and what can't touch people.

It's not that the painting of the Jade Girl is a very good painting, but that the painting is really very popular, so I looked at it several times, and my heart and spirit were attracted to it. After I went back, I copied the painting, and I didn't feel enough after copying it more than 100 times, and that was the real feeling.

If I really like something, I will love it.

Later, Mr. Zhang saw my painting and had nothing to say, thinking that I was muddy and couldn't support the wall, so he turned a blind eye to me and didn't bother to pay attention to me.

I've done a lot of these things, that is, I've been stuck in that self-made, and I've never gone to the next level, and in order to make up for this shortcoming, I've been working painting theory for a while.

As long as I have free time, I memorize, I even eat and dream in my mind is painting theory, I memorize all the useful and useless words on it, until I have such thoughts: If I can't do it, then it is definitely the problem of this painting theory, then I will go and burn down the library of the Orange Painting Garden.

I did have such a dream, in the dream I really burned those books with a fire, and then the master of Zhou Yuan said that if I couldn't get these books back, he would expel me from the Orange Painting Garden, and finally I honestly copied one by one while memorizing the painting theory. When I completely reconstructed the book of paintings, everyone had the same surprised expressions as when Mr. Zhang saw my paintings.

You don't know how much effort I put into this painting, and I don't have to be of any level, that is, I want to acquire the kind of skills and methods that can express my thoughts, that is, something that I can't explain clearly.