"What do you want for your birthday this year?"

Dad suddenly asked, I'm confused, what is this operation? The problem is particularly inexplicable.

Gift? For me, it's a luxury I've never had.

So suddenly, I was dumbfounded.

Dad seemed to see something, and he also knew that I couldn't open my mouth and take the initiative to ask for something, and I would never talk too much on weekdays, so I would get used to it.

So, he said directly: "Buy you a mobile phone!" ”

At that time, my heart was full of joy, mobile phone! I'm not too happy to have such a rare thing.

It was a rarity for me, but at that time, almost everyone in the class had one, and our family was different after all, and everything could not be compared with it, so I really didn't dare to think about it before.

It is not an exaggeration to say that it is a dream come true.

However, judging from the many mobile phones, I only like vivo, but I'm not too embarrassed to speak.

Yes, it's very satisfying.

After all, it has always been a state of no desire and no desire.

And at that time, smart phones had been widely circulated and became the darling of the public, and they were all stronger than the elderly machines in their hands, so they could be.

For Dad's initiative, it's weird!

In previous years, when there were no gifts, it was already good to be able to buy a cake.

……

Cafeteria.

Walking to the cafeteria with an ignorant face, it was even more weird! What's going on? Flattered!

This birthday is very peculiar.

My parents came straight from the mall and handed me a red phone, oh no, it should be a red phone case, a white phone, very small and very Q, I like it very much.

Love.

The only downside is that there is no front-facing camera.

Can't take selfies, emmm...... I don't seem to take selfies either, so it's not a big problem.

"I want it too." At the dinner table, there was jealousy and envy from my brother.

"You're still young." Mom said.

This time, I strongly agreed with my mother's words, handed my brother a smug look, and finally felt that the phrase "you are still young" would be so pleasant to hear.

Next, the attack ingredients, a dazzling array of everything, the first time I came to the cafeteria, I have a long experience.

You can choose whatever you want, and it just so happens that the ingredients in this restaurant are not bad, at least not so perfunctory.

"Don't take too much, you will be fined if you can't finish eating." I reminded my sister.

"How do you know?" The sister was holding two large plates of food, and turned around to ask suspiciously, looking still not satisfied.

"I used to watch Tutu with big ears, and that's how it played out in it." Indeed, when I was a child, sitting in front of the TV, the first time I heard about the buffet was through cartoons.

And at that time, Tutu also went to the buffet for the first time, so nonsensical, took a lot of ingredients, and couldn't finish it at all, and the result was ...... Because of waste, he was fined 20 yuan.

It can be seen that excellent cartoons can also teach people indirectly.

Here, the crowd is mixed, adults and children are happy, or sitting at the table that is about to overflow, or leisurely choosing food, seeing the favorite food, the time has come to compare the speed of hands, and really experience the feeling of being in short supply, of course, referring to individual food!

Before leaving, don't forget to grab a bottle of drink, so you can come to a conclusion that only a buffet can be a full meal! But this year's birthday cake was absent.

But it doesn't matter, after all, cake is just a formality.

Fat, although it is not eaten in one meal, but it is difficult to eat and drink over time, and it is difficult not to be fat.

……

After having my first smartphone, I explored everywhere, and finally found a good place in a small alley, where the WiFi signal was full.

I call it Feng Shui Treasure.

Since then, as long as night falls, in front of the red door of luxury and wealth, there will always be two figures on the stone steps in the alley, staring at the mobile phone screen, watching the progress of the cache, and the whole process can only be in a hurry.

Although the signal is full, it was a 2G network at that time, and the signal can be imagined, slow!

Exhaustion is a good time to test your patience.

Although the process is very long, the result is very happy, especially when I return with a small mobile phone, lying in bed leisurely watching the freshly baked TV series, there is no sense of urgency in the third grade of junior high school.

……

English lessons.

After class, it was time for the weekly cleaning, and suddenly, the civil engineering teacher gave an order and called me to her face, wondering, I didn't seem to have done anything, right?

She sat on the podium with her head tilted.

I stood in front of her with my head bowed.

I was a little nervous, and I was really uncomfortable because I was naturally afraid of the teacher.

"How's your studies lately? You can keep up, right? It's a phrase that teachers use, and I've heard it many times.

"Okay." I really didn't know what to say when I was a teacher, and I was embarrassed to face the teacher, and I was still the head teacher.

I often envy some of my classmates, who can talk to their teachers as if they were friends.

But I couldn't.

"I called your dad last time......"

After hearing this, I was surprised, after all, I didn't know anything about this in my heart, and my dad suddenly treated me better, does it have anything to do with this?

"I am your homeroom teacher, for more than two years, I always feel that your child seems to be a little inferior, the problem is quite big, I want to consult your father to understand the situation. Your dad said that he didn't notice that there are many children in the family, maybe they can't take care of it for a while, and your personality makes them worry-free and may be ignored. If there is anything you don't want to tell your parents, you can tell me, don't hold everything in your heart. After a pause, he continued: "Listen to your father, you still have a younger brother, right?" ”

I could only nod my head, but I still didn't know what to say, in the eyes of outsiders, I might be the image of a good girl.

Teacher Civil Engineering continued, I continued to listen, "I have also learned about the situation in your family, patriarchy, in fact, it is quite serious, you must feel unfair in your own heart, but don't pay too much attention to these, but also learn to communicate with your parents more, although the quiet girl is very worry-free, but in the future, in the society, it will definitely suffer." ”

The civil engineer always looked at me and looked straight at me.

However, I didn't dare to look at her, I raised my eyes slightly to look at her, and at this moment, I actually felt the warmth in the civil engineering teacher, and there was light in her firm eyes, which made me feel that she really cared about me, and a wave of emotion came to my heart, not only wet my eyes.

Because I think someone understands me.

I listened very carefully, she said a lot, like a psychiatrist, and her words were very healing.

After the conversation, I bowed my head in silence, crept to the corner of the back wall of the teaching building, squatted down, picked up a small wooden stick, and began to hesitate back and forth on the ground casually.

I didn't cry, I just had red eyes.

Before that, my most common emotion was complaining, complaining about the injustice in this world, why I was not born into a wealthy family, why my parents always neglected me, why I didn't have a close friend, why everyone hated me, why......

I am a lonely shadow, I always feel that no one loves and no one loves, the world is trampling, what is the meaning of existence?

If it's dispensable, why exist?!

In junior high school, this emotion was most intense, and at some point, I don't know what it was about, but I knew that I was absolutely misanthropic.

It seems to hate everything in this world, and it doesn't miss every place.

It's like a shell that wastes time, likes to fantasize, lives in its own world, doesn't want to say hello to everything in this world, if it can, I hope everyone can ignore me and become a little transparent.

But no, you cannot.

I still want to live, I still want to accept, I still want to exist, between the virtual and the real, what should I do......

Being is perceiving?!

So, I fell in love with writing novels, creating a world I liked, everyone would live according to my control, and every word I said was also original to me, including the characters, the background of the characters, the whole story line, my heroine is always lively, cute, positive and sunny, because this is what I lack.

Perhaps it can only be completed in this form.

I love it.

And at this moment, it will not be like idol dramas, where there is a warm-hearted senior or bosom friend to come to comfort, and some are always only themselves.

Anytime, one person.

That's right, my favorite at that time was Xiao Yaxuan's sister's "Wonderful Alone" with a very good attitude.

In the dark, there is a providence.

……

Someday.

At night, the starry silence, accompanied by the sound of my sister's breathing, I sat numb under the table, and after the lights were turned off, I could only see the room by moonlight.

Black, lonely, cold.

There was also a knife, a very small fruit knife, which had been hidden for a long time.

I closed my eyes, a tear crossed the corner of my eye, and all the dissatisfaction and despair flashed in my mind at this moment.

I often say to myself: Without you, the sun will still rise tomorrow, the world will still run, and you are just a tiny speck of dust in the vast galaxy, insignificant.

Perhaps, when I am gone, everyone will still cheer, because the burden is lightened, perhaps, it is redundant, it should not exist, perhaps, after that, no one will remember.

I existed.

Actually, I still haven't understood what it means to be alive?!

It's annoying and annoying everywhere, why do you want to live? Why don't you just walk away and fulfill everyone.

The knife slashed through the wrist, which was a relief at this moment.