At that time, when I had just entered adolescence, I was always rebellious, feeling that I couldn't do anything well, like a waste in the world, always sad, always complaining, and always thinking too much.

I will pay special attention to my image in the eyes of others, a look or a word from others, I will think for a long time, whether I am doing something bad, whether everyone hates me, whether I make others angry, in fact, I overestimate my position in the minds of others, probably this is sensitive!

Always care about some things that don't need to be cared about, people are the most selfish animals, they only pay attention to themselves all the time, and no one cares about you at all.

Perhaps, at that time, I was also very "sensitive", and I was always able to discover the unfriendliness of the world, and this ability was not practiced, but it has always existed, existed in my world, so that I lived a depressed and cautious life.

Dejected.

In the past few days since I returned to my hometown, I feel more relaxed than ever, I don't have to ask everything in the world, let go of all my worries, empty myself, and only enjoy the moment, the quietest and most beautiful moment.

But, soon, it will disappear.

Today, the sun is shining, and I came to the side of the yard at home, circling the grapes planted by my grandmother, all of them are full and transparent, I stretched out my hand and picked one, it was very sweet!

As sweet as grandma's smile.

Looking up, looking at a ray of sunlight in the sky, in a trance, the branches and leaves of the grapes hit the top of my head, it seems that I have really grown taller, those who are the same age as me, it seems that there is no change, I can only lean over, leaning over and delusionally thinking that I am as tall as my classmates.

At that time, I seemed to be hunched over.

It became the last thing my mother wanted to see, and after she reprimanded me a few words, she didn't care about me anymore, after all, I didn't matter.

Breathing in the air from above, huh...... I don't like it, other people's height is tall, and my height is "stupid big" in the eyes of others, and later, this became my own mantra to ridicule myself.

……

On weekdays, I am most annoyed by shopping.

Today, my mother is excited to take us to the "market", which is the so-called shopping, in my hometown, we call it "the market", there are two streets, even days to open the east street, odd days to open the west street, since I was born to have a rule, very strange, very traditional.

Today I drove on the east side of the street, but I had to walk a long way, even if I drove an electric tricycle.

I still don't want to go.

Shopping with my mom was a nightmare for me at that time, and it was really scary.

Every time I go shopping, it is a time for me to practice stubbornness, I always don't want to go, but my mother always forces me, and finally everyone goes out in a state of puffing, and I successfully stay at home.

It's the same result every time, I don't know why Mom keeps repeating it and forcing me to be her patent?

At home, only the two-person world of me and my grandmother is left, we watch TV together and listen to small songs, and grandma also hums a few words from time to time, which is a song I have listened to since I was a child, and it is very feeling, and it is very happy!

So I said: "Grandma dresses up, she must be more beautiful than those horns, at least in my heart is the most beautiful, no one can match, hehe~"

Grandma smiled, showing the traces of time.

Kind, kind.

She got up and walked into the bedroom, and I wondered.

Then, I only heard my grandmother open her safe and make a fuss, although I couldn't see it, I could guess what my grandmother was doing.

It was the place I feared the most when I was a child, and I always felt very mysterious, and my grandmother always didn't let us get close, saying that it was the most precious thing in the house.

Therefore, from then on, I regarded this big red safe as a rare and peerless offering, and every time my grandmother opened it, I consciously left and quietly watched from the sidelines.

I saw my grandmother lock the box and take out a few pieces of ten yuan and twenty yuan, I looked at it suspiciously, what is this for? Is grandma going to the streets too?

However, unexpectedly, my grandmother handed me the money and said, "This is fifty yuan, take it, and grandma didn't buy you anything, don't be too little." ”

I looked up, looked at my grandmother's kind face, took the fifty yuan, I felt very uncomfortable, I didn't want it, but I didn't know how to refuse at that time, since it was given by my grandmother, I couldn't pretend, or pretend not to want to pull. In front of grandma, I just want to be my truest self.

My grandmother was usually frugal, and she was reluctant to buy herself a new dress, but she was willing to buy a luxurious cake for my birthday, and I remember all of this.

Seeing that I took the money, my grandmother smiled again.

I still haven't changed, I haven't become polite with her and become rusty, she is very relieved, after so many years, it is still the same.

Just looked at the grandmother in front of him, maybe because of his young age at the time, he was not very emotional at that time, if it was now, he might have been in tears.

Sure enough, when you are old, you can't stand the waves.

Grandma peeled the peanuts and peas in her hand, and it was said that she was going to make porridge at night, and the porridge in the Central Plains was thicker than porridge, and the batter was added, which was very fragrant.

I also joined my grandmother.

At this moment, in a trance, it seemed to be back to when I was a child, following my grandmother all day long, shouting "Grandma!" Grandmother! But there was nothing to do, just shouting.

Grandma always responded to me with a smile, but on the premise that I didn't make a mistake, if I made a mistake, grandma was very strict with me.

Don't look at my grandmother's very happy appearance now, in fact, in my impression, she once thought about it.

I still remember that scene.

At that time, there were only the two of us in the house, and my grandmother stood in the yard, looking at the night sky, and shouted in pain: "I don't want to live anymore, I don't want to live, I don't want to live, I don't want to live...... I don't want to live" Holding a bottle of something called a pesticide in her hand, with tears in her eyes, she drank it all!

Grandma fell.

I was playing in the house, and when I heard the movement, I immediately ran out, and when I saw my grandmother falling in front of me, I panicked.

"Wow-" I didn't know what was going on, but I could only cry.

But it was also because of my crying that the second grandfather of the next door heard the sound, and after seeing his grandmother, he was immediately sent to a small clinic in the village, and then to a small hospital in the county, so that he could be rescued.

And I, I can only stay at home and watch the house the whole time, lying at the gate looking forward to it, grandpa, second grandfather, aunt and uncle and his party accompanied grandma throughout the whole process, and found it in time, grandma is fine.

After all, I was only about three years old at the time, and I only remember the scene when my grandmother fell and I waited at home alone, I don't know what happened, and I don't know that my grandmother almost left me for a long time.

I just remember that it was windy and extremely cold that night.

The children who were brought up by their grandparents have a very soft heart.

For a long time, I kept having the same dream in a loop, and every time I was scared to wake up, I was sweating profusely.

In the dream, at night, I walked to the gate and wanted to close it, but as a result, it was very windy.

But the door couldn't be closed, and the wind brought a few ghost-like things, looking at the two tombs at the door dimly, and closing the door with all his strength, but ......

They slammed the door open with a wicked smile, I closed it again, banged it open again, and the cycle repeated, the people of my hometown were feudal and superstitious, believing in ghosts and gods.

As a result, every time I walked to the gate, I would think of that dream, my grandmother asked me to close the gate, and I immediately died.

In the dream, it was terrible.