I'm not really a good boy, and if I don't like or dislike a child, I will also gang up with my sister to bully her. When we play with mud together, when we get angry, we will throw sticky dirt at each other, making each other's clothes and faces dirty.

The little brother in the village said that I was ugly and my braids were ugly. I didn't glare at him, and walked past him gently, not wanting to reply. But I also have a grudge in my heart, and I don't want to talk to him when I meet him later.

I'm a little talkative and a little introverted, and my parents often call me wooden. Won't take the initiative to say hello, won't speak, and say I'm like a mute. Although I heard this a lot, I slowly got used to it. But every time I hear it, I still feel a dull pain in my heart. I feel that I will never please my parents, and I will always be the worst and most redundant of the many sisters.

I actually wanted to please my parents, and since I was six or seven years old, as soon as my parents told me to go to the field to pull weeds, I would obediently go to the field to help. My sister was reluctant to go to the field when she was eight or nine years old, and every time she went to the field, she would always find all kinds of excuses to sneak away.

In the first and second grades, my parents gave my younger brother five cents of pocket money, and one or two cents for me, and I didn't feel anything in my heart. Thinking that my brother is a boy, he is the treasure of his parents, and it is normal to have more pocket money than me. When I was in the third grade, I heard that my second sister was short-sighted, her family had no money, and my parents couldn't afford to buy glasses for my second sister. I thought my family was poor, and from then on, I stopped asking my parents for pocket money. At school, I often see children buying snacks, so I look at them and don't look at them anymore. Thinking to myself, I want to control my mouth and reduce the burden on my parents, and I began to become sensible.

In winter, the cold wind howls and blows the skin dry and cracked. My cheeks were crimson from the cold, and I didn't dare ask my parents to buy me a box of alabaster. At that time, alabaster was two dollars a box, which was already sky-high in my eyes. Thinking that I can save money, the alabaster in my mother's room, I feel very satisfied when I secretly apply it every few days.

Before every meal, my sister would let the three of us eat less meat, saying that it was very hard for our parents to go to the fields, and we should leave more meat for our parents to eat. I nodded, and the obedient ones only ate one or two pieces of meat at each meal and stopped touching them, and ate more rice and vegetables to fill up. And my parents are probably afraid that we won't have enough to eat, and we don't eat much meat. I often eat leftover fish heads, chew fish bones, and eat with relish. The brother who eats the most meat is the younger brother, and most of the meat on the table goes into his stomach.

When there is less meat to eat, the man becomes thin and small, and his hair is dry and yellow, like a wild child. The children in the village often called me ugly. And the younger brother looks a little fleshy, very fleshy, cute and cute.

In order to make myself feel present in this family and please my parents, I have been following my parents to get up in the middle of the night to cut vegetables since I was ten years old. On weekends and holidays, or winter and summer vacations, my mother will wake up from bed at two or three o'clock in the morning and go to the field to cut vegetables. Because Dad had to rush to the wholesale market at six o'clock in the morning to sell the vegetables. It's fine in the summer, but it's cool in the middle of the night when it's windy. In winter, when I woke up in the middle of the night, I was shivering from the cold, so I could only wear more clothes. At two or three o'clock in the morning, the green leaves in the field were still full of cold dew. I cut the vegetables for a while, and it was wet and cold, and my hands and feet were frozen and stiff, and the cold even penetrated into my bones. Holding vegetables in his left hand and a knife in his right hand, his hands are so cold that cutting vegetables is a little unfavorable. The clay under your feet is still sticky to the entire sole of the shoe, which is heavy and difficult to walk, but it is too cold to wear shoes. It is often necessary to use a knife to cut the layers of clay from the soles of the shoes, otherwise it is easy to slip and fall when walking.

After cutting the vegetables, I still need to pick the vegetables with my mother, from the vegetable field to the tricycle. It's okay for two people to pick dozens of pounds, sometimes even more than 100 pounds, which pressed my waist so much that I almost couldn't get up. I can only grit my teeth and try my best to pick up the dishes with my mother, and sometimes I will twist my waist, and my shoulder will hurt when I press it. From the vegetable patch to the tricycle, there is a distance of about 100 meters. When the dish is too heavy, it will stop for a while. Otherwise, you will only make yourself more tired. I'm just a teenager, I'm still a girl, and my ability to handle it is very limited. When I felt that I had reached the point where I could bear it, I would tell my mother that I needed to take a break, and my mother agreed to stop together.

Sometimes, when it rains in the middle of the night, I can only walk with my mother from home to the field in a raincoat. When I hear lightning and thunder on the road, I will also be afraid of being slashed. The rain is very frightening, and it hurts when the raindrops hit the face. When the rain washes over the eyes, the eyes will interfere uncomfortably. When I arrived at the vegetable field, I could only keep my head down and cut vegetables. After being soaked in the rain for a long time, my hands will be white and wrinkled. At that time, the raincoat would leak, and I could often feel the rain soaking most of the clothes inside. Fortunately, there is a raincoat to block the wind, so it doesn't feel too cold. After cutting the vegetables, go home and change your clothes quickly, otherwise it is easy to catch a cold.

I'm not always so diligent, and I feel envious when I see that my sister doesn't need to go to the field in the middle of the night to cut vegetables. Sometimes I even learn that my sister doesn't go to the field to cut vegetables, and sleeps until dawn. But when my mother came home at dawn, she would whip me with bamboo chips. While smoking, he said to me, what are you reading if you are so lazy, just don't read. I have always been obedient and obedient to the field to cut vegetables, which has made my mother think that it is a matter of course for me to go to the field to cut vegetables. If you don't obey and disobey once, you will be beaten in exchange. When I was a teenager, I also needed to grow my body, and I didn't sleep in the middle of the night, so that my dark circles came out.

I was punished obediently, without justifying it, and without asking why my sister didn't have to go, why I had to go. Is it because I'm obedient? Is it because I won't resist? Is it because I'm not likable? Or is it because I have no other use than to go to the fields to help?

I let the tears slide down my face, let the bamboo slices be pumped on my hands and legs over and over again, let my mother say that I was lazy, and let the unwillingness in my heart breed wantonly.

When it comes to the rebellious period of youth, when my parents talk about me, I will also talk back. I am also lazy and don't want to pull weeds in the fields, but most of the time I am still well-behaved and obedient. I was always in the top 3 in primary school, I started to cook in the fourth and fifth grades, and I started cooking in the sixth grade.

Since the eldest sister got married, the second sister went to another city to study in college, and the third and fourth sisters graduated from junior high school and went out to work. I became the boss in the eyes of my younger siblings, and I took care of all three meals a day. My younger siblings are disobedient to discipline, and I am actually a little tired. Sometimes I would take bamboo chips out to scare them and make me angry, and I would smoke them. My brother's little demon king, who was pumped, also looked like he was grinning with his teeth, and he said that he was going to fight with me. I said don't eat if you have the ability, but he doesn't have that ability. When it was time to eat, he was cheeky and went to the table, and he glared at me so hard that he almost pulled out two eyeballs and smashed them in my face.