I really want to deceive myself that this is a dream, I tried again and again, I wanted to lie to myself that this was a dream, yes, this is fake, I was dreaming just now, what I have to do now is turn on the computer and look at the DV on the table, I want to give him a gift, a special gift for Valentine's Day, an exclusive gift for Internet lovers, the computer plug is not plugged in, how the can this be true, well, it was a complete false alarm just now, I plugged in the power and listened to the familiar boot music, this is really a dream, the boot is over, Looking at her familiar on the computer desktop, whew, this is the real world, Open QQ, everything is normal, keep the content of the last chat, wow, she updated the space dynamics, I clicked in, I saw, I see, I seem to have seen the content of the dream, it's different from that dream, there are a lot of comments below, "99" Compared with this photo, Gege smiled very happily, this happiness is from the inside out, the boy also smiled very happily, but, his eyes entered the sand, and the itch actually flowed out of the droplets, Like tears.

The voice in my head kept saying to me, this is real, this is not a dream, it is not a droplet, it is not tears, accept what you see with your eyes now.

You shut up for me, it's all fake, this is a dream, don't try to lie to me, I struggled hysterically with that voice to defend the dignity and so-called "love" that is fragile and cannot be fragile. Gradually, my consciousness began to blur, I felt the silence around me, which made me feel more relaxed than I had ever been, I felt that I couldn't open my eyes immediately, and at the moment when I was about to close my eyes, it was as if I saw a person walking towards me, and I wanted to speak......

I came to the grass again, not far away Gege was teaching a group of children to sing, the children were laughing so brightly, I could only see Gege's back, she was also smiling very brightly, I wanted to go over and join them, but I found that I couldn't move, I could only watch from a distance, just keep watching, gradually, I found that they were getting farther and farther away from me, until there was darkness in front of me, after a period of dizziness, I slowly opened my eyes, Xia Zichen was looking me up and down at the moment, seeing that I woke up and didn't speak, I know, just now, I really entered the dream realm, thinking back to what happened today, I felt that I did not belong to this world or this time and space, and the fragmented memories were put together, and I had to recognize this reality.

"You're awake, that," Xia Zichen paused again and again, I knew what he wanted to say, "You must know it too" I pointed to the computer as I said that, the picture at the moment was still stuck in the past, there was no change, I think at most there were a few more lines of 99 below.

Xia Zichen wanted to say something, but I didn't give him a chance, and I could imagine what he was going to say, "Zichen, you don't have to mention this matter, do you think I'm such a fragile person, don't I still have a good place now, why should you go, go and play with your Hanqing" I said to him lightly.

"Are you really okay"?

"We didn't know each other on the first day, you forgot, the girl I had a crush on in Lao Tzu Elementary School, didn't it work out later, did you see me do something stupid" In order to dispel his doubts, I had to move out all the old things.

Looking at my indifferent attitude, he slowly dispelled his concerns, sat down and chatted with me for half an hour, feeling that I was really fine, before leaving with peace of mind, before leaving, he said to me meaningfully, "This is just a part of life, there is still a lot of life you are worth doing" After saying this more compelling sentence, he left.

Xia Zichen just left, I finally didn't hold back, this is the first time I cry in my life, crying like a little girl without scruples, I don't know. Looking at the boy in this photo, I feel more and more, this is what a boy should look like, a neat hairstyle, and of course, this cigarette that I hate the most, do girls like this, I started to desperately rummage through the room, just to find a box, no, even a cigarette, but I couldn't find anything.

Crazy, I ran out of the house and bought a box of cigarettes at the convenience store, and couldn't wait to pull out one and put it in the corner of my mouth, the moment the lighter flashed, it marked that Chen Yitian was finally a man, and he was no longer the child who dodged when he smelled smoke in a school uniform in a bar...... The child was gone.

The first sip, swallowing the smoke ring, the strong suffocation and the extremely hot stinging sensation made my whole person unable to stand, I could only bend over and cough, although I had also smoked before, but it was just into the mouth, and then spit out, at this time I couldn't help but think of Brother Lin's words, the cigarette is not inhaled, then you smoke my cigarette is not a waste, thinking of this sentence, I began to slowly control the inhalation', when I smoked the 11th one, I finally mastered the general skills, at least I would not let myself choke too uncomfortable.

The bathroom in high school is often also a place where everyone gathers to smoke, starting today, a new member of the smoking club has been added, Chen Yitian, class leader Qi Junkai saw me holding a cigarette and lighting a fire, I can't believe it, when did you learn to smoke, I don't know, his tone was slightly surprised, I didn't pay attention to it, just shook my head, and handed him one by the way, he didn't ask for it in vain, but taught me a lot of smoking skills, I feel like I'm a genius, definitely a genius of smoking.

When night fell, instead of sitting in the classroom like most people and reviewing the key points, I sneaked home.

Sitting in front of the computer, looking at her wallpaper, all the memories began to strike again, just like the torture that Prometheus had to suffer every day, except that I was mentally tortured.

"Chen Yitian, do you still have a glimmer of hope, do you still want to deceive yourself Is this fake, is it a dream? Why did you enter the space again to find that dynamic" The voice was roaring, looking like a scene in a dream, and he couldn't deceive himself at this moment, tears hit the keyboard, and the voice in his heart kept shouting, Chen Yitian, you fucking turn off the computer for me, fuck your bitch, and look.

However, I have long been numb, and I will not be disturbed by that voice at all, but learn to smoke in the posture of the boy in the photo, the girl originally liked such a boy, and it turned out that such a boy could be favored by the girl, Chen Yitian is me, am I still Chen Yitian, the voice in my heart is worthy of this body.

On February 13, 2017, at 23:48, the weather was a little cool, but fortunately, I was still alive.

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