(Due to the excessive number of words in this chapter, it has been updated in two parts, and the following is the second half of "52 Below".) ）

Growing years kill people, not people who die naturally from organ failure as they get older. There are few people in this world who have not died because of the curse of age.

The heart, like time, counts down from the beginning of movement, time calculates life in the universe, and the heart calculates life. Last night, when I thought of the boss Xingbang, Lao Ma's ears didn't dare to stick to the pillow for a long time, and as soon as he stuck to the pillow, he immediately heard his heartbeat. The quieter the environment, the clearer it can be heard, like a mechanical second hand installed in the ear – plop, plop, plop – never stops. The old horse's greatest fear was to hear his own heartbeat, like the footsteps of death, approaching him little by little from a distance.

One summer, when Xingbang returned, Lao Ma suddenly found that his arms were covered with bloody hemorrhoids - fleas were large and dense. With dark skin and usually not caring about it, he usually didn't notice it, and the old horse was taken aback the moment he saw it. Later, I consulted the village gentleman (doctor), and the family was concerned with liver depression, fatty liver, and chronic hepatitis. When Lao Ma reminded Xingbang, he realized that he knew that he could not solve it by taking medicine alone. Xingbang is no longer young, why does he still have expectations for him? Who would expect from someone who is almost fifty? Maybe even Xingbang himself didn't have expectations for himself.

As a social person, Ma Xingbang is a failure; But as a son and brother, he is almost perfect. Maybe it's because of his goodness that Lao Ma hopes that he can live a better and more stable life. But why is it that every time they meet, he is always dissatisfied with his son like this, so dissatisfied, and as soon as Xingbang leaves, he remembers all kinds of good things about his son.

Maybe Gui Ying is right, he is old, his set is useless, and it is annoying to be overthrown! What value does the seventy-year-old horse have left? The main force of the family's farm work has long been replaced by prosperity, and he is just tepidly pointing fingers on the sidelines. He can't be the master of Guiying's life, and he can't be the master of Xingbang's fate if he wants to.

The values that Lao Ma had built with his heart for thirty years collapsed and became useless. Yes, he seems to have lost the meaning of life, and feels that he is superfluous to the people he regards as important. His body was pieced together from the superfluous things in this world, and now he was doing superfluous things, living superfluous days, and expending superfluous energy...... There is no pattern, sharpness or grandeur in this superfluous body, only the surplus grains and chickens, ducks and fish meat are just a rao thing.

Old age, so hurtful.

What makes Lao Ma even more sad is that since Xingbang left yesterday and quarreled with Gui Ying, he had palpitations and panic every now and then, and at this moment he couldn't restrain his hands from trembling, shortness of breath, and chest tightness. If you don't have enough breath, you can't get up and out, and you can't get a yawn.

The old horse is old, so old that it makes the children angry; too old to be treated by himself; It's better to be old than to die.

At four or five o'clock this morning, he kept dreaming, dreaming. Big dreams, dreams, long dreams, short dreams...... It's like a movie, disturbing his aging body. He dreamed that he was back in his teens, living in the shell of a fearless and courageous teenager, and seeing unfortunate and cruel things happen again and again—starving, beating, being shot by devils, fighting to death by the villagers...... He dreamed that the wind swept him into the air, and when he fell to the ground, when he opened his eyes, several members of the family were gone, and he thought that he had starved to death and was carried away by his neighbors, and the old horse was so anxious that he lay on the ground and cried; He dreamed that his eldest (father, Lao Ma's father) had nothing to eat, and he was lying alone on the side of the kang, and his face was so white that he was almost dying; He dreamed that his mother was lying in the kang, waiting for money to save his life, but the old horse couldn't borrow the money...... As long as he dreams that his family is not doing well, the septuagenarian after waking up from the dream must take some time to digest his cold and hard mood.

After shedding a few tears, I don't know what time it is in the morning, and the old horse fell asleep again. After falling asleep, he dreamed that he went to see Shehuo, and happened to see his son Xingbang in the crowd, and he was sure that the person was his son Ma Xingbang, but the man was evasive and unwilling to see him. Hearing that he was not doing well, the old horse stood in place sadly and looked coldly, and the thousands of people next to him passed by him like a river with joy and noise......

Before waking up, Lao Ma also dreamed of Gui Ying's mother-in-law and her mother, and dreamed of talking to them, eating, planting wheat, and picking mung beans...... It is a kind of luck to dream that your family members are working together and continue to live, especially when you see your long-deceased family members in a dream, but unfortunately most people wake up from their dreams and have a heavy heart.

The old man is not the only one who is worried about supporting the elderly. At half past four in the afternoon, Zhong Neng, who was extremely tired from a hard work, walked back with his things. The old man sitting on the bus remembered that his son had been drunk every day recently, and the shop had been completely abandoned, and he slept until two or three o'clock in the afternoon, and drank until two or three o'clock in the evening in the early morning - what kind of day is this! Whoever goes on like this, how can he not be abolished. Fang was at work, and Xuecheng called him with a crying voice and asked him when he would come back. As soon as Zhong Neng heard that breath, he knew that the child had been beaten again, and he was so distressed that he sulked while sweeping the street and wiped his tears, and his dark face was even more wrinkled because of the pain.

When recalling, Zhong Li's grandmother was irritable, using sticks, pinching with her hands, slapping and slapping at every turn, beating her mother-in-law, her husband and children all her life, Zhong Neng grew up in a high-pressure environment, slightly cowardly by nature, or overly cautious. Later, he married Zhong Li's mother, who was also short-tempered, and it was common to roll up his sleeves and scold others at the door of his house. Zhong Neng never blamed her, but was grateful to her. The people in the village, which one is not afraid of the strong and bullying the weak? Zhong Li's fucking spicy and domineering was also forced, in the end, to get by.

A person with a very strong personality must have a person with a very soft nature by his side. Zhong Neng's father is such a character, and so is Zhong Neng himself. The four diseases are inherited like genes, and sometimes when I look at myself, I am more like my mother as a father, and I look more like my grandmother as a grandfather. It didn't matter, he had already figured it out. It doesn't matter whether he has dignity or not, whether he is valued or not, what matters is that he knows what he is doing, how important what he is doing is to his studies, and what value he has to Xuemei.

Zhong Neng has no ability in this life, when he was a child, his family had no money, he didn't go to school for a year, when he was young, he had no money to go out to see the world, and soon after getting married, he had children. Poor Zhong Neng, self-reflection, he has not made any great contributions in his life except farming and raising children - no English to the country, no English to the society, no Ying to Zhong Jiawan and no cherry blossoms in his family, he also thinks that he has never been the person who has contributed the most.

He doesn't know how to sing, he doesn't like to read, he doesn't like to study, he doesn't know how to be a carpenter, he can't be a plasterer and can't do business, he doesn't talk much in front of people, he is not so motivated and won't compete in the future, he has been farming in the village for more than 40 years, he has no close friends, no lucrative income, and no excellent farming skills......

No ability, no talent, no interest, the old man Zhong can almost be dirt and chaff in this life, and he works in vain, except for relying on farming to provide Zhong Li as a college student.

After thousands of calculations, I didn't expect Zhong Li to become like this for a while.

Utterly disappointed, utterly disappointed.

Zhong Neng kept sighing on the bus, as if every sigh he took was the last breath of his life.

It is undeniable that Xuemei and Xuecheng cushioned the old man's disappointment with his son to some extent. At first, I watched the doll grow up inch by inch, crying and laughing when she spoke, she could eat, read and write, call grandpa, stick to him, rely on him, and bully him...... At that time, Lun Zhile was full of half a hundred Zhong Neng, and the birth and growth of two children almost offset his own boredom, incompetence and uselessness.

As a grandfather, he thinks about what he has to do for the children, such as making good food, buying fun, adding some clothes, and seeing a doctor in time...... When Zhong Li was hopelessly depressed one by one, he himself had to fight hard when he was old, just for Xuemei and Xuecheng in college.

Sorry!

Falling red is not a ruthless thing, turning into spring mud is more protective of flowers.

He used to live for his son, but now the loss that overflowed from his son has turned into a double energy, just because he has a new goal - grandchildren. The new goals of the past have been replaced by higher and stronger goals, so he considers himself more valuable than before—he is more important to his children and family, his old age is more fulfilling, and his fragile life is more alive and flavorful.

It's a pity, it's too late. He was sixty-five, and the exertion made him almost squeezable. Recently, I have always been unwell, and I wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning almost every night, and I can't sleep anymore after waking up. His knees were sore and numb, his back was uncomfortably hard, and he could barely lie flat with three thick books of Meimei under his back.

There must be something to be desired. Zhong Neng is not without his strengths. He is good at seeing and letting go, he can self-comfort and self-dissolve, and survive in the cracks all his life, but there is a hope in his life, he is all fiercely grasping and clenching, thinking about letting hope guide him out of vulgarity and mediocrity, and letting hope guide him to live more energetically! At this moment, he still has a beautiful hope, but it is a pity that no matter how beautiful the hope is, it can't match his old age. Standing and sweeping the street, with his hands raised and his shoulders towering, Zhong Neng sat on the bus, his back was sore, his knees hurt, his arms were weak, and the soles of his feet did not dare to touch the ground.

"It's so tiring to have a holiday, it's better to be relaxed! When I think about going to work, I can't sleep! At eleven o'clock in the evening, Gui Ying lay on the bed and complained to Zhiyuan.

"What are you worried about?" Zhiyuan turned off the bedside lamp and turned to ask his wife.

"What's the concern...... Unclear. Worry about work, today the group spread the news that the group is going to lay off employees, and my heart is cold when I hear it. This is my big customer, my biggest customer. Gui Ying hugged the pillow and sighed frequently.

"Didn't you talk about going with the flow before? Now that the general trend is like this, are you going to go retrograde? Accept a trend when you are powerless to change it! ”

"Humph! Accept? I will lose tens of thousands of dollars in this order! Gui Ying grinned helplessly, listening to Zhiyuan's light words that drifted in the wind.

Sure enough, there is a chasm between the white-faced scholar and the firewood, rice, oil and salt. When He Zhiyuan heard that he had lost tens of thousands of dollars in an order, his face pretended to be calm, and he chuckled in his heart, and when he settled the account, this order was almost his annual salary in the supermarket.

"Isn't that still undecided? Why are you worried about something you're not sure about? ”

"It's not just this, but also my eldest brother's factory. Some time ago, he had no money to pay his salary, and he personally told me that the factory was not profitable and had no income, and he couldn't pay workers' wages when it stopped production, so he also took out a loan. This time, I give him money, but he doesn't want it, my eldest brother is too face-saving! ”

"Why don't you take out the money you manage and give it to the eldest brother directly! It's not up to you to call the shots in this house! ”

Hearing the praise, Gui Ying laughed twice.

"I've been wondering whether to give it or not. If he gives it suddenly, he will think it is a charity, and he will definitely not return it to me - this kind of thing has never happened, you know! He may be able to accept 120,000, 20,000 or 30,000, and he resolutely refuses to ask for 100,000, 200,000 or 300,000. He is a man who only allows others to owe him, and he doesn't want to owe him or forgive—even if it's me, my own sister! In his concept, if he borrows money and doesn't spare money, he is inferior to others - ouch! Not transparent! It's a bit like an old man. ”

"Maybe it's because you're a lot more than him! Drop it, you are the eldest sister and he is the younger brother, I think he may accept it. ”

"I know him and will never talk to me unless I have to. His character is never willing to drag others down, let alone me, we still have the burden of two children, these two children are like a leaking machine, my brother can see it. In the end, my eldest brother still didn't want to disturb me, and the more he did this, the more uncomfortable I became. ”

"You can't worry about yourself, I still envy you, you have such two good brothers. I'm going to work tomorrow morning, don't think about it! Relax and go to bed early! Zhiyuan touched Gui Ying's nose.

As soon as the two of them fell asleep, suddenly Gui Ying turned her head to the air: "Oh yes, the Mid-Autumn Festival, I will pick up Yangyang after I am older, and I won't leave for a while, I haven't followed you yet!" ”

Gui Yingwan slept to the right, and Zhiyuan responded when he heard this, and suddenly he didn't feel sleepy anymore.

Why is he reluctant to let his father-in-law stay and live with their family? No, yes. There are parents at home, and he doesn't seem to reject them at all from beginning to end, after all, it's his own family. But why is he holding his breath, staring at the flower board, and his brain is constantly running? Perhaps, he was not ready to have an old man in the family to live with them for a long time, or maybe he was not ready to accept a pair of critical eyes staring at him for a long time.

Middle-aged people are anxious, but they are not so anxious. He was not satisfied with his job at the supermarket, but he didn't want to leave quickly. He's going through a career transition, but he hasn't figured out when it's over. He was vague about his decisions and opinions, but he was well aware of his father-in-law's zero tolerance for such ambiguity.

Wearing it, He Zhiyuan was a little afraid. I am afraid that my elegance and self-confidence will be beaten with a whip, I am afraid that my solitary contemplation will be ridiculed, and I am afraid that my transition period or the turning point of my life will be affected or disturbed by unwillingness.

I don't know why, tonight's Bao Xiaotang also lost sleep. When it comes to boyfriends at the sister party, she doesn't get much, she doesn't have much, but she is even a little unhappy. Zhu Hao had very little communication with her after a business trip, not like a normal couple. Xiaotang sent three or five messages in the past, and he only replied to one one, which was short, ruthless, and extremely slow.

She vaguely felt like she was being left out - didn't she know that she had fallen in! Bao Xiaotang was a little surprised, she was sure that she had not fallen in love with Zhu Hao yet. From appreciating to liking, there is almost zero distance in between; From love to love, there is a long distance in between, and sometimes it is a mountain that cannot be crossed. I won't fall so soon! However, why is it late at night, she looks at WeChat every few minutes and flips through the conversation records of Liangrao.

I can't put it down, and I can't make a phone call if I want to. In the game between lovers, she understands that whoever calls first will lose first, who is in a hurry and who disarms first, and who surrenders first means that who will be in a lower position in the future. Such a naïve and low-level game, but between people who are ambiguous or just in love, it is so common that it is popular and even universal.

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