It was as if we had an instant enlightenment, found a key to unlock the door, and left the beach satisfied.

Came to Bingtong's house, his parents and grandmother were sitting in the living room, looking at us coldly, it seems that some things really can't be hidden, I sympathize with Bingtong, this kind of pressure is really great, maybe it's because of me, the grumpy Huang father didn't do it, but the cold violence is more deadly, but Bingtong is better than I imagined, he is not autistic, I see hope in his gaze, not my hope, but his hope.

We didn't talk all night like we used to, the scene of two older boys lying in bed without saying a word was really weird, and I was smoking a cigarette again, how wrong I thought.

"Give me another one" Seeing that I smoked, Bingtong asked for one, and the room gradually became smoky, if anyone pushed the door at this moment, it would create an illusion that we were cultivating.

"What are we going to do tomorrow"? Bingtong said suddenly.

This sentence turned me down, a simple question, I really don't know how to answer, yes, what to do tomorrow, tomorrow we will continue to think about what to do tomorrow, this is an endless cycle.

It seems that if we really want to find the life we like, the first thing to do is to solve the problem of what to do tomorrow, this is the fundamental, this is the direction.

"Actually, I don't have any interest in tomorrow, I don't see hope, I just want to live in my own world one day at a time, but until a girl appears, as if I see hope, and then hope is shattered, and now you want to ask me, what will happen tomorrow, what answer do you want from me"1

You are an idealist, I am a realist, so, our tomorrow will be different, but the purpose is the same, that is, to please yourself"!

You're as tall as Xia Zichen now!"

Pleasing oneself and making oneself happy, this is the fundamental purpose of everyone, and it is also the meaning and ultimate pursuit of living in the world.

My thoughts began to be chaotic again, I don't know why, I now began to become indecisive, after determining an idea, I immediately vetoed the idea, and then thought about whether the idea was feasible, and then it felt completely feasible, so I re-selected the idea, weighed the pros and cons and then vetoed the idea, and the cycle was endless, and my head was about to explode, I felt for the first time that I needed help, real help, I wanted to make a strong choice on my own, and the result was such an embarrassing appearance.

For some reason, I suddenly remembered my mother, remembered the estrangement with her, the quarrel with her, and talked about everything with her, I often complained to her, you don't know me at all, she repeated over and over again that you were born to me, and no one knows you better than me.

I suddenly had the idea of confessing to my mother, and my brain did not reject this idea, and after a long thought, I decided to confide in my mother, my feelings, my confusion, and make a confession.

"Dear Mom"

"You may be surprised, I will take the initiative to chat with you, instead of asking you for money, we have been in conflict for many years, and even often do not speak for a week or two, it is commonplace, but you still provide me with enough material to keep me alive, I have not been grateful, or as always, I have gone my own way, and I have also suffered a lot of trouble, I feel that I have done a lot of things in the eyes of the world, I am a bad boy, an unqualified son, I think many times, you must be very disappointed, other people's children are always excellent, I never dare to think about what I am in your eyes, there is no way to be excellent, I vaguely remember that sometimes we can talk calmly at the dinner table, and only at that time, I will feel that you are a great person, but that kind of time is always very little, more endless quarrels, countless cold wars, I have always hoped that time will be faster, and then pass faster, I want to grow up, I want to be free from your shackles, I want to be completely free, I want to do my own way to the extreme, but now, I'm eighteen years old, I left H City, I met my best friends, I lived as a child, but I realized at this time that many times, I can't face some things alone at all, and I can't make the right choices, you will teach me what to do and what not to do, you will tell me what the real world is like, you will ask me about my homework, you will let me wear more clothes in the winter, you have touched almost everything, but in fact, you have never mentioned one thing, that is, feelings, maybe you see this, You will be very surprised, how much I am hiding from you behind my back, what I want to tell you next may be even more surprising, in fact, I fell in love when I was a freshman in high school, adults like to say early love, but you never ask about emotional things, which I have always been grateful, but my way of falling in love is different from most people, online dating, which is why you often see me constantly tapping on the keyboard, I was actually very happy in the three years of high school, maybe you have noticed, the three years of high school, The frequency of our quarrels is getting less and less, so sometimes we can still communicate like friends, maybe there is a reason for this, you know, I never show feelings, so you all think that this child, cold-blooded, no emotion, is a cold machine, every time you quarrel you will tell me, a person can not be pessimistic about the world, there are many beautiful things in this world, you are right, this world is indeed beautiful things, that is love, in fact, I have no concept of love at all, I only know that this thing allows me to live a normal life, I can feel that the world is not so cold, in fact, I have seen clearly a year ago that the world is completely maintained by one thing, that is, love, family, friendship and love, my most proud friendship, I have made a group of trustworthy friends, and even confidants, although I am very lacking in family affection, but you have been using various methods to make up for it, so that I also feel good, only feelings, I have always felt that this is too far away for me, even untouchable! So, now that I have the opportunity, I can meet the girls who are dating online, but, I don't know how to choose, you said you know me best, so can you tell me the answer, how should I choose, this advice you gave me will change the trajectory of my life for the rest of my life."

After typing these words, I looked at it again and again, and I wanted to take this opportunity to apologize to my mother and apologize for what I have done over the years, however, these apologies were deleted before they were sent, and I knew my mistakes and did not admit them, this is me, I hope this mistake, I can really change it!

After posting this paragraph, I was as nervous as waiting for what she would send me every time I sent a sentence to Gege!