I watched the time slowly move towards tomorrow, pointing to six o'clock in the morning on July 15th, I got on the first bus to XM City, an hour and a half away, I can finally have a good rest, now, I can finally think about nothing, just do one thing, sleep peacefully, the brain did not go against me this time, maybe the brain will not be able to stay up if it does not rest.

XM City High-speed Rail Station, very deserted, when the voice broadcast "The train from xx to xx is checking tickets, please ......" I just cleared my head, my brain began to work normally, I, really set off!

Walking into the platform and looking at the snow-white Harmony train, it was more beautiful than I had imagined, nothing more.

I am a happy child now, my eyes are full of hope, I feel that everything around me is good, kind, I like it, even if anyone punches me now, I will not be angry, looking at the rapidly changing scenery outside the window, looking at the passengers up and down, I suddenly feel that I am the happiest person on the G324 train, at least today I am.

However, as for the phrase that I agree with and abide by, what is after happiness and happiness? It was endless darkness and a huge sense of disparity, and now I would never identify with him

I suddenly remembered what Gege said, before I arrived, tell her in advance, and she would come to pick me up. I should feel very honored, today, what an important person I am, I think it is very important in her heart, otherwise, why let me be so important once, fantasizing about the scene of our first meeting today, she looked carefully at the passers-by outside the station, and when I appeared in front of her, her demeanor would be like. What would be the first thing she said to me, I imagined that in the fantasy world, I was subjectively terrible!

Fortunately, Xia Zichen pulled me back to reality.

He sent me a message telling me how you would feel if you saw more than just Gege outside the station, and maybe there was a young man with a strong social atmosphere next to him. This sentence brought me back to reality at once, and most importantly, it reminded myself of the purpose of me, the purpose of meeting her, and what my purpose was.

Fantasy will kill me, it can give me satisfaction in virtual space, and reality will suddenly give me a punch.

Xia Zichen asked me to adjust my mentality, face her calmly, and have no illusions.

I can tell him now, it's all right, I was in the same state of mind, it's just that I haven't seen her yet, I'm not in that city, everything is just like paper.

A few times I wanted to message Gege and tell her that I was on my way to tell him where and when I got off. After much hesitation, I gave up.

I suddenly realized that my thoughts and mentality at the moment were terrible, and I even began to question myself, why am I so happy and excited now, listening to the radio, getting closer and closer to F City, the more excited I am, why? Why be excited, be so happy, and hope, damn hope, don't you just go and see a friend, that's all, what am I thinking about now? I actually thought about what she would say in the first sentence of the meeting, and did it matter what she said? Do you have any other words besides hello, nice to see you? I'm still worried, worried that there will be someone else next to her, maybe her lover or friend, is that something I should be thinking about?

Do I go to F City to regret or to plant the seeds of real regret, can I really guarantee to communicate with her with a calm state of mind, and then leave calmly with a smile, I can't answer the questions I asked, I fell silent and fell into a tangle.

Looking back on the days after I had the idea of looking for her, the huge changes in my thoughts and mentality, I suddenly realized that this was not Chen Yitian at all, Chen Yitian was a pessimist, a complete coward, a veteran escaper, and even a dog in the night.

How good am I now, how rock 'n' roll, how fucking great, where am I now? It's on the way to F City, and I think it's a great journey!

I deceived myself so deeply that I couldn't tell if I was me or not, and it seemed that when I spoke, I was not deceiving anyone else, but deceiving myself, comforting myself, a living schizophrenic.

Now, I'm at a loss about my decision, I'm not a happy person right now, I'm a cute and helpless kid just coming of age.

It all stems from damn hope, Gege made me see a glimmer of hope, or a lot of hope, and the funny thing is that I actually think that hope is a good thing, that hope is a lamp, that it is the love of the gods, but I don't know the quality, I don't know what the purpose is.

The sudden jolt of the train made me stop this endless confusion of thinking.

There was sunshine outside the window, green trees, beautiful passengers and flight attendants in the car, great music on the radio, everything was so real and harmonious, the only thing that seemed out of place was me in the 4A seat.

I don't know if it's a coincidence or providence, the music on the radio suddenly switches to the dream of snow, which gives me goosebumps and makes me feel that I am dreaming, I am now in a psychedelic world, in a dream, an endless dream.

My mind was uncontrolled and turned into a shell, and how I wish that personality would get out of here and control me now, so that I could hide where he would normally be!

I closed my eyes and let my brain play freely, I didn't have any thoughts, no activities, just one breath, quietly listening to the dreams of the snow in this soft seat, hoping that when this piece ended, I could go back to a month ago, even if it was a day ago, at least not as tormented as now.

However, I thought too much, and what awaited me was the next stop, Station F. Passengers who want to get off the bus are prepared to take their carry-on luggage.

I don't know what I went through on this train, but now I don't have any joy, no nervousness, no excitement, and no character in my head.

The speed of the car began to drop, gradually, the car stopped, the big sign outside the window showed HF South Station, I blinked hard, it turned out, this is a dream, the terrible thing is, this dream is true, watching the bustling passengers line up to get off, I realized that I also want to become one of them, out of the door, the sun shines through, maybe to say hello to me.

Finally set foot on the land of F City again, only, this time, it's not that simple!