Fu Yao asked me if it hurts, it hurts, how can I not hurt if it hurts, how can I not hurt my heart, liver, spleen and lungs?

But what about the pain? All the hardships I endure today are the price of my impulsiveness, and I can't blame others, and no one should complain to me.

I looked at Fu Yao and Han Mo, for fear that if they were not careful, they would follow the old path of me and Zhao Xu.

Zhao Xu and I are bloody lessons, the reality is different, there are not so many happy endings.

But the man is gone, life has to go on, no matter how uncomfortable it is, no matter how painful it is, I have to grit my teeth and go on.

But there are some things that I can't control.

I haven't been with Zhao Xu for a long time, more than a year, but when I think about it, it seems as if the two of us have been together for more than a year.

Memories are toxic, but I can't help but touch them.

I don't know if it's the first few nights of insomnia, but when Fu Yao's short message came, I knew that she was afraid of waking me up.

It's just a pity that I can't sleep at all.

I can't sleep, I can't sleep no matter what, as soon as I close my eyes, I easily remember Zhao Xu's expression when he looked at me that day.

It's uncomfortable, and it's hard for me.

I want to smoke when I feel uncomfortable, Fu Yao and I don't smoke, but I found that smoking is a good thing, at least when people are uncomfortable, it can make you less uncomfortable.

Fu Yao didn't let me smoke, so I smiled, in this world, it is estimated that she is the only person who can smoke cigarettes from my hands.

I knew that Fu Yao was worried about me, but she didn't dare to say it, looking at me every day, as if I wouldn't be able to think about it in the next second.

In this world, there are more people who are more miserable than me, just one Zhao Xu, I don't need to trap the rest of myself in it for more than a year.

I started taking on many, many jobs, and I was busy until three or four o'clock in the morning every day, and I fell asleep.

This method worked very well, and the word Zhao Xu finally disappeared from my life gradually.

I don't do Hongyan work anymore, I took several scripts, and I kept writing and changing them at home.

Fu Yao said that I want money and want to go crazy, I think about money and I want to go crazy.

Because my mother is crazy about money, she wants me to give her 100,000 yuan, otherwise she will sell Niuniu.

This time, it's not as simple as selling it to the pork guy in the next village, it's selling it to a village I've never heard of.

I have always envied Fu Yao, but unfortunately, between me and her, there is no good end after all.

Maybe a girl like me and Fu Yao probably won't have a smooth life.

Zhao Xu is still married to Gao Minyi, and he came to find them a week before the wedding.

At that time, I had just come back from meeting the director, and at eight o'clock in the evening, he was standing downstairs in my house, and the street lamp pulled him into an old man.

"Miao Miao."

Zhao Xu was a little surprised when he saw me, but for me, there was nothing else but fright.

I looked at him, and the expression on my face was only cold: "Is there something wrong?"

"I-"

He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but finally stopped.

I grabbed the document in my hand tightly, looked at him and sneered: "If it's nothing, I'll go first."

"Zhao Miao, let's have dinner together."

But at this time, he reached out and grabbed me, and his eyes were full of pleading.

I looked at him, my face was not half moved, and I raised my hand and directly pulled down his hand that was on my wrist: "I'm not free, it's nothing, so be it."

A dinner can't change it, so why should I make myself uncomfortable?

It took me so many days to stay up late to put my pain in the deepest place, and now he wants to tear my wound open, I'm sorry, I hurt, it hurts.

But I pulled his hand away, and he pulled me directly into his arms, clasping me tightly, "One last time, okay?" Zhao Miao, just for the last time. ”

I didn't want to look into his eyes, so I looked away, "Not too far, I still have something to do in the evening." ”

I know, I shouldn't have relented.

But Zhao Xu always has a way to make me soft-hearted, just like, there will always be a way to make him take the initiative to give up on me.

It's so tiring.

This was probably the quietest meal Zhao Xu and I had, and neither of us spoke.

I don't know what to say, what to say, it's just going to make people uncomfortable; He didn't say anything, kept looking at me, and when he saw that I finally couldn't eat anymore, he put the chopsticks on the table: "I'm full, let's go first."

"I'll send you back."

"No need, it's quick to take a taxi back here, ten minutes."

"Zhao Miao, do you have to be like this?"

And he pulled me like this, relying on himself to be taller than me and stronger than me, and he pulled me like this.

People are selfish, Zhao Xu is, and so am I.

He felt uncomfortable, so he came to me; I felt uncomfortable, so I left him.

We are all selfish, people are selfish, but the most unfortunate thing is that my selfishness and his selfishness did not end up going in one direction.

"Or else? What do you want, Zhao Xu, Zhao Gongzi, Mr. Zhao, do you need me to remind you that you will marry Miss Gao in a week? ”

The happy events of the Zhao family and the Gao family, the overwhelming propaganda and information, even if I want to pretend that I don't know anything, it's impossible.

Zhao Xu looked at my face and froze for a moment, the people in the restaurant were so troubled by the two of us that they couldn't eat, and put down the chopsticks and looked at the two of us, as if watching a play.

He looked at me too, but after only two seconds, he dragged me outside and suddenly.

He walked so fast that I almost broke my foot when I caught up.

"What are you doing Zhao Xu!"

As soon as I finished speaking, he threw me into his car.

This is the first time I've seen Zhao Xu so ruthless, it's really, his whole face is stiff blue, no matter how I struggle, one of his hands dragged me, and then forcefully helped me buckle the seat belt, and finally stepped on the accelerator and drove the car forward.

Zhao Xu drove like him, he had always been gentle and orderly, but today, he was on a rampage like a crazy lion.

When I got out of the car, he dragged me all the way to the hotel, and I realized that he had already pulled me into the elevator when he wanted to do something.

Originally, there were other people waiting, but when I saw Zhao Xu and me, no one dared to come in.

I raised my hand and slapped him directly: "Are you crazy Zhao Xu?"

He looked at me and was obviously stunned for a moment, but he still held my hand and didn't let me go, without saying a word.

His strength was so strong that I couldn't move, so he just picked me up.

"Smack!"

I never thought there would be a day when he would do this to me and I would do this to him.

Zhao Xu looked at me, his expression was a little dazed, he raised his hand and touched the left side of his face that I had just slapped by me, and suddenly hugged me and pressed me to the bed: "Miao Miao, I love you, I really love you."

He hugged me, and his whole body was trembling, and the words he said were so desperate.

Suddenly I couldn't struggle, it was like two drowning people, desperately entangled.

I know it's wrong, but I don't have any way, what can I do, to say no to a man who cries and says he loves me.

"Miao Miao, I tried my best, I really tried my best."

When I left, Zhao Xu was still in bed, looking at me desperately and sadly and said such a sentence.

I looked at him for a few seconds and said only two words: "Cherish."

Cherish, this is probably the best blessing I can give him.

The wedding of Zhao Xu and Gao Minyi, the four words that the whole city watched are the most appropriate description.

That day, I was standing in the distance, watching the live broadcast on the LED screen, the man I loved, wearing a neat suit, kissing another woman.

For a moment, I suddenly wanted to leave the city.

Later, Zhao Xu came to me again, but I knew that he was no longer Zhao Xu, he was a husband named Gao Minyi.

I didn't refuse him that day, but after that, I only said one sentence: "Zhao Xu, let's do it."

So be it, start well, end well.

Later, I hung up up on every one of his calls, and later, he slowly stopped calling and came over.

Later, Gao Minyi came up and smashed my living room directly, and then cried and told me that Zhao Xu was dead.

Dead, he died.

I never thought that this would be the end of the day, I thought that many years later, we would have gray hair, children and grandchildren around our knees, and when we met again, we would smile and fade away.

But he never thought that he was dead, in the middle of his thirties.

It was as if someone had dug a hole in my heart, and the wind was pouring in, cold and painful.

At the funeral, Gao Minyi cried and told me that she was wrong.

But who of us knows who is wrong? None of us is wrong, blame only, these are predestined, and we have no ability to resist.

I heard that it was the ring that Zhao Xu was going to propose to me, and I heard that my name was engraved on the ring, but so what?

He's dead.

If you're dead, the ring won't be of much use, so there's no need to keep it.

But why, when everyone else is gone, they still have to leave the hardest to give up to me.

I never thought that I would get pregnant, until the moment I heard that I was pregnant from Fu Yao's mouth, I finally knew what it meant to make people happy.

When I heard that I was pregnant, Gao Minyi and Zhao Xu's mother knelt down in front of me and asked me to keep the baby.

Leave him?

Why?

When he said he wanted me to leave, he wanted me to leave, and now if he wants me to stay, do I have to stay?

If I have to hate someone, it must be Zhao Xu's mother.

She is the most selfish mother I have ever seen, whether it was during Zhao Xu's lifetime or after her death, she was the most selfish.

I still didn't keep that child after all, why should I stay?

People are selfish, why should I spend the rest of my life to bury this tragic love?

I'm sorry, but I'm also selfish.

He's dead, and I'll never think of him again.

Because—

The heart hurts.