Feelings are never shared between people.

If there are people who can really take your experience as a personal experience, it may be only your parents, or your best friends.

As a nurse tending to a patient, even if you see his miserable moaning, it is impossible to feel his pain. Only when something endangers personal interests, he will actively act on it.

When Bai Yi'an proposed to let Yiyu go to the hospital for examination, she realized that she was by no means normal. She was vaguely aware that she might have a psychological problem with depressive disorders, but she had never dared to face them.

In today's society, too many people can't understand that there is a disease in this area, they just think that a person is moaning without disease.

"It's obviously a negative emotion, why do you always shout about how sad you are, you just don't want to work hard, and your psychological tolerance is too poor."

"The words I wrote are too secondary, and I wrote such things when I was in junior high school."

"I'm too young to look like I haven't experienced life."

"It's the sorrow of adolescence, but it's just because it's adolescence."

“…………”

Yiyu has heard too many people who don't know anything about this, and in fact, no one wants to take the time to understand something that they don't want to do. So Yiyu has been avoiding not going to the hospital. Not only because she needed adequate funds to see a doctor, but also because she was afraid of the strange look in the eyes of others when she walked out of the psychiatric clinic. It's like looking at a mentally ill person.

Yiyu didn't have the courage to go into the hospital because it was impossible for her relatives to accompany her to see a doctor.

After she fainted that day, Bai Yi'an sat next to her and was silent for a while before saying to her: "I used to think that you fainted because you had low blood sugar because you didn't eat, but today it seems that it's not just because of this. ”

When she heard this, Yiyu's heart felt like a heavy blow, the shell of a stone was smashed open, completely smashed open, and she suddenly realized that she was just an egg.

I don't know when she started, she didn't do much before she felt very tired, and she felt like she was dragging her tired body all day long.

It's been a long time since she's been interested and happy with the things around her, and she's long gone.

After that promotion, Yiyu had no motivation to do anything about it again, and she was afraid that if she went to participate again, she would hear some people saying these things again.

How terrible the malice of gossip was, and it was so real for the first time she felt. The results of hard work, the justice that has been painstakingly found, are so unbearable in the mouths of some people who don't know the truth of the matter at all.

Editor-in-chief Bai asked her to talk.

"Didn't you become very positive at first? It didn't take long for him to retreat again. ”

"I'm sorry, editor-in-chief." Yiyu apologized.

"I heard some about that day from Editor Bai, and I was going to look for you a long time ago, but he came to intercede with you and let you relax, but these activities can't wait, and if you lose one more, our department will have less performance."

"Even if you don't think about it, you have to think about the book that you worked so hard to publish successfully, that's your hard work, can you bear to watch that book sell well and then fail?"

Editor-in-chief Bai said one sentence after another, and Yiyu didn't know how to answer.

These things are indeed the way they are because of her personal reasons, and it is her influence.

"Knock knock-" In the midst of a stalemate in the atmosphere, there was a knock at the door.

Editor-in-Chief Bai responded: "Come in." After a burst of footsteps, Yiyu heard the voice of this person and realized that it was Bai Yi'an.

"Editor-in-chief, I'll do this outing to publicize it, Yiyu will do some copywriting work, and I'll try my best to handle the rest." Bai Yi'an said.

"What are you going to do?" Editor-in-Chief Bai's mood is still not high.

"I'm also the author of this book, and I think my image is okay with some things about taking promotional photos, and I won't hold the author back." Bai Yi'an swore and said.

Editor-in-Chief Bai seemed to be amused by his stupidity, and his attitude softened a little: "Editor Bai, you are really good enough to defend your author, I don't think you have ever been so concerned about other things." ”

"Actually, Yiyu just doesn't like to make excuses, she is not in good health recently, I asked her to go to the hospital, but she is still afraid of delaying work, so I didn't mention it to you." Bai Yi'an saw that the attitude of Editor-in-Chief Bai had eased, and continued to strike while the iron was hot.

"Okay, then you can help Yiyu do what she is not good at doing." Editor-in-Chief Bai looked at Bai Yi'an and said, then turned his gaze to Yiyu, "If there is nothing wrong sometimes, take the time to check your body, after all, your body is the most important." ”

"Thank you, editor-in-chief." Yiyu bowed and thanked him.

"Okay, let's go out and get busy, there's still a lot to do." Editor-in-Chief Bai waved his hand.

Yiyu and Bai Yi'an walked out of the office, and Yiyu knew that Bai Yi'an should be thanked the most, otherwise she wouldn't know how to end today.

"Thank you." Yiyu said to Bai Yi'an.

"Well, I don't know how many times I've heard these words from your mouth, and now what I want to know most is, how is the matter of letting you go to the hospital?"

"I'm not sick." Yiyu knew that she was hard-mouthed, but she didn't want to admit it.

"I know it's hard to face, but if you get treatment a day earlier, you might not be so tired." Bai Yi'an said, "If you are afraid, I will accompany you to treatment." ”

"You've really helped me so much." Yiyu felt that the favor owed to him could not be repaid for the rest of his life.

From that time when he pulled her back at the beach, to when Bai Yi'an happened to choose her to be responsible, Yiyu felt that he had been living in a dream. Bai Yi'an's appearance seems to be God's pity on her and giving her a chance to be happy for a short time.

She was really afraid that one day, as soon as her hand was loosened and her eyes opened, everything she had now would suddenly disappear into foam.

"We've been together for a long time, but sometimes I still feel alienated, and I always feel like you're running away from something." Bai Yi'an stared at her, his eyes couldn't see to the end.

Yiyu felt a feeling of being seen through, and no longer dared to look at him, and quickly withdrew his eyes.

When she returned to the dark rental house at night, she suddenly felt a sense of loneliness enveloping her, so obvious and profound. His breathing gradually became rapid, and his walking steps were much more vain. She had to quickly find a support point and half-lie on the couch.

Her symptoms were getting worse.

The uncomfortable feeling spread to the whole body at once, it was a lonely boat floating in the middle of the sea, it was broken, and the sea water kept pouring into the boat, and I don't know when it sank into the sea, into the bottomless water, and there was no possibility of survival.

Yiyu finally dragged herself back, she took out the mobile phone in her pocket and sent a message to Bai Yi'an: I want to go to the hospital.

Tick tock, tick tock, the wall clock on the wall of the clinic kept making sounds, and Yi Yu listened to it with a hairy heart.

The doctor was holding the scale that had just been tested by Jean Yiyu, and he couldn't see his expression under the reflective lenses. She thought back to the content of the test question just now, and the doctor asked her to check off the answers she saw subconsciously, and she chose the following:

I always feel sad and can't get rid of it.

I feel that the future is hopeless and that the situation will not improve.

I felt like I was always failing and being unproductive.

I'm tired of everything.

I always felt guilty.

I had a hunch that I would be punished.

I was disgusted with myself.

Always condemn yourself for all your faults.

I wanted to kill myself.

I used to cry all the time, but I couldn't cry when I wanted to.

I'm always very anxious. I don't have much interest in other people anymore.

It's often harder for me to make decisions than I have in the past.

I'm sure I'm ugly. I had to force myself to do things.

I woke up a few hours earlier than I used to and couldn't fall asleep again.

I get tired of everything I do.

I have a terrible appetite.

I lost more than 2 kilograms.

I was worried about my health and didn't have time to take care of anything else.

I don't have much interest in sex.

Yiyu was thinking about what the final diagnosis would be, and the doctor spoke: "The diagnosis made according to the content of the form is not ideal, you need to be mentally prepared, in order to get a closer diagnosis, I want to ask you a few questions, you need to tell the truth what you think, okay?" ”

Yiyu nodded.

"Why did you come to the clinic lately?"

"I've been fainting inexplicably lately, and I've been feeling like I'm dying frequently." Yiyu replied.

"Have you ever been to the relevant department before?"

"Nope."

"Why didn't you ask for help when you were feeling uncomfortable?"

"Because ......" Yiyu didn't know how to say that thought.

"Tell me the truth." The doctor saw Yiyu's hesitant expression, "Don't worry about anything else. ”

"Because, I'm afraid to see the way people look at me when they walk out of the office." Yi Yu replied stubbornly.

"Okay, the preliminary diagnosis is that you are moderately to severely depressed. I'll prescribe some medicine and try to come back every week for some psychotherapy. "The doctor is typing something on the computer.

Moderate to severe? Yiyu was shocked, what she didn't want to face was still here, why did she get so sick all of a sudden.

Yiyu took the list handed to her by the doctor and slowly mustered up the courage to walk out, she always kept her head down, not daring to look ahead, afraid of inadvertently looking at others.

Bai Yi'an saw her come out, and quickly stepped forward to ask her, "How is it?" ”

Yiyu didn't know how to answer, she felt like a person with some kind of physical defect at the moment.

"I'll go get the medicine." Yiyu walked forward by herself, wanting to escape Bai Yi'an's caring eyes, but at the same time, she was afraid that Bai Yi'an was too far away from her, and she didn't want to walk alone.

After handing the list to the pharmacy, after a while, the person inside handed her the medicine in a bag.

Bai Yi'an took a closer look, and the box was written with paroxetine hydrochloride tablets and sertraline hydrochloride.

At that time, he looked up the relevant drugs, which were used to treat depression. And by looking at the dosage prescribed by these medicines, Yiyu's depression must be a little serious.