At the beginning of man, sex was neither good nor evil.

It's a blank slate, and everyone does.

What kind of person you will be depends on the subtle changes in your surroundings and atmosphere that have been around you since you were not born.

Like a blank piece of paper, what you draw and what you look like depends on your drawing skills and style.

And your painting skills and style come from the rendering, or rather, the influence of all the people and objects around you.

Where there is a cause, there must be an effect, and all established facts do not happen in a vacuum.

Just like the butterfly effect, there are fixed numbers and variables in the development of everything.

Some are deliberate, others are unintentional.

But in any case, the seeds that are planted will one day bear fruit, for better or for worse, under the premise of premature death.

When these negative memories are planted in Liu Siche's heart, they are destined to explode one day.

However, these were not all the tragedies he experienced.

The endless strife between parents has diminished over time.

But it is precisely because of years of disputes that parents ignore Liu Siche's feelings.

So, in these difficult days, he tried to divert his attention and fled briefly.

He always used various excuses to leave home and go to his grandfather's house, which was not too far from home, but not close, that is, his grandfather's house.

That's the best guy for him.

No matter when he went, his grandparents would always entertain him with the best things in the house, always.

Especially during the Chinese New Year, my grandfather always waited for him at home to make a table full of Liu Siche's favorite dishes.

When we meet, my grandfather always shouts before himself,

"Xiao Che!"

And then

"Grandpa!"

"Hey, Xiao Che is good!"

......

Unlike when I used to live with my grandparents, I would be trained occasionally.

In his memory, his grandparents were unconditionally good to him.

In his memory, his grandparents' expressions were always smiling.

In his memory, the voices of his grandparents were always kind.

To him, he was the kindest man in the world.

In his memory, the old house of his grandparents was the warmest place, where almost all the good memories of his tragic childhood were stored.

In the courtyard on a summer night, sitting on a wicker chair, watching the starry sky, listening to the chirping of cicadas, my grandmother shaking a fan and telling stories.

On the night wind, I fell asleep.

In that ordinary little bungalow, all his sweet dreams were contained.

These things were probably the only reason he could hold on.

In their eyes, he will always be the child who doesn't grow up, Xiao Che who doesn't grow up.

Later, as time passed and he grew older, he was able to see his grandparents less and less time due to academic problems.

But that doesn't make him forget these beautiful and heartwarming images.

However, the more beautiful it was, the more I cared about the past, and the more I lost it, the more it hurt my heart and hurt to the extreme.

At the end of the second year of high school, when he was about to enter the third year of high school, he was staying at the school, and one morning, Liu Siche received a call from his mother.

His mother's voice was hoarse, and he only asked himself about some trivial matters, and the tiredness of the early morning and the estrangement from his parents made him impatient and hung up the phone hastily.

By noon, he received a call from his father.

Not much to say,

just let him go home, and,

"Your grandfather died......"

Liu Siche's first reaction was,

Impossible, ridiculous.

In his memory, his grandfather's health was obviously very good, how could he die suddenly.

This feeling of unreality always haunted him.

But his father could not have deceived him with such an excuse.

So, he asked for leave and rushed back.

After getting out of the car, he trotted all the way to his grandfather's house, and a depression blocked his heart, which made him panic.

It wasn't until he came to his grandfather's house that he saw a large group of people sitting at the door, and the unreality in his heart never dissipated.

I just felt that my brain was getting more and more confused, and Liu Siche was a little at a loss and stiffened.

Under the guidance of others, he came to the ice coffin in a daze, knelt down, and mechanically kowtowed three times.

Then, getting up and walking a few steps, he saw his grandfather lying quietly in the ice coffin.

Seeing the still amiable face, my grandfather lay there quietly as if he was asleep.

The years have left traces on his face, but they have never erased that kindness.

It's just that now that he has closed his eyes, he can no longer smile and watch him grow up, and he can no longer speak, Liu Siche can no longer hear the words that his grandfather blurted out before him every time they met,

"Xiao Che."

Tick –

Tick –

His eyes began to blur out of nowhere, and Liu Siche's tears rained down.

Tears flowed uncontrollably like a flood bursting the embankment, which was the case a year ago, and now when talking about this memory, Liu Siche's dry eyes moistened again.

Someone at the door seemed to be arguing loudly, but he didn't listen.

Tick –

Tears fell in front of the wine glass, Liu Siche raised the wine glass and drank it all.

"Even now, I still feel like everything is like a dream, and everything that happens is so unreal."

"If it's a dream, I hope it's a dream."

"I really, really want to wake up......"

"I want to wake up, I want to end this nightmare."

"Or, let me just go to sleep and never wake up......"

Lin Fan looked at him silently, then looked behind him, and did not speak.

Liu Siche didn't stop his tears, and he couldn't stop it, and continued to tell.

He used to rarely drink alcohol, and when his grandfather died, he came home for the first time in his life.

Wine doesn't taste good, he always thought so.

Even after getting drunk many times, he still didn't change this idea.

Later, Liu Siche learned that in fact, the reason for his grandfather's death was that he himself chose to embark on this desperate road.

When my grandmother got older, she occasionally made mistakes, which is Alzheimer's.

Once I was taken to the hospital after ingesting something, and after my grandmother came home, I didn't know what to say to her brother, Liu Siche's uncle.

I don't know why he is so gullible to believe the words of a person who is always confused, that person rushed directly to Liu Siche's grandfather's house and abused and persecuted his grandfather for an afternoon.

He knew what kind of man his grandfather was.

My grandfather is an old party member, and he is always kind to others on weekdays, always likes to help others enthusiastically, and never makes enemies with outsiders.

So, my grandfather just silently endured it all.

He couldn't imagine what the man had said that day.

However, in the evening of the same day, his grandfather made a phone call to his son, Liu Siche's uncle, and told him to take care of his mother.

Subsequently, after leaving a suicide note, the old man chose to leave this world.

It's no wonder that at my grandfather's funeral that day, the man sat at the door arguing loudly with someone, and now that I think about it, it turned out that he was arguing about his own fault.

It's just that because of the kinship, and it is not directly related to the death of my grandfather, I can only give up.

It is said that by the time someone who later found out that something was wrong found the old man, it was already too late.

They said that the old man was lying on the bed, covered with a quilt, changed into new clothes, and lay quietly as if he were asleep.

It's just that there are tears in the corners of my eyes that haven't dried.

......

Speaking of this, Liu Siche couldn't cry.

Lin Fan didn't say anything comforting, just let him cry and vent it.

Looking behind him again, Lin Fan knew that there should be more than that.

After his mood eased a little, Liu Siche poured himself a glass of wine again, drank it, and continued to tell.

Since then, he has become more reticent.

Unreal feelings always haunted him, and he always felt that it was not real, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Time passed little by little, and a year passed quickly.

He is about to take the college entrance examination, so he can only focus on his studies for the time being.

However, a month ago, his grandmother was too old to survive the summer.

Liu Siche rushed home to mourn, and at his grandmother's funeral, he saw his grandmother, whom he hadn't seen for a long time.

Before, my uncle was worried that it would be inconvenient for the old man to live alone, so he took her to live with her, but it didn't take long for the old man to return to his hometown because he was not used to living.

The adults couldn't resist her, so they had to visit her in the old house regularly.

The old man looked much older and more confused, and seemed to have forgotten many things.

But she hasn't forgotten Liu Siche.

"Xiao Che."

"Grandma."

Like my grandfather, I always shouted before myself when I met.

But he never had the chance to hear his grandfather shouting at him again.

Liu Siche squatted in front of his grandmother, holding the old man's rough hand, looking at the old man's gorgeous hair, full of thoughts.

Summer nights, stars, cicadas, and grandma's fan.

What was once a warm picture can now only be hidden in the depths of memory.

didn't say much, but I was sad in my heart, thinking that my grandparents and grandfather were gone, and now there was only this old man left, and I must study hard and repay the old man in the future.

It was the only thought in his mind.

However, fate once again played a big joke on him.

A few days ago, he received a call again, still in his mother's hoarse voice.

"Grandma died."

It was like a heavy punch that hit his scarred heart, and his world was only pale.

The vow to honor the old man secretly made in his heart a month ago is no longer settled, and it has become the regret of his life.

The machine rushed back to his grandfather's house numbly.

On the eyes, the small bungalow was familiar and unfamiliar.

Familiarly, the environment around the house remained unchanged, but unfamiliarly, the small bungalow was only left with the ruins of the aftermath of the fire.

They said that in the middle of the night the kitchen of the small bungalow caught fire, and when my grandmother came out of the bedroom, she rushed to put out the fire.

Then, it never came out again.

Liu Siche looked at the small bungalow, at the old house that carried his countless dreams, and at the old house that stored his countless good memories.

Countless images came flooding back to my mind.

In the past, during the Chinese New Year, my grandfather stood in front of the house and waited for him, as if he was vivid, right in front of him.

That little Che seems to be in my ears.

"Xiao Che."

Liu Siche stretched out his hand to grab the picture, but it was empty.

When he came back to his senses in a hurry, he only saw the ruined house in front of him, and the bricks and tiles were shattered.

The pieces of black and broken glass seemed to turn into knives, piercing into his heart fiercely, and he could no longer take them out.

Since then, there has been a huge blank space in his heart.

......