Life suddenly changed a little, and I didn't come out of the memories of the past, which led to "Early Bedtime Diary". There have been some changes in my life, and I haven't fully accepted this reality, and today should be the final chapter of "Early Bedtime Diary". In the past 60 days, I have written nearly 170,000 words intermittently, with a total of 70 chapters, recording the real occurrence of life every day, interesting people and events, as well as some indescribable and plausible moods, of course, the most important thing is that the protagonists N and AH have always appeared in my words, accompanying me many memories of the days of going to bed early, so that the boring life has some warmth and nostalgia.

Writing has always been my hobby and hobby, a way to calm myself and reflect on it, and for some time now, the early bedtime diary has been a good way to improve my sleep and cure my insomnia habit. The original intention of writing an early bedtime diary is to temporarily find a meaningful goal and direction to stick to, I began to think that I would keep writing, writing until the sky is wasted day and night, writing until I can't remember which chapter, even if there is no meaningful thing to record or interesting people and happening, I gradually found that there is no interesting life that can be worth recording, and the subsequent updates are also carried out every once in a while. The protagonist of the text doesn't seem to have changed much, it's the people and things around me, some of the content of the chat, etc., I realized that I really have a good memory, I'm a person without a story, but I'm good at recording everything I can always come to hand.

And the continuous loss of sleep for these two days made me completely hopeless, and I began to doubt the role and motivation of writing. I gradually discovered that the things and secrets that are really buried in my heart can be easily written and put on paper, and what I write may not be in the real sense, but they are all retouched and reconsidered. I may have thought that there were no readers or fans, so I wrote more casually and boldly, but it is also a more authentic record. Most of them are self-righteous family words, such as expressing my liking for N, etc., but I was sloppy, and I didn't think that N would really have the opportunity to read it one day. I was a little embarrassed, I was afraid of embarrassment or pressure. I admit that I am a person who lacks self-confidence and courage, and the reason why I have been single for too long is that I am somewhat negative and pessimistic, and I have no expectations! Or it's because of my personality, and I'm still a Capricorn, what a boring existence, always denying and questioning myself.

I suddenly felt that I couldn't write today's finale, and I wanted to write a summary and look forward to it in a few words, not those trivial and boring life records. It's not that I don't want to keep writing anymore because I don't want to keep writing anymore. Rather, I am now unable to write to make myself go to bed early and stop sleepless, and the early bedtime diary has lost its original purpose and meaning. I found that real life was so bizarre and twisty that I didn't want to record it anymore, and there were some memories and events that I didn't want to look back on. If a white lie comes too late, I would rather keep pretending to be stupid and deceiving myself, but unfortunately the reality is always irreversible, and there is no other choice but to face it calmly, and there is no better way. If I had the chance, I would try to be the protagonist of my own words, in charge of my own destiny and happiness. After all, it is in the form of a diary, although the real name is hidden, but it is accidentally read by others, and it is inevitable that the number will be seated, which will have some trouble and influence on the protagonist of my text, which is not the result I want to see. Like someone you like very much, you write a love letter to her, and of course don't want to be seen by a second person.

I used to think that if one day, AH and N both leave my life and no longer intersect, maybe my words will never have a protagonist from now on, will I have no meaning and need to write anymore? When one day, they have the opportunity to read my words inadvertently, will it make them remember the bits and pieces of their lives, is there a little more warm place in the long river of memory, there is such a place, and there is a little more existence like ordinary friends! Yesterday I remember very deeply, because of the sudden change, I was a little depressed, the reason for the loss of sleep, and the mood was not good. Like last time, I went to the old place with N and her roommate AH to eat fish, and I accompanied AH to buy skin care products, and I went to the mall with N, but it didn't rain yesterday, and the scene of the first dinner together was familiar. In the lonely days, I feel warm and caring, I am grateful from the bottom of my heart, and I always need a thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

Life is still going on, I have to slowly get back the lost sleep little by little, the changes in life, the impermanence of fate, when I wake up like a dream and fully accept it, maybe I am not so overwhelmed and powerless now! "I used to ruin everything I had and just wanted to leave forever. I was once in the darkness and struggled to extricate myself. I used to be like you and like him, like the weeds and wild flowers, desperate, longing, crying and laughing. "A false alarm, it turned out to be just a dream, and then it can be lost and regained, but it is just self-deception.

Since then, there has been no early bedtime diary, and I no longer update and serialize. I will continue to look for new hobbies and directions, release the pressure of life and work, and find new strength and sustenance in a boring and repetitive life. I might also leave here one day, maybe just for a good reason! I don't know what the future will be like tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, I just want to live every day in the present, do it and cherish it, and leave no regrets. If you don't have a horse, there will be a blessing, but for some people and some things! Think it through, and there will be no complaints. Those who don't knock you down, tend to make you stronger. You can't hate and fear the unknown things you don't understand. come on！