It rained for a day today, and today was also the first day at home, I got up very early in the morning, and I got up at half past six to go to the field to help pick apples, and when it was almost nine o'clock, it was basically finished, and it was raining heavily at this time, so I helped pack and pack, and then went home. Dad also needs to go to town with the car to hand over the apples. It's raining, the road is wet and unsafe, but I still have to go, maybe this is the powerlessness of an ordinary farmer, I really blame myself for not being able to help anything and not be able to change the current predicament.

Dad, before they had time to set off, they received a call from the village president, saying that someone in the village had an accident and someone was probably not working, so they asked Dad to help. I couldn't hear the phone clearly, I answered it, I was a little flustered, my mother hadn't come home yet, they didn't have a phone with me, I didn't know how to contact them, and I didn't know how to contact them. While I was hesitating, my mother came back from the apple field, and I told her what I had just called. The feng shui in the village seems to have been failing, and accidents often occur, although everyone is scared, they are used to it. The impermanence of life is fragile, and the pursuit of a lifetime may be insignificant. I suddenly realized that my parents' health is not good, if I am not around one day, my sister and sister are the same, what should I do if there is an accident, just like my mother's operation I can't do anything, I feel quite unfilial, and I have been troublesome to take care of my aunt's house. I feel that I need to change the current situation as soon as possible, and not make it so hard for my parents, although I don't have much ability but I have to work harder to change.

paid medical insurance for my parents, and it was only 280 yuan a year for one person. The price of apples this year is good, and the income is nearly 8k after a year of hard work, and my parents are very happy and have a sense of accomplishment. Reluctant to spend money, one is saving money. It is also for this apple to get up early and be greedy for darkness, day and night in the ground with his back to the loess. As everyone knows, my current monthly salary is far more than their apple harvest in a year. Their love is silent, it is silently giving, in order to save money for me to marry a daughter-in-law, it is indeed a little regretful that I am not angry at all, I have been giving up on myself, I don't plan to get married and single for a lifetime, I have failed them, I am indeed ashamed, but I don't know the effective way or way to change. At the beginning, in order to make up enough for the down payment on the house, I basically squeezed out all the savings of the family, and the house decoration was no longer embarrassed to open up to my parents. At present, I still owe 80,000 yuan to the bank for renovation loans, and there is not much deposit in the card, and now I can't afford to pay it off, so I can only postpone it all the time. The monthly payment of 3k basically accounts for half of the salary, and it is still 30 years, I am really cowardly all of a sudden, I don't want to fall in love and dare not get married, I don't know if the future is expected, but I have to get by and waste my time and life. Looking at my aging parents, I really can't bear it, and I want to fulfill my parents' wishes as soon as possible, but I have no choice but to do anything, and I feel that life has never been so difficult.

By the way, there was a very unexpected thing that happened today, which is worth commemorating. It's about the company, the spraying line in our workshop seems to be on fire today, and six fire trucks came and the fire should be under control. It's really eventful, and accidents are frequent. Also, it's no wonder that it's overloaded 24 hours a day. It's just that one accident after another has not attracted enough attention, and there are hidden dangers in seriously rectifying it. I just record what happened, and I don't do too much description and comment, otherwise it will have an impact on the company or workshop or even my own work. Then keep it secret, no one will see it anyway, it doesn't matter.

I sent two messages to Intermittent N last night, but I didn't reply a word. Anyway, at that time, I was expecting something in my heart, an expression or a good night, but I never did. I didn't bother her with any messages during the day today. I think if a person has no expectations and no giving, he can be strong in his heart and not afraid of loss. N gave me an unprecedented sense of loss, maybe I really cared about her too much, and I realized that I was wrong. She has a male ticket, and she should be with many of her girlfriends and friends today, how can she remember the existence of my insignificant fellow, I was sloppy, she doesn't need my care at all now, she is even a little annoyed with me, she is in a bad mood, and she won't let me send her a message. I was a little lost, I felt that my concern was superfluous, I didn't bother her anymore, although I was a little worried, but I felt that I didn't deserve it, I couldn't have any unrealistic expectations, and I wouldn't be disappointed.

N, who has not replied to my message, suddenly called me at almost seven o'clock in the evening, I wonder how she suddenly got through when there is no signal at home on Unicom's mobile phone, it should be something and more urgent, otherwise it is impossible to call directly. Less than two minutes after receiving the phone call, her voice was different from usual, a little low, I felt that she was not in a good mood. It turned out that she couldn't contact her roommate AH, and the dormitory manager wouldn't urge her on WeChat to say that the dormitory lights had not been turned off. When asked about other contact information for Youmu AH, I told her truthfully that since AH deleted my WeChat with each other, I had no other way to contact her. I said that AH should not have gone home, and it is not a big problem to ask the dormitory manager to help turn off the lights for the time being.

I have a lot to say, I admit it, I casually asked you to be a bridesmaid tomorrow, I want to see if you can share a beautiful photo of you wearing a bridesmaid dress? N is very angry, saying that she is not a bridesmaid, and now she is very busy, obviously I shouldn't ask her this question, she is completely angry, I am most afraid of girls being angry, I don't know how to comfort and coax them to be happy, I don't know how to talk about it, this has always been what I lack, and it may also be one of the reasons why I am single. I'm in a bad mood right now, I don't want to talk, don't message me anymore. This is the last WeChat that N sent to me, and there is no then. I didn't bother her anymore, she just annoyed me, the person she needed at this time was not me, I was self-aware. However, I still said goodnight on QQ, even though I knew there was still no news. I finally understood what she had told me before, and it was good to have nothing to look forward to, and I would not be disappointed or sad. The rain is still falling, it is estimated that it will be the next night, tomorrow my sister should go home, take the second child and brother-in-law to see my parents, so that there are more people, I will not feel lonely and bored like today, good night!