Chapter 5 Illusion and Confusion Heart-to-heart

After a dull week, the exam results came out, the rankings were posted on the right side of the blackboard, a group of classmates looked around, and Liu He also hurriedly ran over, this was the result of his day and night, and he was exhausted waiting for this moment.

And this moment also came as promised, he was excited, nervous and anxious from the beginning, the top 3 did not have him, he was stunned, and then looked, the top 5 did not have him, his heart beat faster, the top 10 did not have him, his heart was up, the top 15... Top 20 ....... The first 40 didn't have him, and he was broken down in his heart, and he didn't dare to continue watching, but he had to.

It wasn't until the second piece of paper that he saw his name, Liu He - 56th...

In an instant, he felt his brain rumble, about to explode. Qiu Yanmo - 34th, Wang Meng - 44th, Chen Jinyao - 48th......

Liu He looked at the test papers, looked at the results, and was about to suffocate, and his heart could no longer bear it.

When he thought he was about to reach the peak of his life, he fell to the bottom.

There was no buffer, there was no time to be sad, and then the head teacher proposed to change seats in class, as if he couldn't stand Liu He sitting in the front row for another moment.

Everyone lined up outside the classroom, and Liu He was once again at the end of the line. When it was his turn to enter the classroom, it was already full of people, except for a few empty seats in the last row.

He looked at Wang Qianqian sitting in the front row, Qiu Yanmo sitting in the middle, his eyes looked at each other, he lowered his head, he didn't dare to look at others, and he didn't want to be noticed by others.

Suddenly someone called his name, he looked up and saw that it was Wang Meng, Wang Meng protected a seat for him and let him pass, Liu He ran over without hesitation, at this time, relying on Wang Meng's results, the two of them sat in the penultimate row. Liu He's heart was mixed, and his confidence, beliefs, ideals, and dreams all collapsed at this moment.

Fortunately, Liu He's parents did not blame him too much, maybe it was because they couldn't bear to blame him for many years of hard life, or maybe they knew that Liu He was sensible.

Indeed, this is the biggest impact Liu He has suffered from childhood to adulthood, which has made him change his temperament, become more introverted, more inferior, and more taciturn...

In this way, half a month has passed.

When he returned home on the weekend, Liu He found that his parents were worried, and heard from the financial manager that the original Guizhou orderer had gone bankrupt, and the payment had been lost, and a batch of goods in Qingdao had been sued for breach of contract because of the inconsistent specifications, not only did not collect the payment, but also had to pay more than 5 million to the other party, and the workers asked the company to buy insurance, otherwise they would submit to labor arbitration, and the bank was unwilling to issue loans for it because they understood the company's current situation, and the company was on the verge of bankruptcy......

When Liu He heard this, his head suddenly became bigger, and the feeling of suffocation came to his heart again......

In recent years, Liu He's parents have tried their best to expand the scale of the company, on a lot of new assembly lines, once there is a problem in any link will have a significant impact, now there are serious difficulties in capital turnover, if not solved in time, the company must terminate the operation.

The setbacks came too quickly, I failed the exam, the family business was also at an impasse, and the whole company became dull and depressed.

Liu He had never seen his father smoke, but at this moment, he saw his father squatting in the warehouse smoking for the first time, and he was at a loss. My mother also sat in the kitchen and bowed her head silently, and some of the processes had been suspended.

Although Liu's father took a series of measures to reverse the status quo, whether it was layoffs, salary cuts or assembly line cuts, the company's financial pressure was still very huge.

Every time he went home, Liu He found that there were different changes in his home, there were fewer and fewer machines and equipment, fewer and fewer workers, and the roar of the machines was getting smaller and smaller.

Lying in the bedroom at night, Liu He recalled the early days of his parents' business, remembered the hardships of his parents, and remembered his own incompetence, at that time he never paid attention to the development of the family, and never helped the family.

After experiencing great joy and now facing great sorrows, he has long been mentally prepared, because he has suffered a lot from snacks, and no matter how big a setback it is, it seems that he can be numb and hard, but he can't bear to let his parents go through too much.

Liu He began to go home once every two weeks, and he even began to be afraid of going home, afraid of suddenly hearing that the company was bankrupt and closed, afraid of seeing everything that his parents had worked so hard to do would come to naught in an instant.

When he came home two months later on a weekend, he found that the family's car was gone, the machinery and equipment were gone, the workers were clean, and his parents were preparing to move.

Liu He asked the reason with a puzzled face.

"The company went bankrupt, the plant, equipment, and cars were sold to pay off the debts, and the old state-owned enterprise site that had been idle in the town was bought by a rich man from other places and a new processing enterprise was built, and your father and I plan to go there to work and make some money to pay off the debt." The mother replied weakly, as if she had become accustomed to the ups and downs of life, the ups and downs.

"I discussed with your father about this house and sold it, fortunately, the original old family home has not been demolished, we will move there next week, he, my parents are incompetent, and I want you to suffer with us..."

Liu He was deeply stimulated when he heard it, he was annoyed when he remembered the madness some time ago, he began to hate himself for not being angry, hating himself for being ignorant, in the face of this double blow, he wanted to struggle but was physically and mentally powerless, I don't know if this is the injustice of society or the test of fate, he just felt that his shoulders were so heavy, so heavy that he couldn't lift up, but he had to resist, in the face of frustrated fate, he could only adapt, change himself, change his life, become adaptable to society, adapt to the rules of society.

Qiu Yanmo and Liu He gradually became estranged, and since then they have been the same as Liu He.

Liu He also seemed out of place with the entire class, and he no longer mingled with them.

Once crazy, once proud, and in the blink of an eye, they all returned to the original point. As always, I still sit in the back row, rely on Wang Meng as a companion, and learn together. The goddess is still someone else's goddess, but she is getting farther and farther away from herself, and the head teacher still has a look of contempt and a clear hierarchy.

Seeing that Liu He was silent every day and had a lot of worries, Wang Meng's high mood gradually lowered. Liu He studied hard every day, and slowly infected Wang Meng, Wang Meng seemed to realize that since he came to high school for the college entrance examination, why bother to study in high school if he didn't study hard, if he didn't do meaningless things in life, why waste his youth.

Wang Meng cut off the explosive head at the teacher's request, leaving the same short burr as Liu He, and the two of them went to class together, and went back to the dormitory together after self-study.

Perhaps, when life is desperate to the point of collapse, God will always give him a little comfort, such as a little warmth in the cold winter, a little light in the dark, and a little support for the collapsed heart.

In the blink of an eye, it has entered the early winter, and in order to improve the admission rate, the school has taken the lead in implementing the division of arts and sciences. Liu He's class became a liberal arts class, those who studied liberal arts stayed, and those who studied science moved away.

Qiu Yanmo chose science without hesitation, but Wang Meng and Liu He and others were disqualified by the head teacher because of their poor grades, and they could only stay to study liberal arts.

Once again, the separation and change did not have such a big impact on Liu He, his heart was like water, maybe because he had been together for too short, or maybe he had experienced too much, he had already looked down on it.

At the same time, students from other classes who wanted to study liberal arts were also transferred to this class one after another. In this group of unfamiliar faces, Liu He suddenly found a familiar figure, polite words, pure ponytail, posture, and demeanor were so familiar, he immediately remembered that this was the pink and purple shirt girl he met on the bus when he first came to high school.

It was really a coincidence, Liu He couldn't help but flash a light in his heart, and he was inexplicably happy, this was also the first time Wang Meng was happy to see Liu He after the final exam.

Later, Liu He learned that the girl's surname was Chu, and her name was Lixue, in Liu He's opinion, this name was so meaningful, so literary, and so foreign.

He stupidly guessed that she should have been born in winter, maybe it was snowing when she was born, so she was called Chu Lixue, and she was so watery. Just as he was born in autumn, he has a clear persistence and a clean pursuit, but in the harvest season that should be fruitful, he reveals a little melancholy pathos.

The emaciated Liu He is just like his self-esteem and self-confidence that are constantly impacted by reality, he is so small, presumably drowning in the crowd will not attract Chu Lixue's attention.

At this moment, Liu He only felt embarrassed, he had fallen to the bottom, his only hope was that Lixue would never see him, he just wanted to let each other's good impression remain forever in the impression of the first day of school, and the beauty of each other only stayed in the imagination of the bus.

Then the dormitory began to adjust, Wang Meng pulled Liu He together, and the two became roommates.

Liu He is also moving. After selling the house, the family moved to the former family home of the old state-owned enterprise, that is, the hometown where they had lived for eight years.

The house has been dilapidated, things are not people, carrying memories, and it does not feel sad, as if going to the prosperity for a while, and then turning back to the original place, this may be the reincarnation of Buddhism, there is no long life, only the repetition of the flies.

Since then, Liu He has also secretly started to live a poor life without telling his family, not only buying new clothes, but also eating carefully, and the weekly living expenses are basically the least in the class.

When the classmates were eating in the cafeteria, Liu He hurriedly ran back to the dormitory to eat the leftover steamed buns from lunch, there were no dishes, only helpless frustration and infinite pathos, mixed with a little hope.

Liu He slept on the top bunk, just enough to hide the leftovers at the head of the upper bunk bed, he didn't want his roommates to know, he still wanted to keep what little self-esteem he had.

Wang Meng gradually discovered Liu He's abnormality, and while worried, he began to follow Liu He.

One afternoon at dinner, Liu He went to the dormitory as usual to eat the leftovers hidden at noon, just as he was taking food from the upper bunk, someone suddenly opened the door and came in, Liu He panicked and fell down from the upper bunk, because he grabbed the bed guardrail in time, there was no danger, and his leg hit the lower bunk bed and bruised.

Half a steamed bun and a ham sausage fell to the ground, and before he could pick it up, Liu He suddenly felt a hot and sharp pain in his back, and when he touched it, he found that his cotton jacket was scratched by the stomping mouth of the ladder, his back was bleeding, and his sweater and autumn clothes were also scratched together.

Wang Meng watched Liu He fall from the top bunk, his back and legs were bloody, he was stunned, and he didn't know what to do.

Liu He endured the pain to pick up the steamed buns that fell on the ground, and Wang Meng hurried over to help. Liu He picked up the steamed buns and ham sausages, sat on the chair and wiped the blood, wanting to pretend to be relaxed, but his forehead was sweating painfully.

Liu He was always reluctant to spend money, and refused Wang Meng's request to pay for his medical expenses, so he couldn't help but go to the clinic.

While it doesn't matter if you wear a torn sweater or autumn coat underneath, you really can't wear a torn coat. It's winter, the weather is getting cold, you can't resist without wearing cotton clothes, and you can't take leave to go home to get it from a strict high school, not to mention that Liu He is afraid of falling behind the course, and he is reluctant to pay for the round-trip journey.

Wang Meng only knew that Liu He's family conditions were superior, but he couldn't figure out why Liu He became like this, he understood Liu He, and he didn't say anything.

"Here, I have too many clothes to fit in the cupboard, so I'll give you one." Wang Meng embarrassedly took out another jacket from the empty cabinet that had not been washed and threw it to Liu He.

Liu He didn't have anything to be embarrassed about in front of him at the same table, after all, the relationship at the same table was not maintained by external conditions, but he was still embarrassed to accept it. After several prevarications, Liu He knew that he couldn't wear it, so he could only accept Wang Meng's kindness.

But Wang Meng is burly, and the thin Liu He is dressed very indecently, but he can't care about his image, the wound is not bandaged, and his hair has not been cut, Liu He really looks like a little beggar from a distance, very "sharp".

The usual monthly exam is still carried to the restaurant to take the exam, because the restaurant eats all standing, only the students with poor grades can sit and eat because they bring their own stools for the exam, Liu He can't stand the contemptuous eyes of others, so he generally buys food and goes back to the dormitory to eat after the exam.

After an exam, Liu He, who played well, was in a happy mood, and in addition to a steamed bun, he also bought a fried bean sprouts to treat himself.

The restaurant was crowded with people buying food, Liu He held a stool in one hand and a document in the other, and at the same time carried the food he bought through the crowd.

As soon as he squeezed out the crowd of people buying food, the steamed buns were squeezed out, and he was glad that there was a plastic bag that was not dirty, and he was about to put down the stool to pick it up, but someone had already picked it up for him.

When he looked up, it turned out to be Chu Lixue!

Such an encounter, a touch of the beauty of the past, seeing the beautiful girl in front of me, and then looking at the embarrassed state and ill-fitting form, like a little beggar.

Liu He was ashamed of himself, his face was red, and he couldn't wait for his soul to get out of his body quickly, and the farther he floated, the better.

"I'll get it for you! Are you going to take it home and eat it? Anyway, there are too many people buying food now, so I'll help you get your things back to the dormitory first. Chu Lixue smiled and said generously.

At this time, Liu He was already ashamed and extremely inferior. There is nowhere to hide if you want to hide.,When I'm down, I meet this girl who has always existed in my thoughts.,The first conversation is so embarrassing.。

"There is nothing bad in the imagination of existence, and there will be regrets if you can't get it, and luck is far away from me." Liu He thought to himself.

fell to the bottom, and there was no way to pick up dignity. When he realized that he had lost or could not get it, he changed his tone, his heart was crossed, his teeth were gritted, and he simply agreed.

In this way, the two walked towards the boys' dormitory.

Liu He was wearing Wang Meng's big cotton clothes, holding a stool and holding his documents, very embarrassed, while Chu Lixue next to him had a goddess temperament, and the two diametrically opposed images formed a sharp contrast.

Liu He had imagined countless romantic encounters with Lixue, but he never imagined that this would be the case. Being so close to the person he misses, but there is no joy in his heart, perhaps, this is the most embarrassing and depressed time he has been growing up, and there seems to be no hope of turning over in the future, he deeply feels the completeness of his failure, and the only remaining bit of dignity seems to be "wiped out" in this way.

Without dignity, face doesn't matter. He is no longer afraid of other people's eyes, and he is no longer worried about seeing himself down.

After that, Liu He forced himself to avoid the snow, not to think about it, not to look. Because the snow seems to have become the moon in his heart, bright and immaculate, hanging in the sky, out of reach.

But the pain in his heart made Liu He's spirit wandering, fragile and vulnerable, he longed for his heart to be sprinkled with bright moonlight, illuminating the gloomy haze in his heart, and also longing for the warm comfort, flowing through that cold heart.

The unreachable distance from the snow has just become Liu He's spiritual sustenance, no matter how hard and tired he is, as long as he looks up at the back of the snow, his heart will be quiet and comfortable.

During class, Liu He stared at the position of the blackboard and saw Lixue in front of him, and liked to see Lixue serious, watching Lixue talk to the same table and ask the teacher questions. After school, Liu He likes to walk a little late, so that he can sit in the back row and watch the figure of Lixue walking out of the classroom.

However, what Liu He didn't expect was that every time Li Xue walked into the classroom, he would immediately set his eyes on him, although every time his eyes met, he would quickly dodge away.

Since the meeting on the bus, although it has only experienced a short separation for half a year, and then reunited, life is only as when we first met, prosperous and lonely, after the rain into the dust, Liu He is still clear, like the sun in autumn; The snow is still clear, like warm snow in winter. Both of them warmed each other, plucked each other's heartstrings, stirred up ripples in their hearts, two different situations, but their hearts were the same, their feelings were secretly born, and they loved each other.

Liu He still can't get rid of his deep inferiority, Lixue is like a lady with an outstanding temperament, and after Liu He's parents are unemployed, they can only take on some debts and live by working, think about the dilapidated family home he lives in, think about the backwardness of his academic ranking, Liu He has no shame to talk about feelings, this may really be a luxury.

He really wants to know her in college, and he really wants the two of them to live happily together without any pressure and resistance, in his heart, he has been completely occupied by the snow, as long as she accompanies him, even if the ends of the world, even if the world is old.

Fate always goes with each other and goes with each other.

During an ordinary lunch break, Liu He was lying on the bed in the dormitory for a morning break, and suddenly a girl's voice came, Liu He woke up and subconsciously glanced at the lower bunk opposite, it turned out that the roommate took two social friends back to the dormitory and was sitting on the bed smoking.

Although Liu He had long been accustomed to this, there was actually a girl dressed as a man who also mixed into the boys' dormitory, which made Liu He extremely dissatisfied.

Suddenly I heard the girl say, "I know him!" Liu He couldn't help but look at it, it turned out to be his junior high school classmate Sun Qingmin!

Liu He's heart trembled incomparably, he once thought that he would never see Sun Qingmin again, and he had imagined countless scenes of meeting Sun Qingmin, and he had guessed Sun Qingmin's changes countless times, but seeing Sun Qingmin's female companion in men's clothes, mixing with a few boys in the class who were tired of studying, and learning to smoke, Liu He didn't expect Sun Qingmin to choose this anyway.

After a sigh in his heart, Liu He lay down again, he didn't recognize Qingmin, and he didn't respond.

Too many changes in the world, too many ups and downs and unexpectedness have made him gradually numb. He thinks that it is society that has changed people, it is the coldness of reality that freezes the warm heart, and it is the cruelty of society that blackens the pure beauty. I am already a little tired, how to talk about inspiring others, everyone's life has nothing to do with themselves, life should always go on, good and bad can no longer be measured by themselves.