Xiaoxia, Mom wants to ask you to be a witness and send a farewell letter to Dad, okay?

Mom and dad don't see each other often, and for mom, psychological withdrawal is complete. So my mother wants to make a summary, say goodbye to my father from afar, and say goodbye to my past self. The way down is about to be re-paved.

Xiao Xia, in the process of my mother's experience of this great change in life, I have always had you by my heart, and my mother also wants to thank you here. With you, there is the current mother.

The name of this letter is to my former lover and to me.

Dear Mr. Dong,

I remember that at home, you called me Ms. Chen, and I called you Mr. Dong, which is quite interesting to think about now.

I was very different then and now, my body, my face, my mentality, my knowledge, all very different. I felt like I had become a different person, and I had nothing to do with the previous me.

But Mr. Dong, these are not long or short years, on the other hand, I always feel that you are stable, and this stability and formation make me admire.

So in the end, it was you who grew up with me, watched me transform, and found that after I became a completely different person, you still maintained a stable and strong self. This trip is going to be hard for you, and I think you may have had a hard time.

If we switch, it might be better, you are the one who seeks stability, and my mind jumps. In other words, you are changing, and I am more stable. Maybe our relationship will be different. But who made this arrangement what it is now, with the wrong role.

That's fate. There is a kind of magic in this sentence, after saying it, people immediately feel calm and relaxed, and it is none of their business. Yes, now I also think that the matter between you and me is actually fate, doomed, and immutable, which is a good ending.

Saying goodbye to the past life, saying goodbye to the stable you, and saying goodbye to the past self-consciousness are all good things in my eyes now.

Do you remember how boring I was in your life? I remember you complaining many times that I don't have a close friend and don't take the initiative to do anything.

At that time, I felt that I was bored and powerless in your house, but because on the one hand I wanted to please you, and I liked to look up to people to get love, and on the other hand, you never consulted with me, so I had no interest in making up ideas. After all, at that time, I thought that my powerlessness was because of you.

It starts with everything broken, the heart that I have never used before, and finally put it into use for the first time, and the eyes that I have never used have opened for the first time. In fact, everything is always in my hands, and it should be in my hands. And we are a very inappropriate couple.

You have all the initiative, all the money in your hands, and you don't want to treat me as a teammate, because you don't believe I can do as well as you.

And I, who used to make compromises, was because I was not enough to be called a mature person who could take charge of myself. That's not compromise, that's blind chaos. And if it were me now, then we would have a strong power struggle from the very beginning, and at the very beginning I would have fought for at least half of the right to speak. Looking back at you from beginning to end, I can only say that no matter what we are, we are extremely inappropriate, and my slow growth has only delayed the death of the relationship, but it has not been able to stop it.

Mr. Dong, if the relationship is bad, it is not cooperative. What about touching up the emotion? In your last days, you asked me, did I ever love you? You ask me out loud, do you know what love is?

I didn't think so. At that time, I thought that a child like you, who came out of a family of origin whose marriage existed in name only, thought that marriage was to live with each other like strangers like your parents, and sneered at each other like people who saw disgust, so what right did you have to ask me if I had love?

But I was wrong.

Mr. Dong, now I use all my awareness and consciousness to remember and think. I don't think I've ever loved. Not for you, but for all the lovers you have ever been. I've never loved because I don't know what love is.

The only thing that really made me feel love was our daughter. And now, I don't know that I have a selfish love for her, just to meet my spiritual needs as a mother. Or selfless love, everything is based on her pleasure, willing to sacrifice all of herself to help her grow. I don't know yet, but I think I still have time to slowly understand and correct this.

But to you, if we only talk about you. I'm sorry, I don't think I ever loved you, I didn't even have a heart for you. When I say this, I am not proud at all, I feel like I want to bow my head, I feel ashamed, I even feel sorry for the beauty of this world.

My time, the time I could sing in songs, disappeared into the childish hallucinations that didn't exist, what I thought I used to be, and what I don't know now.

I don't want that at all. How I wish I had loved you so deeply. I wish I could feel the intense love and the expectation of wanting to spend my life with you. But I didn't. I've never even had.

You're so steady, you've said to me, what I like is the feeling that you love me.

Mr. Dong, I can't tell what kind of love you have for me, whether you are as blind and careless as I used to be, or whether you are really mature and loving. But I think you said, you're right, I hope that when you say this, it's not that you happen to be right, but that you see through me.

I just want to bask in other people's affection. And that person is like a sacrifice, inconsequential, discarded.

Yes, not even the heartbeat. I despise myself, and I think no matter how you are, I'm sorry for your time, and I'm sorry for myself. In the end, who knows if you're just running away from someone who doesn't know how to love.

In those years, I thought that as long as I went to live a good life, talking and doing things like on TV, that was love, and that was what I had to do.

But that's kids' play. Mr. Dong, I hope you are the person who knows how to love in my fantasy now, and I also hope that you are the one who sees the emptiness of all this and chooses to give up on me and the family, and I also hope that the choice you make is because of the real fresh love. Then I deserve to die.

But even if the truth is that you don't understand, even if the truth is that you're just tired of it. Then I still think that if my former self can have a little bit of love consciousness. Our home may not be left without bones.

I'm sorry, Mr. Dong, you used to face a heartless and loveless Ms. Chen.

Now I am looking forward to the feeling of heartbeat, and I hope this is the starting point of my future love. Now I see love, more and more unlike before, as if there is only an abstract feeling, the love I want is more and more like a job, a project, with a very clear path.

Yes, I will never be together indiscriminately like everyone I've ever been with again. I won't get married in a daze like when I was with you. Love, to first confirm 100%, then slowly match, and then grow in a long stream, to support each other to love.

Mr. Dong, thank you for growing up with me, knowing responsibility with me, and knowing love with me. That part of the road, not long, not flat, but walking with you, I will remember.