Xiaoxia, my mother has always been very envious of a kind of girls, they are like little princesses, and their mother's appearance is very different from their mother's style. They pamper themselves so much, dance so much in the center of the world, so many people pamper them in the same way, or even more. They are so naturally bathed in such an atmosphere, they are very different from hard-working girls like their mothers. Mom has always been envious of such a girl.

My mother once talked to my grandparents about their appearance, talked about their envy, and said that no matter how comfortable they were in life, they still couldn't be so relaxed, and they couldn't accept worship calmly, and they couldn't really pamper themselves from the heart. When she said these words, when she wrote these words, my mother felt a little pitiful. That kind of barrenness is in my mother's skin and eyes, the kind of barrenness that I have not felt, but is simply inherited, and is left over from the times. Mom didn't even experience it personally, but the barrenness she brought on her body because of the inheritance made her different from that kind of girl. Mom felt a little sorry for herself, that kind of obvious barrenness.

But grandpa can't understand such a world, and he can't understand that there are such girls in this world. Mom didn't tell them about the pity she felt in her heart. Because if they can't see the world at all, how can they know what it's like to be in it. And again, as in every moment, they sneered at the sight of something outside the world the size of their walnut. So the mother did not say that she was envious and full of pity for herself, because that would anger them, as if they saw the mother's discontentment, and the sin of greed, and such thoughts that even the first signs had to be strangled. In such an atmosphere, a child like my mother always wants to survive by please, so slowly, my mother herself is not sure, does such a person described by my mother really exist? A real princess, the kind of person who has a sense of worry-free food and clothing in her blood, the kind of person who is calm and calm and happy, is there really such a person? Is it all a mother's imagination, or is it just a fantasy in a book?

Mom shook her head, this matter had to be thought about carefully, and it was necessary to distinguish between illusion and truth.

When I was young, there was a girl named Xiaoyan next to my mother, and her good friend was called Pomegranate. Both of their parents were businessmen. Xiaoyan's shoulders are very flat, she is slightly fat, and when my mother met her, we were all little girls, and we were not yet ten years old. When she looks at people, her chin will be slightly raised, her mouth will smile slightly, and her eyes will look down at you. Pomegranate is also a little fat, she doesn't lift her chin to look at people, she is very happy, and her eyes are narrowed when she laughs. Xiaoyan and Pomegranate have many, many dolls at home, and Pomegranate has several boxes of dolls brought back from abroad. Xiaoyan had a whole box of colored pens, lined up in rows and rows, neatly stuck in a plywood, several of which were placed in a large plastic suitcase. Xiaoyan often carries a whole box of colored pens and teaches us how to sort the colored pens and how to make a whole row of sequential colors. Pomegranate will take the doll to make friends with our doll and have afternoon tea together.

The two of them were always happy and affectionate to play with everyone, shoulder to shoulder with their mother, holding hands or holding hands. But they have a distance from their mothers, and they can feel that their kind of affection is one-sided, and they can only do it when they want to, but they don't take the initiative, and if you take the initiative, it's not okay. That's right, in such a young circle, they already have the initiative. This is a right that many adults don't understand. When grandpa taught her mother to play more with children, explicitly or implicitly, in order to integrate into the collective, she might have to sacrifice her personality and maintain forbearance, Xiaoyan and Pomegranate have already begun to practice controlling the collective, and they have begun to practice not to compromise for the sake of the collective, but to let the collective follow them.

Mom looks at them like a psychologist, for a few years or even more than ten years, and now for decades, she peeps at them like that. Xiao Xia, who is so different, has been in control of the collective around them until now, happily enjoying everything. Mom thinks they are the princesses that Mom has met in her life. I am in control of myself, and I am also in control of the people around me.

When I was a little older, my mother met Ah Le. Ah Le is a southern girl, with slender eyes, good skin, but a strange figure, big hands and feet, and not tall. Ah Le likes to read and has his own opinions, and Ah Le enjoys himself. Ah Le has many admirers, and Ah Le is particularly confident. Ah Le is different from his mother, Ah Le almost doesn't care about what other people do, Ah Le should be less than twenty years old at that time, and her mother is only now doing what Ah Le did at that time. Ah Le didn't let the boy who liked her buy her clothes, Ah Le didn't have much money, but she paid for it herself. Ah Le also spent a lot of money on books.

Mom envied Ah Le. Mom thinks she is very steady, very similar to what Mom looks like now, but when Mom was less than 20 years old, she looked so far and right, so forward-looking, she couldn't even read a book, and she could even wrestle on a skateboard. Mom thinks Ah Le is a princess, because she has known what she wants from a long time ago, and she only cares about herself when she doesn't hear anything outside the window.

Now there is a girl named Xiaoyuan next to my mother. She has a good figure, her hair is crooked, she speaks in a small voice, her eyes are smiling, she wears designer clothes and carries a designer bag. Xiaoyuan has parents who like to give her money, friends who like to give her money, and a boyfriend who likes to give her money. Xiaoyuan felt that she was immersed in happiness and kept a diary every day. Mom used to envy such a girl, and Mom was envious of her even before writing this article, but as she wrote, she found that Xiaoyuan was the most pampered girl, but Mom was even more envious of other people in her memory. The reason why they are being followed is more obvious, and Xiaoyuan herself is overwhelmed by the actions of the people who dot on her and loses something.

Xiaoxia, her mother has more or less envied the appearance of these girls and their lifestyle. This kind of envy, my mother almost does not dare to share it with others, because envy may reflect some dissatisfaction, and in the eyes of many people, what should my mother be dissatisfied with. But that kind of self-confidence, that sense of control, that kind of self, that kind of pleasure, all made my mother feel like a dead tree. This kind of snooping gives my mother the feeling of being as light as a feather, as if her life is as worthless as a feather. Compared with such and such people, it is not worth it, and such hard work. Xiao Xia, maybe these ideas are all wrong, these misunderstandings that are as light as a feather are the thorns engraved on the back in my mother's life, whether it is right or wrong, my mother just wants to share it with you tonight.