Sometimes, I often wonder, is a person the most speechless when he is most painful?

Just like Zhao Xun at this moment, he is lying motionless on the bed where his father slept.

When I was young, because my family was poor, the house left by my ancestors was only a little the size of a palm.

Since Zhao Xun remembered, his stepmother followed him into the house, and within a few years, she gave birth to her younger brother.

In addition to the living room and kitchen, there are only these two bedrooms in the whole house, and later, including Zhao, who has been crammed into that cottage with his younger brother since he went to college.

At that time, his father didn't want to see Zhao Xun, and Zhao Xun never stepped into his father's door.

At this time, I don't know how?

The bed seemed to have magical power, which attracted Zhao Xun, who was fascinated.

I remember that day, because Zhao couldn't eat, my younger brother went to several stores to buy his father's favorite cooked food.

Looking for the taste, when he came to the table, Zhao Xun almost ate it with tears in his eyes.

Seeing the relatives around her being ruthlessly taken away one by one, Zhao Xun was on the verge of collapse, and even Zhao Xun couldn't imagine whether she could really get through this hurdle.

And because the younger brother was too worried about Zhao Xun, he was almost always by Zhao Xun's side during that time

But time is such a healing thing, just as the sun on a sunny day doesn't rise because the sun doesn't rise on a cloudy day.

After Liu Ya returned home, she really didn't break her promise.

It didn't take long for her to take Jiating and Jiaxin back to her hometown to visit Zhao.

How to say it, the reason why Liu Ya and Zhao are so close is because of their father's compatibility.

But what Zhao Xun is experiencing at the moment, Liu Ya has already experienced it when she was a child, and she really understands that feeling too well.

It is probably because of the company of the children that Zhao Xun gradually came out of the grief of his deceased father.

Liu Ya told Zhao Xun that in this world, you and I are ordinary people, and no one can escape this catastrophe.

Each of us is growing up, just like happy will grow up, and Jiating and Jiaxin will grow up.

Then, there will be growth and loss, and one day in the future, we will also grow old and even die, just like our father.

If I tell you to say "don't be sad", "don't be sad", and "this will all pass", I can't do it at all.

Because those are all false and false, all the hurdles in front of you, only you can overcome them, and only you can overcome them.

Others can't help anything, all she can do is some companionship!

Looking at the evening breeze whistling outside the window, Zhao Xun wrapped the clothes on his body, and unconsciously, it was close to the beginning of spring at this time.

Spring in the north came later, and looking at the days on the calendar, my father had been gone for 45 days.

In recent days, my father often appeared in Zhao Xun's dreams.

The old people call this kind of dream "dream".

However, in this way, Zhao Xun is very happy.

It seems that only in this way can Zhao Xun really feel that his father has never gone far.

Looking at the light clouds in the sky, Zhao Xun felt his father's residual warmth, and was reluctant to wake up.

Seeing that Happy is about to go to kindergarten, for non-local families who do not have a Beijing hukou, the problem of children's schooling has become an urgent matter to be solved.

Ziyi, who was running back and forth, had no choice but to call her younger brother and repeatedly emphasized the problem of her child's schooling.

As the main brother of the family, he had to propose the idea of going back to Beijing with Zhao Xun.

finally picked a day, and when Zhao Xun seemed to be in a good mood, his younger brother "finally" spoke:

"Sister, pack up these days, let's go back to Beijing, what do you see?"

"Back to Beijing?"

"Yes."

"Oh, look at my brain, in the clouds and fog of life these days, sometimes I really think that the present is the past, you should go back, you clean up, go back tomorrow, Ziyi is not at ease at home alone."

"Sister, Ziyi is fine, I mean let's go back together."

Zhao Xun looked at his younger brother with a puzzled expression.

Later, my younger brother still took out happy to be a shield, and said a lot of practical problems, like why happy goes to kindergarten without anyone to pick up and cook......

Under his younger brother's soft grinding and hard bubbles, Zhao Xun reluctantly agreed to his younger brother's request.

However, Zhao said early in the morning that she would not stay too long after going to Beijing.

Hearing that Zhao Xun agreed to his request, his younger brother was so happy that he almost jumped up with Zhao Xun.

In fact, what Zhao Xun didn't know was how long his younger brother had been looking forward to this day.

When they were preparing to leave, Zhao Xun and his younger brother planned to seal the old house.

When tidying up the house, under the mattress that his father had slept on, Zhao Xun saw the only thing his father left behind before his death.

To my dearest children:

Maybe that's the only way I can tell the truth about this, and I hope forgive me for anything else.

Actually, these words were meant to be brought into the coffin by me.

For I cannot bear to tell you all this, and it is too cruel for you.

But for dozens of days and nights, I have condemned myself from time to time with the condemnation of my conscience, whether the original decision was right or not.

But then I completely figured it out, after living for so many years, for a person who has already experienced life and death, God has given me enough retribution!

As you know, our family had no money in the past, and your stepmother was pregnant with her younger brother at the time, and she did a total of 2 B-ultrasounds, but only twice.

At that time, people were so pedantic that they always thought that having a child was not a simple matter.

Some people, the curtains at home are pulled to live, and then an old lady (commonly known as a midwife) is invited, and it is not the same as giving birth to a big fat boy.

Later, people's living standards improved, and it seems that more attention was paid to medical conditions.

In addition, your stepmother has been talking about who and whose wife gave birth to a child in the hospital.

You also know that I've always been a face-saving person, isn't it just to spend a few more dollars, I gritted my teeth and stomped on the ground, and took her to the hospital.

After building a file in the hospital, a few tubes of blood were drawn, and the family looked at the gender, saying that it was a boy.

At that time, the family was very happy, and the doctor told us when to have regular check-ups and when to check-ups, but the conditions at home were really limited.

I always thought that everything would be fine after knowing that I had a boy and a girl, but in the end, I only went for another check-up when I was about six months old.

Really, really only done it twice.

Really, if I had known that the end result would be like this, I would never have spent this money.

You have to trust me! Even if I smash the pot and sell iron, I will have this son!

Nine months passed quickly, on the day your brother was born, all the misfortunes, all the evils, they came like an uncontrollable anger!

When the doctor told me that our child had actually died in the womb.

I didn't even have the brains to ask what was going on, and at that point, all I had left was evil.

A heart full of evil, a heart full of hatred!

Listening to the cry of a child coming from the operating room next door, the hatred was even more urgent.

Why?

Why?

In my life, what have I done, why do you have to punish me with such a thing?

I'm not reconciled, I'm really unwilling!

I looked at her lying on the hospital bed, her face was horrible and pale, and she opened her mouth to say something.

But she couldn't say anything, her mouth seemed to be too dry.

I dipped a cotton swab in some water on her lips, and she sucked so hard that she eventually ate a cotton swab with a piece of wood.

Because she wanted to know so much what was going on with that child.

When her mother has a heart, she must know that this result is not good, but she still can't speak.

I knew what she wanted to say, and I knew what she wanted to ask, but I couldn't really face her at that moment.

That kind of heart-wrenching pain, the kind of pain without a son, you can't feel it, I'm about to lose it!

Really, I can guarantee that the reason for all this is because of me.

All the malice was done by me!

I looked at her, and she was still able to resist at first, and she could even open her mouth to say something.

Later, until my face was completely gone, the blood oxygen couldn't stop falling, I panicked, I was scared, I really didn't know what to do, it was the patient in the next bed who helped me call the doctor and nurse.

It took about an hour, but they told me that my lover was dead, told me to mourn, and finally asked me to sign!

"Condolences?"

What is my special mourning? Can anyone tell me?

My wife is gone, my son is gone, and I still want to mourn?

How can there be such a thing in this world?

She grabbed the corner of my coat with the last of her strength, and the only words she repeated over and over again were two words.

"Son, son, son......"

I didn't dare tell her the truth, I was afraid that once I told the truth, it would be her last talisman.

Her face grew paler and whiter, so white that I couldn't look at it directly.

I knelt in front of her bed, not daring to raise my eyes to look at her, so I kept my head down.

I could feel the fear emanating from the roots of my ears.

The fear is more breathless than ever, and that fear is far greater than death!

Oh, yes! Even if I took her to the hospital once I was eight or nine months old, wouldn't it have happened?

Will we have a healthy child now?

She was strong, and she didn't shed a single tear, even when she finally knew that she had a short time left.

I held back the anger in my heart, I suppressed the evil in my heart, and I couldn't show my stuff in front of her now.

I pinched myself hard, I warned myself, this is fate, I believe in fate!