Mingxi, hello!

The passage of time cannot dilute the emotions of the past. There's an infatuated girl who is flustered for you, and there's an infatuated girl who is restless in your sleep. That girl was unsettled, that girl was restless when she was reading, and that girl had written down her daily attachment in her diary! That girl, that infatuated girl doesn't know how to be good!

These days, my parents' colleagues come to talk about my marriage, and on the way home, a guy actually courtes me on the road. I didn't know her, and he checked my school, my name and my home, so much so that I had to take a detour every day when I got home...... I'm so annoyed, it's so nerve-wracking.

I can't help but ask you with a lingering heart, and I can't help but summon up the courage to ask you: Can the kingdom of kings accommodate me?

Maybe you have already found your love, then I will quietly retreat and bless you. But I'm bold to tell you, I've never been so miserable, so infatuated with a man, and I don't know why, why I can't erase your shadow from my memory for so long.

I tried hard to forget you, but I couldn't forget, so that when I couldn't see you for a day, I would be so disturbed that your wording was a little inappropriate, and I would be careful in my heart, so that you didn't come for my birthday, and I was so angry with my parents that you didn't come for the Spring Festival this year, and my face was full of gloom......

I truly love you, not necessarily that you know, that you necessarily understand, or even that you must be accepted.

But I don't want to be so miserable and bothered anymore. If I couldn't love what I loved, maybe I would have looked to be loved, but I knew it would have made me miserable for the rest of my life. Even if it is a mistake to love you, I am willing to wander for you for the rest of my life!

Mingxi, just longing and looking forward to your response, please tell me the truth! Don't tell the truth!

Expect! Expect! Looking forward to hearing from you! Don't make me wait too long......

Everything is good! Empty Orchid Grass April 15, 1989

After reading the letter in my hand, it was as if I had run 3,000 meters around the playground, my heart was beating faster, my breathing was short, and I seemed to be a little out of breath.

I kept asking myself, did I like her? Why is it that now I am so distraught that I refuse as resolutely and resolutely as I always do? What am I worried about? Worried that my poor family can't accommodate this golden phoenix? Worried about the old father's suffering? Or am I worried that my pride and self-esteem will not hold up a noble head in front of her powerful family?

In the days that followed, we met with a polite nod as if nothing had happened, but I knew there was a deep melancholy in her smiling eyes. Maybe I couldn't bear it, maybe for some other reason, I wrote back.

Soon, I heard back from her, with the words "Address Details" written in the bottom right corner of the envelope.

Mingxi, I can't talk about despair in the past two days, but I really don't want your reply anymore.

I thought I was embarrassed by you, I thought you couldn't accept it, or I thought I was too direct and unladylike to make you angry, so I didn't want to talk to you. Although I thought to myself, I didn't force you, even if you didn't want to, but you should at least treat me as a friend, or write back and politely refuse for fear of hurting my self-esteem, etc., really, I didn't expect to receive your letter today, I thought that I would be rejected by you indifferently like other girls!

These days, when my mother mentions my marriage, I say, I live alone, I am single, which makes my mother unhappy.

I know that I belong to the emotional type, and my feelings cannot be given casually. People satisfy me materially, but spiritually, it is still a desert for me, what I need is the ocean. If you are barely making do, won't you harm others and yourself, why bother? It's better to have fun with yourself!

As for the questions you raised, I don't know how to explain them, and some of them seem to be confused.

I did think it through, otherwise I wouldn't have had the courage to write that letter. I don't seem to care about anything else, but what worries me is whether you have me in your heart. I know that it hurts to love and not be loved, or to be loved rather than loved. I won't force it, and I won't force it.

I had a feeling that it confused me, and I didn't even want to think about it, I didn't want to guess. Am I wishful thinking? If that's the case, Mingxi, you don't have to ask other questions to prevaricate. I don't think anything else matters to us, nothing else!

I think we'd better meet and have a good talk. When do you have time? I don't want to escape from reality, so we'd better be able to make it clear to our faces, okay?

Happy to you!

Empty Orchid Grass April 20, 1989

Sitting in the classroom, stacking the letters, I raised my hands behind my head, leaned back on the backrest, my eyes fixed on the blackboard, and did not move.

I was squeezed out of the classroom by my own thoughts, and I was alone all night, like a small boat in the sky and moon, unable to sail through the thick fog, and the sound of the oars of love was bewildered by the ferry so close and yet so far away that I had longed for and now tried so hard to avoid, and as if there were a hundred and one reasons to hold my own ground, to hold my own course.

I was really confused and confused, and I found myself like a road, one moment someone came to tread on it, so it became wider and wider, more and more elongated, and for a while no one cared, so it became narrower and narrower, and more and more desolate!

About a week later, one day I opened my school bag, and a piece of colored paper folded into a heart floated down from it, and I checked it up from the ground and unfolded it, and I was stunned when I saw the elegant handwriting.

It was written to me by Xu Konglan! I thought she understood what I meant and wouldn't contact me again!

The letter was short, only a few lines.

Mingxi, hello! So far, you haven't been telling me the truth.

Maybe I can't do what you want, just ask you to be honest with me. I take this very seriously and lightly.

As for the other problems you mentioned, it is not a problem to be poor in the family and so on. Just tell me the truth.

After all this time, I am mentally prepared for you to reject me. I don't hate you for half a sentence, I just want us to be friends and still be best friends.

Good luck to all of you!

Empty Orchid Grass Grass April 26, 1989

I looked up at the sun overhead, and I felt something pulling at me, as if a god was working harder than ever and I was hanging in the air. I couldn't see anything more realistically, the scene a few steps away was blurrier than fog, and when I stretched out my hand, it felt strange and distant.

I didn't reply to the letter, I didn't talk to her again, I met on the road or in the classroom, I just simply greeted and smiled or nodded, polite but the distance was shortened.

But only I know that in that spring, there is a kind of pain that is slowly unfolding calmly, but I didn't expect that this unfolding is a long life!

……