Another page:

"I got a perfect score in the exam, and my articles were published, so I think at least I can compete with Zhou Ruikang in my studies, and I'm much taller now.

Today, Nian'an actually called me "Dad", haha, my heart is happy. But Ruojun was not happy, so he had to let Nian An call me uncle.

Ruojun, let me be Nian'an's father, I will love him well, and you will find that I will be a good father and husband. ”

Another page:

"I think I'm crazy, how can I have such dirty, lewd thoughts, Ruojun, I've been dreaming about you all night...... I...... I want you...... But I know you don't love me, and you don't want me.

If I show the slightest bit of a horse's feet, you'll run away in fright.

Ruojun, I know that I am not as good as Zhou Ruikang, I am not good enough, don't worry, you wait for me, I will definitely be better than him. ”

Another page:

"Ruojun, I'm going crazy, I roar at you, roar at you, yell at you, be fierce to you, you must think that I hate you and blame you, but you don't know how much I want to hug you tenderly in my heart, but I'm so afraid, I know that you still love him, I don't have any weight in your heart, if I get close to you again, I can't help but confess my heart to you for so many years, you will be scared away by me, you will reject me, you will leave me.

I'm so frustrated, I don't know if I can surpass him, I'm getting weaker and weaker, like a person who is in a deep quagmire, Ruojun, I don't want you to be my sister, I want you to be my wife......"

……

Ruojun closed his diary, his heart was chaotic, sour, the handwriting on his diary went from immature to mature, each one was a love letter he wrote to her, and the emotions were hotter and hotter from page to page.

What should she do? She remembered that rainy night in the Zhou family compound, the storm, she ran into the wilderness, and was almost raped by Guo Xingquan, it was he, the little he, who saved her on a rainy night. When she was hesitant to go to Chongqing with Ding Xiaohui, he also walked into the hospital with a rose and encouraged her to look for Ruikang.

But she has always treated him as a younger brother, and the sudden change made her unacceptable at all, and this is too absurd, she is ten years older than him, and she is no longer young and beautiful. She thought desperately, but she couldn't think of a reason, she didn't know how to get along with him.

He has loved himself for so long and so deeply, in order to defeat Zhou Ruikang, he studied hard and desperately wanted to make himself better.

How can I refuse him? She sat on a small bamboo bench in the courtyard, frowning and thinking about it. She doesn't want to touch her feelings anymore, or she just wants to wait for the end of her and Ruikang, if Ruikang doesn't come back for the rest of her life, then she just wants to spend the rest of her life guarding Nian'an. She doesn't want to have another Ding Xiaohui, she doesn't want to and doesn't want to carry a moral cross again.

She was in a daze until the evening, until Nian An shook her arm and shouted that she was hungry, and she remembered that she hadn't cooked dinner yet. Quickly get up and walk into the kitchen to brush the pot and cook.

As soon as the courtyard door opened, Ruojun couldn't help but jump in shock, and didn't go out as usual, only to hear Xiao Nian'an in the courtyard happily welcoming Meng Shuzhi back.

"Nian'an, what do you think this is?"

"Wow, it's a grilled chicken thigh!" Nian An clapped her hands and danced happily.

"Yes, my uncle has been paid today, so let's take it and eat it."

"Thank you, uncle!"

He walked to the kitchen door, leaned on the door frame, scratched his head awkwardly, his eyes flashed a few times, his expression was very cramped and uneasy, and he coughed lightly from his throat and said, "Sister, I'm sorry, I'm in a bad mood these days...... I...... I bought you something......"

Saying that, he handed over a small box, Ruojun opened his big eyes, if it was on weekdays, she would happily take it, and then complained to him that he shouldn't waste money or something, but at this time she was stunned and at a loss, she didn't take it, turned around and continued to cook, and said very coldly: "Put it there." ”

His heart sank, he looked at her expressionless face, nodded, and placed the gift on the small table.

"Then I'll cook for you." He was about to walk in.

"No!" She coldly stopped him.

Shu Zhi's heart sank again and again, and he looked at her with a frosty face for a long time, so he had to retreat in a daze.

She looked at his gloomy back, or her heart softened, he was her little Shu Zhi, they used to be so close, even he and Xun Mei frolicked and played together in her bed, she helped him make clothes, put on clothes, and sometimes helped him wash his face, wash his hands, and teach him to write hand in hand.

Ruojun softened his tone and added, "You go and play with Nian'an, the meal will be fine in a while." ”

He looked back at her, she lowered her head to chop vegetables, did not look at him, in the dim light, she was soft and quiet, although she had entered middle age, wearing gray coarse cloth clothes, no jewelry, no makeup, but so calm.

At the dinner table, Nian An was the only one who chattered non-stop, he inherited Ruikang's good eloquence, and kept asking this and that. And Ruojun and Meng Shuzhi just ate with their heads bored, occasionally answering Nian An's whimsical questions, but both of them were in a state of mind.

Ruojun opened the beautifully packaged small box at night, it turned out to be a box of rose rouge with a small mirror, the box was cloisonné, and the blue background was a bewitching and delicate white plum, which seemed so beautiful and refined, elegant and fresh, Ruojun liked it very much, but she couldn't accept it, she had to give up Shu Zhi's thoughts, she had to be cruel to him, until he gave up his love for her.

She rewrapped the box, came to Shu Zhi's door, and knocked on the door twice.

He opened the door, looked at her blankly, and shouted, "Ruojun...... Sister ......"

"Thank you for the gift, but I can't use it, you can take it and give it to a good female classmate." Still cold, she shoved the box into his arms, turned and left.

"Sister Ruojun!" He called out to her, chased her out, paused, and asked, "Do you hate me?" ”

Ruojun raised her eyes to look at him in a daze, under the moonlight, this was the first time she looked at him as a man, God, was this handsome man in front of her really the little beggar that Ruikang brought into the Zhou family's compound back then? How could she be so sluggish, she never noticed that he was growing up quietly, he was getting more and more beautiful, more and more handsome, she had always treated him as a child, spoiled, taken care of, never thought that he would grow up, and he could compete with Ruikang.

"How so?" She avoided his burning gaze: "You're my brother, we've always loved each other, haven't we?" ”

He hung his head, was silent for a long time, nodded, and whispered, "Yes." If you want me to be your brother for the rest of your life, I'll be your brother for the rest of your life. ”

Ruojun suddenly felt very sad in her heart, she never liked to hurt other people's hearts, but she was always hurting other people's hearts, Ruian was like this, Xiaohui was like this, even to Ruikang, and now it was Shu Zhi, she felt that she was really stupid, and she didn't know how to deal with feelings at all.

She nodded, stopped talking, and thought that it was better to go back to the house and sleep quickly.

Just as he was about to turn around, he grabbed her, stuffed the rouge box back into her hand, and said bitterly: "Take it, if you don't like it, you can throw it away, but don't return it to me." I see what you mean, I won't buy these things again in the future. With that, he turned and returned to his room with great strides, and closed the door.

Mei Ruojun took the box and slowly returned to the room, looking at her sleeping son, she really missed Ruikang deeply, but these endless thoughts were like white foam in the sea, meaningless, he was in distant England, he was a married man, he was a rich man.

She sat under the lamp and took out her notebook, yes, she also has a notebook, each of which is a love letter she wrote to Ruikang, every time her lovesickness is flooded, she writes love letters to him, so that her inner emotions can be released.

"Dear Ruikang,

I don't know if you are okay in the UK, I miss you deeply, Nian'an already knows how to recite Tang poems, and you are as smart and clever as you, can speak well, two days ago, I took him to the photo studio to take a photo, it is very cute, I hope you can see it one day.

I miss you so much, I think so much, I think so much, I think of the day on Jinyun Mountain, maybe I shouldn't have left you with Nian'an in a fit of anger. But what can we do if I don't go? Your father's cruelty, Jiaqi's indifference, Jiawei's anger, can we really ignore it? At the end of the day, Nian An and I are indeed difficult for them to accept.

I don't know what to do with Shuzhi? He has to compare everything with you, I'm so afraid that he will go astray, cough, I hope he can wake up as soon as possible, and don't be obsessed with me, an ominous person. I can't make another mistake this time, I really can't.

But, Ruikang, where are you? How I need you to give me strength and courage. If you were by my side, I wouldn't have to be so conflicted. ”

Closing the diary, Ruojun knelt on the table, looking at the delicate box of rouge, cough, why, why are other men always doing what Ruikang should have done? The thought popped into her mind.

She sat up straight and buried her face in her hands, in pain.

……

In the following days, Shu Zhi still shouted Ruojun as a sister, but the two rarely spoke, and seemed to be deliberately avoiding each other, and time seemed to go back to the time when Ruikang fell in love with Ruojun as his sister-in-law many years ago, and deliberately avoided her.

The catastrophe of the civil war, soaring prices, the suffering of the Chinese is not over, no matter how hard work, life is still tight, Mei Ruojun carried a bamboo basket, pulled Nian'an through the streets and alleys, that day, business was not bad, a large family happened to move the happy event, the young lady of that family saw Ruojun's embroidery, exquisite and elegant, liked it very much, and bought a lot of things.

Ruojun was so happy, he hugged Nian'an, and happily walked around the market, wanting to buy some food and go back.

Passing by a bookstore, Nian'an wanted to see a comic book, Ruojun walked in with him, Nian'an really got the inheritance of the Zhou family and the Mei family's scholarly family, he has been particularly interested in books since he was three years old, Shu Zhi has also been teaching him to read and write, reciting poems, every time he passes by the bookstore, Nian'an will linger in the store to read all kinds of villain books.

I went there a lot, and the shopkeepers already knew their mother and son.

Xiao Nian'an moved a small stool by himself, sat at the door and took a few villain books to read there, and Ruojun also took a look at it in the store.

The proprietress is a fat woman in her fifties, with a very kind smile on her round face, she likes Xiao Nian'an very much, and every time she comes, she will give Nian'an some candy and snacks.

"Thank you, hostess!" Xiao Nian'an said politely and loudly, making the proprietress giggle, and her eyes narrowed into a slit.

"Boss, you're breaking the bank."

The proprietress shook her head and said, "Oh, I really like this kid the more I look at it, this little appearance is really handsome." Saying that, she grabbed a handful of melon seeds and gave them to Ruojun, Ruojun shook her head and refused politely, she smiled modestly, but she was indeed proud of her son in her heart.

She looked at the small cupboard in front of the door, there were all kinds of stationery inside, a black and shiny Parker pen jumped into her sight, she immediately wanted to buy it and give it to Shu Zhi, she hadn't given him a gift when he was admitted to college, and he also gave her such a delicate rouge, she should have repaid the favor.

How beautiful and practical this pen is, she is moving, her eyes swept to the price tag next to her, Ruojun immediately hesitated, that beautiful fountain pen cost 60,000 yuan, which was not something she could afford at all, so she had to sigh and give up.

"Ahem, prices are rising every day, this money is worth less than straw paper, I don't know how to do this business, and I don't know how to live my life. Are you going to buy a fountain pen? I have a few second-hand ones here, and they are all good. I'll show you. ”

The proprietress said as she moved her round body from the stool, opened the cupboard, took out a box, opened it, and took out a dark blue, gold clip pen from it.

"This is what a college student sold to me a few days ago, you see, it's still very new, and the price can be half cheaper."

Ruojun's eyes flashed, and the corners of his mouth showed a smile and nodded.

……

Under the lamp, Ruojun tore off a page of colorful cover paper from an old magazine, carefully wrapped the small box containing the pen, and Nian An knelt on the chair beside him, watching his mother's dexterous fingers flip and fold the paper.

"Mother, Nian'an also wants it, is it okay?"

"Well, my uncle is good at studying, so my mother bought him a pen, and if I read well in the future, my mother will buy it for you. Good no good? Ruojun smiled and looked at his son's face.

"Okay, okay, Nian'an must study hard."

"When this fountain pen is on my uncle's birthday next month, Nian An will give it to him personally, okay?"

"Good, good! Uncle and Nian'an have the same birthday, does Nian'an have any gifts? Nian An asked, holding his chin, his expression very similar to Ruikang.

Ruojun's heart moved, and he looked at his son's little face in a daze, as if he saw Ruikang in front of him.

"Mother? You're in a daze again. ”

Ruojun smiled embarrassedly when his son said this: "Is my mother always in a daze?" ”

"My mother always looks at Nian'an blankly." Nian An tilted his head and grinned, his naughty appearance was exactly the same as Ruikang's coquettish appearance.

Ruojun felt that she was going crazy, she really wanted to go to Zhou's house to find Jiaqi to ask for Ruikang's address, and write to him to tell him that she was in Beiping him, but ...... This is just wishful thinking, the Zhou family, a place that fills her with painful memories, Cheng Jiaqi has long hated herself.

Ruojun touched Nian'an's little face and couldn't help but smile bitterly: "You look a lot like your father." ”

"Really?" Nian An's eyes widened, and her small mouth snorted: "Mother, where is Dad?" Nian An looked at her mother with some shrunkness, lowered her head, gently picked her fingers in the cracks of the table, pouted, and asked vaguely, "Daddy...... Don't you want us? ”

Ruojun's heart suddenly seemed to be pierced by ten thousand arrows, and he quickly hugged him tightly in his arms, kept kissing him, and tears rolled down: "No, Daddy wants it, I want it, Nian'an's father is a big hero, he beat away the Japanese devil, and Daddy loves Nian'an very much." ”

Nian'an saw her mother crying, quickly wiped away her tears with her little hands, climbed off the chair, ran to the bed, took out a piece of paper from under her pillow, and handed it to Ruojun with a smile: "My painted father!" ”

Ruojun opened the paper, and it was a very funny, very interesting portrait of a man, with an egg-like head, two circles for eyes, a big grin, and two mustaches......