My name is Lin Xi and I committed suicide.

A white-eyed wolf who can't raise a ripe one, steals money, looks for a man, and is considered pregnant because of the postponement of menstruation.

I have more and more stigma on me, all of which my grandmother gave me.

Since I don't love myself anymore, I simply break the jar and break it, and I am completely presumptuous, I am very vulgar, I just want to be happy.

I am willing to fall, I am willing to jump into the abyss, don't save me, save me is harm me.

When I was just seventeen years old, I smoked my first cigarette, and when it passed my lungs, the puff of cigarette stung my throat, and I resisted not coughing, and the smoke became very faint when I exhaled it.

At this moment, I felt more relaxed than I had ever felt before, as if everything could go away with this smoke, and I fell in love with the feeling.

I started to stay up at night, my makeup became more and more elaborate, and I became an alternative in the eyes of the good students, a good brother to the gangsters, and the person I thought I was least likely to be a few years ago.

I asked Duan Wenbo how Gao Zijian was, and Duan Wenbo sent me a photo.

Gao Zijian in the photo seems to be a different person, his white hair seems to be more, and there are a lot of cigarette butts in the ashtray on the table.

I took a puff of the cigarette in my hand, and you see, even though we were separated, we were still the same.

"You're mad at me!" This is my grandmother suing my mother.

My grandmother's ears were so back that I had to turn on the hands-free to hear them, and I heard my mother say there, "Why are you angry with her, so angry with you?" If the child is gone, I can still have another one, and where can I find my mother without me?"

Grandma seemed satisfied, and exchanged a few words with her mother before hanging up the phone.

I didn't say a word the whole time, I thought I was immune to them, but it turned out that I was still uncomfortable.

I made an appointment with Yin Wenqian to meet at the school gate, I have too much to say to her, except for Gao Zijian, she is the only one who understands me best.

Across the road, Yin Wenqian waved frantically at me, and I ran over to meet her.

"Can't stay at home anymore?" Yin Wenqian looks like I know everything.

I sighed and nodded.

She patted me on the shoulder as a comforting gesture, and we were just about to walk away when we heard an angry roar from behind, "Don't go, you two!" Stand there! ”

I 'chuckled' in my heart, pushed Yin Wenqian forward, and shouted, "Hurry up!" ”

Yin Wenqian was stunned for a second, and by the time she reacted, it was too late.

Grandma grabbed Yin Wenqian's clothes and was about to slap her, swearing in her mouth, "I'll let you play with Lin Xi, you little calf, I'll let you play with her, let you hook up with her......"

Yin Wenqian could only use her arms to block my grandmother's attack.

Many passers-by stopped to watch, and the proprietress of the store also stood at the door to watch.

The scene of Lin Jun beating Gao Zijian and the scene of my grandmother beating Yin Wenqian gradually coincided, and my mind was a mess, and finally, I was finally forced by her to be the only one left.

"Stop fighting!" I rushed over to separate the two of them, and shouted to Yin Wenqian again, "You go quickly!" ”

This time she didn't hesitate and ran away quickly.

"You bastard!" My grandmother scolded me.

Looking at Yin Wenqian's back and running away, I breathed a sigh of relief.

Back at home, Lin Jun waited at the door of the house with a young man, and his grandmother politely invited them into the house.

"Lin Xi, you are so bold, even your grandmother dares to fight?" Lin Jun stood in front of me, as if interrogating a heinous sinner.

I glanced at my grandmother in amazement, she staggered her gaze as if she was evading, and I laughed self-deprecatingly, it seems that this is another crime that my good grandmother Ann has given me.

"Didn't you say that you don't care about me anymore, you are all raised by me?" This is the first time I have looked Lin Jun in the eye.

"you!"

Two slaps were slapped in my face, and Lin Jun dragged me from the sofa to the door by dragging me in the ponytail tied behind my head.

The young man walked over and pulled Lin Jun away and kept persuading him.

I slowly got up from the cold floor, and tears flowed down my face, but I didn't wipe them and walked straight back to my room.

……

I was taken away by Lin Jun, and after witnessing that I was beaten by Lin Jun, my grandmother asked him to take me away.

When I first arrived at his house, I was struggling.

After struggling, I compromised, broke my wings that could fly, and began to be a walking corpse next to Lin Jun.

I couldn't sleep every night at his house, and sometimes I sat on the edge of my bed until dawn.

Lin Jun always doesn't go home at night, and when he is not at home, I will steal a cigarette from him, and when the smoke enters my lungs, I can feel that I am still alive.

He loves to drink, and every time he gets drunk, I suffer.

The first time Lin Jun drank too much and came home was at twelve o'clock in the morning, he pushed open my door and asked me to accompany him out to eat.

Later, when he drank too much, I would lock the door and turn off the light, pretending that I was asleep.

That day, I heard him open the door, and I quickly locked the door and turned off the light, hiding myself under the covers.

I thought I would get away with it.

Lin Jun tried to break into my room again, and when he found out that I had locked the door, he began to knock frantically.

I had no choice but to change into my pajamas and open the door, I rubbed my eyes and pretended to be sleeping.

"Don't pretend, I don't know what time you go to bed?" Lin Jun mocked me mercilessly.

I don't speak.

"Someone has come in?" Lin Jun asked suddenly.

"Nope." I shook my head.

Lin Jun smiled, because he drank too much, he was still a little uneasy to speak, "Lin Xi, you are very smart, but you miscalculated that you don't know me, I like to put my slippers on the front when I go out, and when I come back, it changes." ”

Lin Jun was close to me, nameless fear came to me, his eyes were a little moist, and I explained, "But no one has come in the house." ”

"You still don't admit it? I have surveillance cameras to catch you taking a man home! Lin Jun began to babble nonsense.

"Then you take it out, I'll take a look." I spent a quiet day at home, and I really don't know where he got it.

"You don't have to look, you haven't looked for a man? Look who dares to play with you now?" Lin Jun's words turned to humiliation.

More and more insulting language attacked me, I understood his intentions, he just wanted to humiliate me, I cried and quarreled with Lin Jun.

Suddenly, I suddenly felt breathless, numbness began to occur in my feet, and the numbness gradually spread throughout my body, I squatted down and began to pant heavily, and my palms clenching my fists could not be opened no matter what, as if I had lost consciousness.

"Don't pretend there." Lin Jun not only did not stop, but intensified it.

I didn't resist except crying, I stared at the door, I begged for a neighbor to come to my rescue, but no.

Years later, I learned that they didn't hear it, they were just afraid of getting caught on fire.

Tired of scolding, Lin Jun threw me in the living room and went back to sleep by himself.

I sat in the dark, I don't know how long, my hands were finally able to move, and all the forbearance broke out at this moment.

I called my mother, and I begged her to come back, to come and save me, and not to let me live with Lin Jun.

She said, "Lin Xi, if you insist, my mother will be able to go back in three months." ”

I couldn't wait three months, I felt like I was going to die with this life, and I kept sending voice messages to my mother.

"Mom, I beg you, don't go to work, come back, if you don't come back, I'm going to die......"

"Mom, it's okay for you to take a leave of absence first, you can take me away......"

"I beg you, I really can't take it anymore......"

One message after another sank into the sea, and there was no response.

I was completely numb, and only the faint light of my phone screen shone in the silence of the night.

Losing my reputation, losing Gao Zijian, losing Yin Wenqian, losing my freedom, losing myself, what am I left with?

I'm tired and don't want to struggle anymore, so be it.

There were no sleeping pills in the TV series at home, so I turned out all kinds of pills and mixed them together and ate them.

Lying on the floor like relief, the moonlight gently sprinkled on my face, a tear ran down my left eye into my hair, what made me afraid of death choose to use death to liberate?

Before falling asleep, I asked myself the question, did the person who committed suicide figure it out, or did he not figure it out?

I felt like a fire was burning in my stomach, and I wanted to move, but I couldn't control my body.

I felt like I was being lifted.

I felt a cacophony of sounds.

I felt a tube reach into my body, and then my stomach began to tumble......

I was plunged into darkness.

"Lin Xi! Lin Xi! ”

Who? Who's calling me? I was running hard in the darkness, and suddenly there was a light in front of me, and when the light dissipated, I could see the face clearly......

Min Chuan......