I was born in a small place, my name is Lin Muxing or Lin Xiahua.

I always felt that I was born not a good thing, I grew up knowing how useless I was, and I also knew that I was not a good child in the traditional sense, I knew all this.

I've met many, many people, and they, they're not a good fit for me.

I don't have much, or I don't have friends, because I'm withdrawn, I'm not good at words, because I'm not good-looking.

You may wonder why a man needs to be so good-looking. Can...... When you're stupid and stupid, and you're not good-looking, then you may be "guilty".

I don't know the reason for being violently assaulted on campus, but I don't think I'm wrong at all, but why do people always feel that a slap can't be slapped, you should also reflect on it.

What's the difference between this and those sexual qins? People will say: The reason why you are experiencing all this must be because of your careless exposure.

Could it be that a short skirt is a reason to commit a crime? Could it be that weakness and loneliness are the reasons for being isolated and bullied?

When I was bullied, I was in elementary school, and at that time I was not Lin Muxing but Lin Xiahua.

"Lin Xiahua, you are the ugliest in the class."

"Lin Xiahua, why are you still living in this world?"

"Lin Xiahua, how can you do so well in the exam? It must have been copied. ”

Elementary school students like to say that.

Later, when I graduated from elementary school and went to junior high school, my parents dragged me to the big city, but I was still as withdrawn as ever.

How can the shadows be so easy to see the light of day?

Fortunately, I met her, her name is Tian Xiaoxiao, and she is a friend of mine.

When I first met her, she was a little girl with a round face.

"Would you like chocolate?" As a new tablemate, she handed me chocolates.

"Don't." I didn't know the person in front of me, but she offered to give me chocolates.

The teacher saw it and asked, "What is this chocolate?" ”

I didn't know why I raised my hand faster than the girl, and I said, "Teacher, that's my chocolate." ”

So I was assigned to stand at the door.

When it's time to go to lunch,

"What's your name?" She took the initiative to come and talk to me.

"My name is Lin Muxing." I replied.

"My name is Tian Xiaoxiao, so Brother Muxing, let's go to dinner together, shall we?" Tian Xiaoxiao took my hand.

"Why?" I subconsciously withdrew my hand.

"Just treat it as if you were punishing me for me, and I'll treat you to a snack today."

"Brother Muxing, do you have any chocolate?" Tian Xiaoxiao took my hand again.

"Yes!" I didn't know what was wrong, so I gave the chocolate to Tian Xiaoxiao.

Later, I found out that I lived close to her family.

"Brother Muxing! So our house is so close. Tian Xiaoxiao looked very happy.

"Oh." I don't know what's wrong with my calm appearance, but I'm a little happy.

But the moment I stepped into my house, I wasn't happy.

"How's it going?" The first thing my father said when he saw me was to ask about studying, but it was clear that today was the first day of school.

"Okay." I said perfunctorily and put down my bag.

"Lin Muxing, do you know how difficult it is for your parents to raise you? Pull you out of the backwoods, but you're not satisfied, it's okay?" Suddenly, without warning, my father began to get angry.

I nodded and went back to my room.

Holding my cousin's unwanted slide phone, watching the funniest TV series of the year, I couldn't help but laugh.

The mother came in, "Is it so funny to laugh at what you laugh at?" Useless things, don't you have time to look at the newly issued textbooks? Have you learned them all? Bring me my phone. "My mother snatched my phone.

The laughter stopped abruptly, and I seemed to forget that I shouldn't have a smile.

I can vaguely see the emotions in other people's eyes, and I can afford to see what my parents see as me - a burden, garbage.

I have an older brother, not a real brother but a cousin, who is doing well in his studies and I am only average.

Growing up, I was compared by all kinds of people, and I was tired of all this, but I couldn't help it.

I couldn't be a good son in the eyes of my parents, I didn't do well in school, I couldn't earn money for them, it was all my fault.

My parents would always quarrel endlessly, they would live their lives all over the place, punch and kick me over trivial things, and then put all the blame on me.

"If it weren't for you, would I be so tired with your dad?"

"If you weren't alive, would my parents and I have quarreled?"

The push is right, and justice is awe-inspiring.

I grew up with low self-esteem and couldn't hold my head up because my parents said that my existence was a mistake.

"Brother Muxing, your parents are so good to you." Tian Xiaoxiao, who came to my house to eat, said with a smile.

"Hmm." I didn't know what to say and was speechless.

Are they really good? It's a strange question.

I saw through it when I was very young, my parents had two faces, one in front of one and one in the back, and then I came to a new environment, and everyone thought that I was doing well, but it wasn't at all.

I still remember the saying: "If a slap doesn't make a sound, why don't you reflect on why you are being bullied." This quote comes from my mother.

When did school violence become a kind of restraint for me to reflect? Isn't school violence itself a mistake?

Humans are always incomprehensible to humans.

I used to think that I could survive as long as I persevered, and tomorrow was a new day, but then I was wrong.

I am grateful to Tian Xiaoxiao because she always felt that I could.

"Sister Xiaoxiao, I want to be a pastry chef in the future, can I make cakes for you every day?" I said to Tian Xiaoxiao.

"Brother Muxing must be the best! Hehe, I believe that Brother Mu Xing will definitely be able to. ”

Later the parents found out.

"That's all you can do?" Father said.

"Do you have any chances? What a cook. Mother said.

I wanted to be a trainee because I was told to go for an interview by a brokerage company.

"What do you want? It's up to you? Father said.

"Whimsical, what do you think about if you don't look good? You dream. Mother said.

Can......

Tian Xiaoxiao said: "I think Brother Muxing is very good-looking, and he will definitely be a big star when he grows up!" ”

Why did you decide to stand on Tian Xiaoxiao's side forever? Because no one has ever been willing to stand by my side, only Tian Xiaoxiao is willing.

My parents were never on my side.

The relative said, "Your son has such a poor academic performance, what is he studying?"

But it was clear that my relative's children had worse academic performance than me, but my relatives still insisted that he study.

Having dinner with my relatives on holidays is the day I hate the most, because that's when I get together with my family.

Since I was a child, when others say that I am not good, then I am not good, my parents don't like others to say that I have poor grades, which gives them face, but the funny thing is that saying that my grades are not good is passed down from my parents.

No one ever respected my ideas at all, no one cared about me at all, and those who professed to love me expressed their love for me with hangers and sticks and invective.

But someone always asks me: "Lin Muxing, you are so gentle, the family must be very good to you, right?" ”

I could only respond with an awkward laugh.

I don't have a happy childhood, I don't have a brilliant youth, only endless darkness.

How many times have they wept bitterly in the middle of the night, they sat idly by, they felt that vulnerability was pretended.

Life is a long road, but I always feel that it is coming to an end.

When I was 16 years old, my dream was to live to be 20 years old, and then I don't know how to live to 20, but I don't think I will live to be 30 years old.

I often wonder if death is a new beginning or an end.

The star I like very much is no longer in this world when I know him, his name is Leslie Cheung.

I didn't understand why someone as warm as my brother would choose to leave this world?

People like to remember 1 after they die, but they don't cherish it while they are alive.

Later, my father fell ill.

The first thing my mother did was to persuade me to drop out of school, and the first thing I did was to comfort her.

I will always remember my mother saying, "I'd rather you die than your father die." ”

If you hate me so much, why did you give birth to me, a burden that no one wants?

Growing up, I was gentle with the world, but what brought me was school violence and endless abuse and beatings from my parents.

I always wonder if I will die if it doesn't hit my self-confidence? Would I die if I didn't hate it so much? Will being gentle with me die? Will my heart die if you respect it? If you don't raise anything, you can't live.

I don't know when I seem to be able to see through a look in other people's hearts, I can see at first glance other people's disgust with me, and I can read her through Tian Xiaoxiao's eyes.

But when I looked at my parents expectantly, there was no love at all.

Do I have to look at you coldly without light in my eyes?

When I was older, after graduating from college, I chose to go to Tian Xiaoxiao, whom I hadn't seen for a long time, and relied on the start-up fund given by Tian Xiaoxiao and my own efforts to own my own company.

But I still didn't live up to my mother's expectations.

I like Tian Xiaoxiao but my mother doesn't like it, my mother wants me to marry a rich lady, whether I like it or not, as long as I have money.

Anyway, I'm an emotionless machine, and my parents have to do that because you're parents.

I chose to cut my wrists to refuse the object that my mother had shoehorned into me, and within a few days, it became the same thing again, even more excessively than before.

When I was young, I couldn't say a word to the opposite sex, and I called it to prevent early love.

I am not allowed to go out to see the romantic places in the mountains and wilderness, and I am afraid that I will be abducted.

Everything is based on money, the value of people is based on money, and everything is like a transaction without warm family affection.

I always have insomnia, crying silently alone in the night when no one is around, closing my eyes and ears are full of crooked noise, I want to warm others but I can't warm myself.

When I leave this world, I want to become a gust of wind carefree and yearn for the poetry and distance that I want to be free.

Will anyone remember me? It doesn't matter if there is or not, I want to be a gust of wind to blow away the tears left in the eyes of the people I care about, and my departure should be as silent as my arrival.

"Lin Muxing, you ......"

When you know that I am gone, will you be surprised and confused, or will you forget me a little bit?

After I leave this world, time will erase the traces of my existence, so let me be a gust of wind to send you a spring breeze for ten miles.

Choose to forget me, how can I bear to watch you cry and grieve, I care about the people.

As for whether my ordinary life will usher in a perfect end, I clearly know that there is no empathy in this world, so I choose to quietly leave this world I once loved, I don't know what the future will become after many years?

If you don't see me one day, close your eyes and listen to the sound of the wind, I'm always there.