Ma Xiaojun is obsessed with nihilistic heroism and has illusory feelings, idling all day long, gathering people to make trouble from time to time; He behaves like a spinning top spinning like crazy, what is after madness? Live or die? His faith is like a cat on a hot iron skin, unable to stay, nowhere to stop, and inevitably despairing. There is a scene in the film where Ma Xiaojun wants to climb from the water to the shore, and every time he approaches the shore, a leg kicks him back into the water, and he tries again and again in vain, which may be a symbol of real life. The unexpected ending amused me, and after laughing, I felt a bit of pain in my heart, and the black humor tore apart the poetic perfection. Is he laughing at me? The more I know that youth is a hazy poem of the 80s, and if I think the more beautiful the poem, then it proves that I am in a mood of age.

Youth is always full of restlessness, and this restlessness is largely impossible to vent through conventional channels. And the only part where you can vent is doing something unknown in a corner where the sun can't reach. I'm ignorant, impulsive, and always like to show my heart in front of the girl I like; Always like to do something that he thinks is heroic to get the attention of the girl he likes; I always brag in front of the girls I like, Kan Dashan, etc., I have done all these things, and I have done them very excessively.

In the face of a girl who makes my heart pound, my first consideration is no longer whether I can stay with her for a long time, but when I can sleep with her, the most primitive and longing beastly desire dominates the mind, maybe people will change, and those characters who were once amazing will eventually disappear with the passage of time.

In our youthful years, there are always too many vague stories that later become memories. Zhu Boyan became the most shit in my memory, and disappeared from my world ever since.

Love is 5 centimeters away from me

You are 5 centimeters away from me

Who gave who promised

Whether

We're all dodging

Even if it's face-to-face

In the end, I missed it

You don't need to use what you retreat from

Any unique weapon

Love is kept in the distance

It's 5 centimeters away from me

As I walked through the small square overgrown with poplar trees, a poplar hair fell quietly on my head, without making a sound. I instantly remembered when I was a child, when I was as timid as a mouse, and when I saw the poplar hair, I thought it was a caterpillar, and it squirmed softly there, and it would definitely scare me to cry when it fell on my head. Later, I got used to the simple appearance of the poplar hair, and began to get up indifferent, and then I liked to pick a few short and soft hairs on the playground to act as caterpillars, and secretly put them in the stationery boxes of female classmates, waiting to see their screams in class, and we naughty children danced with our hands.

A large group of children usually run around the field, chasing, playing games. Especially during the Chinese New Year, everyone walks around the village to pay New Year's greetings, but they can find small cannons on the ground, and then collect gunpowder, and then everyone makes fireworks together. When I think of eating so many delicious foods at that time, I feel a happiness in my heart; I remembered that there were many friends who cooked sweet potatoes together in the cave and ate them; I think of that winter when we played ice cars together on the river; I remembered that my mother always said that if your hands were wet, don't touch them on the iron, and I remembered so many memories when I was a child, which made me happy again.

But I also remembered some unhappy things, the neighbor's child was a year older than me, more naughty than me, often bullied me, I couldn't beat him, so I thought about making a slingshot one day, secretly hit the glass of his house, revenge, I also thought that one day he naughtily beat his own thermos and called his mother to spank him, I hid and quacked. However, after all this time, I just thought about it, and I don't know if I don't have the time to do it, or if I don't have the guts. In short, it didn't fulfill my childhood wishes.

Now that I'm older, more than 20 years have passed in a blink of an eye, and I can no longer look for small cannons, I have never crossed the mountain or the river, I have never burned a fire, and my childhood friends have their own affairs at this time, and I can't see a person when I go back to my hometown during the Chinese New Year. When you are a child, two people can eat one bite at a time, and they are very happy, and now everyone has no one to fight for the steamed buns all over the ground. I don't know if it's because the times are better, or if we're estranged from each other. But I guess our friendship isn't far yet. At this time, I think of so many hours, because when I go out of the door, I don't know which direction I should go, and there are too many things that cumbersome my heart.

It turned out that time had changed, I had grown up, and it was another spring.

I took Fan Xiaobo and Xu Na to the Jin Guiyuan outside the small market for dinner, which is considered to be the big three in our department, others also call the three of us the "Iron Triangle" a dinner, talked about some student union matters, drank a few beers, I lit a cigarette, and enjoyed it alone in the curling smoke, I began to like the feeling of drifting, take a few deep breaths, and the world will spin.

Cortana was surprised when she saw me smoking, because I never did, although I was immersed in the smoke-filled battlefield of 526 all day long, I only learned double liters, played mahjong, and did not smoke. Recently, I have gradually come to accept the paralyzing sensation that tobacco brings me, and I can wander around and not think about anything, just one after another, until my throat starts to feel painful. Cortana said, "Don't let me see you like this again, okay?" It's decadent, as if all hope has been lost, and there's a kind of cynical disrespect. ”

I smiled, "Isn't that attractive?" ”

"You've got it, I like how you feel like a ruffian, but I don't want to see you like this." Cortana replied.

"Then why can't I be like this? I'm also a person who has gone through vicissitudes, right? Isn't this like a mature uncle? ”

"You just shouldn't be like this, it's a little rebellious and nothing, but you can't give up on yourself." Cortana said with a little disappointment.

"Then I didn't, hehe, I just found a way to relax and have fun." Looking at her disappointed eyes, I quibbled.

The next evening, I texted our counselor Yuan Jie to ask if she was in the office, she said yes, I said I want to talk to you, she said, then I will wait for you in the office. Why did you go to find Yuan Jie, I don't know, because when Yang broke up with me, the first person I thought of was also Yuan Jie, I called her and wanted her to accompany me to Tianjin, she felt a little ridiculous and didn't agree. Now that I have broken up with Zhu Boyan in this way, I don't know who to talk to about my sorrows, maybe I regard Yuan Jie as the most suitable person to talk to, or another reason is that seeing her can remind me of Yang and become very cordial.

When I arrived at Yuan Jie's office, she was looking at something in front of the computer, I knocked on the door and came in, smiled with her, and closed the door again. Sitting on the couch, she asked me what I was looking for her, I looked at her, and after three seconds, I said, "I miss you, so come and see you." ”

Yuan Jie showed a surprised expression on his face and said to me: "I haven't been big or small all day, and I haven't been regarded as a teacher at all, so what are you talking nonsense." ”

I smirked for a while, looked at Yuan Jie, who was trying his best to maintain the image of the teacher in front of me, smiled and smiled, I wanted to cry when I was silent.

Yuan Jie asked me what's wrong, okay, what kind of state is this, I told her, I broke up with Zhu Boyan, she brought me a green hat and dumped me.

Yuan Jie poured me a glass of water and said to me: "I know you are not suitable, but I didn't expect her to be like this, so you shouldn't be sad for this kind of person." ”

"Well, I'm not sad for her, I'm sorry for my own worthlessness, I'm just more angry, I didn't expect it to be such a way to break up." I gave myself a reason.

"There are a lot of good girls, don't torture yourself like this because of this person, I warned you a long time ago." Yuan Jie looked at me and said.

"When did you remind me, if you had told me, I wouldn't have played with her a long time ago." I said it a little choked.

"You're just getting started, I'll remind you to pay attention. You don't listen. ”

"Then you didn't make it clear, I know what you asked me to pay attention to, I thought you asked me to pay attention to the influence, who knew that you asked me to pay attention to this person!" I started to play tricks.

"You are unreasonable, how can I explain it to you." Yuan Jie was a little convinced by me.

"I don't care, you're responsible for me anyway." Since I've cheated on me, let's get to the end.

"You are really unreasonable, I didn't provoke you, why should I be responsible for you?" Yuan Jie said innocently.

"Anyway, I'm relying on you, you can do it." I said without skin and face.

Yuan Jie was also frightened by my dead pig's posture that he was not afraid of boiling water: "Actually, I have always thought that whoever is your girlfriend will definitely be envied." ”

"Do you really think so?" I wondered.

"That's absolutely true, that's what I've thought since I met you." Yuan Jie said with certainty.

"Wow, I'm floating." I'm a little complacent. "Why do you think that way when you know me?"

Yuan Jie replied: "When I say knowing you, I mean that after getting to know you a little, I don't dislike you." ”

"Hehe, that's it, so I didn't take advantage of your disgust with me at the time, and I didn't expect to be with you too much?" I said tentatively.

"If you don't appear in the economy and trade, it's not too much." Yuan Jie said a little indignantly.

"Well, when I heard that you were talking about a boyfriend in my sophomore year, I didn't dare to think about it." I tried to think about it, I felt that Yuan Jie and I were in the way of each other's identities, she was a teacher, I was a student, and no matter what, there was an insurmountable distance of 5 centimeters between us.