"yes, so when is she going to work?" I asked anxiously.

"She'll be in class tomorrow." The staff member said coldly.

"Thank you then, I'll be looking for her tomorrow." After that, I didn't ask anything, I looked around, and there were people who were immersed in the Internet. There is no smell of the ocean. Out of the northern outlet, a cold snap hit, I couldn't help but shudder, and suddenly remembered that today is New Year's Day, the first day of the new year, and it should be winter. At this time, my stomach also gurgled at this time, and then I remembered that I hadn't eaten for a day. I didn't know where to go, so I walked along Bai Causeway Road, trying to find a place to warm myself and eat something, but I didn't find a place to eat after walking for a long time, so I turned back again. The moment I turned around, it was as if I saw a figure suddenly turn around a corner, as if it was deliberately avoiding itself. I seemed to think of something in an instant, and I quickly chased after it, but unfortunately I didn't catch up with anything.

I don't know what to do next, alone in a strange city, no place to live, no friends, just so lonely in the cold night wandering on empty street corners, looking for a place to give myself a short warm place, but I am afraid of getting lost in this city and not finding my way home, not finding a place where the ocean is, confused where to go? Or you should choose to be lost, and getting lost is also a way.

Remote Network, another Internet café in the alley next to the northern outlet. I looked and walked in. The bright lights were a bit harsh, and a waiter sat behind the high bus platform. I booked an all-night machine, then walked to the lobby, sat down in my seat and began to think about what to do, when the radio in the Internet café sounded and asked if there was anything to buy, or to come to the service desk. I looked at it and went to the service desk, where I bought a bowl of instant noodles, sat in the corner of the lounge area and started eating. I don't remember what the tears looked like, but I just let them flow there, and when someone else came by, he lay on the table and pretended to rest.

A bowl of noodles, an hour. While I was eating, I looked through the things left by the ocean, the oath that had been sworn by the sea; the once affectionate and ambiguous name; The deadline that was once added for love; Those pieces of paper that record many good things; the most desperate longing and the most genuine yearning that have ever been; All the pain that had been. Every time I read a page, my heart trembles, is it all a false love before?

With these memories, he slowly walked to the bathroom, squatted on the edge of the toilet, tore up the memories one by one, lit them, and let them burn and turn them into ashes one by one. When the past turned to ashes, press the flush switch, and the water rumbled and washed away the memories like. There will be no resurgence of them in this life. What bullshit love, what bullshit future, what bullshit life, are all infatuated dreams when I was young.

It is said that the light of the computer is very harmful to the eyes, but what about the damage to the heart? I didn't know how to spend the night, so I ordered the machine, ate, burned my memories, and began to wander around this strange city, wandering around without purpose. I don't want to think about those sad and terrible thoughts, I don't want to be sad and cry anymore. Because the tears are to be kept as an elegy for the grand death. Say she doesn't want to, say she doesn't shed tears, but walking alone on an empty street on this cold night, is Yang laughing and happy with her new friends? What does their life look like? There were so many questions, so many troubles, like the assassin's nirvana, that stabbed my broken heart with blood. Let my hatred, little by little, accumulate until my determination is firm enough to be fearless. I had to spend the night at the internet café, which was my only place to stay.

Night, so tormented!

In my dreams, I wondered if it really made sense for me to come this time. Is it really possible to restore one's happiness? But when I woke up in a cold sweat, it turned out to be a nightmare. There are a few people sitting sporadically in the dim light, numb to the computer, the dark display screen looks at you fiercely like the eyes of a black monster, I curled up, put my head tightly in the crook of my arm, looking forward to the early light.

The starry sky of the city has a kind of white splendor, and the false world is so realistic.

The morning sun was gentle and dazzling, and before the alarm clock at eight o'clock rang, I had already woken up, mainly because I was thinking about it, looking forward to seeing the ocean as soon as possible. Out of the distant network, towards the northern outlets, step by step is extremely heavy. I don't know what to use to describe this short journey, because I thought in my heart, how to meet, how to face, can things be resolved as smoothly as I thought? It's better to be like a man and not cry.

"Hello, is Xu Yang here?" I tentatively asked a woman at the bar.

"She didn't come." The woman replied nonchalantly, looking up at me by the way.

"So is she going to work today?" I then asked.

"I guess I don't go to work, she asked for leave." The woman was busy with her own business in her hands as she spoke.

"Oh, thank you." I didn't show disappointment, just looked around, there was a rest area on the left side of the bar, I walked over, found a chair and sat down, very calm, I felt that since the foreign didn't come, I sincerely avoided my stalking, and I didn't know how to deal with it, so I just left and left.

I took out a journal she had left for me and opened it carefully, thinking that I would never see those familiar fonts and ambiguous words, that would kill me again. Then on a brand new page was written the following words: "I'm gone, you either hide from me for the rest of your life, or don't let me see you, I will kill you when I see you, I hate you!" "I wrote very calmly, very calmly, I looked at what I wrote seemed to be missing a little color, so I took a nail clipper from my bag, pricked a small hole in the belly of my finger with the pointed place, and after a little blood flowed out, I wrote those words all over again with the red thing. If you make it like a blood book, you can be satisfied, so that you may be able to show your inner love and hate. I felt that it was almost over, so I closed the black notebook and walked to the bar, and said to the woman: "Hello, please give her this notebook when Xu Yang comes." Thank you. ”

"Oh, then you can leave it here, and I'll give it to her when she comes." The woman took the book in my hand and looked at it, looking curious. I think I should be haggard, calm, indignant, and decadent at this time......

After giving the notebook, I seemed to be much more relaxed, and turned away with a blank face, and at the moment I turned around, I seemed to see a black shadow flashing around the corner of the stairs on the second floor. I didn't pay much attention to it, and strode out of the northern outlet. Didn't look back, didn't think, didn't feel the tears on his face had blurred his vision.

Still no purpose, no direction, no idea where to go. The loneliness became more and more serious, so I sent a message to Sister Lin in Beijing: "Sister, are you in Beijing, is it convenient for me to go to you to play?" ”

"I'm at school, come on." Sister Lin replied with a message.

I took a taxi, went straight to the train station, and bought a train ticket to Beijing as soon as possible.

Escape from Tianjin.

There is an intercity train in a short time, so sometimes there are not many people, and the carriage I was in was not full, so I found a position by the window and sat down, looking at the scenery outside the window, and the phone was ringing at this time.

"Are you still in Tianjin?" As soon as I saw that the text message was an unfamiliar number, I replied, "I'm not there, are you?" ”

"You're gone? I'm Yang. "When I saw this text, I was happy, with mixed feelings.

"I'm sorry, I'm leaving, you live well, don't let me see you again!" I replied angrily.

"I'll live well, and so will you. Then you go all the way. The unfamiliar number replied.

"Do you think you're funny? I tried everything I could not find you when I was there, but I left you and appeared. Do you still love me? ”

"I had something to do yesterday, and when I first came to the unit, my colleague said that you were gone. I don't love you anymore. ”

"Hehe, what a coincidence. If you say you still love me, I think I'll have a reason to jump off the train and go back to you, but I don't have the courage at this point. ”

"Courage is not given by others, go back and study hard and pay attention to your body. If you have time to come to Tianjin to play, I will invite you to dinner. ”

"Hehe, don't worry, I will study hard, but I don't have the blessing of letting you invite me to dinner again. Do it yourself. ”

"Have a nice trip, I'm working."

“……”。 Tears wet my eyes again.

When the train arrived at Beijing Station, I walked outside the station with the bustling flow of people. Subway to Sihuidong, transfer to Batong Line to Communication University.

A stretch of road, a face, an expression.

The bare plane trees have no spirit, the black and green pine trees stand gloomily, I walked from the south gate of the Communication University to the north gate, I had to walk through the whole campus, the teaching building was brightly lit, and it is said that celebrities often come here to give lectures, but unfortunately I did not have the opportunity to listen or see.

When I walked to the north gate, Sister Lin and her boyfriend were standing there waiting for me.

"Sister Lin, brother-in-law." I walked over slowly and greeted them.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you so unmotivated? Isn't it too tired? "Sister Lin saw that something was wrong with me.

"Oh, it's nothing, it's just a little tiring in the car." After saying that, I smiled hypocritically and tightened my clothes.

Sister Lin still saw something, but she didn't ask in front of me, so she briefly introduced her boyfriend, and then led me to dinner.