In the early spring of 2005, at the beginning of March of the solar calendar, everything began to become vigorous.

I remember meeting the long-haired girl on the road that day, not for the first time, but I didn't dare to say anything. Actually, I really wanted to go up and ask her three questions.

Are you from this school?

Do you have a boyfriend?

Are you a virgin?

I think these three questions are important to me. First, if she were to go to this school, it would be easy to run, and we would be able to eat, drink and have fun together in the future, and we wouldn't have to travel far to find her. Second, if she doesn't have a boyfriend, then I can try to fight for it, and if it does, the clothes can almost be washed, and I can ask her for a favor when I am shy, and I can go to the small garden in the summer evening to take a sweet walk and take a walk to eliminate food. Third, if she were a virgin, then my life would be too perfect, basically nothing to pursue, and the rest of my life would have been settled, and I could simply die happily.

But the reality is, you're a fucking bastard. When I saw her again, there was a man next to her, holding her hand! It looks like I'm going to open a house. I said in my heart, damn it, I can bear it. I put up with it.

I remember that the pain of the breakup may not be worth mentioning today, but if you really experience it, you will feel that you can't escape it in this life, and you may not be able to forget it in the next life.

Tears.

I like this word very much, one is because I really feel what tears are and what is full of faces. Sitting alone on the roof of the dormitory building in the middle of the night, watching the wind blowing under my feet, the cool numbness on my head, looking at the stars in the night sky in the distance, the beauty of the meteor may be the light and shadow that is displayed in an instant, and the man's tears cannot be easily seen. At that time, I even thought of death, and I wanted to take a leap to make all my love and troubles disappear in an instant, but when I thought about my parents, I thought about my good youth and a new life, I shrunk my neck and never went to the roof of the dormitory building again. Another reason I like this word is that I read Guo Jingming's novel "How Much Do You Know About the Flowers in Your Dreams", at that time, his words wrote out some of the emotions he wanted to express the most decadent and helpless, so when he held a book signing party in Shijiazhuang Book Building, I said a few words to him in front of him.

I think my cowardice is a childish manifestation in the eyes of others, so face it strongly. I've cried, I've been hurt, and I'm going to live bravely tomorrow.

After Juanzi disappeared for a while, she suddenly sent me a text message on a starless night.

Are you okay now? I'll miss you on a rainy day.

I'm okay, how about you? It's been a long time since I've heard from you. Are you still in Shijiazhuang? Have time to meet?

I'm not in this place anymore. It's also good.

So where are you? Let's meet when we have time. I miss you too. It's true.

Juanzi didn't reply.

Juanzi broke into my life when I was most lost, very cold, there were many things in her eyes, as if it was a kind of unbearable pain, and it was pitiful to see. I think I'm a very qualitative person, but sometimes I can't control it in front of reality, because I'm afraid of emptiness and loneliness. But in principle, there will be no problems, at least I can guarantee that during my relationship with Yang, I have never had anything too much with other girls. I have always regarded Yang as my beloved, as my wife, and as my marriage partner, otherwise I wouldn't have pursued it for so long, and I gave up universities in other cities to chase after Shijiazhuang, but the result was not what people wanted.

Juanzi is the one I feel sorry for because we had sex on that drunk night.

When people are sad, they always want to find someone to chat with you or just stay alone without talking, at least I like that silent world, a look can express a lot of things, better than the communication of words. Later, I met Juanzi, and after the winter vacation, it should have been a chance encounter on the train back to Shijiazhuang from Beijing. If you think of every leg of the road as a trip, she should be a person who travels on the go, I think so. When I first met her, she was sitting quietly in the window seat with her head propped up and silently looking at the scenery outside the window. I sat down next to her, boredly playing the game that came with my phone, probably a little loud, and made her turn her head to look at me. I happened to see her face, it should be the same age as me, handsome and clean, with good facial features, and the most special thing should be her eyes, which made me think that she should be a person with a story, which made me later describe why I was interested in Juanzi, maybe it was because of the inexplicable forbearance in her eyes, so that you can't see through her joys, sorrows, and sorrows, but the slightest sadness that comes out.

I don't remember where our conversation started, but it was very relaxed, and maybe I had something in hers too. We casually talked about the journey, talked about the places along the way, she knew I was a student, I knew she worked, and that's all, we didn't ask for age, we didn't ask for names. We exchanged contact information with each other, and the note I gave her was Juanzi, and the note she gave me was Xiaofu. When the train arrived at Shijiazhuang Station, we separated, and I asked her if she could contact you at any time in the future, and she nodded. Then on every lonely night, we say goodnight to each other, and there are no other words.

One day, Juanzi asked me to go to Cassiu to find her, and she wanted to find someone to drink with her, so I went. It was a very atmospheric bar, and when I went in, I saw her sitting alone at the bar with a glass of pink wine, and her very chic clothes gave her another charm, which was by no means bewitching. I sat next to her and ordered a bottle of Budweiser, and I think this wine is very suitable for people like me, the amount of alcohol is not good, drink a little pretending, when you are going to get drunk, it can make you feel a little floating, unlike other spirits, as long as a few ounces are so shallow, you can not wake up.

I don't know how much Juanzi has drunk, and seeing her lying on the bar and playing with a goblet in her hand is very sad, I don't have the courage to ask her why. I can only drink one by one, fortunately it is beer, but the soft music in the bar makes the anger between us seem a little depressed, and I guess it is easier to get drunk when drinking in this state.

We started chatting, talking all over the world, whether there was an order or no reason for it, just chatting like that, we were all laughing, laughing very relaxed, maybe laughter can cover up the most real loneliness in our hearts. Because we don't know each other's backgrounds, we don't need to find out. In the chat, I knew that she worked as a beauty instructor, and there might be something else I didn't know about. One of her clients was a wonderful man, and she said that she was so excited every time she gave him a beauty treatment, and her hands would tremble unconsciously and her heart pound when she touched his skin.

She asked for another glass of pink wine, the name I didn't hear clearly, but I liked that color. It's fascinating. Eternal in the flowing lights and music. I guess that's what this wine means, at least that's what I think.

She didn't say anything more about the man. Because I found out that we all drank too much.

The night was as cold as water, and we walked out of the bar with each other's hands and walked down the sparsely populated streets without too many words. I asked her where your home lives and she didn't answer me, she said there was a key in the tote bag. I didn't quite understand what she meant, so I took her tote bag, which was very chic and looked like it was expensive. There were a lot of things that women used for makeup, and there was a receipt-like note. She said it was the one with the address on it.

Yindu Hotel, Room 1311, 13th Floor.

I don't know when the wind started, but it was a little blurry when it blew.

I think the night should be hard, at least I think so, because I didn't think about it later. We walked to the downstairs of the hotel, which was magnificent, and should have at least four stars. I really haven't stayed in a hotel like this. We walked to the elevator hall with each other, the numbers showed the 13th floor, and at the moment when the elevator was about to run, the tremor made Juanzi hug me. I was surprised. I think I was much more sober by the wind at that time, but suddenly I felt a feeling of intoxication, maybe intoxication.

Juanzi hugged me and didn't speak, and I didn't squeak. When the dinging sounded, the elevator door opened and we arrived. She looked at me and smiled, and we walked out of the elevator. I don't know why the key was so heavy at this time, I didn't hold it, it fell to the ground, I crouched down and picked it up, and the action seemed as long as centuries had passed. When I stood up, Juanzi was smiling against the wall.

The room was tastefully decorated, with white beds and orange lighting. The large bathtub for bathing is spacious.

I don't know what I can say at this time, and I didn't expect to experience such a thing, I was not prepared at all, and it was funny to look at a loss.

"I'm going to buy some bars? I think I enjoyed the taste of alcohol today. I said to ease the embarrassment.

"Okay, go ahead, I'll take a shower." Juanzi seems to be much more sober.

When I walked out of the room and closed the door, I could hear my heart beating so irregularly.

The numbness of the mind is obviously heavier when the passions of the body burn. Sometimes it's like a puppet, or even a walking corpse, because you don't have a soul anymore.

Drifting through my life.

I bought a lot of wine, there are a lot of brands I can't say, anyway, on the wine shelf in that supermarket I found a bottle of everything I liked, I think each wine will have its own culture, we can talk about wine at night without being so embarrassed to look at it. I was afraid that something would happen to us, and although I don't think I have any need to keep it right now, I really didn't think that such a life would come to my world one day.