I leaned my head against the car window, it was raining very hard outside, I didn't want to continue arguing with Lin Jia, I hadn't taken medicine recently, I couldn't control my emotions well, mainly, I couldn't control my anxiety well.

Lin Jia's anger made my heart beat faster immediately, I could feel cold sweat in my palms, and there was a feeling that I had done something wrong, and at this moment, those inappropriate debt collection calls came again, took out the phone, glanced at it, and pretended to be very indifferent to Lin Jia and said, "I don't want to answer it." Then hang up.

After that, the phone was called twice more and never rang again.

When I got home, I said to Lin Jia seriously, "Lin Jia, it's a rainy day today, I'm in a good mood, so, can I ask you, don't quarrel today, I hope I can have a pleasant afternoon with you, now I just want to drink a cup of tea or watch a movie, instead of chattering and arguing, it's really boring." ”

Lin Jia looked at me, didn't speak, and went into the bedroom.

And I just nestled on the sofa, didn't turn on the lights, and picked a random movie, the movie talked about a love, and the love story was a bit long and boring, so I fell asleep about the third of the way through the movie. The sofa has always been what I think is a better place to sleep than a bed, soft, able to wrap your wounded soul, to heal all your uneasiness, to give you warmth.

I was woken up by the alarm bell to pick up the kids. I rubbed my face vigorously and got up and went to the kindergarten, because I had just quarreled with Lin Jia, so on the way home with the child, I was always distracted, so that Mango lost her temper at me dissatisfied, thinking that I didn't care about her at all.

When I returned home, Lin Jia was cooking in the kitchen, and the porridge in the pot and the dim light at the entrance gave me a little comfort.

"Lin Jia." I spoke to Lin Jia again.

I am not a person who can fight a cold war, I would rather surrender myself, even if I have no mistakes myself, I would rather I admit my mistakes and end this cold war quickly.

I stood behind Lin Jia, "You turn around, I have something to say." ”

Lin Jia was peeling a potato with his back to me, and when he heard me speak, he paused in his hand, but instead of turning around, he asked me, "What?" ”

"Let's stop arguing, okay?" I asked a little tiredly, this life of constant quarrels made me really tired, and I hope to improve this life, "Or do you think the two of us can't go back to the past?" ”

Lin Jia stopped his movements again, sighed, and did not speak.

I stood quietly behind him, hoping to hear the answer from his mouth.

"Xia Fei." Lin Jia soaked the potatoes in the water, turned his back to me and said softly, "Xia Fei, have you ever felt that I am useless at some point." ”

"Useless?"

"Yes, useless. Or if I say this kind of thing to you, it will show my guilt but it doesn't matter, I just want to hear you tell the truth, is it in your heart, I am useless now. ”

"I don't understand what you mean by uselessness." I spoke to Lin Jia word by word, "I'll slow down my speech, I hope you can hear everything I say." ”

I leaned on the cupboard and lowered my head, "Now you, who are busy writing medical records, doing surgeries, doing intestinal obstruction in your 90s, and pulling centenarians back from the line of death, how can this be useless?" If you have time, you go out and make money with flying knives, in order to quickly fill the hole as soon as possible, how can this be useless? At this moment, how can you be useless when you cook for me? ”

"But, I'm ......" Lin Jia lowered his head, "but I made a mess of the family, it turns out that I can't handle the relationship between you and my mother." Then there's my betrayal of you in my marriage, and my misappropriation of money, and every time you point out my mistakes, I always don't repent. Lin Jia's voice was soft and hoarse, so I really didn't know whether to scold him or feel sorry for him.

Earlier, I said bitterly that I couldn't invest, not only did I not listen to me, but I also ran to borrow money from my mother-in-law, and finally my mother-in-law scolded me. said that he couldn't hide it from me, but he kept it from me again and again, really, hehe.

I sneered and shook my head, my eyes instantly filled with tears, "So, what are you trying to say by saying this?" ”

Lin Jia was silent and didn't speak, his eyes looked at the crowded street outside the window, and he whispered in a dumb voice for a long time, "We, let's get a divorce." ”

In the kitchen at this moment, nothing else can be heard except the gurgling sound of porridge tumbling in the pot.

I didn't speak, Lin Jia didn't speak, and the children were in the living room, not knowing what was going on in the cramped kitchen.

"Let's cook first." It was I who broke the silence first, "The child still needs to eat and sleep, let's cook first." ”

Lin Jia nodded with his back to me and took out the potatoes and shredded them.

And this cooking time, which once made me feel the happiest, suddenly became depressing, and my heart seemed to be roasting on the fire, and I felt like I was going to suffocate.

The meal is very simple, and soon the two of us made four dishes and one soup, although we want to divorce, but the tacit understanding is still there, I side dishes, Lin Jia stir-fry, I wash the pot, Lin Jia serves the dishes, all the actions are inertia.

At dinner time, no one spoke, the children were already old and didn't need to be fed, I could finally sit at the table and eat a comfortable meal, but today I was not in the mood.

"Mom." Mango looked at me, his eyes were a little red, "Mom, can I ask you a question?" ”

I squeezed out a smile and stroked the child's head, "Yes." ”

"You....... Are you going to divorce your dad? Mango said this quickly, but at the same time Mango closed his eyes in fear, as if he was afraid to see my expression.

I was a little surprised, "Why do you ask?" ”

"Because many of my classmates' fathers and mothers are divorced, they told me that before the divorce, my father and mother would quarrel and not talk when they ate."

Looking at Mango's misty eyes, I didn't know how to answer, I didn't expect the child to be so sensitive to these questions, I looked at Mango, suddenly the world swirled, and the child sitting in front of me seemed to be the one I was back then, the sensitive and timid back then, I wanted to envy others for having a father, and I didn't dare to admit that I didn't have a father.

I try to show myself in front of all. There is nothing special about a single-parent family, the love of my parents is not enough to affect me, whether to get married or not to divorce is their own business, and it has nothing to do with me, but I don't know, when I say these words, my heart is trembling, because I know in my heart that what I say is all deceitful nonsense, I mind, I mind my family is broken, and I also mind that others say that I don't have a father, even if it is just a statement of facts, nothing to do with ridicule.

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