I was returning home on a crisp autumn day, and when the plane landed, a ray of golden sunlight fell right in front of the window. I barely slept all night, didn't fall asleep until almost dawn, and I was dizzy when I got out of the airport.

I wasn't surprised when I saw Jiang Li in the parking lot, he and his mother had been on the phone before, and I could probably guess the content of their call.

Jiang Li, it's been a winter since we last met. At that time, he had just passed his thirty-second birthday, and when we saw him again, my mother said that since we missed it, we should make up for another one, so we went to Seaso together

s i

the Pa

k ate a big meal.

I don't actually know when my mother and Jiang Li got in touch, after I thought she had cut off all contact in the country.

As she said, as a mother, she is dutiful, and there is nothing to be sorry for Jiang Li. And Jiang Li also said that as a son, his mother took care of him wholeheartedly and was not selfish. And how the three of us got to where we are today, so many things happened in the middle, probably only I don't know very much.

Jiang Li is a person who knows me very well, he knows exactly what color flowers I like, what kind of restaurant I like, and even my living habits. After knowing that I was going back home, he arranged everything very well. In the evening, we went to eat at the specialty restaurant that we used to go to most often, and relived the old time, which was also a happy thing to reunite after a long absence. But when I came back that night, I hung all night because of gastroenteritis. Jiang Li ridiculed me and said that I was so happy that I didn't even know my hometown, even this "stomach". But I thought, it's not necessarily because my hometown doesn't know me first. What's more, things are like this, how can people be worthy?

We didn't seem to be as close as we were when we were kids, and he used to be with me all night. We sometimes talk about conversations and play games; Sometimes he reads his book, and I sleep with me; In the second half of the night he leaned back in his chair and took a nap, and I had woken up and woke him up when I saw that I was about to lose. In the past, even if we didn't talk to each other, we never seemed to be bored, but now I'm not used to it.

I don't know if Jiang Li also knows that I am no longer the little girl who relies on him. He could ignore my unaccustomed or uncomfortable feelings, but he used to ask me 'what I want' when we looked at each other, but now he just says to me, 'Let's sleep a little longer.'" Change is change, sometimes even if we don't admit it.

Jing never admitted to me that she had changed a lot since her mother's death, and I was always worried that she was putting too much burden and pressure on herself, and this worry lasted from the night of her mother's death to the eve of the engagement ceremony. It wasn't until I saw her in front of the auditorium holding a white rose, wearing a white off-the-shoulder gauze dress, and smiling at me, "Hi, Ah Xi, you are here!" ”

God, I swear I prayed desperately in my heart at that moment, please look at this young and kind girl, please dress her in the most beautiful wedding dress, let her be the happiest bride, please give her a pair of hands to ride through the storm hand in hand, so that she will not be alone for the rest of her life.

I looked at the man beside her, who was standing in front of me with her, who was leaning against her, but not holding his hand.

The dream was shattered.

He

be

Dr. T slowly turned on the lights in the exam room to a brightness that he thought he was happy with, and he saw that I was awake.

"Twenty-five minutes, you've slept five minutes longer than before, did you dream about something?" He glanced at the timer and asked me.

"No, it's the same dream as before." I say.

"Is it all the way to get there? Before that, there were no new scenes. ”

I fell into deep hypnosis and thought about it before I said to him, "It seems to be." ”

"What scene?"

"It's all from the past."

"For example?"

"There's nothing to say about this."

I got up and put on my shoes neatly.

He

be

Dr. T also stood up, "Su."

Y, you'll have to tell me to help you, maybe that's the key. ”

I said, "I can't remember it now, and when I do, I'll tell you." ”

“Su

y......”

"I promise." I raised my hand and swore to him.

Since my visit, his psychotherapy has been ineffective because of my uncooperative patient, but he is still very patient and follows my rhythm with his treatment plan, and I have completely trusted him. I promised him that he wouldn't give up halfway, but I don't know how long the process will be.

He

be

Dr. T always said that I could take the initiative to come to him, and that it was the most important step in the treatment of "PTSD", and our treatment had reached the most critical step, that is, I had to face it and face it. He had been waiting for me to get ready, but our hypnotherapy had been stagnant, and I always woke up at the last frame, and then it was hard to fall asleep again.

The doctor also suggested that I should tell my mother about my condition and treatment, but I think my mother probably already knew, because I mentioned Jing Yao to her several times, and she always showed a very worried look unnaturally. Besides, she thought I didn't know anything about my illness, and if I told her, it would make her worry. So I had to ask him to hide it for me, at least not to tell my mother for the time being, at least until there was any improvement.

I remember that winter in Vancouver was unusually cold, with the heating on and the fire burning in the house, and my mother still wearing thick pajamas and walking out to the balcony to watch the snow.

Coming here for two years, this was our first time seeing snow in Vancouver. Snow covered the town, and my mother and I gathered around the fire to eat refreshments and watch American Westerns until we woke up on the couch the next day, and the snow didn't stop outside.

My mother was going to make breakfast, and she told me that my assistant called very early in the morning and said that the weather was terrible, that all the flights to London were cancelled tonight, and that she was going to book me a plane ticket for December 27.

The mother said, "Just a few days late, you have just come back, and you will rest at home for a few more days." ”

I said, "It's not up to me to have the final say, but I have to discuss it with the organizers." Anyway, it will have to wait until after Christmas. ”

"Christmas is tomorrow." After she finished baking the bread, she began to prepare to cut the fruit.

"Would you like an apple?" She asked me.

I said, "Of course."

My mother and I are used to traditional festivals in China, but because we are overseas, many of our friends still call to celebrate on Christmas Day, and even our neighbors come over to invite us to celebrate with them.

I said to my mother, "Go get in the holiday spirit and have fun." ”

"What about you?"

"I still have a little work to deal with, and I'll be over later."

In fact, even if I don't fly to London, I still have a lot of work to do. A lot of the pictures Danny sent me needed to be reviewed again, and I had to write annotations, including the humanistic photos I took in Suzhou this time, many of which I didn't have time to sort out. Although Danny is a Chinese idiot, he knows very little about the history and culture of Suzhou, and I have to look up the historical background of each photo and translate it into English.

Middle He

be

Dr. T gave me a call, I haven't been to his clinic for a long time and he has been making appointments with me for my next treatment. But even if he doesn't contact me this time, I'll call him. I dreamed of Ah Jing for the past two days, and both times I was not hypnotized, and I woke up twice with uncontrollable depression. I don't know if the symptoms are more severe, but I'm not very worried, in fact I know very well why Ah Jing appeared, but every time I realize it, it is very uncomfortable.

The doctor was very concerned about my condition and he asked me, "Or wake up in the same scene?" ”

I said, "No, this time is completely different." ”

I explained to the doctor that I had been repeating the previous scene and waking up at the wedding, but both times I dreamed of Ah Jing writing and calling me, and the last time was when Mrs. Chen died.

The doctor said that maybe this was a good sign, and that those memories of Ah Jing that I did not want to or deliberately avoided were presented to me in the form of dreams, which was much better than I directly refused to recall indefinitely. It's just that if I really feel depressed and pessimistic, and I can't self-regulate and control, let me definitely call him.

It's been a long time since I've been sick, and I've almost forgotten about my busy schedule during this time, so I don't care about what the doctor says. But I didn't expect the doctor to say a few days later, and I had just met Mr. An at that time.

This may be a reunion of the century after a seven-year absence, even though it seems to me that Mr. Ann and I have never really been separated. I just didn't expect that we would meet in that situation, I smoked a cigarette in front of him and choked before I could pretend not to care. Choked so much that he almost didn't carry it, his heart hurt so much, and he choked so much that tears were about to come out, but he only saw his pale face.

Mother was right, I miss him so much. Ah Jing was also right.

Ah Jing, but no one will respond when I call out this name in this life, my mother said that Ah Jing has passed away, and when I saw the letter that Ah Jing sent me a month later, I also knew that Ah Jing had really left forever.

At the last moment, before the gunshots rang out, Ah Jing said, "Ah Xi, I originally wanted to take you with me, but you already have An Jiashu." ”

Another nightmare, waking up in a nightmare.

I sat up, turned on the light, and at four o'clock in the morning, my pajamas were all soaked.

It was very uncomfortable, shivering, sweating, headache, and stomach pain. I quickly took the medicine from the bedside table and poured cold water into it.

I couldn't control the chills, hugged my arms, and desperately told myself that I was still conscious and that everything would be fine. I've always made myself think about my daytime work, about the mess left in the museum, about my mother who is far away in Canada, and about sleeping downstairs with Mr. An. It didn't work, I was still in pain and weakness, and finally I wanted to smoke, but I had quit smoking for a long time.

I struggled in my heart for a long time, but I decided to give it to He

be

Dr. T called, and he knew it was my call, and he would be on call 24 hours a day. I was speechless, but I could hear him playing the lullaby I used to listen to during my treatment. The doctor said it would help me to calm down, and then as long as you sleep peacefully, everything will be like this song, on the other side of the cape.

I suddenly remembered that time I went to visit him at his house, He

be

Dr. T was surprised to see me and said that he was almost certain that I would not go to him again.

I told him that I was not comfortable with any doctor but him. The doctor's answer was also very straightforward, he said that it is common for a young, famous and wealthy girl like me to be wary of others. I didn't care about his sarcasm at me, I just looked at him and smiled. More than half of what he said was the truth, and I have nothing to deny.

As for why you can trust him? I remember saying at the time, "I'm your first patient from now on, you need money and I can give you the amount you want." ”

He

be

T ignored, he just looked at me firmly: "Su."

Y, you are young, talented, and there are many meaningful things waiting for you to do, even without me, you will definitely overcome this disease and get better. ”

But he didn't know that, as he said, I was not afraid of sickness, calamity, and pain, but I was afraid that I would be defeated by myself. And now I regret hearing the music on the phone, I shouldn't have said it so ugly in front of him.