Early in the morning, the head nurse and I took leave and didn't go to work. Hiding at home, I began to look up the information, 21-trisomy, sheep wear, and Down syndrome. Although I knew that this was a risk value, not the final verdict, I couldn't stop being anxious, I wanted to tell Lin Jia, but I was afraid to tell Lin Jia. Again, I wanted to do it right away, but I was still afraid of it. Because I know that what I am afraid of is the outcome.

I suddenly remembered that Zhang Teng told me before that it would be more appropriate to stop taking the anti-depression medicine I took for six months before trying to get pregnant, but now that I count it, the time between stopping the drug and getting pregnant is not enough for six months. Thinking of this, I feel that I am the original sin responsible for this increased risk value.

I burst into tears, and my life, which I had managed to get back on, collapsed in an instant. I cried with remorse and grievance, crying so much that I couldn't stop crying at all.

I sat on the couch, my whole body was shaking, my eyes were so sore because of the tears, I wanted to stop, I wanted to calm down and analyze this matter, I wanted to be sensible, and the remaining shred of reason told me that I couldn't cry anymore and I had to be calm.

In order to force myself to calm down, I went to the kitchen and took out the fruit knife in the cupboard, and the moment the blade slashed against my wrist, the pain covered everything, and it worked well I stopped crying. I gasped and watched as the blood ran down my arm and two on the floor, as if all my grief was flowing down the blood. I sat on the kitchen floor, no longer crying, just emptying myself.

The door of the living room opened, Lin Jia got off work, I heard the sound of changing shoes, gradually the sound got closer and closer, I knew that he must know that I was at home, he called my name softly as he walked, when he saw me sitting on the floor and surrounded by fruit knives and dried blood, he quickly picked me up and went to the living room.

Treating my wound with antiseptic, Lin Jia gently asked me, "Does it hurt?" ”

I smiled "It doesn't hurt, don't worry, I don't want to die, I'm just out of control for a while, I decided to use a knife to cut myself in order to calm myself down, this method is much more useful than taking medicine, taking medicine makes all my pain in my body, but this is different, it makes my sadness flow out of the blood, and now I feel relaxed." ”

"Running away doesn't solve anything, you don't get long-term ease by hurting yourself, Xia Fei, I hope you can understand, I am a family with you, what do you have to say, I hope you can tell me, what the hell has happened to you since yesterday? Just because I didn't ask doesn't mean I can't see it, I just hope you can tell me yourself. ”

Hearing this, I couldn't control it anymore, I hugged Lin Jia and cried, I told him, "My Tang sieve results are out, the risk value of 21-trisomy is not good, this child has a probability of being Tang's child, I calculated today, I got pregnant after stopping the drug for less than six months, all the results today are caused by me, I hate myself so much"

"Don't care about anything, you take a deep breath now, take a deep breath, listen to me follow me deep inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale"

I don't know how many times I went back and forth, but I gradually calmed down. Lin Jia made me a glass of milk, drank the milk, and took me to bed, he patted me lightly, humming in his mouth, "How to have a rainbow, how to embrace the summer wind." ”

In the midst of a soft, soft singing, I gradually fell asleep.