Perhaps because I was in junior high school, I had been plagued by psychological problems for a long time, and I had countless questions in my head that could not be answered, and I was attacked by myself, and my self-confidence was frustrated, so I began to pick up books about psychology at the bookstall in front of the school and devoured them.

I remember that when I was in my third year of high school, because I lived in school, my pocket money increased, my nerves were hungry, I could eat a full meal, I was hungry for several meals, I was under great psychological pressure, and I was admitted to the hospital because of the consequences of irregular eating.

But that's not the point, the point is that I used the money I saved to spend five yuan at a used bookstall in front of the school and found a yellow hardcover book called "Basic Psychology".

This book, I once saw on the bookshelf of one of my teachers, and I was curious. But he couldn't open his mouth and ask him to borrow it. I would have a myriad of questions in my head, and I would imagine a lot of questions that he would ask me, and I couldn't answer them. So, I thought, in order to satisfy my curiosity, I have to spend my own money to buy an identical book.

Ever since I cried in the classroom for no apparent reason, I also felt inexplicably amazing. The main thing happened was that I suddenly wanted to sit in the last row of the lecture and didn't want to sit in the front row of the class. But I couldn't speak, I couldn't express myself properly. I know that everyone is for my good, but these kindnesses can make me do nothing, I am grateful, touched and blamed myself.

"What do I like?" This question has been bothering me.

My math teacher and homeroom teacher began to notice me, and even began to pay attention to the psychological condition of my senior classmates, and began to ask us to write weekly diaries. Many students can't understand that the time of the third year of high school is very precious, and there are countless incomprehensible problems in mathematics, physics and chemistry every day, only liberal arts students need to do such work, why do science students also write weekly diaries? Even I can't understand it myself.

My head throws me a lot of question marks again? I used to like school and wanted to study, but I don't want to go to school anymore, what do I like? What can I do if I don't study? What else can be done? Why is this so? What should I do......

Every day in my mind, it was like there were countless villains looking for fights, entangled, and had to distinguish between high and low, or fell to the ground one by one by my actions. Then, one by one, at dusk, after the sun had set, they rested peacefully.

At that time, the students preparing for the third year of high school were trying to memorize Chinese, English words, mathematics, physics, chemistry, formulas, equations, etc., and I was also trying to memorize, and when my brain was messy, I still couldn't help but take "Western Aesop's Fables", "Biography of Celebrities", "Bible" and many other messy books that had nothing to do with the college entrance examination and read them vigorously, and also excerpted them in the weekly diary book as my own psychological gain. But I don't know when, where, at that moment, these have been carved into my blood, in my bones.

When I was in college, I always wanted to know what the meaning of my life was, but even later I realized that my life didn't seem to have any meaning other than increasing the burden on society and my parents. So I stubbornly devoted myself to finding out why I had so many strange ideas, and I loved reading books about psychology, such as Freud's "The Interpretation of Dreams", Richard Grieg, Philip Zimbardo's "Life and Psychology", Positive Energy, and many other books whose names I can't even remember now.