When I was a freshman in high school, although I deeply identified with a sentence from "The Parchment":

"A person's greatest strength comes from the power of choice from within!"

Although I subconsciously feel that I can't put textbooks in my head, my father can say, "Your aunt's son is in a key class in the first year of high school." ”

Although my father, who was not good at words, never said it again, I deeply understood the subtext of this sentence.

For example, "I can change my destiny through this", "I can be taken care of and have the opportunity to be admitted to university", "Being admitted to university can change not only my destiny, but also the destiny of my family......

There was a glimmer of dawn in my father's cloudy blue eyes, which cut me off my desire to extinguish my heart that "reading can change my fate". However, when I met my aunt's son at school during my compulsory education, I thought to myself, "What does it have to do with me if he teaches high school......?"

Maybe I really want something to happen, maybe everything starts at the subconscious level, just to find an answer to the existence, progress and end of life, to find a meaning of life?

But I still think that it was because of the glimmer of dawn in my father's cloudy blue eyes that I turned my back on myself without hesitation, succumbed to reality, used the power of inner choice, and went to study.

Eating is the brain's energy for the metabolism of every cell and organ in the body to maintain the activities of the day, but what is reading for what?

For the house? To make money? To improve your life? To glorify the family? For parents? For yourself? In order to support themselves, to support their families, and to educate their children...... The brain, which provides energy for the metabolism of every cell and organ of the body to maintain the day's activities, and the strong nerve connections for every well-developed nerve connection in a healthy soul, is food for the hungry soul.

Gorky said, "Books are the ladder of human progress." "After reading so many books, I'm still very confused. Because I was confused, I fell into the book again. Cycle after cycle, in the whirlwind of the era of daily renewal, it is dizzy by the cycle.

Consciously, I didn't go to school for myself, I went for my parents. It was the soul that they had been holding on to that shook my heart, and I longed for a soul as strong as theirs.

Subconsciously, I longed to know what the meaning of my life was.

- What do people live for?

- In order to enjoy life.

……

- What do people live for?

——People live for a lifetime, and plants and trees for an autumn. Everything in nature has a meaning of existence, and it is not easy to think about your parents and raise you.

……

- What do people live for?

- Human beings are born like a blank sheet of paper, meaningless, and we need to draw something by ourselves. And man is like a wisp of dust in the universe, does the existence of a wisp of dust make sense?

……

- There is no point, what is that person living for?

- Because the old man said, it is better to die than to live.

Speaking of being alive, it reminds me of Yu Hua's predecessors, not his wealth in "Alive", but Yang Fei who went to the crematorium in "The Seventh Day".

Wake up in a rumbling room, like a rumbling dream. Dreams are real, but everything in dreams is fake. No matter how many layers there are in your sleep, whether it is money or beauty, whether it is fame or yy, it is all fake.

Even if dreams fulfill all your desires, the only way to truly reach your dreams is through your own actions, and in the same way, every step to the Asura Retreat is taken by yourself. Only in this way can people correctly and truly understand dreams and know themselves.

There is no good or evil in dreams, dreams are a kind of consciousness born in darkness, and it is not easy to be detected. None of these consciousnesses have happened, but they all exist.

If you have to distinguish between good and evil, then you have to understand that good and evil are relative. It's like left and right are mirrored.

How do you know that what you do with a good heart must be a good deed, and how do you know that what you do with an evil heart will definitely become an evil deed?

If you believe in doing good deeds with a good heart, then you will also believe that what you do to make yourself evil will also be good for others, and what you do to make you evil will also make others evil (three sounds).

But why does it go from making oneself disgusting (three sounds) to evil (four sounds), and then it is easy to mutate into evil (four) things?

Maybe it's just because of the indulgence of emotions.

Angels and demons are actually the same person, the angel has a knife in his heart against the angel, and the demon has also set up a knife in his heart against the demon.

My cute and soft baby of almost six months no longer likes to lie in bed, and once soft always can't help but want to hug her more, but now, I hold her, and she doesn't want to be at peace in my arms for a quarter of an hour.

When I think my child is an angel, she reaches out just to grab something and play. But my mother-in-law would say to the six-month-old baby, who was cute and soft, "Don't hurt anyone. ”

My mother-in-law is an illiterate person who can't even write her own name, but she can amuse the baby and make the baby happy with her for a while.

I couldn't, maybe it was only because I gave her my good temper that I could be a mother who didn't need to be pleased. For her, she can show her demonic side, but I still have to worry about whether she will hurt herself.

Some people think that their child is an angel, some people think that she is a little divine beast, and some people think that the child is a demon.

"Is human nature inherently evil or inherently good?" This is a question posed by philosophers. To answer this question in the way a scientist thinks, this question requires clarity on time, object, scientific method, and random-sized samples.

If there is no concept of time, my six-month-old cute and soft baby can be an angel one second and a demon the next.

In dreams, emotions are the most present. All evolution stems from the vagaries of emotions that are suppressed in the depths of the soul.

What is fate?

Was it predestined at the moment of birth? How many people have changed their fate by fighting the subconscious? I'm not a social scientist, I haven't researched, I haven't surveyed, I haven't counted.

But look at the process of a person being born, living, and dying. I think it's okay to change, but it's a bit costly.

When I was young, my subconscious mind let me sleep, my consciousness protested against fate and didn't sleep, I was greedy for eating, drinking, and having fun, and I couldn't sleep when I was old, and I was worried.

When I was young, I chased all kinds of illusory things such as dreams and money, but when I got old, I found that I still had no money, no time, no opportunities, and I accompanied my children and parents to travel the world with me, or did something I wanted to do, leaving no regrets.

It's easy to change, it's not easy to persevere, and you can do it and cherish it. Every day is working hard, every month is working hard, every year is working hard, there are always some people who seem to be dying in dreams some time, and there are always some people who are like soaring in the world of flowers in dreams some time. But there are times when I wake up, and the moment I wake up, I will hear the sound of a dream shattering.

This sense of time is also very long, and the mind is easy to fall into confusion, so that every period of time is a kind of torment.

When it comes to fate, I always have a strong sense of powerlessness in my heart.

This leads me to the question of what fate means to me. Standing at thirty, I realized the meaning of fate to me, like a snail and its house, growing in circles. From the outside in, from the inside out, holding a silver-colored thread, it slowly crawled and grew avoiding the sunlight until it ran out of saliva and hung upside down under the sunny leaves of the trees in July and August.