I heard about it when I was seven years old.

When I was in the first grade, my parents transferred my four siblings to Beilin Primary School in a neighboring village. Beilin Primary School is located at the foot of Qinglongling, which was a landmark building in our village and neighboring villages before 2003. In fact, Qinglongling has always belonged to the territory of Beilin Village, but it is close to our village.

In 2003, the county promoted the "February 8th" city god tourism, rebuilt Qinglongling, filled in the big pit in the middle of Qinglongling, and planted two rows of tung trees and a bunch of moon flowers. But it was difficult to replant the sapona trees that I remembered as a child and a few plane trees with burly branches.

Beilin Village built a Yaowang Temple at the south end of Qinglongling Mountain, hoping to borrow the fame of the head city god to lure men and women to visit here and stimulate the wealth of Qinglongling.

Therefore, they surrounded Qinglongling with a structural wall and installed a fence iron gate, hoping to add a little mystery to the blockade, and then let the men and women who believed in it for some reason to promote them and pay for the shoddy construction.

Pity the once beautiful Qinglongling, no one has cared for it for 20 years, which is cheap for the old people and patients in the "Second Hospital", standing in the corridor on the second floor, through the stainless steel protective railing, you can overlook the Medicine King Hall and Yang Hucheng Mansion, and it is also a cold and hot heart.

The only thing to be thankful for in Beilin Village is that more than 100 soap clip trees that were once planted by Yang Hucheng and the soldiers themselves have been saved, which are also lonely and deserted. The once bare roots are now connected with cement bricks and stones, and every time I see it, it looks like I have been placed under house arrest, without a trace of beauty.

At that time, in order to follow the trend, our village also built a temple called Fengshui Cave next to the primary school, which was dedicated to Chen Tangguan, Li Jing and Nezha, father and son.

After the feng shui cave is built, it is inevitable to hold a large-scale ceremony to invite the feng shui gods to go down to the mortal world to inform the passing gods. Taking the opportunity to come to our village to catch the market, vegetable sellers, incense sellers, candle sellers, etc., lined up along the east and west streets of the school.

The primary school was abandoned due to the merger of farmers and elementary schools, and the former teaching stage turned out to be a stage for men and women to dance and rap performances.

I don't know why, when I was standing in my kindergarten that day, looking at the stage from the window of the fifth grade next door, I would hear some old people at my feet talking about dry tobacco pot bags, and say, "It was originally in the Four Old Period, and it was smashed a long time ago, but now it is taken out to make nonsense ......." I looked down and was surprised that it was the master who was applying makeup to the feng shui god in the feng shui cave.

Now that I think about it, he is a master who paints good makeup, and he should have suffered a lot in the Four Old Times before he sighed, but he only sighed, "The times have really changed."

The old man said that it is grassroots wisdom passed down by word of mouth. The feng shui temple was smashed again after a few days, it is said that it was afraid that it would not be able to give a positive impact on future generations, so it was originally smashed and the boundary of the four old temples was rebuilt into a school, and now it is necessary to build a feng shui hole in the corner of the school, I am afraid that it will fall down the feng shui treasure land in the village. The vacant lot was set aside for an iron garbage bin.

Later, it is said that the site of the primary school was also rented to a carton processing factory, which brought some economic income to the village.

I seem to have heard Yuxiang say that there were workers there, and her sister used to go in to work to make boxes for medical liquids for the hospital. However, every time I passed, I never saw a person coming in or out. It's just that when passing by, bamboo grew on the ground of the old kindergarten house, and a low wall emerged, and the wall was painted with new rural propaganda pictures, and the eight strange pictures of Shaanxi countryside, which were unconventional.

Beilin Primary School, a few years after I graduated, was also merged, and it is unknown whether the village transferred the school to a private owner or jointly opened a public nursing home (psychiatric nursing home), and my primary school became the "second hospital" from then on.

This caused me to suffer from even greater memory confusion throughout my junior high school and college years, and I often struggled to tell which elementary school I graduated from when filling out some documents that had a major impact on my life. So when compiling the tragic childhood story, I had to honestly admit it: "I went to two schools in elementary school and graduated from the "second college". This answer made me feel unbelievable, I really graduated from the "Second Academy".

This reminds me of Lu Yan, a girl I met in the first grade.

Lu Yan's father is the village chief of Beilin Village, and her family lives on a vast plain on the mountain behind elementary school, and my first-grade teacher lives next door to her house.

Once, Lu Yan came back to the classroom from the commissary run by our teacher and cried in the classroom.

I was curious and hurried over to comfort "What's wrong?" ”

"Said that I didn't give you money, obviously five cents for you, and said that I didn't give you money to take your things."

"No one in the village knows you're mentally ill."

"If you can't cure it, don't come out ......"

She was babbling gibberish, and I was dumbfounded. At the age of eight, I wondered: "How can a beautiful girl of the same age talk like this?" ”

Later, she didn't come to school for several days and changed schools. The child's memory is forgotten, and he begins to play and play again, and the game begins to be happy.

Once, when we were in class, a man stood outside the window on the hill behind us, throwing clods of earth at our window, cursing at our homeroom teacher. And our homeroom teacher, with red eyes for a few days, said softly, "Don't speak, go to self-study first." ”

Later, I heard a male classmate in the class say, "That's the head teacher's husband, and he has a brain disease." ”

For a long time after that, my classmates didn't seem to dare to buy anything at the commissary run by the head teacher's husband.

The word mental illness must have been a bad seed planted in my heart at that time, which mysteriously never showed the slightest sign of taking root and sprouting on a sunny day, and then, in that night when poverty limited my imagination without a bed to sleep and homeless, on the night of the twenty-ninth day of the month of the month of poverty and cold, in the dark night, in the bitter cold wind, in the warm pig's nest...... It popped up.

However, I firmly believe that I am a lucky star, a child who shines on the lintel in my father's eyes, and this is the value of my existence.

In order to get rid of all the bad roots and distractions, I immersed myself in second-hand bookstalls, saving up a few dollars to buy celebrity biographies, hoping to find some secrets. I haven't found the secret yet, but I found a temptation at the school gate that made it even more difficult for me to resist.

The owners and proprietresses of second-hand bookstalls often open their doors on Mondays and Thursdays and do not come for weeks during the rainy season. Buying vegetables and buns, scones do business at the door every day, and gradually there is a milk tea shop opposite the school, a rice noodle shop, etc., hot vegetables, melon seeds, peanut candy, all kinds of small snacks, small three-wheeled often haunts, campus romance, Korean Oba, anime cartoons, etc., disturb my heart all the time, let me pay for it.

Poverty has limited my imagination, and it is difficult for me to notice what I liked and what I was doing in my spare time when I was in Wuyang Middle School.

It's just that she often goes to a classmate's house to play, and when she passes by my door, she will ask me if I want to go out to play together.

Outside the campus, when it was popular to take photos of the head, she had to pull me to take a photo with me, but I thought I was ugly and awkward, but she had always been sweet and enthusiastic about not abandoning me and not giving up.

Since my two older sisters moved into school, the heavy housework has fallen on my mother's shoulders, and I often help my mother do this and that at home, and my mother can't help but want to criticize me, but I really can't even do housework well.

During the years when my father was making tofu at home, I rarely did housework except for helping my father grind tofu in the tofu factory. During the years when my sisters were at home, I rarely did delicate work, and I often washed pots and pans after eating.

My younger brother was often playful and unwilling to do housework, and his fine skills were better than mine, which made me feel extremely embarrassed for a while.

At that time, I used to help my mother cook in the kitchen, and it was easy to arouse her Tang monk's chanting mode, and she counted down my skills and methods of work, and recited the mantra of tightening, laughing at my head and not knowing what to pretend.

My mind was very confused, but I couldn't extricate myself from the sorrow, and the knife in my hand did not obey the call, and fell into my own hand. For a long time, I didn't even get scared to go into the kitchen.

Mother is an extremely impatient person because she is forced to make ends meet and is too busy. And there was no time to think. She thinks that if you are born poor, you should know everything, cooking is so simple, why can't I learn, she just remembers that I am smart, and I will be praised by my neighbors and teachers, which makes her feel happy.

How can such a smart child not even be able to do such a simple thing? Then I felt that she gave birth to me, but she didn't know how to educate me, like the Bible left over from Western civilization. He says that God created human beings and all things, but he doesn't know how to educate them, but he just says that the only way to eternal life is through good thoughts. And my mother gave birth to me in a difficult situation, but she didn't know how to educate me at all, but she just told me to be kind. And I've always been kind.