My compulsory education, after watching Han Han's "Triple Gate", everything has changed.

Although, Han Han only proposed a maverick way of thinking about life and thinking about problems, but it could not solve the problems I encountered in reality, or rather, because of this rebellious way of thinking, my every day was extremely tormenting.

I try my best to forget the influence of Han Hanfeng on me, but I can't deny that it was the spiritual food I crave, Han Han's new concept essay "Peeping People in a Cup" stood out, and the word "inferior roots" in his composition was mixed into my blood and infiltrated into my bone marrow. Like a thorn growing on the body of a soap tree, it can be peeled and eaten when it is young, but as it weathers in the sun, it becomes extremely hard and stings the heart.

I remember when I was in the first year of junior high school, in the first half of the semester, I won the first place in my class in the Chinese test paper. My Chinese teacher carefully looked through my test paper and said something to me, which impressed me deeply.

At that time, there was a question on the test paper, asking students to write two famous quotes that had a profound impact on themselves, and the first sentence I wrote during the exam was that Lu Xun said, "There is no road in the world, and there are more people walking, and it has become a road." ”

In the second sentence, I think of Lu Xun who also said, "Exercise can strengthen people's souls." However, during the exam, I forgot to write a word, and since I forgot whether the second sentence was about the soul or the body, perhaps because of my habit of swallowing dates and reading, at that time, I didn't know much about the soul and the spirit.

I had an idea, like Lin Yuxiang in the novel, and casually made up a sentence that said, "Lu Xun said that there is only the word "serious" in life. (Double quotation marks emphasize the importance of seriousness)

Ha ha...... Witty as I am! It's this kind of undiscovered cleverness that made me fall a big heel on the road of life.

However, these two famous quotes of mine were not recognized by the grading teacher, who used a red pen to outline the word "change" in my first sentence Lu Xun said, wrote a "convenient" word, and judged a half-wrong and half-right at the end of the sentence, and the second sentence of the grading teacher directly typed a wrong mark at the end of the sentence.

My Chinese teacher, WBM, carefully looked at my test paper and saw the judgment of this question, and he took my test paper away.

He talked to the teacher who was marking my papers at the time, and of course, this is what he told me later. Although it didn't change my language ranking, he told me, "There are so many things that celebrities have said, and we can't judge them as wrong because our teachers haven't heard them." This question is open-ended, and there is no right or wrong. ”

When I heard this, I was moved to tears. At that moment, I fell in love with the Chinese teacher and liked the Chinese class.

At that point, my subconscious reached out and told me that I was a celebrity. Because there is only the word "serious" in life, this serious life with double quotation marks is not what Lu Xun said, I said.

I remembered the word serious, but I forgot that I put it in double quotation marks. I began to flood with pleasure, and I began to flood with earnestly.

No matter what the class, each class begins to carefully prepare, attend classes, complete homework, make a plan, and complete the plan. At one point, even I was moved to tears by myself.

I remembered the word serious deeply, but I forgot that I put it in double quotation marks, and let it fill every corner of my life.

At one point, I felt that I was unbeatably good, and excellent was another name for me.

I even found a friend in the class who could be a pen pal, and I corresponded with each other, chatting freely about my ideals, life, study, and every day was extremely fulfilling.

However, the self-confidence built by material deprivation and spiritual deprivation is brittle and thinner than oiled paper, like a ripe dandelion, which is scattered when the wind blows, and cannot withstand the experience of reality.

I've had a good habit since I was a child. In the evening, I often like to sit alone in the corridor of my house, reading on the eaves. The locust tree behind the eaves of the house witnessed the early summer, autumn and winter when I studied seriously in those years.

However, there was a time when I was living in my backyard and reading in the evening, when I heard a girl crying inexplicably.

I was curious, and sat quietly by the eaves at the back of the house listening to what she was crying about.

It was only later that Wu Yang told me that the girl was mentally ill and she began to talk nonsense. For example, she cried and told others that the village chief's son liked her, but he often bullied her, such as how many exams she scored, but the teacher ...... Victim paranoia and so on. For this reason, her mother found the village chief's house, causing the village chief to beat her son severely. After such words for a long time, I was persuaded to quit school by the teachers at the school.

Her parents sent her to a psychiatric hospital for treatment, and when she got home, she moved to my backyard house.

When I was thirteen or fourteen years old, I was just a little kid who loved to learn, and I didn't know what to learn or what not to learn.

Anything can make me curious to get to the bottom of it.

What is Psychosis? The look of the adults that made me unspeakable, was an unspeakable forbidden place throughout my childhood. However, risk-taking is the most beautiful quality of poverty ingrained in my soul.

When I was in kindergarten, there was a classmate in my class called No. 2. When he was young, he had a fever that burned out his cranial nerves, and the teacher said that he had a nervous disorder and asked us to stay away from him.

However, when I was in kindergarten, once my class teacher was not there, I was slapped by a male teacher in the fifth grade next door because I was talking in class, and after being hit on the back of the head with a book and punished, I had not finished my homework, so I was afraid, so I began to lie and deceive my parents, saying that No. 2 was bullying me at school and I didn't dare to go to school.

I was sent to school by my father, and my father explained the situation to the female teacher, and the female teacher beat the number two, and after I bullied him, I couldn't help but start to sympathize with him when I saw him being bullied.

The consciousness of the superego even began to make me feel that he should be treated well by his teachers, his classmates, everyone around him, because he was a little child who had suffered from incurable neurosis since he was a child, a neuropathy, a patient.

This sympathy for self-blame was not relieved until I graduated from high school, when I met him on my way to work in my cornfield, and when he was picking red beans in the field, and when he saw me from afar, he could accurately call me by name and greet me with a smile on his face.

At that time, deep down, I was extremely reluctant to take the initiative to greet my acquaintances in the village. Because my grandparents always had many children, I was a younger generation, and I couldn't understand how my parents taught me to say hello. For a long time, I didn't dare to know what to call some acquaintances, and after a long time, even the surrounding neighbors would rather hide away than take the initiative to say hello.

But what is mental illness? When did I first hear it in my memory?